ANNOUNCEMENT

Hey everybody, I'm here to say a couple things before the chapter. Firstly, I apologize I was not able to deliver three chapters this week. I got slammed with a ton of work this week and have had extremely limited time to write. With summer approaching, I am going to have less time on my hands, but I'll be finishing one of my off-site projects soon so I'll have more time each week to work on I'm Alone and Marsh Silas. Thanks very much for your patience with me, it means a lot.

Secondly, I know a couple people are waiting for me to respond to PM's and forum posts. Sorry for the wait, but I've really got to knuckle down and write, so it might be a little longer before I can get back to you. Thanks for your patience.

Thirdly, many of you know Fail4Fun. If you don't, she's a very dear friend of mine who has done fanart for I'm Alone before. She's even going to be providing cover art and illustrations for Marsh Silas!

Fail4Fun is an avid fan of the game Stardew Valley, as I am. She got me hooked on it. She's recently launched the first strip of a webcomic/fan-comic called Dropping Stars, following her original character in her own take of the game's story. Although you may not know, Fail4Fun has provided a great deal of help to me over the past couple of years. Not only has she taken time to create wonderful fanart, she's always been there for me to bounce ideas off of, provide constructive feedback, and has often been up chatting with me in the long hours of the night while I try to write. She has been immensely supportive and is a real source of inspiration, and she's even provided me with a lot of encouragement that's helped me steer I'm Alone on its current course.

It would mean a lot to me if you guys and gals would head over to her page on DeviantArt and check it out. Search for Fail4Fun, you'll find her, and if you have trouble, there's a step-by-step guide on my forum, Vox-Taps, to get to her page. It won't take that much time and hey, if you like Stardew Valley or just like socially awkward introverts (like myself) then it just might be your cup of tea. Even if you're not interested, still, mosey over, check out the fanart she's done, and maybe leave a comment or thank you for all she's done to help me and this story.

That's about it. Sorry for the wait guys, I'm trying to get back on track. I'll try to fix things by next weekend. Thanks.

Chapter 15: The Journey

Jasmine finished filing another report and closed the typing tool on her data pad. Sighing, he pinched the bridge of her nose to alleviate the minor irritation caused by her eyeglasses. After rubbing the spot for a few moments, she lowered her hand and fixed her eyeglasses. Her fingers shifted to her temples and she massaged the skin. Finally, frustrated, she took off her eyeglasses and examined them. It would not be the first time she got new military-issue prescription spectacles only to have the sizing incorrect. Glasses which were improperly sized were too tight on her temples and the sides of her head. Wearing them for too long would result in headaches, so she made a mental note to schedule an appointment with the ophthalmologist's assistant to have them resized.

Taking them off, folding them, and tucking them into the front pocket of her white lab coat, she sat back and looked at Steele. He was still sleeping soundly. She glanced up at the monitors. All his vitals were stable. Glancing up at the IV bag, she saw it was beginning to run low. Knowing he did not require any more medication at the moment, she got up anyways to change it out. When the nullifiers wore off, she wanted the next bag to be ready. First, she carefully removed the IV from the port on his arm and then took the bag from the hook. Then, she requested a nurse over her earpiece to bring her another tube and bag. These were promptly delivered and prepared.

Just as she turned to sit back down, Jasmine was surprised to see Carris standing at the foot of the cot. She was dressed in fatigue trousers and a trim, olive drab t-shirt. Both hands were curled into loose fists. The petty officer stood very rigidly, almost as if she was standing at attention. Her vibrant blue eyes were a bit wide as she looked past Jasmine at Steele.

"Would you like to sit with him a little while?" Jasmine whispered.

It took some time for Carris to answer. A look of shame crossed her face and her gaze broke from the sleeping sharpshooter.

"I'm not sure I can," was her answer. Jasmine quirked an eyebrow, puzzled. She looked between Carris, standing awkwardly in front of the cot, and then at Steele, sound asleep. When she looked at Carris again, she noticed a hint of worry in her glimmering eyes. It was soft and innocent, almost child-like. Even her hands changed. Instead of keeping them in fists, she now held them in front of her. Both hands began to tug, pull, and grasp one another.

