Here are the demigods! Finally! There's some stuff in here, so just sayin'…

CHAPTER 35: PERCY TEACHES SWIMMING LESSONS

Percy was watching a romantic movie with Annabeth in his cabin…in the dark…and eating popcorn.

"Perce," said Annabeth.

"Hmm, Wise Girl?"

"Do you have any more Twix bars?"

"Uh…I kinda…ya know…ate them."

Annabeth sighed and ate some more popcorn. "Typical you, Seaweed Brain!"

Percy was too busy munching on popcorn to care about what her personal thoughts about him were. Suddenly, something made him spit out the popcorn. When he chewed, his teeth started to kill him.

"What's up?" asked Annabeth.

"My tooth," Percy said, messaging his jaw. "I was just eating and now it hurts."

Annabeth put her hand on Percy's cheek and he winced. "All right," she said, standing up. "Percy, we're going to the dentist!"

Percy was literally in too much pain to care where Annabeth was dragging him this time. So he got up and walked with her to the Big House.

Annabeth knocked on Chiron's door. "Chiron? It's Annabeth! I need some help with something!"

Chiron opened the door. "Hello, Annabeth and Percy! What brings you to this neck of the woods tonight?"

"Chiron, Percy's got a toothache and I'm making him an appointment to go to a mortal dentist's office—"

"You sure you want to do that, Annabeth? Mortal dentists are extremely costly, and they're always late with their appointments, and sometimes, they rip people off. May I make a suggestion?"

"Sure."

"Make an appointment with the Olympus Medical Center. They'll fix Percy up in no time!"

"Do you have their number?"

"Yes! Come on in!"

When they entered Chiron's office, some awful jazz music was playing. Annabeth tried to ignore the sound, but it was so bad that she asked Chiron to shut that crap off.

Chiron handed Annabeth the number. "You'll most likely get the answering machine," he said.

Annabeth picked up the phone and dialed the number. Immediately, the answering machine voice came on. "Hello, fellow Olympians and demigods! You have reached the Olympus Medical Center! For an appointment for an extraction, press one. For an appointment for a different dental procedure, press two. If you have a question about your appointment and what to expect during it, press three. If you are calling to rant about how awful your experience was, press four. If you have a question about how many women Zeus has slept with, call Zeus at 111-1111. If you are ordering a pizza, you called the wrong place, dumbass!"

Annabeth pressed two and some bad music came on. Finally, the phone picked up. "Hello, this is Apollo speaking. How may I help you today?"

"Hi, Lord Apollo. This is Annabeth Chase from Camp Half-Blood. I'm calling on behalf of Percy Jackson. He's got this toothache and we're wondering if we can get him in to have it looked at."

"Sure, Annabeth! I'll put him down for two-thirty. Get it? Tooth hurty? HA HA HA!"

"Okay, we'll see you then." Annabeth hung up. "Two-thirty, Percy. You'll be able to find it?"

"You're not going with me?" Percy asked her.

"I'd love to go watch your tooth get drilled, but I have archery class."

"Of course you do," said Percy angrily.

The following afternoon, Percy headed all by himself to Olympus, where he went into the waiting room. He sat on the bench and looked at a magazine entitled Open Wide! Olympus Medical Center Now Doing Other Dental Procedures That Are Just as Painful as the Wisdom Teeth Ones Were. Percy shrugged and read the first article: "My Experiences at Olympus Medical Center" by Hermes.

"MY EXPERIENCES AT OLYMPUS MEDICAL CENTER"

BY HERMES

When I went to a mortal dentist office not too long ago to have my wisdom teeth ripped out of my freaking face, it hurt like a bitch! Now I can come to the Olympus Medical Center without fear. The staff who works here is so intelligent and they make you feel comfortable. One time, I came here for a filling and my doctor was the one and only goddess of the hearth, Hestia! And when I was done—

BACK TO REALITY

"Next!" a woman's crisp voice rang.

Percy put the magazine down and looked up.

Athena, goddess of wisdom, was staring down at him. She wore gray scrubs with owl designs on them. She already had her gloves and her mask on around her neck.

"Please tell me you're not next," said Athena, glancing at her clipboard. "Oh, yeah. You are."

"Are you my dentist?" asked Percy.

"No, stupid," Athena snapped. "I'm just the assistant. Your dentist's waiting inside. He says he was so excited that he didn't sleep last night. Come with me."

Athena led Percy into the exam room, where he found Poseidon texting someone on his phone (probably Triton, telling him to take out the trash and telling him what a sucky son he was).

"Percy, my favorite son!" Poseidon called, tackling Percy in a very manly hug.

"Dad?"

"Yes, son?"

"Dad, I'm not sure you'd be good with this. This procedure sounds extremely complicated."

"Oh, shut up and sit down!" Athena snapped at him.

Percy shrugged and sat down. Athena put a napkin around his neck and Poseidon picked up the mirror and the explorer. "Now, my favorite son, open your mouth so that I may examine you."

Percy opened his mouth and Poseidon examined him. Finally, Poseidon touched one of Percy's teeth with the explorer and Percy flipped out. Percy kicked Poseidon in his soft spot and Poseidon scooted away from his son. "Well," he said, his voice several octaves higher than it once was, "Perseus, it looks like you have a pretty deep cavity. We'll have to operate immediately!"

"WHAT?!"

"Don't you brush twice a day and floss?" Athena asked angrily.

"Yeah, I'm at camp twenty-four/seven, so I don't have time to floss because I'm killing monsters and stuff…"

Athena sighed and picked up Percy's chart. "Well, you can thank the gods you've already had your wisdom teeth out so Stupid doesn't have to do it."

