Owlion12 once again, my demigod friends out there!

CHAPTER 41: SOAPY TOOTHPASTE

It was a pleasant day on the Argo II…until Coach Hedge screwed it up.

"CUPCAKES!" he screamed. "GET DOWN HERE AND EAT YOUR BREAKFAST! NOW!"

All the demigods headed down to the breakfast room and helped themselves to breakfast.

"So," said Leo, "everyone sleep okay?"

"Well," said Frank, "if you weren't setting off fireworks all the damn time and not screaming 'Holy Hephaestus!' half the night, I would've gotten a descent night's sleep. But no, you just had to yell that and blast off your fireworks." He glared at Leo. "You suck."

"Well, thank you for telling me something I already know, Professor Zhang," Leo snarled at Frank.

"Hey, Hot Pockets," snapped Hedge, "that's enough! There's something we need to talk about! It's about your dental health."

The demigods listened intently.

"So, I called all of you little sandwiches here because the gods are doing wisdom teeth extractions and stuff and you all need to see them eventually. Jackson and Hazel already went to see them, so that means the rest of you need to haul ass up there quite soon!"

"Uh…Coach," said Jason.

"What?!" Hedge barked.

"Could you, like, use your indoor voice, please?"

"Oh. Right. Yeah, sorry about that. Anyway, you'll all be seeing the gods soon, and Jason Grace, your appointment is coming up soon."

"I already had my teeth pulled," Jason said.

"Shut up," snapped Coach Hedge. "You're going for a cleaning, and your dentist is Juno, Roman goddess of marriage. She said she was cool with putting her hands in your face, so you'll be seeing her tomorrow morning at eight."

JUNO'S PALACE

It was eight in the morning when Jupiter headed downstairs. "Good morning, honey," he said as Juno was making pancakes.

"Good morning, my husband," Juno said.

"That was fun last night," said Jupiter, winking at her.

"What was fun last night?"

Juventas, Roman goddess of youth, came running down the stairs with her pink blanky. She dragged it over to Juno, who picked her up and held her.

"Mommy and Daddy made love, sweetheart," Jupiter replied.

"Was it fun?" Juventas asked.

Jupiter nodded, then ducked because Juno was about to whack him upside the head.

"What's on your agenda today?" Jupiter said, sipping his coffee.

"I get to clean Jason's teeth today," Juno replied. "You?"

"I get to rule the cosmos like the heartless king that I am," Jupiter laughed heartily. "Speaking of which, I'm off!"

He kissed Juno on the cheek and gave Juventas a big hug. "Be a good girl for Mommy today," he told Juventas.

"I'm Mommy's favorite," Juventas bragged.

Juno grabbed a medical history form from the printer and the two goddesses headed out of the palace and into the exam room to prepare for Jason's appointment.

"Mommy?"

"Yes, baby?"

"Can I go give this to Jason?"

"If he's out there, go right ahead."

Juventas giggled happily and ran outside. Sure enough, Jason was sitting on the bench. "Hi, Jason! I'm Nurse Juventas, and I'll be assisting Dr. Mommy today! She wants you to write stuff on this paper first, okay?"

"Okay, Juventas," Jason said, taking the clipboard and the pen.

"When you're done, you can come back and we'll do stuff to you."

Jason tried not to laugh because that sounded really freaking dirty.

Jason glanced at the paper, which was the medical history form.

MEDICAL HISTORY FORM

Name: JASON JUPITER GRACE

Godly parent: JUPITER

Mortal parent: SHE'S DEAD

Please fill out the following questionnaire before you are seen by your doctor.

1. When you see blood, do you tend to:

A. Puke

B. Have diarrhea

C. Puke and have diarrhea at the same time (that's talent if you can do that)

D. I think blood is totally awesome, so that's cool if I see it because I will not throw up or crap myself because I'm also a demigod and I'm not supposed to be a-scared of anything.

