Now I was back on my feet. Life and its events were starting be of interest again.

Colors were returning, even if underneath the ashes there was a wound that couldn't be healed. There was still an eventual dark moment here and there where I missed him more than I could handle (actually I missed him every second to be honest), but Gat was right: Things, were looking up. I understood that even if I would never be the same, that didn't mean I could not be happy again.

Since that realization the other night, I felt much better and got it that Carlos had left me one last gift before his parting. His love helped me to cure most of my darkest self esteem issues. Without a single doubt, I know I am not a good person, but that doesn't mean I am not worthy of love. If anything, I had better integrated my dark side, accepted better who I was. That of course, gave me a shitload more of confidence, so I decided to take advantage of that and reconnect with an old 'friend' of the Saints: Mr. Vogel.

It wasn't as much for revenge as it was for Ultor being pretty much everything that stopped us from having total power in this city. I also envied his loot, and of course having to bring down such a prick in the process of getting it was going to be of enjoyment.

That's how we decided to take things to the next level…

I gathered the guys. We sat together at the table in the game room the whole afternoon, around some Freckle Bitch's and Loa, while we decided what was the best way to get rid of the motherfucker.

I sensed that everybody was kind of eager to screw him. While no one had direct business with Vogel, it was a popular opinion that he deserved a bullet up his ass. Dane was like a fly, it couldn't hurt on his own but was so freaking annoying that it should be a pleasure to squash it.

'We could buy his secretary into giving his schedule, then get some Saints hired as his employees.' Pierce suggested, opening his notebook. 'Then, we jack their security system and...'

I heard Gat sigh at my side and lean back on his chair.

If I wasn't chewing on my Chicken Bazoom I would've told him to stop this complicated scheme right there. 'We were just out of jail and starting from scratch, don't be too hard on yourself for recruiting him.'

'...And then we use our helicopter go to the top of the Ultor building. You shoot the windows open and next, now I won't lie to you Boss, it will require you to stand on top of the bird and jump your way in.'

I scratched the back of my head. By then Pierce had grown enough on us for me to restrain from yelling at him for his idea of a plan.

'...Or...' Shaundi started, blowing on her bulb. All heads immediately turned to her, taking her seriously. Pierce frowned. '...We could use the camera system we stole from the PD and hit Dane's car on his way to work.'

Pierce just closed on his notebook, sourly, and Gat tapped on his back sympathetically.

'Fuck, we will do that. Nice call Shaundi.'

Shaundi and some guys caused a distraction by coming after Dane's car. Immediately the bodyguards started to shoot at them and the driver, under pressure, accelerated.

We ambushed the limo with a Cheetah Bus properly stolen for the occasion.

Pierce came in front and crossed the bus across the road, blocking the passage.

Meanwhile me and Gat came from the back with a faster car and violently bumped the limo out of control.

The car went off the road, nose down in the water from the canal next to it.

It created quite a crash, me and Gat cautiously approached with our guns ready.

'Eyes on Vogel, he will try to run.' I told my friend as we hurried up.

We stepped closer to the wreck, and we nodded to each other. In a quick motion we both kneeled and shot the two bodyguards, who were already aiming at us.

We heard something fall in the water after that, but we didn't pay much attention. Gat was going straight for the back seat, eager as child on Christmas day.

But weirdly, he pulled back his shotgun and shook his head.

He stared at me, confused. With his chin Gat pointed to the back seat, all bent and fucked up from the impact:

Dane wasn't there. There was only a... Baby chair hanging limply from it.

My mind started to race, turning its focus to that splash in the water a second ago. Acting on impulse, I jumped in the canal.

Moments later, still couldn't believe that I managed to bring a living child back to the surface.

Bewildered, too shocked to say a word, our small crew saw me sit on the asphalt to catch my breath with the small baby on my arms. It was now crying to the top of its lungs.

'I think we've got the wrong Vogel guys.' I said, equally disturbed.

