Sorry for the long wait everyone! Summer's coming to an end and I'm sad because that means school starts up again really soon. But on top of all the terrible homework I'll probably have, I will still write these funny chapters! I started writing another one for Aphrodite, but decided it was taking too long. Long story short, she'll be back in Chapter 43. As of now…Thanks Owlion12 for the suggestions as always.

CHAPTER 42: HAVE YOU BEEN DRINKING?

Dionysus was sitting on his fat butt in the Big House playing Pac-Man. Gods, he was good at that game…until his phone went off and he lost the level he was on.

"WHAT?!" he barked. "I'M PLAYING A VIDEO GAME!"

"DON'T YOU SNAP AT ME, BOY!" came Zeus' voice. "I am here to tell you that your cleaning is in five minutes. Why aren't you up here?"

Dionysus looked at his calendar. On it said: CLEANING…DON'T FORGET OR ZEUS WILL BE PISSED!

Dionysus thought up a good story for Zeus. "Father, dear, I have not forgotten. I had to poop."

"You just told me you were playing a video game!" Zeus yelled.

"Yes, Father, but I had to poop before that."

"Good for you, son," said Zeus bitterly. "Get up here before I pull all your teeth out!"

"Fine."

Dionysus hung up and turned to Chiron. "Chairface," he said in a panicked way, "I have a dentist appointment. Watch the little brats."

"That is what I always do, Lord Dionysus," Chiron replied.

"Whatever. When I return, I am going to order Pizza Hut." Dionysus slipped into his chariot and drove off to Olympus, where Hera was, tapping her foot in impatience.

"Good afternoon," she said. "I see you're here for a cleaning."

"Yeah," said Dionysus.

"Excellent. Follow me! Dr. Zeus is waiting."

Hera led Dionysus into the treatment room and he sat in the red chair. Zeus wheeled his chair over and looked at Dionysus. "Hello, son," said Zeus.

"Hello, Father," said Dionysus. "What a wonderful day this—"

"Shut up," snapped Zeus.

"Okay."

Zeus looked at Dionysus' chart that Hera had handed him. "So," he said in his kingly voice, "I see you're here for your cleaning. Great. Well, first we'll need to take some x-rays. Then we'll clean your teeth and that's it." He put a heavy bib on Dionysus so he wouldn't be affected by the radiation of the x-rays (though Zeus probably didn't give two craps because Dionysus was a terrible god).

The x-rays were taken and now we come to the part where Zeus and Hera were looking at Dionysus' teeth. So as they were cleaning his teeth, Zeus and Hera noticed a slight problem. Dionysus' teeth were perfectly fine…all except one little thing.

"Son," Zeus said, taking the tools out, "what's this red stuff on your teeth?"

"Uh…" Dionysus tried to think of something other than wine. "Uh…Kool-Aid."

"Hera," said Zeus, "you see this stuff right here?"

"Yes, Zeus. Dionysus, do you have something to tell us?" Hera asked in a dangerously-calm voice.

"No," Dionysus said casually.

"All right." Zeus brought out the polisher with some cherry toothpaste. "After this cleaning, I've got a little surprise waiting."

"What is it?" Dionysus asked. Now he was getting excited.

"If I told you, it wouldn't be a surprise, would it?" Zeus smirked. "Now open you mouth so I can polish your teeth!"

As Zeus was polishing Dionysus' teeth, Dionysus kept thinking of the surprise. What could it be? Maybe it was a magical unicorn that could fly him away to a distant land so he didn't have to deal with the stupid campers! Or maybe…maybe it was an unlimited supply of wine. He had been working hard lately, playing all those video games and having Chiron do his dirty work for him, so surely Zeus must've noticed.

Zeus finished polishing Dionysus' teeth and sat the chair up. Then he promptly put it back down again because he was going to do the "surprise".

"Zeus," said Hera, "the last time you said surprise to me, I found out you had sex with Ms. Grace!"

"Hera, what are you talking about?" Zeus barked, getting the drill from the tool tray.

"Well, I came home from the park with Hebe and you were sitting on the couch all happy and stuff. Then I asked, 'What's up, Zeusy?' And you said, 'Hera, I've got a surprise for you.' I said, 'What is it, dear?' And you said, 'I cheated on you again!'"

"Oh…that…well, this'll be better!" Zeus held up the drill and placed it in Dionysus' mouth. "Now, you don't have any cavities, but that's not why I'm drilling. See this right here?" Zeus held up a device that was clipped to Dionysus' shirt.

What Zeus was holding was the gods' version of a lie detector test. Zeus had one end of a rope clipped onto his scrubs; Dionysus had the other end of the rope on his shirt. The ropes joined in the middle in a V shape to a small box.

"This box can read your emotions, thanks to Hephaestus," said Zeus. "So when you lie about something, and since the drill is also connected to the box, you will be in a world of hurt every time you lie. My advice: don't lie."

"Dionysus, he's done this test to me, too," said Hera, "but he tied me down to our bed and every time I lied he shocked me."

"Father," said Dionysus, "that's called domestic abuse and is very frowned upon in society nowadays."

"But guess what? I'm the king!"

"We KNOW you're the king!" Hera screamed at her husband. "You tell everybody that a zillion times a day!"

"SHUT UP!" Zeus yelled. He sat in the chair on Dionysus' right. "So, Dionysus, first question: How many video games do you play a day?"

"About five," said Dionysus.

"Okay. Next question: Do you have a soul?"

"Yeah…?" Dionysus said.

"Good. I have one, but mine is cold-blooded and heartless. Final question: Have you had any booze in the past twenty-four hours?"

"No," Dionysus said.

The drill went off Dionysus got a face full of absolute pain. "YES! YES I HAVE!" he screamed and the drill stopped.

"I thought so," said Zeus. "You have about forty-seven years left, stupid!"

"But I wanted some booze!" Dionysus cried miserably.

"Silence, you fool!" yelled Zeus. "I am the king and what I say goes! Your punishment is now at a hundred years! You are dismissed!"

Poor Dionysus! Anyway, five days till Greek Heroes and I'm psyched!