She kept wringing her hands nervously and it was so striking to Jasmine. Carris was the epitome of calm. Everyone knew her not just for her combat prowess and peculiar armor, but her reserved nature and inability to become distressed in the midst of combat. To see her eyes wide, face ashen, and hands fidgeting was very jarring. In short order, however, Jasmine overcame her stupor and smiled. Stepping up to her, she motioned to the door.

"I have an office here in the building. Why don't you come with me and we have some coffee?"

"Ma'am?" Carris said after a moment, looking back at Steele. Jasmine gave her a reassuring look, took out her data pad, and opened a tab at the top of the screen. The page opened up and displayed every single reading the monitors above his cot showed.

"Any complications arise, I'll receive a notification. Don't worry, I don't see any complications," Jasmine added, seeing the look on the Navy officer's face. "Come, come, let's have a drink."

Jasmine led Carris out of the ward, down the corridor, and then up the stairs to an administrative level. Here, there was more activity. Orderlies, staff officers, doctors, and secretaries, were at work. Dozens of workers tapped at terminal keyboards, filed reports, and answered phone calls. Staffers organized supply distribution, updated schedules for the week, and checked on the ward situations on large screens. Most were empty. In conference rooms, physicians and surgeons conducted classes for Navy corpsmen and Army medics, running them through different stages of advanced first aid. In other classroom settings, Marines underwent the Army's combat lifesaver training to better diversify in-field medical training. In other offices, leading medical officers pooled over reports and data sheets, observing their hospital's record. Infantry and engineering officers conferred with field surgeons over field hospital construction and their relative distance to the frontline. Several cliques of younger, junior medical officers were leaving for remedial training.

Eventually, they came to Jasmine's office. It was smaller than her space in the main headquarters building, although it was as large as it needed to be. A desk with two chairs, a terminal, some filing cabinets, and a table with a coffee machine on it were in the center of the office. By the door, there was a leather couch. Across from it was an armchair and between the two was an olive drab rug. Both pieces of furniture had a small stand on either side of it.

On the rear wall of the office was a window that looked over the airfield. Flights of Falcon VTOL's rose from the runways to conduct exercise with airborne troops. Maintenance crews crawled over Pelicans and their tools sparked as they worked.

Jasmine immediately went over to the coffee make. "How do you take it?" she asked.

"I'm not too particular," Carris said.

"One cream, one sugar sounds alright to you?"

"Yes, ma'am."

Humming to herself, Jasmine placed two mugs in from of the machine as it sputtered and brewed.

"Nate...Gunnery Sergeant Frost likes his with more cream and sugar than I could ever take. Every time I ask him if he wants a cup, he goes, 'lots of cream, lots of sugar, please.' It's like a mantra."

When Carris did not respond, Jasmine looked over her shoulder, she found Carris pull out the chair in front of her desk. "Oh, why don't you have a seat on the couch? It's more comfortable there. Please, I insist."

Glancing at the couch, Carris hesitated for a few moments. Eventually, she merely nodded, walked over, and sat down stiffly next to the right arm. She sat with her back straight and with her hands resting on her knees. It was not so much resting as grasping them tightly, so much so the legs of her fatigue trousers began to wrinkle and pull upwards.

"Thank you, ma'am," Carris said.

"No need to be so formal. In my office, ranks don't apply. Well, until someone higher ranking comes in but that's rather rare. Most people leave me to my own devices and I like it that way. Besides, I'd rather call you by your name. Petty Office One-Three-Seven seems rather improper. It makes you sound like a product on an assembly line rather than a person."

"I'm a soldier."

"We're people before we're soldiers, Carris. Can I call you Carris?"

"Yes...Jasmine. That's alright."

"Good."

As the coffee machine bepped, she took out the pot and filled the two mugs. She added the sugar and cream, as well as a piece of chocolate to each, then went over to Carris. She took the mug Jasmine offered her and thanked her quietly. Sipping gingerly from her own, she sat down and sighed. Tilting her head back against the chair, she opened her eyes and looked at Carris. She was just staring into her mug and was turning it slowly in her hands.

For a time, they were quiet. Neither exchanged a word or a glance. Eventually, Jasmine took a loud sip and set the mug down on the stand beside her chair. She folded her hands together and rested them on her lap.

