HELLO, FANFICTION! ICY HAS RETURNED AFTER DOING PAPERS AND STUFF FOR SCHOOL…blah, blah, blah…

Here's Psyche's chapter…my original idea! Of course, no preschool would have this going on, but this is mythology, so ANYTHING is possible!

CHAPTER 53: WHEN I WAS A SINGLE PERVERT

"Good morning, everyone!" Ms. Psyche said as her class and Ms. Danae headed to the carpet for circle time. "Did everyone have a nice weekend?"

"Yes!" everyone yelled.

"What did some of you do?" Ms. Psyche asked as she took attendance. "Yes, Fructus?"

"Well, we went to a farm and I got to pick out pumpkins with Mommy and Daddy! Daddy's was really fat, too," Fructus said cheerfully.

"What about you, Macaria?"

"Mommy and I grew flowers together in the Underworld…then Daddy stepped on them," Macaria said sadly.

"Hebe? What did you do last weekend?" Ms. Psyche asked.

"Well, Mommy and I had a Mommy-Daughter Day on Saturday," Hebe giggled. "We watcheded movies all day long and then we maded cookies…then my daddy ate them."

"Well, I hope the rest of you had great weekends," said Ms. Psyche. "Class, I have a special announcement, so let's put on our listening ears and let me see your eyes on me!"

Everyone put on their "listening ears" and looked up at Ms. Psyche.

"So," said Ms. Psyche, "how many of you have been to the dentist before?"

Half the class raised their hands.

"Well, tomorrow, I won't be in school because I have to get my teeth cleaned," said Ms. Psyche. "So you will be having a substitute teacher. Ms. Danae will be here, too. Yes, Macaria?"

"Will you be back after that?"

"Yes, Macaria. I'll come back on Wednesday," said Ms. Psyche. "Can you come up here and show me where Wednesday is on the calendar?"

Macaria walked up and pointed to the calendar.

"Very good, Macaria," said Ms. Psyche. "Anyway, please tell your mommies and daddies that I'll be gone tomorrow, but you should still come into school. I think you'll like your substitute teacher."

"Can't you tell us who it is?" asked Phobos.

"If I told you, I'd ruin the surprise, Phobos," said Ms. Psyche. "Now, let's do some crafts, shall we? Ms. Danae, will you please get out the crayons and colored pencils for me?"

"Sure thing, Ms. Psyche!" Ms. Danae said.

"And what's the rule about crafts, boys and girls?" Ms. Psyche questioned.

The class was quiet.

"Do we hit with the colored pencils?" asked Ms. Danae.

"No!"

"Do we eat the crayons?" asked Ms. Danae.

"No!"

"Excellent, boys and girls!" said Ms. Psyche. "Now, let's see whose turn it is to pick the song." She pulled out a name from the jar of Popsicle sticks on her right. "Deimos, you get to pick the song today, dear!"

LATER THAT NIGHT…

Psyche climbed into bed with Eros, the god of romantic love and stuff.

"How was your day, honey?" Eros asked as he and Psyche cuddled.

"It was fun. All the kids made me get-well cards."

"They know you're not sick, right?"

"Yeah, but they're little gods, so it's cute."

"Who's the sub tomorrow, then?"

"I can't tell you either," Psyche replied. "All I'm going to tell you is that he's got some good stories for the kids…at least, that's what he told me." Psyche turned off the light and cuddled against Eros again. "How was your day, honey?"

"It was great. It's fun going around and shooting people."

"What?"

"I meant shooting as in making people fall in love with each other. Ares actually shoots people. And when's your appointment tomorrow?"

"Ten-thirty," Psyche said. "You should make an appointment, too."

"But I'm the love god. I'm devilishly handsome."

"Eros…" Psyche warned.

"Yeah, yeah, I know, hon. I'll make an appointment after yours."