ANSWER: D

2. Due to x-rays, is there a possibility you might be pregnant?

A. Yes

B. No

C. Maybe

ANSWER: C

3. Have you gotten romantic in the past 24 hours?

A. Not your business

B. Yes

C. No

ANSWER: C

4. Have you ever had your tendons ripped out and then put back in?

A. No, but I've seen someone get their tendons ripped out and put back in and it ain't pretty!

B. Yes, and it hurt like a bitch.

C. No, stop asking!

ANSWER: C

5. Why is the sky blue?

A. Because Zeus farted one day and it was blue.

B. Because it just is…duh.

C. Who cares? FREAKIN' DEAL WITH IT!

ANSWER: B

"That was a weird-as-Pluto med form," said Jason. He signed his signature at the bottom and headed into the exam room.

Juno and Juventas were both sitting in their positions, Juno giving her "favorite" daughter some "rules" about teeth cleaning.

"So, sweetie," Juno said, "when Mommy says hand her some tools, you need to give them to me and not play with them first."

"Okay, Mommy," said Juventas.

"And if you're a good girl, Mommy will give you a Popsicle when we get home," Juno smiled.

"Yay! I gets a Possicle!" Juventas squeaked.

"Popsicle, honey," Juno corrected sweetly. "Hello, Jason. Are you ready for your cleaning?"

"Yes, Lady Juno," Jason said.

"I gets to help!" Juventas giggled excitedly.

"First we'll be taking some x-rays," said Juno, putting a giant blanket on Jason's shirt. "Okay, Jason. Bite down on this for me."

"Mommy?" Juventas said as Juno was taking the x-rays.

"Yes, dear?"

"I gotta go pee!"

"Honey, just go. No need to announce it," Juno replied.

Juventas went to the bathroom and came back a couple minutes later. "Did Jason have a cavity?"

"Nope," Juno replied. "Now comes the best part, right, Juventas?"

"Yep. Time to brush!"

Juno told Jason the flavors of toothpaste that day: mint, mint-chocolate, wheat, barley, chocolate, and vanilla.

"Why do you guys have wheat and barley flavors?" Jason asked.

"Because Ceres and Triptolemus do stuff here, too," said Juno.

"I'll take chocolate," said Jason. "And how come Triptolemus doesn't have a Roman name?"

"Because he just doesn't," Juno replied.

While Juno was polishing Jason's teeth, Jason kept giggling because it tickled a lot. To make a very long story short, Jason wiggled around so much that he summoned some random air currents, knocking Juno off her feet and throwing her into the wall. Juno fell to the floor, unconscious.

"Ooh…Mommy's going to put you in the timeout corner, Jason," said Juventas. "You are sooooo dead!"

"Shut up," Jason mumbled.

"Don't worry, though," Juventas said, getting in Juno's spot. "I'll finish up brushing your teeth for you!"

Juventas had a completely different idea than Juno. While Juno used the gritty toothpaste dentists everywhere used on their patients, Juventas had a different idea: to clean Jason's teeth with a toothbrush and some soap.

As soon as Juventas squirted some soap on a blue toothbrush, she turned to Jason. "This is supposed to taste like strawberries, Jason."

So, of course, as soon as Jason tasted the soap, he gagged and spat the soap out…but he also swallowed some of it. Juventas finished up with the cleaning and sent Jason back to the Argo II.

"Grace," Coach Hedge said, "how was your cleaning?"

"Horrible," Jason said. "Juno—I mean, Hera—cleaned them for a bit. But it tickled so much that I accidentally knocked her unconscious and her kid Juventas—uh, Hebe—had to finish brushing with soap and a regular, old toothbrush."

"That sucks," Coach Hedge replied. "Well, when you see Piper, tell her that I heard her mother was next up in the chair."

Yep, Aphrodite will be next in this FanFic, so I have some stuff in store for her. Sorry for taking so long, guys! Please keep reviewing!