"How do you feel?"

Carris looked up only for a brief moment. She looked back down and nodded her head to the side.

"Sick. I feel sick. I have this horrible feeling in my stomach. Like a pit."

"Scared?"

Slowly, Carris nodded. Her brow furrowed and soon she shook her head in frustration.

"I'm not supposed to feel fear. I'm a soldier. I've been taught to ignore fear, adapt, overcome, take the fight to the enemy. I've faced down dozens of Elites, completed missions that were suicide for experienced battalions, and undergone training nobody could ever imagine. For anyone other than myself or my fellow trainees, it would have been nothing but a terrible onslaught, a nightmare that went on and on." Carris raised both hands in exasperation, holding the mug in her left. "But here I am. Scared. And I'm ashamed to admit it."

Jasmine smiled, sat back slightly, and crossed her legs.

"You're a human being before you're a soldier, Carris. We can undergo all the training the UNSC has to offer. I doubt I'll ever experience anything akin to what you have, but we've all seen our share of hardships. From the operating room to the battlefield, we see all manner of horrible things. Anybody who walks around pretending they are not afraid is lying more often than not. It's not an accusation but a truth. If you think that any of the members of your squad aren't afraid when they engage the enemy, they're playing you."

"But that's just it, Jasmine. We're not engaging with the enemy. The Covenant is not here. All we're doing is training for the operation to come. It's not even the enemy that has me worried." Carris did not wait for Jasmine to ask. She leaned forward and shook her head. "After I left my old unit, it felt like I didn't have a place anymore. I think that's difficult for anybody in the military. You're so close with so many individuals you can count on them. And you have to count on them, you don't have a choice, and they have to count on you. When you leave your unit, well, you lose that."

Carris finally took a sip from her coffee. She brought it from her lips in surprise and looked inside. Noticing the melted chocolate on the sides of the mug and bobbing in the center, she smiled a little bit.

Jasmine could not help but grin a little herself. Coffee was coffee and all UNSC personnel thrived off of it. Even those who came from cultures which placed tea over coffee, they required caffeine. But if there was one item they enjoyed even better than coffee, it was chocolate. A soldier could be the baddest, hardest, meanest fighter in the entire galaxy. But when he opened up his MRE and was lucky enough to receive something with chocolate in it, whether it was powder for milk or a rock-hard bar, it opened something young and happy within their soul. Nobody could stay sad for long when they were eating it.

After looking at it for a time, Carris took another sip. This time, it was longer. She involuntarily sighed and leaned back, appearing more comfortable. "I had to leave. It was very, very difficult, though. A soldier needs purpose and I definitely had that. I've never lost that. The Navy has always given me plenty of missions and I've been able to contribute to the war effort. At least, I think I have."

"We all do. The moment we don the uniform, we are serving humanity."

That made Carris smile a little bit.

"But I lost that kinship that comes from being in a unit for so long, especially one you train with. The Marines of the 89th MEU remind me of my old unit, in a way. I think it's part of the reason I stayed."

"Certainly the squad you're embedded with was a factor, too."

"They were the crux. For a long time, I served alongside SOF forces, sometimes for extended periods. But I was always on the periphery. I could not get in and I don't think they wanted me in anyways. I think they thought I was strange, different, and was not a soldier like them. More of a machine, I suppose. I've gotten that before. This squad, my squad, well, they didn't judge me. They were so open and accepting. I thought they were so strange and I still do, come to think of it. Sometimes, I still wonder why."

Jasmine took a drink, set her mug back, and leaned forward. She pressed her hands together.

"Because they're all misfits themselves. I've talked with many of those Marines. They were all kids when they opted into the Earthen Youth Programs. No direction, poor family lives, poverty; some felt a calling while others saw a more practical solution to their problems by enlisting. Everybody's got a different story and a different reason. People like to talk about melting pots and the Marines truly are just that. When everybody's a misfit, nobody's a misfit, and so you fit right in, you see."

Carris took it in and nodded.