'What do we do now Boss?'

'Home.' I said, taking the shirt Gat took off his body and wrapping around the child.

When we returned to the Hideout, I rushed to my room, overwhelmed.

The Crew, understanding nothing of that sudden change watched me silently and full of surprise.

Truth was I felt guilty and responsible for that little life that hadn't done any harm to me, and that was paying for my criminal actions just like Carlos did.

It had no one else in that moment and that it needed me. A choice of life and death was in my hands, like many times before, except this time I couldn't dare to do what I usually did in such cases.

Surprisingly, I was feeling terrible about what I did.

I started to speak to him softly, apologizing in sweet and random words I came up with and almost begging for him to calm down.

So out of instinct and without thinking about what I was doing, I put him on my lap, rocked him lightly and kissed him, so desperate to stop his crying, that, little by little his body relaxed on my arms started to calm down. He stopped to lash about and watched me silently, as he bit on his finger.

Minutes later he shifted, rested his head on my chest calmly, going to sleep.

At the contact of that trusting head on my bosom a strange and sweet emotion passed through my body and I wondered how he had no clue, if he knew better; me, who was a crook, was after his father and almost killed him a moment ago.

I haven't felt I mattered to someone like this since Carlos.

From that moment on he would stay with me in my room, his cradle and his innocence contrasting deeply with the guns and drug stash lying around.

As days passed something as strange as surrendering started to happen.

I understood that he loved me, because he felt at home in my presence and he cried when I wasn't there.

And I never guessed I would ever say that... It was as unsettling as it was amazing.

All I longed for while I was away was to return home, waiting for the contact of his little warm body against mine as if something was viscerally missing.

For hours I would sit next to Daniel, watching him sleep as this force unknown to me so far took control of everything in my being.

If he had showed up before in my life… Maybe everything would've been different!

'You really like this kid, heh Boss?' Gat poked his head on the doorframe. This undefinable and slight smile was on the corner of his lips, impossible to read.

I just got the feeling that it had to do with Aisha, I dunno why.

'Yup. I do.'

'Vogel gotta be eager to have him back. I hope they won't send the Masako on us like the last time.'

'You are right. We should ask for ransom, like this they will know he is safe and won't interfere for now.'

I nodded, concerned though, at the boy's future: From what I read in gossip magazines his mom was a crazy and addict ex-model. She and Vogel parted ways a while ago. He gave her a large pension, with the agreement that he would have the child's custody. I couldn't say I pictured Vogel as a caring parent, but I hoped to be wrong.

And turns out the worries were justified.

Unexpectedly Max called, telling me that he was now working as a private detective and that he got the info through a contact that Dane wasn't paying for the ransom.

I confess that I was shocked, even after all we saw from Vogel.

What did that prick had in mind? Notoriety? Coming out as a martyr? I never knew, but I suspected it had something to do with his new Mayor campaign.

I told Max everything that happened and that I would be keeping the child then, and he told me it was a great decision. He also said that he got a new girlfriend and it was a huge relief to me to know that he had found happiness again. After that, he came to visit, wishing to meet Daniel. I was a bit afraid that the sight of the baby would trigger him because of the daughter he lost, but my dear friend seemed genuinely at ease and touched when he held the child for the first time.

He spend the day with us. But by the evening, as we were saying our goodbyes, he pulled be to sit in the stairs next to the exit out the church and said he had something important to confess. He seemed very uncomfortable to talk about it as if he was fearing my reaction.

Apparently, by the time we worked together, he had an investigation ran on me at Ultor's orders.

Honestly, I wasn't surprised. Besides, it was his job. He was a cop wasn't he? I knew that he would never do anything to harm me after we were together. The only thing that really worried me was that the past I so wished to be forgotten was brought back to life in all it's sordidness.

'It's all right.' I told him, embarrassed.

'Listen, I know this would be hard for you so I just… Burned the whole thing, it's like it never happened, ok? I promise I won't ever talk about it, nor with you, nor with anyone.'