THE FOLLOWING MORNING…

WITH HEBE AND HERA

"Mommy? Can't I stay home from school today? Ms. Psyche's not coming today because she's going to get a checkup," Hebe said as Hera placed her in her car seat.

"Not today, honey," Hera replied. "Ms. Danae said she'll be there, though. And remember Ms. Psyche's surprise sub today?"

Hebe loved surprises. "Yes!" she squealed.

"Then let's go," Hera said.

WITH FRUCTUS AND TRIPTOLEMUS

"Daddy, I suddenly came down with diarrhea," said Fructus. "Can I stay home today?"

"No," Triptolemus replied. "It's either you stay home and work in the fields with me or you go to school and get a good education in numbers and shapes. Which will it be?"

"I like the 'Happy Shapies Song,'" Fructus admitted.

"Good boy," said Triptolemus.

WITH PHOBOS, DEIMOS, AND ARES

"GET THE HELL IN THE CAR, DAMMIT!" Ares yelled at his sons.

Phobos and Deimos hauled their warlike butts into the car and Ares began to drive.

"What do you punks wanna listen to today?" Ares barked from the front seat.

"Dad, can we listen to 'Kick Ur Ass?'" asked Phobos.

"No, Dad. Can we listen to 'Witches R Bitches?'" asked Deimos.

"No! Shut up!" Ares screamed. "We are going to listen to my favorite song, 'Pretty Red Flowers.'"

"Aw!" the gods yelled.

"Kidding," Ares said. "We'll be listening to 'Da-Boom!'"

AT MS. HECATE'S ACADEMY…

"Good morning, everybody!" Ms. Danae said as she took attendance. "We have our substitute teacher with us today. This is Mr. Hades and he said he'll be telling everyone an inspiring story today. Who can tell me what inspiring means? Yes, Fructus?"

"Where's Ms. Psyche?"

"She's at her checkup, sweetheart," said Ms. Danae. "Inspiring means it makes you feel so good that you want to do something about it." She couldn't think of a better way to describe it to preschool-aged gods.

"Ms. Danae?" Hebe asked. "Last night, Daddy told me that I have to drink booze when I'm a big girl."

"Well, don't do that," said Ms. Danae. "Anyway, boys and girls, let's put on our listening ears and listen to Mr. Hades."

OLYMPUS MEDICAL CENTER

Meanwhile, Psyche was sitting next to Eros in the waiting room. Both of them were looking over a magazine called Livin' with Aphrodite and Why No One Enjoys Her Perfume 'Cause It's Nasty and It Sucks!

"Are you nervous?" asked Eros.

"Not really," said Psyche. "I heard dentistry nowadays isn't what it used to be."

"NEXT!" barked a godly voice.

Psyche cringed as Ares walked out in a biker's jacket and a pair of black sneakers. He had a mask over his mouth and nose already. It looked like there were spit flecks on it because he screamed and yelled (and cried) so much.

"Psyche," said Eros. "I'll be right here, babe."

"Okay, hon."

Psyche kissed the handsome god of love and followed Ares inside.

All Psyche saw before Ares shoved her into the chair was the dentist had blonde hair and was incredibly thin.

"So," said Ares, sitting in the assistant's chair, "you've never had a cleaning before?"

"Of course I have," Psyche replied. "Six months ago."

"Dammit," Ares muttered, "I was hoping I could yell at you. Well, okay, Psyche. Dr. Sexypants will now examine you."

"Hi, Psyche," said Aphrodite, spinning around in her chair and wheeling it over to the dentist chair. "Are you ready for your cleaning?"

"Uh…" Psyche looked at Ares. "Just wondering: Who assigned her the job?"

"I did because I thought she'd behave," said Ares. "But we'll see how it goes 'cause I'm pretty sure she ain't a-gonna do that."

Aphrodite made the chair go backwards and began to look at Psyche's teeth. The goddess of love shook her head. Psyche didn't have anything wrong with her teeth, but Aphrodite was still a bit wary of her because she "stole my baby Eros from me" thingy.