For a time, she did not speak. She quietly sipped her coffee, would lower the pristine white mug, turn it in her hands several times, then take another gulp. In turn, Jasmine drank as well. The coffee was still warm but not hot enough to burn her tongue. Having melted entirely, the sweet chocolate flavor blended nicely with the coffee.

Soon, Carris set her mug down and leaned against the backrest of the couch. Jasmine motioned to the other end.

"You may lay down, if that'd make you feel more comfortable."

After a moment's hesitation, the petty officer changed position and rested her head on the opposite arm of the couch. She folded her hands on her midsection and looked up at the ceiling. Her hair, black as night, swept backwards naturally.

"I felt like I belonged again. When you're with a unit you've bonded with, you feel invincible."

"I know exactly how that feels," Jasmine replied wistfully, thinking of Vivian. Countless victories and achievements on every level of the task force brought them closer together. It made one feel powerful, as if all the technology, weapons, ammunition, and other tools of warfare were on their side.

What's more, it made the recent division between Marines and Navy elements not only distressing but depressing.

"But, recently, it feels different. Like I'm going to lose my unit all over again. I've just got this horrible feeling in my chest, in my gut, in my heart. Things have changed."

"What do you think has changed?"

Carris grew silent. She did not speak for a very long time. For a time, Jasmine was worried she asked the wrong question.

"I'm worried by hurting Corporal Steele...Louis...that they won't accept me like before."

"How did they treat you after Louis was stabilized?"

"They comforted me."

"We're our own worst critics, Carris. Yes, we must hold ourselves and our actions accountable and do better for the future. But, there are other people in our lives, and we're a part of their lives too. When you form these friendships with other individuals, they have a say too. Learning to accept what they say is important for your own growth, especially if you value what they say and do. We can't base all our actions on others', but ignoring them all the time won't be beneficial either."

Jasmine waited to see her reaction. Carris remained expressionless as she stared at the ceiling.

"I'm worried Gunnery Sergeant Frost won't trust me anymore."

"Was he angry?"

"Yes," Carris answered after a brief moment of hesitation. "But he ordered me to come here and be with Steele."

"Nate...Gunnery Sergeant Frost and Louis are very, very close. Everybody in the task force knows they would do anything for one another. He should not have been angry at you for making a mistake, that's unfair, because you didn't want to hurt Louis. But give him a little time, and I think he'll realize he was wrong to act in that manner and he'll apologize. I know he values you as a friend and a soldier, and he doesn't carry that kind of anger for long. He's come a very long way."

Almost before she finished her sentence, Carris turned her head and looked at Jasmine. Her blazing blue eyes met her own. For a moment, Jasmine felt intimidated. All anxiety left the soldier sitting across from her. Veins in her arms bulged as her hands tightened around one another. Muscles in her cheeks tightened as she clenched her teeth. It seemed like she became a spring, tightening up before it shot forward. Even her breathing ceased and her chest grew still.

Then, just as quickly, her gaze softened. Her posture relaxed, her breathing resumed, and she looked back up at the ceiling.

Jasmine cleared her throat and took a sip of coffee. "Is there anything else that's bothering you? Has anything else happened?"

Carris did not answer. She did not grow tense again, but from the side her face seemed to become sadder. Jasmine sat back and folded her hands on her thigh. "I understand the incident at the mine was quite bothersome for everyone involved and being confined to quarters must have been very frustrating. Do you want to-"

"No."

It was curt, sharp, and defensive. Jasmine could not help but find it peculiar. But she thought it was because the incident itself was so intense none of the individual involved would want to speak of it. Unwilling to push it, she just nodded. "In any regard, I don't think anyone thinks less of you for what happened. Training accidents occur all the time and usually with far graver consequences. Steele will make a full recovery, although I don't think he will be able to join us for the operation. Still, please know that nobody thinks of you differently. We all know how you feel about Louis."

Carris nodded slowly.

"Yes..."

Then her eyes popped and she looked over at Jasmine. "...what?"

Jasmine just smiled and bounced her shoulders a little bit. Carris sat up, gripping the edge of the couch and leaning forward. "What do you mean? We? Who's we? Who knows what?"

"Relax," Jasmine giggled. "I don't mean to sound rude, but it's rather obvious. If nobody's commented on it, they're just being polite or truly don't have a sense for that sort of thing."