'How much, exactly, do you know?'

'Just a bit...'

'Max.'

'Ok. Quite a lot.'

I sighed, and prepared myself as I waited for him to speak.

'I am sorry to bring it up but your...'

'...Father? Yeah I killed him.' I said, wishing to get it over with. 'He asked me for money and when we met so I could to handle it to him he had the cops there. There wasn't much else to do.'

'Did he...?' He started painfully, respectfully, and I knew immediately what he was talking about so I cut him to it again.

'No. His friend did. But he never stopped it from happening.'

'That's what I need to tell you. He wasn't your father. Your mother left him shortly after she was pregnant with you, and went to live with that pri… I am sorry. With him. Then, of course, he started to hit her too, and she left him as well.'

'Oh.' I said, a bit stunned.

'I am sorry to bring such a hard matter to the surface but... You are my friend, I love you and I think you deserved to know.'

He kept silent, all empathy as he stared at me for a long time, simply passing his arm around my shoulders for comfort.

'How do you feel?' He asked after a few minutes.

'Relieved.'

'Do you want me to find him? I could, in a couple of days. I would bring him to you.'

'Nah. Doesn't matter. He quit. It wouldn't change a thing. Thanks though. Thanks a lot, I really appreciate.'

'I see.'

'Besides, life goes on and I have a lot to look forward now.' Truth was I was feeling insanely happy since I got to keep Daniel. The thought of him alone made it impossible for me stop smiling.

Max grinned, satisfied with my reply and hugged me one last time before leaving.

'You hold on to it.'

'I will.' I guaranteed with a hand wave as he entered his car and drove away.

When I returned inside the boys were waiting for me at the main hall.

'Boss, what took, you so long?' Shaundi asked as I climbed down the stairs. 'We were waiting for you to get our briefing started.'

'Oh, right.' I said, trying to shake the conversation upstairs off my head. I had totally forgotten it. We were to plan our new strategy against Ultor.

'So?' I said, joining them in the middle of the room and taking a seat.

'Boss, since Shaundi's plan didn't work...' Pierce almost yelled so everyone min the room could hear it. '... We will do this my way this time?'

I scratched my head.

'Damn. I can't believe I'm saying this. We have nothing better... Fine Pierce, that is your shot.'

'YES!' He jumped with hysterical delight, then opened his infamous notebook:

I saw in the page a bunch of arrows and complicated explanations, next to a very poorly made representation of a Helicopter.

'Oh fuck yeah Boss, you won't regret it.' He assured me and started to flip through the pages, distractingly singing some song under his breath. 'Now, where did I write down Let's Pretend's number for the Hot Dog suits?'

Yeah you heard it right, hot dogs.

Truth was, I was regretting it already.

The absurdity of that day compares to nothing The Saints have done before. And trust me, if you stuck with us thus far you know that all sorts of crazy shit can happen.

I can't explain you what the plan was, to be honest. I don't think that to this day I grasped the extent of the madness and the randomness that Pierce's brain could come up with. What I know is that a part of the gang was to disguise as the corny Hot Dog vendors of Stilwater ( sausage n' bread costume), and cause as much fuss as possible to distract the law enforcers while he hit our VIP target.

We loaded a van of disguised gang members, but I knew we would need more muscle to distract the feds. So I rang an old pal, that brought back found memories.

Ned was a contact from the old days. I knew he would be glad to help for a good amount of cash.

He worked as a Mascot in a fast food chain that was concurrence for Freckle Bitch's, called 'Lick-a-Chick'. Their hamburgers were ok, but always gave me diarrhea pronto. The kid in question was kind of dorky but man, did he know how to shoot motherfuckers under his giant chicken suit.

'Hi Ned.'

'Hey! I am glad you still remember me.'

'Please. I always had the ultimate respect for people who can pull a carnage while dressing as a chicken.'

The voice on the other side chuckled:

'Nice one.'

