Let's try something new…here's a chapter about Tantalus…you know, our favorite murderer in Greek mythology who chopped up his kids and fed them to the gods and stuff? Yeah. This is the same guy. But he's dead. So there! And thanks to wizard-of-stories for the Tantalus idea! I also don't own that "Food Glorious Food" song or Ice Age...and I also got this idea from someone who I have forgotten the name of! Thank you to whomever gave me that idea!

PLEASE READ THE IMPORTANT NOTE AT THE BOTTOM, TOO!

CHAPTER 45: FOOD!

Deep in the Fields of Punishment was a small river with a dude standing in it. The dude's name was Tantalus, and he was the dude who cooked his kids up for dinner and gave it to the gods. Yummy! As his punishment, he couldn't have any food or drink for the rest of time…even while he was dead.

Tantalus was thinking this was even more boring than his life as a king, when Thanatos walked over to him and glared at him. "Tantalus," said Thanatos, "Lord Hades wishes to speak with you."

"Why?" Tantalus groaned. "I feel really bad about what I did, like, four thousand years ago."

"I don't believe that for a second," said Thanatos, "but come with me anyway. Lord Hades is waiting with Queen Persephone."

Sure enough, Thanatos dragged Tantalus into the Throne Room of the Palace of Hades. Hades and Persephone were talking on their thrones about flowers and sunshine…literally!

"Well, if it isn't Tantalus!" Hades said. "Our favorite jackass!"

Tantalus bowed.

Thanatos pulled out a clipboard and a piece of paper. "Hades, can I go kill this guy?"

Hades looked at the clipboard. "Yes."

"Sweet!" Thanatos flew out of the palace.

"So…" said Hades, "you think you've suffered enough?"

"Yes, Lord Hades," Tantalus said. He was still bowing. "I think I have served my time well. May I please go to Elysium?"

"No," Hades laughed. "No. No, Tantalus, I've got an even better punishment for you."

"Does it involve food?"

"Sorta. It involves this thing called medicine."

Tantalus shrugged. He'd heard of medicine before, though he'd never taken it.

"So, what's my other punishment?" asked Tantalus.

"To give you a break," said Hades, "I've made an appointment for you in about ten minutes to get your wisdom teeth pulled. That way you won't have to worry about taking in any food."

"What happens during this extraction?" asked Tantalus. Back in his day, wisdom teeth hadn't been discovered…and bad teeth were just left in your mouth, unless they fell out, which was also common, too.

"An hour," said Persephone. She snapped her fingers and her phone appeared. She dialed a number. "Hey, it's Sephie. You can come get him now." She hung up the phone. "The assistant's picking you up from the palace and she'll drop you back off after the appointment. We don't exactly trust you with all the food mortals have to offer in the world of the living."

Tantalus turned around as the palace door opened. Demeter walked in, carrying a clipboard. "Hello, Tantalus," she said. "We'll head to Olympus now."

Tantalus was excited! He'd been to Olympus a few times before, but now it was totally different. Instead of leading him in the direction of the palaces, though, Demeter led him into the Throne Room and told him to sit on a bench while she called the dentist and got the room ready.

Tantalus was bored out of his mind. He looked up at the TV screen, which was playing a commercial about food and Tantalus' mouth began to water with hunger.

"And," said the announcer, "the beautiful, cheesy sauce that flows over the lovely pasta will make you never want to eat another thing again."

"Oh gods…" Tantalus freaked out. "I LOVE FOOD! I WANT IT SOOOO BAD!"

And the commercial ended with the song "Food, Glorious Food" and that's what got Tantalus drooling.

"CANNIBAL!" called a manly voice. "GET YOUR BUTT IN HERE RIGHT NOW!"

Tantalus was actually thrilled to sit in the chair, though he didn't know what was to come. Zeus was sitting in the spot to his right, his scrubs, mask, and gloves already on. On Tantalus' left sat Poseidon, clad in green scrubs with tridents all over them.

