This isn't Percy again…it's the hero Perseus, so Paperboy Jacky gets credit for this one! But Greek heroes aren't my specialty!

CHAPTER 39: PERSEUS CONFRONTS ZEUS

Perseus, Orpheus, and Bellerophon were all chilling out in the Underworld in Elysium. All was going well. They were talking about their various quests.

"So," said Orpheus, "when I came to the Underworld and played my music for Cerberus, I almost cried because my music was so beautiful."

"Oh yeah?" snapped Bellerophon. "Well, when I did that heroic thing that nobody cares about, I did something like—Perseus, what are you doing?"

Perseus, the dude who killed Medusa, was sitting in his chair and rubbing his face.

"What's wrong?" asked Orpheus.

"Guys, do your teeth hurt today?" Perseus asked.

"No," said Bellerophon. "No. But they could be hurting because you don't brush your teeth!"

"If I didn't do it in Greece, I'm not starting now," snapped Perseus. "I'm going to Asclepius."

"Ooh…" said Orpheus.

"What?" asked Perseus.

"Dude, I don't think that's a good idea," said Bellerophon. "Asclepius might not be available. Why don't you ask Lord Hades if there's some Advil or something."

"Why bother taking drugs? I'm dead. What do I care?"

He had a point.

"Look," said Orpheus, "just go see Lord Hades and get it taken care of."

So Perseus made the long, scary-ass journey to the Palace of Hades. When he arrived, he was greeted by Thanatos.

"Hey," said Thanatos. "What's up?"

"I'd like an audience with Hades," Perseus replied formally.

"He's…uh…doing something in the bathroom," Thanatos said.

"What kind of something?"

"Taking a shower," Thanatos said. "In the meantime, what would you be talking with him about?"

"My teeth hurt," said Perseus.

"I'd recommend going to the Olympus Medical Center." Thanatos wrote out the address and phone number. "Here you are, Perseus. Make an appointment now."

The following afternoon at one-thirty, Perseus was sitting in the waiting room, waiting for his dentists to call him back.

Someone cleared their throat and Perseus looked up. Standing before him was a guy of about seventeen, dressed in blue scrubs with a mask around his neck.

"Hi…Perseus," the guy said, glancing at the clipboard. "I'm Percy, and I'll be assisting Dr. Chase today. Come on back."

Perseus followed Percy into the office, where he sat in the chair. Percy put a napkin on Perseus' shirt and took out the clipboard and a pen.

"So," Percy said, "it sounds like you're having tooth issues, eh?"

"Yeah," said Perseus.

"Holy Hera!" Percy scanned the clipboard, then looked at Perseus again. "Are you, like, the Perseus?"

"Yes!" Perseus yelled at Percy.

"Sorry, Mr. Pubescent," Percy said bitterly, "just trying to make small-talk here."

"Well, you suck at it," Perseus snapped again.

"Boys," said Annabeth, coming into the room, her long, blond hair bouncing on her shoulders, "that's quite enough!"

Annabeth sat in the dentist's seat and looked at Perseus. "Hi, Perseus. I'm Annabeth and I'll be doing this procedure today. Can you tell me what's going on?"

"Well, I was hanging out with my buddies and my teeth started hurting all of a sudden."

"Well," Annabeth said, picking up some tools, "let me take a look."

Annabeth set the tools down a moment later. "Perseus, you have three decaying teeth that we'll need to remove right away."

"Ooh," said Percy sarcastically, "sucks for you, dude."

"Shut it, Seaweed Brain!" Annabeth snapped. "Hand me the topical."

Percy handed Annabeth some topical and Annabeth gave Perseus the Novocain and the laughing gas. Perseus was high…and when I say high, I mean he was really high.

While they waited, Percy took out a book and began to read it. Annabeth, who knew Percy was also dyslexic, asked him what he was reading.

"Dentistry for Dummies," Percy replied. "I bought it yesterday when we went shopping, so I thought the gods could use it."

"Yeah, but the gods are more intelligent than we are, Seaweed Brain," Annabeth replied. "My mother is the most intelligent of them all."

"No comment," said Percy, flipping through the pages. "Can we rip his teeth out yet?"

"Yeah."

Annabeth grabbed the pair of forceps and looked at Perseus. "Are you completely numb yet?"

"Uh-huh," Perseus replied, drooling on the napkin.

Once Annabeth ripped his teeth out, she glanced at Percy. "Okay, Perce. Can you tell me how to put these stupid stitches in?"

Percy thumbed through the book. "Well…let's see here…looks like you'll need to—"

"Never mind. I've got this!" Annabeth declared.

Once the stitches were in place, Annabeth and Percy sent Perseus outside to go be high somewhere else.

As Perseus was heading back to the Underworld, he saw the throne room's doors were open and Zeus was sitting on his throne…mumbling some things about Hera to himself. Since Zeus probably didn't remember Perseus, Perseus headed into the throne room.

Zeus was sitting on his throne and looking a little agitated about something. "Stupid acid reflux," he griped. "Hera tells me to sit on my throne, but all she wants is me out of the house. And now these chains are on me so I can't go anywhere and make love to a hot goddess!" Zeus stopped ranting when he saw some kid standing in front of him. "Who are you?"

"Whassup?" Perseus slobbered. "I am Pewseus, son of Zeus!"

"Oh, you're one of my kids. Fair enough. What is it that you want?"

"I have a couple of questions to ask you, good sir," Perseus said thickly. "I wanna know why you're such a crappy father first!"

Zeus actually had to think about that. "Well…whenever I knock up a woman, I tend to let her be tortured by my lovely wife Hera—note the sarcasm—and when the woman's in labor, I let her deal with that on her own."

"Oh. Where's my mommy?"

"Uh…probably dead somewhere in Greece or something."

"What color is your underwear?"

"All right, that's it!" Zeus stood up from his throne and glared at his son. In a dangerously-calm voice, he said: "I'd like you to go back to the Underworld and get some sleep. You look drunk."

So with that, Zeus sent the high Perseus out of the throne room. He watched as his son stumbled on the way to Hades.