'Nice one what?'

'Oh, it wasn't a joke? Ok. So, what can I do for you?'

'Listen, I need a decoy. Don't ask me why but my crew is going to dress as hot dogs for this job, so figured a giant Fast Food bird shooting everything on sight would do the trick.'

'Cool. That's all? Just give me a minute to get there. But I can't be long I am working two shifts today.'

Ned showed up in no time, delighted to take a break from the today's specials and greasy burgers.

So here was the rest of the complicated plan:

Gat was to act as a snipper and give me cover while I reached Vogel.

Tobias also came as reinforcement in his Helicopter, as high as the chopper could ever be.

As our unusual crew took off I had to wonder that maybe we went too far.

This night was been unusual but when you have a mascot, a sniper and a bunch hotdogs all in inside a Heli, what can you expect?

We were to infiltrate some crew in the Ultor building as caterers during the traditional Stilwater's Hot Dog Day. I was bummed to lose the festivities, as me and the Saints always spent the previous years stuffing our faces with some delicious Hot Dogs that were given away freely all over city. But Dane was to give a speech on the same day.

When we got there, a hysteric crowd covered the streets, agitating poster cards supporting Vogel. The bastard calculated it right about using his son to look good for the press. His numbers were plummeting on the charts, now clearly things took a turn in just a few weeks.

Everybody took their positions and after a while our target appeared, surrounded by bodyguards.

He started his speech, suspecting nothing as I watched from a close spot with a gun concealed on my back. I checked my phone impatiently and looked up to the top of a nearby building where Gat was supposed to take action and shoot his brains out, yet nothing was happening. Evidently something was wrong, and turns out he was surprised by a cop just before he could take a clear shot. We heard some faint shots in the distance. The first part of the plan flopped, but it was time to call in out second act and backup:

There were loud Shotgun shots fired in the middle of the crowd. Ned, inside the stuffed Chicken costume. He mingled as obviously no one would mind an extra mascot walking around that day.

A silence followed as someone kept firing in the air and on the sound boxes, cutting the jolly jingle from the campaign. Then screams emerged and soon echoed from every corner of the neighborhood. The people, scared to death, walked all over and bumped each other in a desperate attempt to escape.

It was our window, we had to go after Vogel.

I sneaked closer, pushing the panicked citizens out of my way. With quick steps I climbed up the podium, focusing on what I had to do.

With a quick motion I shot Dane, but being immediately thrown to the ground by a member of the security staff. If the guy hadn't pushed me, the bullet that pierced Vogel's shoulder would've hit his head. By the time I fought my way out of it, the bastard had slipped out of our reach. As imagined, he took refuge inside the Ultor building, just a few meters away from us.

Cursing and still on the ground, I felt a strong buff of wind and a noise of engine coming closer.

It was Tobias, inviting me to his chopper.

We still had one card left to play.

With the armored chopper, we flew sky high until the last floor of the Ultor building. The main office was there, as a metaphor or and ode to all the corporate achievement.

Entering it, wasn't hard to dispatch the bodyguards inside. They were only a few as the security team didn't expect our audacity.

I looked around for our 'friend' and he was hiding behind his desk, pale as a ghost.

A few shots were heard and thought they were certainly aimed at me, they were so random and imprecise that they couldn't hit me if they tried.

Vogel was desperate because knew that this time it was only the two of us. His influence and his power counted for shit then.

I still remember his last plea, smart ass to his last moments:

He was kneeling before me, zero dignity. Well I guess where there is no honor, there is no harm.

" 'For Daniel, don't take his father away from him.'

'I can't take from Daniel something he never had.'

BANG!"

I shot his ass without flinching.

That was the last asshole to worry about in that city.

I couldn't help but feel the glory of achievement, as we flew back home and the last rays of sun fell over Stilwater. The Ronin, The Samedi, The Brotherhood... And Ultor. All fell to our gang.

Third Street!

We owned that fucking city.