"I, well, I mean, I don't, it's not-"

"Are you sure it's not?" Jasmine asked, still smiling. "It's everything between you two. When he enters a room, you're with him. If you're already there, you go straight over to him. The way you look at him, the way you talk to him; the smile, the way you break your eyes, or how pink your cheeks get when he calls you by cute little names."

At that moment, Carris blushed very intensely. She rubbed the back of her neck and looked away. "Those feelings, they're okay, Carris. It's okay to have them. And if he feels the same way, it's okay to indulge them."

"But I don't know if he feels the same way," she murmured, then looked up so sharply her dog tags jingled on her chain. "I mean, we're soldiers. It would break numerous fraternization regulations."

Jasmine laughed.

"Didn't stop me. The brass could care less about frat regs nowadays, there's more important things on their plate."

"And ours' too," Carris insisted. "I can't waste time on this when I could be preparing for the next operation or retraining."

Jasmine feigned a thoughtful, inquisitive expression.

"Mmm, I don't know about that."

"We're fighting for humanity."

"And what's the point of fighting for humanity if we can't be human?" Jasmine asked, widening and extending her arms in an exaggerated shrug. Laughing a little, she lowered her arms. "Humanity isn't just a species; its an act, a feeling, made up of thousands of feelings. Act on them now. If you don't, you may never get the chance to."

Carris was about to speak, but she faltered, and lowered her gaze. "Louis can't come with us. By the time he's recovered, we'll be supporting Operation: Exalt. We need all available space for critical casualties and casualties that can't be transported back here. We don't have much time left. Would you rather wait until you're apart to tell him, or bring these undisclosed feelings with you for however long we're away?"

She did not respond to that either. Jasmine got up, sat next to Carris, and took her hand in her own. Placing the other on top of her hand, she smiled up at her. "You never know if someone will reciprocate. Sometimes they do, and it begins a new, exciting, nerve-wracking journey. It seems daunting, but life is filled with those. I suppose it might seem cliche, but each day we go on a journey or continue one we're already on. Starting a new one is difficult, it takes time, effort, and commitment. But what would life be without these journeys?"

Carris looked away from her for a moment. She seemed to think, her blue eyes searching some middle distance Jasmine could not see. Eventually, she looked back, looking quite sorrowful.

"What if he doesn't feel the same way?"

"Then there's another journey for you to go on."

All of a sudden, her data pad pinged. For a brief moment, Jasmine grew nervous as she pulled it out of her coat. Much to her relief, there was only a subtle spike in his heart rate. "Ah, it looks like he's woken up. Why don't you go see him? I think he'd be very happy to see you."

Carris scoffed, but smiled.

"Who would be happy to see the person who just cracked their ribs?"

"Probably someone dumb enough to join the Marine Corps," Jasmine whispered. She patted Carris's hand, took her mug, and walked back over to the coffee maker. "It was good to chat with you, Carris. If you want, I think you should come by again."

"I'll think about it," Carris said.

She stood up and straightened out her uniform. Rather than assuming her previous, nervous disposition, Carris seemed more at ease and professional. "Thank you, Jasmine," she said as she went to the door.

"Of course."

The door opened, but it didn't close. After a moment, Jasmine looked up. Carris was still standing in the doorway. Suddenly, she turned around, took a step back into the room, and saluted.

"Lieutenant Commander."

Jasmine turned and saluted.

"Petty Officer."

Carris smiled and closed the door behind her.

Steele groggily looked around the hospital ward. A sheet to his left obscured his vision. There was no one in the cot across from him and no medical personnel were around for him to hail. Craning his neck, he glanced upwards at the various monitors. All of the readouts, numbers, and modules they displayed were in bright green, yellow, and red colors. Most of it was gibberish to him, although he assumed it was due more to the medication coursing through his veins than his lack of aptitude in the medicinal field.

It felt lovely to be on it. Many of the other Marines complained about how much they detested morphine. Some said it made them feel groggy or sleepy, others complained the lack of physical control on their bodies caused feelings of distress. Steele always maintained the same argument: that was the point. To feel like he was floating, that he was nearly out of his body, and was no longer bound to gravity was an immensely pleasurable feeling. It was as close to physical freedom a human being could get. Not to mention it meant he could just lay around in bed and not have to salute, stand at attention, or act out any of the other traditional military bogus the officers forced on him. It was the bright side when a man was wounded or when he was suffering from dysentery for the thirtieth time.

