CONFESSION TIME: I had to look up when Hazel was born, so some credit goes to Camp Half-Blood Wiki. Idea credit goes to AutumnLeaves03. If you guys have other ideas (for the Seven and Tyson specifically), let me know. I'll give you credit!
I've also heard two names for Persephone's Roman form, so for the sake of this chapter, let's call her Proserpina.
For those of you who've had braces, retainers, or expanders, I feel your pain, so this chapter's dedicated to you guys so you can all read about Hazel's lovely torture.
CHAPTER 38: HAZEL FREAKS ABOUT X-RAYS
Once upon a time, in the lovely land of Camp Jupiter, there lived a chick named Hazel Levesque. Hazel was a beautiful girl and very intelligent.
One day, Hazel was eating breakfast when Reyna appeared next to her. "Hello, Hazel," said Reyna politely. "I have gotten a message from Mercury, the fleet-footed messenger god who likes to come here for free booze whenever he wants."
"Yeah, I know who he is," said Hazel.
"Anyway, he wanted me to tell you that Pluto has made you an appointment for you to get your teeth examined. For some reason, the gods have decided to pull their kids' wisdom teeth—or do other dental procedures. At any rate, your appointment is tomorrow at one."
"Reyna, I'm scared. I haven't been to the dentist since I died and stuff. What has changed?"
Octavian appeared behind Reyna in a creepy-stalker manner. "Hazel, what you need to know about dentistry nowadays is that they put needles in your mouth…"
Hazel blanched.
"…and they make you bleed…"
Hazel started chewing on her fingernails.
"…AND then they KILL YOU!" Octavian yelled dramatically.
"Wait a sec," said Hazel suspiciously, "if they kill their patients, then how come when Reyna came back from her cleaning at the mortal dentist last week she was smiling?"
"Because," said Octavian, "this isn't the real Reyna. This is her evil twin…uh…Jessica!"
"Octavian," said Hazel, "don't you think—as a daughter of Pluto—I would be able to sense Reyna was dead?"
"Oh…I guess I wasn't ready for that. Well, toodle-doo! I have to kill stuffed bunnies! Bye!"
"Hazel, I'll go with you," Frank offered, putting a hand on Hazel's back.
"Oh, Frank," Hazel said, blushing furiously, "that would be wonderful."
The following afternoon, Frank and Hazel headed up to Olympus for Hazel's appointment. How they got there is still a mystery, but they made it there alive.
Hazel and Frank sat down on the bench and read the magazines. Hazel found a magazine called Brace Face: What to Expect with Braces (If Your Dentists are Gods!). Frank was examining one called War…That's All, Punks.
"Hazel?" a woman's voice called.
Hazel looked up to see her stepmother Proserpina staring down at her. Hazel hadn't met Proserpina before, but she'd heard stories about her from Nico. Nico told Hazel how Proserpina was always changing him into flowers because she was jealous of Hades falling in love with Maria di Angelo. Hazel wasn't sure how Proserpina would treat her today, but she knew she'd find out sooner or later.
Proserpina was holding a clipboard and wearing a nurse's jacket with leaves on it instead of flowers. If possible, the leaves made her look U.G.L.Y., more so than the flowers would've made her look.
"Lady Proserpina," said Hazel, bowing low to the ground.
"Don't waste my time," snapped Proserpina. "My husband Pluto has informed me that you need a dental exam. Come back with me. Your dentist is waiting."
When Hazel was, like, three or something, her mother took her to the dentist, and it had been awful! All Hazel remembered was them not treating her well and sticking all sorts of not-so-nice things in her mouth. Now that it was, like, a lot of years later, Hazel didn't feel any different about what she was facing right now.
She faced a red, leather chair with matching red arms on it so the patients couldn't run off during their appointments. The huge light was hanging over the chair, but it wasn't on yet. The platform where the tools were placed was sitting on the right-hand side of the chair, and a sink was placed on the left. Hazel also saw some tools that frightened her, like the drill. Oh, that thing scared the living Hades out of her!
Proserpina glared at Hazel. "Sit down in the chair, Hazel."
Hazel sat down in the chair and looked at her dentist, who was wearing a biker's jacket and had tons of fight scars on his face. But her dentist was looking at her, for he was looking in the opposite direction, playing God of War.
Proserpina cleared her throat. Mars spun around, still holding the remote. "WHAT?!" he barked.
"Your patient's here," Proserpina snapped harshly.
"Yeah. So?"
"So, check her out."
Mars looked at the clipboard, then he looked at Hazel. "Aren't you the kid dating my kid?"
"Uh…yes, Lord Mars."
"Good. He treating you well? Is he carrying you off in a romantic way to his bed where you guys do stuff that you don't wanna tell me about?" Mars demanded. Then he blinked. "Oh…wait. Venus and I do that. Forget that last part."
"Yeah. He treats me very well. He takes me out to dinner once a week."
"Excellent!" Mars boomed. "Well, you haven't been for a cleaning in…lots and lots of years. So we'll need to do some x-rays. Proserpina here will develop them while I continue to play this freaking game!"
Proserpina picked up a piece of cardboard and made Hazel bite on it. Then she brought the machine over and was about to take the x-rays, when Hazel spat the cardboard out of her mouth and glared at her. "What is that? A death ray? Are you trying to kill me?"
"No!" Proserpina snapped. "It's just like taking a picture."
So the two chicks tried to do the x-rays again, and they were successful this time.