Two years later...

After Daniel... How to explain it? My life took a new turn. It was no longer only mine. If I got shot, if I died tomorrow, who would take care of him? Once more I was confronted with the dilemma of leaving the gang for a loved one, but this time I learned from my mistakes. In the past I lost Carlos because I thought we had time, that we were invulnerable and tragically was shown otherwise.

With that in mind I decided to legalize some of our business and cut old connections so I could live on my share of them. We had risen to the status of crime celebrities nationwide ever since we took over Stilwater, there couldn't be a better time to slip out of the old life.

Gat was already expecting it, surely. He simply nodded and asked if, while they looked for a successor he could still call me Boss as he didn't know what else to call me. I was moved, even though between us there would never be a goodbye.

I said yes, but revealed to him my real name. He decided to go with me until I got settled. No matter what, he would always remain in my life as the best fucking friend I had in this world. And as for Shaundi and Pierce, they were family as well.

So we took Daniel, my best car, the most expensive shit I owned and got ready to hit the road to Steelport.

Before leaving the Hideout, though, I had one place I needed to go: Carlos' bedroom.

I had locked it and only came in occasionally to clean it up.

I spent a few hours inside, sitting on the floor next to his bed. It wasn't like before, the exasperation and insanity weren't there anymore. Nothing was overtaking. It became normal, and integrated itself to life, losing all it's crescendos.

But... It was never gone. Part of it would never move on, no matter how much the rest did and life called with it's urgent proposes.

'Hasta luego, mi amor.' I said to the room and flipped over the light switch, feeling remorseful, like I was leaving him there in the dark.

Night in Steelport.

A former Saint walked down the streets, head down under his black zipper hood.

Carlos Mendoza, it was no one else but him, even if he looked slightly different now.

The neon lights caught on his face, showing that he had several minor scars on it, and a damaged eye that was almost blind.

Maybe that's why he hid under a hood or sunglasses every time he went outside. The ex Saint Lieutenant didn't seem to be ok with his appearance after what the Brotherhood did to him.

While he passed by a newsstand, something caught his eye:

A gossip magazine.

As soon as he looked at it, he frowned sadly and moved away, walking a bit quicker like he was running away from something. He always ran from the press in general. A well known gang leader's face was too often on it. The woman in the cover was known to most people as 'The Boss', but once the one he called the love of his life.

He walked halfway down the street, but turned on his heels and went back to where the newsstand was, looking pissed with himself, like he was about to do something that he shouldn't.

'I will take a Marlboro and this.' He said, opening his wallet, as he pulled the magazine from where it was, suspended above.

A few minutes later he was on the back of the garage he owned, sitting inside a Hayate for privacy.

He hastily opened the magazine to the part that interested him.

'Fuck, how do you do that? You look even more beautiful now.' He chuckled sadly, and a knot formed in his stomach.

All the memories he never allowed himself to relieve were now flashing in his mind's eye, along with wonderful sensations that at the same time hurt more than he could bear.

He suddenly understood that no matter how much time passed and how much he moved on with his life, all it would take would be a moment of weakness like this to make him see that nothing changed and that his soul still belonged there.

All his self, at present, called out for her.

Carlos was shaking.

In rage with himself, he started to tear the pages, one by one as his mind went back in time to the day when, after leaving the Hospital, he came looking for the Boss at The Hideout…

Found almost dead and in an unrecognizable state, he remained in a coma for several months. As a criminal, as soon as he was recognizable, he was to be sent back to jail.

To his horror he couldn't reach the gang, as they changed phone numbers often for safety. All he could do was to wait for an opportunity to escape.

As soon as he was able to move again, he ran away when they were to transfer him to the Prison Hospital. Days later he got into a cab and went straight for The Hideout.

What was supposed to be a happy reunion turned out to be the heartbreak of his life.

He recalled in slow motion how, through the window of the car he saw another vehicle parking in front of them. He recognized it perfectly: It was The Boss' Venon! The one driving was her.