Still, he never craved it. Part of enlisting in the Program was to get off the streets. Inevitably, he would have spiraled into the same teenage gang violence and world of drugs his brother was barreling towards. Getting away was self-preservation, even if it meant putting his body on the firing line.

Not seeing or hearing anyone was, however, rather strange. At first, he figured someone would be by shortly. But when no one showed, he could not help but feel somewhat nervous. Although he cherished any opportunity to lie in bed, he was in no position to take care of himself.

Just as he was about to call out, he heard footsteps. A moment later, he was very shocked to see Carris stepping through the doorway to the right of his cot.

"You're awake," was all she said.

"I am," Steele replied, unable to think of anything clever. Carris looked at him for a few moments.

"Do you need anything?"

"I don't think so."

"Can I sit with you?"

"Why not?"

Carris looked around, then spotted a chair nearby. She dragged it to the front of the bed and sat down. Steele watched her, his blue eyes tired but twinkling.

For a time, they were silent. They gazed into each other's eyes, unable or unwilling to speak. Steele found himself smiling. The more he thought about it, the more he realized he wanted her to be there when he woke up. Even if she was not right there when he opened his sleepy eyes, she was the first one to show up. To see her was soothing. He felt comfortable laying in bed, safer. But why safer? The Covenant were far away, or at least he thought so. If they showed up he would be very surprised, he decided. But no one was trying to kill him or court martial him. Maybe it was just because of her. Her confidence, her calm, just everything about her. In the thick of the battle, he could look at her and draw courage from her. Not in a flag, not in an uplifting speech, or a propaganda video the ONI spooks from Section Two bombarded the Marines with if they sat in their quarters for too long.

For a moment, he felt the urge to reach out and take her hand. The moment his mind realized the thought, his hand began to drift toward her. But she took his wrist and gently put his arm back on the bed.

"Try not to move too much."

"Are you my new nurse? No sexy outfit?"

Carris smirked, then frowned.

"Shut up."

"Nah, nah, you'd look good. Red and white outfit, miniskirt the comes down to, what, mid-thigh? Not even that? Big open blouse that shows off your cleavage. Maybe even that stupid little hat with the red cross on it, and some white thigh-high stockings. Now there's an image."

Carris blinked. It was easy to see she was trying not to laugh. Her lips kept twitching upwards the corners, then she would force them back down. But each time she pursed her lips, they came back up again, threatening to open up and expose her teeth.

"I think you'd look better in lingerie than I would," Carris said, finally allowing herself to smile.

"With my gammy legs?"

"Gammy? You've got better legs than I do. I've seen you shaving them."

"I do not, that's outrageous."

"Oh really?"

"Pull the blanket up, let's take a look at those hairy fuckers."

Carris giggled.

"Stop, stop it, I'm mad at you," she said in between her laughter.

"Mad at me?" Steele exclaimed as he chuckled, his voice still groggy. "I'm injured here. This is gonna take a lot of mommy kisses to fix!"

"Stop trying to make me laugh," Carris snorted, covering her mouth. Steele, still grinning, watched her and listened to her laugh. He was not even trying to be that funny and he doubted any of his friends would be laughing like her. Sometimes, in the wake of a somber event, the slightest, dumbest remark could illicit hysterical laughter out of anybody. People's adrenaline was up, their nerves were peaking, their guts roiled with anxiety and uncertainty about the future. All it took was a dry joke or stupid comment to send someone that on edge into fits of laughter, even if none of it was truly funny.

Steele supposed human beings were strange in that way.

But as he watched her cover her mouth or hold her stomach with her other hand, fidgeting and moving in her chair while she giggled, his smile faded. In his own chest, he felt his lungs heave and his throat became dry. Tears brimmed at the corner of his eyes and threatened to roll down his cheeks.

"I'm sorry."

The words eked their way past his lips, barely containing his emotions. Carris's laughed dwindled and she grew still. Slowly, her smile dropped away.

