Okay, here's Trip's chapter…again. Credit goes to Owlion12 for the idea of making stuff awkward between Trip, Demeter, and Persephone. And apparently, Trip now has acid reflux. AND…lots of Tremeter (Triptolemus/Demeter) stuff in here.
CHAPTER 40: TRIPTOLEMUS PROPOSES A QUESTION
Triptolemus, our favorite god of farming, was sitting in his house, waiting for Demeter. Today, Trip wasn't dressed in his usual, ugly, denim stuff. Today, he was dressed in a pair of jeans (which are denim, yes, but who really gives a crap?), a nice shirt, and nice shoes. Yes, he was wearing a lot of nice things today. Also, he didn't smell like fertilizer; he had put on manly cologne, which Triptolemus would probably never be caught dead in.
Why was Triptolemus wearing nice things today instead of farming clothes? See, Trip was planning on having a special lunch with Demeter that day. He had made a whole meal using grains. He'd made freshly-baked bread, pasta, and they would be having cereal for dessert. Trip didn't really like eating chocolate, because that would affect his ability to farm, which would really suck for him.
The doorbell rang and Triptolemus walked to the door and opened it. Standing before him was Demeter in a green dress that sparkled.
"Hi, Trippy," Demeter said cheerfully. "How nice to see you."
"Hi, Dem," Triptolemus said happily. "Come on in. The bread is almost ready!"
They headed into Triptolemus' kitchen and Demeter sat down at the table. Trip pulled out the bread and set it on the table. He took a sharp knife out and cut it, putting it on a plate next to the butter.
As they ate, Trip started to feel a pain in his jaw whenever he took a bite of the bread. As much as he tried to keep it to himself, Demeter noticed (because she's a mother so she kind of knows this kind of stuff).
"Trip? Are you okay?"
"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. Why? What makes you think I'm not okay?"
"Well, when you're chewing, you're making this weird face that makes you look like you're constipated," Demeter said. "Of course, if you were constipated, I'd have to kill you, because any agricultural deity who gets constipated must answer to me."
"Why? Everyone gets constipated once in a while, Dem."
"That's true, but we agricultural deities eat well and our diets have lots of fiber in them. So there is no reason for any agriculture god to get constipated!"
"There's just one problem with that," said Trip bitterly. "I'm immortal, so how are you going to kill me?"
"Well…I could…ah…uh…well…"
"Yeah, thought so."
"Triptolemus! Remember: if you get stressed, your acid reflux will get worse."
Demeter was right: Triptolemus had just been diagnosed with acid reflux. That meant if he ate too much spicy foods, drank too much wine, or got really stressed, his stomach would shoot his food back up into his esophagus.
Since Trip hated acid reflux as much as the next person, he decided to tell Demeter what was bothering him. "Dem," he said, "whenever I take a bite of food, my teeth hurt."
"That's weird because you just had your teeth pulled a few weeks ago." Demeter got up from the table. "I'm going to have a look at your teeth, Triptolemus." And she went to the counter and grabbed a flashlight. "Open up," she instructed.
Triptolemus opened his mouth and Demeter shined the flashlight on his teeth. Trip closed his mouth once Demeter was done.
"I don't see anything, honey," Demeter said. "But if it still hurts tomorrow, we'll go to the dentist, okay?"
"Aw, I hate the dentist," Trip ranted.
"Why, Trippy?"
"Because every time I go, they put their hands in your mouth and ask you questions, which you can't answer anyway because you've got stuff in your face! And then they put all these weird tools in there and then they make you gag on stuff that doesn't taste good!"
"Correction," said Demeter, "they make you gag."
"That's because you can tolerate that kind of thing," Trip said. Then he realized that his stomach was already on fire. "Oh gods…" he moaned. "GET ME THE PEPTO-BISMOL!"
Demeter ran to the medicine cabinet above the stove and picked through it. "Uh…we've got Tums, laxatives, cereal—YAY, YOU HAVE CEREAL!—mustard, pickles, vitamin water, beets, canned tuna, and oatmeal."
"Ugh," Trip said, clutching his stomach.
"Here," Demeter said, handing him two Tums. Then she took Trip over to the couch and propped him up on some pillows and sat with him.
"Dem," Trip groaned, "can you rub my tummy?"
"Sure."
"Can you stay here tonight so I'm not lonely and we can do stuff in bed?"