"Oh, this game sucks!" yelled Mars bitterly. "Okay! Hazel, it looks like you have a cavity, so we'll get that filled right away. And it also looks like your bite's a little off, so we'll also be putting some braces on." Mars snapped on some gloves. "I don't want this to hurt too much, but it'll hurt anyway because I'm the war god and I'm generally a jackass." He kicked the chair back and turned on the light. "All right, Levesque. Open up!"
Mars found the cavity right away, so he asked for the topical (he threatened the beat Proserpina up if she didn't give it to him). When Mars was giving Hazel the Novocain, Hazel grabbed for Proserpina's hand. Proserpina jerked it away quickly. "No, young lady," she snapped. "You will not be holding my hand because my husband—in his Roman form, no less—knocked up your mother. I am extremely jealous of that, so therefore as your punishment, you will suffer through the needle!"
Hazel just glared at her stepmother and turned back to Mars, who had just extracted the needle. "And now…" he said dramatically, "…we wait for everything to kick in. Give her some water, Proserpina!"
Proserpina sighed and handed Hazel some water.
Hazel sat back in the chair as Mars filled the cavity. Then he explained what he would do next.
"So, kid," he said, "now we're going to do an impression of your teeth. Actually, Proserpina will do it. We just need to see where your braces need to go."
Hazel panicked, like she'd done for the x-rays.
Mars and Proserpina switched places. Actually, Mars went back to the computer and started to play a violent game (and swearing at it).
Proserpina glared at Hazel. "Okay, I hate doing this, but this'll be fun. This is an impression tray," she explained, holding up a tray that went on the top and bottom teeth. "It'll tell us where your braces need to go."
"Are you just rewording what he said?" asked Hazel, jabbing her thumb at Mars.
"You talk that way to me again, I'll send you on the highway to Hell and you won't be resurrected this time! MWAHAHA! Okay, now in all seriousness, what flavor would you like today?"
Hazel looked at a chart Proserpina was showing her. There were all kinds of flavors: root beer, cherry, bubblegum, the whole works! Hazel chose chocolate and watched as Proserpina mixed some stuff together, blended it until it formed some goo, then put the goo into the impression trays. "Okay," Proserpina said, "please try not to puke on me." And she put the goo in Hazel's mouth.
As soon as Proserpina put the goo in Hazel's mouth, she gagged so bad it made her throw up…all over Proserpina's new shoes.
"DAMMIT, HAZEL!" screamed Proserpina.
"What's going on here?"
Frank had entered the exam room, which didn't make Proserpina too happy.
"What are you doing in here? Do you have an appointment?" she barked.
"No, but I heard Hazel puking, so I had to see what was up with that."
Frank walked over to Hazel, but Proserpina was too quick for him. Just as he was sitting on the edge of the chair and about to grip Hazel's hand, Proserpina grabbed Frank by the shoulders and threw him out of the office.
"Go away!" Proserpina yelled at him.
"Bitch," Frank muttered.
"I HEARD THAT!" Proserpina turned to Hazel. "Now, if your gag reflex is done activating, let us try this yet again."
Just like the x-rays, they were successful the second time.
Meanwhile, Mars was trying to get his zombies in the game to the castle to eat the princess. Apparently, the game was switched backwards. See, Mars didn't like when the good guys were the heroes, so that's why he played all the zombie games.
Mars stopped playing the game only because Proserpina unplugged the computer. "You bitch!" he screamed at her. "I hate you!"
"Your son apparently hates me, too. Hazel's impressions are ready."
Mars did some stuff with the impressions, then turned to Hazel, bring a new tool tray over to her. Mars quickly put the braces on and Hazel sat up. Back when she was alive the first time, she saw lots of people with braces wearing headgear, and she didn't like the look of that too much.
Proserpina led Hazel outside and glared at Frank. "Frankie," she said, "this is your new girlfriend Hazel."
"Yeah, that's the name of my current girlfriend," Frank replied bitterly.
"Just…just get out," Proserpina said warily.
Frank and Hazel headed back to Camp Jupiter.
"Did it hurt?" asked Reyna as they were all sitting down for dinner.
"Uh-huh," said Hazel. Her face was still frozen, but she was drinking soup, because the braces were killing her teeth. "So, what'd we miss while we were gone?"
"Well, Octavian ran over some kid as he was driving in New Rome," said Reyna angrily.
"Is he okay?" Frank asked.
"Oh, yeah. He's fine."
"He meant the kid," Hazel said.
"Oh, no. The kid's dead. He's been dead for about two hours. And we never gave him a nice funeral. What wonderful Roman jerks we are!" Reyna turned to Hazel again, who was busy trying to keep the soup in her mouth. She wasn't being too successful with it. "Tell me when your next appointment is."
"I have to get these tightened every few weeks," Hazel replied bitterly. "And I hated the assistant. It was Proserpina, Roman goddess of flowers."
"Well, you're better off with her than you would've been with Ceres," Reyna said. "I heard she asks you questions about cereal."
"Hello, everyone!"
Octavian sat down at their table and helped himself to a cheeseburger.
"Octavian, are you aware you killed a kid while you were driving today?" asked Reyna.
"Yep."
"May I ask why?"
"Well, he ran in front of my car, I honked twice, I waited two seconds and he didn't move…so I killed him. Don't worry. I had a private funeral for him and buried him."
"Where did you put him? In Pluto Cemetery?" Reyna demanded.
"Nope. I threw him in the river and he kinda fell down the waterfall. So no one knows where he is."
"Ugh." Reyna looked at Frank. "When's your appointment?"
"I don't know. Hopefully soon. My teeth are actually starting to hurt now that you mention it."