Steele cleared his throat, but that only brought the lump higher. "I'm, I'm sorry," he said again, his voice close to breaking.

"Louis..."

"I never wanted to put you in that position. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have, I didn't want to, and I did anyways. Made you a part of something I didn't even want to be a part of anymore. You, I, I should've kept you clear and I didn't. I'm sorry."

Carris stared at him for a time. Her blue eyes grew water and she sniffed. Wiping them with the back of her hand, she recovered and straightened her clothing out.

"I made the choice to lie. According to military law, according to every rule set down by the UEG, according to my own sense of justice, it was the wrong choice. But I did it because it was selfish."

Steele's hands were resting on the blanket covering him. As she spoke, he began to bundle it up in his grasp.

Carris gripped her knees and looked down at the floor. "I could care less about those smugglers. They were criminals. What Frost did was wrong. What you did was wrong. And by keeping this lie for you, I'm in the wrong too. We're all criminals as well. I should have acted like a soldier and told the truth. But I didn't, because I was selfish."

"It wasn't. It was selfless of you to take on our burden too. You saved us from years and years in a cell. I couldn't survive that; I barely made it through several days in that hellhole. You saved our lives, Carris."

"It's selfish because I didn't do it for you or Frost. I did it for me." Carris slowly looked up. Her blue eyes were glistening and a single tear ran down each cheek. "I did it because I couldn't imagine the next day, or the next day, or the next day, without you."

The words struck him like a bullet. Steele's mouth dropped a little bit and his eyes widened slightly. Even his fingers opened and frozen, letting the bunched up folds of the blanket loose.

Both tears that ran down Carris's face reached her jaw, gathered, nestled on the edge, then fell. They glinted in the sunlight pouring through the window behind Steele's cot, displaying every single color imaginable in those brief moments before it landed on the tile floor.

She sniffed, shrugged, sat up, and looked away. "I don't know if that's the right or wrong way to say it. Maybe there is no objective right or wrong for something like this. How can we ever possibly define our feelings? We feel them and that's it. All we can do is choose to act on them or not, and see where that takes us, see what we can do about them on that...journey. I don't know if I was ever going to be able to say. Well, I don't know, maybe it's not that way. I guess it's more like I wasn't sure how I was going to say or find the time to. But I just came to realize, what I was just helped to realize...well...not saying it became an impossibility. I had to tell you, and I needed you to know."

Carris looked back. She offered a weak, sad smile. "You're surly, rude, mean, you have poor habits and you constantly reek of cigarettes to the point it's nauseating. I think on the surface, that's enough to drive other people away. What brings them to you is that charm of yours and that handsome face. You wouldn't have liaison count almost as high as your kill count if that wasn't the case. But you've always been so kind to me, kinder than all the rest. You treat me like a person. And you care. Even if it's not the same way, I knew I could always trust you to care."

She sniffed, wiped her face again, and sat back. Carris threw up a dismissive hand. "I think that's all I got to say, or can say. I'm having trouble figuring this all out anyways, Louis. Take it as you will. Just know that I care about you too, maybe more than you do for me. Regardless of how you feel, I'll always have your back on the battlefield."

Steele looked at her for a long time. It was not so much trying to find the right words to say rather than having no words at all. Nothing. There was absolutely nothing inside his head. Even as confusion, elation, sadness, every possible emotion under the sun ran up and down his body, there simply were no words. It was as if he forgot how to speak or Dr. Ebrahimi decided to remove his voice box as they were patching him up.

Eventually, he reached over and took her hand. He squeezed it tenderly and she did the same.

"Carris," he began, his voice shaking, "I don't know."

Tears ran down her cheeks. "I don't want to fill you with false hopes and fairy tale dreams. I just, it's a lot to take in."

"It's not like I need an answer," Carris said. "I just needed you to know, that's it. You don't even have to say anything."

"But I feel Like I have to."

"It's fine," Carris said, shrugging and shaking her head.

"I think you're amazing," Steele said, surprising even himself. "Sounds like bullocks right out of those cheesy flicks they're making nowadays. But you ain't like anybody I've ever met. If I didn't think you were amazing, if I didn't give a shit about what you thought about me, or if I didn't give a fuck about you, I probably would have tried bringing you to bed two days after we first met. But, I knew you were different. I knew you're a little like me and the others; out of place. Just one look, I knew you were someone else."