"Of course, Trippy."
Demeter rubbed Trip's stomach while he whined like the baby he is on the couch.
After about five minutes, the Tums started to work and Trip sighed with relief. "Ah…" he breathed. "That's better."
Demeter took her hand off his stomach.
"Did I tell you to stop?" Trip demanded.
"Just out of curiosity, did you ever talk to your mother like that?" asked Demeter.
"No. But I talked to the servants like that. Oh, they hated me!"
"Do tell," Demeter insisted.
RANDOM FLASHBACK…A LONG TIME AGO IN ANCIENT GREECE WAY BEFORE TRIPPY AND DEMETER MET
Once upon a time, Prince Triptolemus had walked down the street and back and his feet were killing him (which was pathetic because his mom, Queen Metaneira, was, like, nine months pregnant and she wasn't complaining about her feet killing her). At any rate, Triptolemus went to the nearest servant and cleared his throat. "Hey, random servant guy!" he called. "I command that you rub my feet!"
"But…Prince Trip—"
"Are you my friend?"
The servant shook his head.
"That's right! Only my friends can call me Trip. You, mister, will call me Triptolemus, Prince Triptolemus, Prince T, or Prince McAwesomesauce."
The servant had Triptolemus sit in the royal chair and began to rub his feet. Five minutes later, he stopped rubbing.
"Did I tell you stop?" Trip snapped.
"No, Prince T!"
"Ugh…when you say it, it sounds all wrong. Keep rubbing! Dinner's not going to be ready for five hours and I need my princely nap!"
END OF FLASHBACK
"Yeah, that guy died from depression a few weeks after that happened," Trip said.
"I see," said Demeter. "Time for bed, Triptolemus. You're not feeling well."
Often, when Trip and Demeter spent the night together, Demeter became all motherly towards Trip.
So, of course, when they got up to Trip's bathroom, Demeter brought out her toiletry bag. She pulled out a toothbrush, floss, toothpaste, and mouthwash.
"Do I have to brush tonight?" Trip groaned.
"Yes," Demeter snapped.
Trip and Demeter brushed together. Then Demeter took out the floss and handed a strand of it to Triptolemus. "You might have something caught in there, Trip."
About ten minutes later, Trip and Demeter were in bed.
"So, how was farming today?" asked Demeter as she closed her book called Agriculture Through the Ages.
"It was good. It was really hot, which means I was sweating, so I came inside and showered. How was farming for you?"
"It was fine." Demeter sighed heavily, making the whole area around them smell like spearmint. "I plowed the fields today and ran over a kitten. Then I cried for a while, but then I was okay because I saw an even cuter kitten and named her Blossom."
"That's cool," said Triptolemus, clutching his cheek.
"All right," Demeter snapped. "That's it. We're going to the dentist tomorrow!"
The following morning, Demeter woke up to Trip snuggling up next to her.
"Trip," Demeter cooed.
"Barley," Trip said, reaching for Demeter's hair. "Barley is yummy. Yummy, yummy, yummy!" For some reason, Trip thought barley was delicious that morning, so he—in his sleep—began to chew on Demeter's hair.
"TRIPTOLEMUS!" screamed Demeter.
"Wh-what happened? Is it time to plant the pumpkin seeds again?"
"No! YOU WERE EATING MY HAIR! WHAT WERE YOU DREAMING ABOUT?!"
"I was dreaming about farming…like you dream about flowers and sunshine," Triptolemus sighed. "What time is my appointment?"
"Oh, I called last night, and Zeus said you could come in at eleven."
"Is he doing the procedure today?"
"No. I'm not sure who is, but I'm sure they'll be wonderful with you."
It was eleven and Demeter and Triptolemus were in the waiting room. Trip was fidgeting because he was nervous about his dentist; he wasn't worried at all about the procedure.
Persephone walked out of the exam room, so both gods knew who the dentist was probably going to be.
"Hi, Mommy," Persephone squealed. "Hi, Trippy! Are you ready for your appointment?"
"No," said Triptolemus.
"Ooh…too bad."
Persephone led the two gods back to the exam room. And guess who was waiting for them?
"Honey, our patient's here," Persephone said.
Persephone called everybody honey, so it could've been any of the dude gods doing the procedure today.
At the counter sat a man dressed in black, so Triptolemus knew this would be absolutely terrible.