Aphrodite got out the polisher and glanced at Psyche. "Do you wanna do this or should I do it?"

"Uh…Aphro," said Ares, "you have to do it because you're the dentist."

"I'm sorry!" Aphrodite put the polisher down and started crying.

Awkward, thought Psyche.

"I haven't had sex in ten minutes!" Aphrodite leaned over and began sobbing on Psyche.

Psyche, being a nice goddess, looked at Ares awkwardly. "Is this normal?"

"Yeah. I like to call sex her drug, so if she doesn't get it, she gets angry and starts crying. Like one time, she didn't have sex for five minutes and she broke a flowerpot over Demeter's head. Then we had to go to a beauty salon, where the lovely vapors calmed her down long enough to make her fall asleep. Then I realized we were in a spa that sprayed laughing gas everywhere and—"

"Got it," Psyche interrupted. "Can you finish this? Eros and I have a lunch date."

"Where are you going?" Aphrodite asked, lifting up her head. There was snot dripping onto Psyche's nice shirt (Aphrodite forgot to put the napkin on her).

"The Platinum Palace," Psyche replied.

"Oh, how wonderful," Aphrodite said, picking up the polisher again. "Can I use bubblegum 'cause it's my favorite flavor of toothpaste?"

"I'd prefer plain mint," Psyche replied.

"Since you have no say in this, I will choose," Aphrodite snapped. "Ares lets me make decisions now."

The appointment went fine from there. Psyche got fluoride, Eros came into the room to scold his mother for being a bitch to his wife, and they all went out to lunch together. Happy ending? No, mortals! IT WAS NOT A HAPPY ENDING!

MS. HECATE'S ACADEMY

"Good morning, children," Mr. Hades said.

"My mommy wanted me to tell you, if I ever saw you again, that she and Daddy hate you," Fructus said, raising his hand.

"Shut up, Fruitface!" Mr. Hades barked. "Your mommy's a bitch and she knows it, too. Which brings me to my story today." He glanced at the children. "Now, you will all listen to this story because it has sex in it…which you all should know about."

Ms. Danae (who was sitting in the corner of the room because Mr. Hades tied her up), shook her head. "Mr. Hades, these are preschoolers."

"So? They'll have to learn eventually." Mr. Hades turned back to the class. "Now I could tell you with just me up here, but I think it'd be more fun if we acted it out and I'm the narrator. Sound like a plan?"

"Hebe," said Fructus, "I think he wants us to put on a play for the class."

"Yeah," said Hebe. "I think so, too. I wanna be the queen because Mommy says when I'm a big girl I gets to be the queen."

"SILENCE!" Mr. Hades yelled. "Okay, I need Macaria, Phobos, Fruitface, and Hebe."

The kids got up.

"Once upon a time," said Mr. Hades, "there was a dashing young god called Hades, who was madly in love with Macaria—uh, I mean—a goddess called Persephone. The problem was that Persephone's mother, Demeter, wouldn't allow Persephone to marry Hades."

Phobos stood in front of Macaria, who looked at him. He was kinda handsome.

"Hebe—I mean—Demeter left Persephone to play in the damn fields one day and then Hades grabbed her."

"Did they do it?" asked Deimos.

"Wha—yes, of course they did. Most myths have sex in them, child," said Mr. Hades irritably. "Now, I shall continue."

Phobos grabbed Macaria and dragged her down to the floor. Then he took off his shirt.

"Too much, Phobos," said Mr. Hades. "I don't want to get that gross."

"Mr. Hades?" asked Fructus. "What was your life like before you did it with my sister?"

"Well, Fruitface, when I was a single pervert, I would stalk her night and day. I'd watch her eat dinner with your annoying-as-hell mother, I would watch her get her jammies on, AND I would watch her sleep. That was fun! At any rate, then Demeter found out Persephone had been kidnapped or whatnot, so she went to see Hecate, who helped her search for nine days and nights. Now Demeter was—and still is—a nasty woman now because she was tired and hungry and smelly. She ended up in a town called Eleusis—"

"That's where my daddy's from," Fructus giggled.