Carris blinked and looked away shyly, her cheeks red hot. Steele smiled and tugged on her hand. "Just give me a little time to think about it. I think after I'm out of the hospital and I'm rolling on missions with you again, things'll slide into place."

A somber expression clouded Carris's face. Her blue eyes grew distant and her lips parted. She made a small sound; it was not one of fear, but sorrow.

Steele's eyebrows knitted together. "What?"

"Dr. Ebrahimi didn't tell you."

"I've been out for a while." Steele's heart began to beat faster and his lungs felt uncomfortably light.

"You're not coming with us," Carris finally said. "You won't be healed in time for jump off. Dr. Ebrahimi can't bring you because she needs the space for battle casualties."

Steele's hand slipped from hers and hung limply over the edge of the bed. Slowly, he looked up at the ceiling. As his lips moved and his voice hitched in his throat, he finally choked a short sob that hurt his chest. He did not care. Tears rolled down his temples and into his hairline.

"No," he said eventually. "No, that's bullshit. I'm not fucking staying here while everyone goes. No, fuck that. I'm not staying, I'm not fucking staying. Who the fuck is gonna take care of the squad? Who's gonna have your back and Frost's and Grant's and fucking everybody? What're you gonna do without me on overwatch? Huh? The fuck am I supposed to do hear where I can't fucking protect you dumbasses!?" he yelled. "The fuck am I good for if I can't fucking go with you!?"

Carris stood up and held his arms.

"Calm down, you're going to hurt yourself."

"It's the only thing I can do!" Steele shouted. "It's the only way I can fucking give back to you and him. If I'm stuck here I might as well off myself!"

"Don't say that!"

Steele began to sit up, but Carris kept him down.

"I'm not staying! I can't stay while you go! I have to go with you, Carris, I have to go with you all. No, don't make me stay!"

"You're getting hysterical, please, Louis, hold still!"

"I can't stay while you go!"

"Nurse!" Carris screamed. "Nurse! Nurse!"

"Don't make me stay! I have to fight! I have to look out for you and Nate! What am I gonna do if you're all gone!?"

"Doctor!" Carris hollered. "Doctor Ebrahimi! Jasmine, please! Nurse! Doctor! Anybody! I need help!"

Jasmine, two nurses, and a med-lab technician burst through the doorway. One of the nurses slid by Carris and held him down. Steele, so incensed and distressed, was unable to make out anything they were saying. All he could see was Carris and the focused faces of the medical staff. All of a sudden, Jasmine and the other nurse came to his left. While the nurse gripped his arm, Jasmine quickly turned a small knob on the port in his arm. Suddenly, Steele felt very cold. His strength faded and the pain in his chest began to fade. Slowly, slowly, his eyelids grew heavy until everything turned black.

Word Count: 6,352

Pages (Google Docs): 16

Original Font: PT Serif

Original Font Size: 11

Original Line Spacing: 1.5

Author's Note: I'll just say this chapter got super real for me and leave it at that. And that it was interesting to have Carris be the subject but have her explored through the lenses of two other characters. Onto the comment responses!

Comment Responses:

MightBeGone: Yeah, I should have kept my mouth shut and not mentioned my stride. Apparently my stride, rather than being an elongated, strong gait, is more of a tip-toe little shuffle that still results in me stubbing my toes. But thanks for the encouragement, that really helps.

Well they had a talk so there ya go. Now it'll be another five thousand years before there's anymore Starris. MWHAHAHAHAhahaha...I can't back that up.

I was lying about the brownies I don't know how to bake. But I gave you a round of applause here so I hope that'll suffice. Thanks for reading.

Ctrl-Dalt-Delete: Thanks, I'm glad you're enjoying!

Caver Floyd: Hey, hey, hey, good to see ya! Glad you're enjoying it so far, really appreciate you coming on back to get your Halo-fix. Hey, enjoy it and indulge it, nothing wrong with that, is there?

Is there!? Hey, thanks for reading, appreciate it.