His heart contracted with extreme happiness and belonging, but to his surprise she left the Venon carrying something in her arms: A baby.

Confused, he watched her lean towards it and kiss the small child with such a loving attitude that it left no doubt to misinterpretation.

He didn't have time to process the scene and someone else was already stepping into it: A tall man, with brown hair and handsome features came from inside the church to welcome them. He passed one arm around The Boss and picked up the child with tender enthusiasm.

Max!

Tears were already falling, inundating the collar of his shirt. Under a shock, sick to his stomach, Carlos sunk his head in his hands and frantically calculated the time they've been apart: For a little more than a year, yes, the child was hers and Max's. And she moved on quickly.

After this event, he decided to move to Steelport and never come near anything related to The Saints again in his life.

The once lively, innocent Lieutenant changed. He became cynical, isolating himself in his new garage, where he did small deal with the Luchadores and tuned cars for a living. Even smoking, that once he loathed more than anything in his life, became a way to cope with the emptiness and the bitterness of the last years.

Steelport, days later...

Ever since I became the Leader of The Saints people wondered when my birthday was. Like most of my past, this remained a mystery even to my closest friends, such as Gat.

Until Max gave the date away by sending me a birthday card.

And then every single year the guys from the gang would do variations of the following: Fake a kidnapping or a robbery, cover my head with a hood and shove me into a car that in the end took me to a surprise birthday party. Except the only surprise was my own, or better, the one I had to fake in order not to disappoint my friends.

I would pull my best surprised face and say something like:

'Wow you guys I thought it was for real! I almost drew my gun!' or 'Gat, you fucker, you really got me this year.'

Not to mention Pierce's live performances. One year he dedicated the 80's track "We Don't Have To Take Our Clothes Off" to me.

Like a bad flashback from PTSD, it was impossible to forget the image of my least favorite lieutenant under the night club lights, mic in hand and those funky karaoke images playing on the background. Worst birthday gift ever.

'Oh Man, even the Boss' stone heart is touched! Crying her eyes out, would you look at that!' He wiped his eyes with a dramatic gesture, showing how my "tears" induced his own.

In reality, I was simply covering my face to hide the convulsive laughter that his performance elicited. By then, as I said, Pierce had grown enough on me so I was trying to spare his feelings. As he resumed his singing, now aggravated with ridiculous little sobs, I sank my mug lower behind Shaundi's shoulder, and laughed even harder.

A side glance to the other guys confirmed that I wasn't the only one "moved" by his performance.

This year wasn't going to be different.

I saw it coming weeks ahead, so much they sucked at hiding it. To make it easier for them I left the apartment we were sharing at the Brickston district and went to take a drink at a bar on the corner of our building, leaving them alone to discuss it.

As I walked down the street I gazed around curiously, since we arrived at that city just a few days before. Steelport was just as low rent and ugly as Stilwater, our home town. I felt I didn't belong there, the fact that we owned nothing on that town maybe helped to it. Apparently, the whole city belonged to The Syndicate, a local crime ring I've never heard about before. But since most of the Saints' paycheck right now consisted on royalties, interviews and movie deals, gang activity was no longer our focus.

Reaching the bar I took a sit outside and ordered a beer.

So you must guess knowing about the birthday party scenario, that I wasn't surprised at all and didn't even fight back when a blue car parked viciously in front of the bar, knocking off some chairs and two huge masked thugs came out of it and held me at gun point.

I heard a shotgun click on the back of my neck and they tossed me to the back seat. I barely hit the leather and the car already took off with a stench of burned tires. I was on my way to a party, but not the kind I expected.

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Thanks for reading! Preparing for the very last chapters of that story... :D Sit tight! I will see you soon in another chapter. I've been stitching old and new material together so I can deliver you a finished story. Sorry this chapter feels sort of rushed, but otherwise things will never be ready. Next chapter will be different! Review :3