"Owie," said Poseidon. He'd shrunk to the floor and was rolling around, panting like someone in labor. "Owie, owie, owie. Wow, kid, you've got some strong legs. Ever thought about running track?"

"Dad! Give me some drugs and do the freaking procedure!"

"Fine."

Poseidon's voice magically fell back into its deep, low register. "So, now I'm going to give you some topical so you don't feel the Novocain going in. Athena, fork it over!"

"No. I think not."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't like him."

"Just accept the fact that he and Annabeth are together and that's the end of it?" Poseidon snapped.

"I still do not approve of this little crap dating my daughter! I mean, did he get her pregnant? I am not sure! Did he give her an STD? I do not want to know!"

Poseidon stared down at Percy. "You don't have an STD, do you?"

"Not that I know of," said Percy. He stared up at the two gods. "Are you guys gonna do this or can I skip along here?"

"Oh, we're going to do it," said Poseidon, "if Athena would cooperate with me."

"I will do no such thing. This is so unwise for me to help you with this procedure, Poseidon."

"The longer you sit here, the longer you'll have to stare at my handsome son with his father's extremely handsome complexion."

Athena couldn't think of a smart-ass answer for that, so she handed Poseidon a swab of topical. Poseidon stuck it in Percy's mouth and Percy shuddered.

"Athena, give me the Novocain," Poseidon said.

"I might as well jab this up your butt, Barnacle Brains," Athena snapped back.

Poseidon finally had had enough, so he got up from his spot and shoved Athena off the chair. Then he reached into the drawer and pulled out the Novocain. Athena got up from the ground and bit Poseidon hard on the arm.

Poseidon started crying for Mommy Rhea. "WE DON'T BITE PEOPLE, ATHENA!" he yelled.

"We don't shove people either, Poseidon," Athena said calmly. "How very unwise and immature you are."

Poseidon brought the Novocain over to Percy. "You'll feel a little pinch, but then it shall be over and we get to fill that little bast—"

"Just do it," Percy drooled.

Poseidon gave Percy the Novocain, then looked at Athena. "What are you doing?"

"Just putting him out of reality," Athena said, putting the nitrous oxide mask over Percy's face. "Breathe deeply, Perseus."

Percy took a few deep breaths…and he was high. "Wow," he said five minutes later, "that was delicious! Can I have some more?"

"No, son," Poseidon said. "We have to do your filling now. So hold still while I drill."

Poseidon was done filling Percy's cavity, and Percy sat up and spat into the sink next to the chair. "You are so handsome," he told Athena. "You wanna go out?"

"Perseus Jackson!" Athena roared. "You will never ask me to go out again. Now, I release you!"

Percy stumbled out of the room and wondered where he should go to get some goldfish. He loved goldfish. They were always so peaceful when they swam around. Percy liked the snack, too, but he was more focused on the live animal.

Percy walked around New York for a while, until he came upon a place called Sports-Tastic. Percy entered the place and went up to the desk.

A blond guy was sitting behind the counter. Percy thought he looked like Jason Grace.

"What's up?" said the guy.

"Hi, Jason," said Percy. "You guys got some goldfish here or something?"

"Uh…my name's Joe," said Joe. "And, no. But if you're looking for water, we're holding swim lessons. The first one's for free, but if you come back after that, it's thirty dollars per week."

"See ya, Jason!"

Percy ran through the hallway until he came to two doors. On the right was a women's locker room; on the left was a dude's locker room.

Percy and his high mind decided that going through the chick's locker room was a good idea today! He pushed the door open and stepped inside.

Percy had only seen a dude's locker room before, but a woman's locker room wasn't that different. There were showers and stalls for the bathroom and sinks. And THEN there were chicks changing. Percy's jaw dropped because he saw some stuff he probably shouldn't have been looking at.

One of the girls had blond hair and gray eyes. One girl was African-American and had curly hair. The other girl had dark skin and black hair. Percy was staring at Annabeth, Hazel, and Piper as they were getting dressed and into their swimsuits.

"So I told Jason, you can't kiss me until you get that zit off your face," Piper said.

"I told Frank that I wasn't talking to him again until he got over his new fear of dead people," said Hazel.

"And I told—PERCY?!" Annabeth wheeled around to stare at her boyfriend. She covered herself up.

Percy smiled at her grotesquely. "Hey, ladies," he said. "I'm looking for my goldfish named Swimmy. Have you seen him?"

"No?" Hazel asked blankly.

"Good!"

Percy ran outside and headed into the pool area, where a swim teacher was taking attendance.

"Mark Addison?"

"Here!"

"Good! Go stand by—"

Percy tapped the guy on the shoulder. "Hey, handsome. I'm filling in for a dude."

"Name?"

"Seaweed Brain."

"Uh…your real name."

"Percy Jackson," Percy giggled.

"Okay. You can have these kids right here." Swim Teacher Guy gestured to a bunch of little kids.

"Okay, children! Come with me!"

Percy led the kids to the deepest part of the pool, around the twelve-foot mark.

"Okay, kids," Percy drooled all over his swimsuit and all the kids laughed at him. "SHUT UP! So, I'm going to give you guys a test. When I saw now, you'll jump into the pool and try not to drown! NOW!"

All the kids jumped in…and about half of them died.

Percy went back to the instructor. "I killed some," he giggled and headed back through the women's locker room and back to Olympus, where Athena and Poseidon were still having an argument about who was more unwise and immature.

Any more dental procedures for the demigods? Who should do them, and what kinds of reactions should be seen from the drunk ones?