Hades turned around and glared at Triptolemus, then at Demeter, then at Persephone. "I love how I'm the only god here who has no control over agriculture whatsoever."
"Well, who would want you planting their seeds?" snarled Demeter.
"Sit down, Triptolemus. And let's make this quick because Nico and I are having a boys' night out to get away from the Underworld."
"Where are you going?" asked Triptolemus, hoping to change the subject.
"We are going to this place called an arcade. We shall be playing a game called laser tag, then we shall go out for dinner, and then I shall return to my humble abode to torture the hell out of dead people," Hades replied. "So, why are you in here today?"
"Well, I was eating dinner last night and my teeth hurt whenever I ate something," Trip groaned.
"Well, let's take a look and see what's going on," said Hades, turning on the light.
Trip gripped Demeter's hand (because they were madly in love) while Hades looked him over.
Finally, Hades put the tools down and looked at Trip. "Triptolemus," he said seriously, "you have a very deep cavity that's too deep to be filled. Unfortunately, we'll have to do a root canal on you right away so it doesn't get worse."
Hades and Persephone gave Triptolemus the medicine and Trip was pretty high at this point.
"So," Hades said, "while we're waiting, you wanna hear the list of why I hate Demeter?"
Trip giggled. "Uh-huh," he replied.
"Okay." Hades took a deep breath. "All she eats every meal of the day is cereal, she smells like a freaking flower shop—and it makes me nauseous—she tortured me in the dental chair for not flossing—"
"Got that right," Demeter interrupted.
"AND," Hades said angrily, "I was constipated the other day and I asked her for some fiber thingies and she wouldn't give 'em to me…that heartless bitch."
"That was not impressive," Demeter nagged. "Trip's list was much longer."
"Because I hate him more. Okay, time to work. Open your mouth, Triptolemus!"
"Hey, guess what?" Trip giggled.
"What?" Hades said.
"I…love…you…" Trip said.
"Yeah, okay," said Hades anxiously. "Listen, Nico just came out of the closet yesterday, and I wasn't ready for that—he sorta caught me off guard—so just let it sink in."
Thirty minutes later, Hades was finished with the root canal and Triptolemus sat up. Triptolemus rinsed in the sink and hopped down off the chair.
"Hold on, Trip," said Persephone. "There we go." And she ripped the napkin off his shirt.
Trip and Demeter were about to leave when Trip—in his high state—remembered something very important. He rummaged through his pocket and looked at Demeter. "Okay, baby-girl," he managed, "you know how much I love you, right?"
"Yeah," Demeter said.
"Well, I was hoping, like, we could continue this relationship and…you know…get married and stuff."
If he weren't high, Triptolemus probably would've thought of a better way to propose to the grain goddess. He got down on one knee and opened the box. "Demeter, goddess of the harvest, will you marry me?"
"Yes, of course I will," said Demeter.
"Oh, yeah…" said Trip.
Meanwhile, Hades and Persephone stood there awkwardly.
"Well," said Persephone, "this isn't awkward at all."
"Yeah," said Hades. "This isn't awkward at all. Get out of here!"
As Trip and Demeter were heading back to Trip's house, Trip looked at her. "You know what would totally be awesome?"
"What?" Demeter snapped. She wasn't really happy about the proposal thing.
"If we went outside," Trip said, "and it was, like, really hot out…and all of the corn blew up and became POPCORN! I LOVE POPCORN!"
Demeter didn't respond. They were at Trip's house by now, so she threw him on the couch and slapped him.
Trip blanked. "What…what happened?"
"Oh, you don't remember? That was the ABSOLUTE WORST proposal I've ever heard of!"
"Dammit," Trip said sheepishly. "Well, I was going to do it last night, but my mouth hurt too much to talk. Let me try it again, okay?"
"Fine, Triptolemus, but this is the absolute last time I'll let you do it."
Trip cleared his throat and got on one knee. "Demeter, goddess of the harvest, I love you more than my immortality itself. I was hoping we could remain together forever. Demeter, will you marry me?"
"Yes!" Demeter cried.
"Excellent! C'mon! Let's go get Hera to help us plan our wedding!"
Okay, longest chapter I've ever written…EVER. SERIOUSLY, THAT WAS THE LONGEST CHAPTER EVER! Please keep reviewing! My brother helped me a little with the drunk Triptolemus parts! Thanks for reading! :)