"Fruitface, you say another word and I'll cut your right butt cheek off. Can you imagine life with only one butt cheek?" Mr. Hades demanded.

"Daddy will make me all better," Fructus declared. "Right, Ms. Danae?"

"Of course he will," Ms. Danae replied.

"Yes, yes, of course he will," said Mr. Hades. "So Demeter met the local prince, whose name was Triptolemus—what, Hebe?!"

"I call him Uncle Trip," Hebe replied.

"SHUT…UP!" yelled Mr. Hades. "Triptolemus told Demeter to go to Helios and she did. Then she went to Zeus. And then Demeter unleashed a famine on the world."

Hebe walked around, waving her hands. She accidentally slapped Mr. Hades. "Oh, sorry, Mr. Hades."

"It's all right, dear," said Mr. Hades sadly. "Persephone hits me at home all the time. Right, Macaria?"

"Yeah, Daddy. But I think it's funny so that's why I tell her you didn't do the dishes like she told you to!"

"Then Hades was forced to give up Persephone for nine months out of the year, which pissed him off," Mr. Hades concluded. "Are there any questions before we go play outside? Yes, Fruitface?"

"Did you guys get married?" asked Fructus.

"Yes. We did. And we lived happily ever after blah, blah, blah," said Mr. Hades. "Now get your butts outside before I tell you a better story than that!"

WHEN EVERYONE GOT HOME…

HERA'S PALACE

"So, Hebe, tell Mommy what you learned at school today," Hera said.

"Well, we had Mr. Hades for a teacher and he told us the story about Persephone. And I played Demeter and Fructus was Trip and we got married!"

"Oh, that's nice," Hera said as she placed a bowl of pasta in front of her daughter.

"What else did you do, Hebe?" asked Zeus.

"Mr. Hades chased me and Fructus all around the playground and Fructus fell down and scratched his face. Then Mr. Hades laughed at him and said he hated Aunt Demeter and Uncle Trippy. I don't know why, though."

"Well, honey, you know how you don't get along with some people?" Hera said.

Hebe nodded.

"Well, Demeter, Trip, and Hades don't really get along either."

Hebe shrugged.

DEMETER'S PALACE

Fructus was helping Demeter make Halloween cookies.

"Mommy, we had Mr. Hades as a teacher today."

Demeter dropped a lump of dough on the floor. She picked it up and threw it away. "And how was that, honey?"

"He laughed at me because I fell down," Fructus said. "And he called me Fruitface all day long, and he tied up Ms. Danae and threated to eat her soul. Then he made us act out the Persephone story and Hebe and I got married."

Demeter looked at Triptolemus. "Trippy, honey, can you get me some bandages? Fructus, why didn't you go to the nurse?"

"We don't have one, Mommy."

"Well, why didn't you go see Ms. Hecate?"

"Because Mr. Hades told me to suck it up like a man."

"Well, honey, how about this weekend we go shopping for a Halloween costume? Do you wanna be a farmer this year and dress up like Daddy?" Demeter suggested as she put some bandages on Fructus' scraped arms.

"Yes, Mommy."

"Okay, now go upstairs and take your bath now."

I have written the longest chapter of this story ever! YAY! AND IT ONLY TOOK ME THREE DAYS TO DO IT!

NEWSFLASH: Still looking for ideas! I've got a running "outline" of everything you've given me, guys, so if you want me to do minor heroes (Achilles, Odysseus, those guys), let me know. Minor characters…ANYONE IS GOOD FOR THIS STORY! Let's see if I can make it longer than my fairy tale FanFic, because that'll be awesome.

I'm on the road to finishing up "Demigod College", too, so I should have a chapter up within the next week.

Please review and leave ideas in either a review or a PM! You shall get credit and I'll try my best to go with your ideas the best I can!