"Hey, guys…" Tantalus said awkwardly. "How's it goin'?"

"Fine," said Zeus. "You?"

"Oh, ya know…" Tantalus said, "just starving my ass off in the Underworld. I'm bored, no one talks to me, I'm lonely…"

"Wow, you could've been Hades' best friend," said Poseidon.

Tantalus laughed bitterly. "Yeah, so what do I do?"

Zeus checked Tantalus over and looked at him. "You'll be getting your wisdom teeth out today…you jerk cannibal man-eater."

"Hades said I would get food if I did this surgery thingy," Tantalus replied.

"No he didn't," said Zeus. "He said you'd get medicine, which is completely different. You can't chug it down like egg nog on Christmas. You have to take it in the proper dosage."

Of course, Tantalus had a grudge against Zeus, so anything he said basically went in one ear and out the ear.

"Tantalus?"

"Hmm?"

"Are you paying attention?"

"Yeah."

"What was the last letter of the last word I just said?" Zeus questioned.

"Q!"

"Close enough. Okay, here's how this works. We're going to put some gel on your gums so when I give you the shots you'll feel little discomfort. Then we'll give you some air and it'll make you high. THEN we shall rip your teeth out and you'll bleed all over the chair and it'll look like we just ran through a Halloween party or something."

Tantalus held up his hand to stop him. "Lord Zeus, I'm dead."

"So?"

"How am I supposed to bleed?"

"Listen, I'm the king…"

"Oh, hell," Poseidon sighed dramatically.

"…and what I say goes. When you get reincarnated into a better king and become rich and famous, you can make up all the crappy rules you want."

Zeus gave Tantalus some peach-flavored topical, the Novocain, and the laughing gas. Then Tantalus got all high, blah, blah, blah. You know how the surgery went, right?

Tantalus slid out of the chair once he'd rinsed (he did end up bleeding, but it was all smoke, 'cause he was dead and all). Without saying a word to either of the gods, he waltzed out of the room and headed back down to the Underworld. He hadn't been given too much laughing gas, for he was acting less high after he came out of the office.

Tantalus ran over to his river that had somehow turned into his home and started singing loudly. "Hey, Sisyphus! Wanna play Marco Polo?"

"Can't!" yelled Sisyphus. "I have to roll this rock up this hill for the rest of my dead life!"

Tantalus giggled. "That's…that's great, dude. I'll go and get—"

"Your medicine," said a voice in his ear. Hades, god of perverts, was holding a bottle of pills and a glass of water. "Take your medicine, Tantalus. This is the only time I will allow this punishment to fly out of the Underworld. After that, you'll go back to your pathetic, lonely self."

"Like you?" Tantalus asked, reaching for the pill and water.

"Yeah. Yeah, I guess so," said Hades sadly.

Tantalus downed the pill with the glass of water. He licked his lips and sighed. Ah…the feeling of being able to drink again was wonderful! Too bad it couldn't last the whole day!

1. I know the chapter sucks. I started school, so I've been having severe writer's block (actual excuse).

2. I'm doing repeats, so I think I'll put Hebe next, getting braces or something…I dunno.

3. PM ME WITH IDEAS FOR DEMIGODS! IF I KEEP DOING WISDOM TEETH STUFF, YOU'LL ALL GET BORED AND STUFF AND THAT WOULD BLOW! PPPPLLLLLLLEEEEEEEAAAAASSSSSSEEEEEEEEEE PM MEEEEE! I NEED IDEAS FOR PIPER, LEO, FRANK, ANNABETH, GROVER (YES, SATYRS ARE IN HERE, TOO), AND ANY OTHER GODS/GODDESSES/DEAD GUYS/HEROES/MONSTERS ANYTHING YOU GUYS WANT ME TO DO. When you PM me, make sure you include a setting where you want the chapter to start, what kind of procedure you want the character to have, and what should happen afterwards. I will always give you credit!

4. PLEASE REVIEW!