Hey, everyone! My computer crashed so that's why I wasn't able to update for like a long time. So that being said, I lost my previous outline, but I have recreated some of the stuff from that outline by looking at all the lovely reviews/ideas you've given me. I'm still adding to it, so I will keep asking for more ideas…and if you give 'em to me, credit shall come your way!
I OWN NOTHING AND CREDIT GOES TO DaughterofNarnia.
Also, do you guys want me to do more preschool stuff? I've got Danae in my outline now because I just watched "Clash of the Titans" and it gave me some inspiration…
And now…LET US BEGIN!
CHAPTER 59: LITTLE MISS HERCULES
So for some reason, Hercules was visiting his mother Alcmene in the Underworld for a mother-son day or whatever. Hercules and Alcmene had a great time visiting, until it was time for dinner.
"So," said Hercules, flipping through the channels on his mother's hundred-inch flat screen, "what's for dinner, Mom?"
"Steak, dear," said Alcmene, pulling out some delicious-looking steaks. "C'mere and help Mommy eat these before they get cold!"
As Hercules was eating his steak, Alcmene was talking to him as she ate her own.
"So, how are you doing up there on Olympus?"
"Fine," Hercules replied, swallowing some steak. "Gods, my teeth hurt."
"How was your Halloween? Remember you said you were going to come down here and visit with your poor mother?"
"Mom, I had to hand out candy to a bunch of little children…whom I hate very much—GODS, MY FREAKIN' FACE HURTS, DAMMIT!" Hercules began massaging his face.
Alcmene ignored him. "So, tell Mommy how Zeus is doing."
"Good. You do realize I'm basically in pain right now, right?"
"Of course, but I know you're just kidding with me because you're that kind of guy."
"Mom!" yelled Hercules.
"Yes, honey?"
"My teeth are killing me! MAKE…THEM…BETTER!"
"I can't, honey. The best I can do now is give you some medicine." Alcmene got this look on her face like she'd just gotten an idea. "OR I could call Olympus."
"I guess that would be okay," Hercules replied, sipping his water in an effort to stop the pain. (It only made it worse.)
Alcmene walked over to the phone and dialed Olympus Medical Center. She got an answering machine right away.
"Hello and thank you for calling the Olympus Medical Center. We are sorry we missed you. Please leave a message after the beep. Oh, and you might wanna put your name and number at the end. Yeah, that would be a good idea."
Alcmene was about to leave a message when Zeus came onto the phone. So they talked about sex for a while until Zeus finally asked why she was calling.
"Hercules is having these toothaches and I don't know why," Alcmene replied.
"I see," said Zeus. "Well, we can get him in tomorrow at eight in the morning."
"That sounds fine," said Alcmene. "I'll tell him."
"Heard you," Hercules groaned from the table.
"Never mind. He already heard me." Alcmene said a quick goodbye to Zeus and hung up. "You'd better get back to your palace and rest, honey. You've got a big day tomorrow."
Hercules walked into his palace and slumped down on his couch. He crashed five minutes later, still rubbing his face.
He woke up the next morning at seven fifty-four. "BALLS!" he screamed. "I'M GONNA BE FREAKIN' LATE!"
Hercules quickly got ready and rushed out the door.
When he arrived at the Throne Room, he sat on the bench and glanced at Hestia, who was sitting near the hearth roasting a marshmallow.
"Hey," Hercules said.
"Hey," Hestia replied quietly.
"I'm here for my appointment. Do I check in with you?"
"No. They know you're here. They're trying to decide who's doing the procedure."
"Oh…" Now Hercules was getting a little frightened. He hoped he didn't get that bitch Queen Hera. As far as he could tell, Hera was still mad about him being born and all. But whatever; she'd have to deal with him, whether she liked it or not.
"Hercules!"
Standing near the exam room entrance was a tall dude in blue scrubs with cloud patterns on them. Hercules smiled as Zeus pulled him into a manly hug.
"Daddy!" Hercules squealed.
"What the hell is wrong with you, son?" Zeus snapped. "How dare you call me Daddy? I am Lord of the Skies, dammit, and I shall be treated as such! Come along, now. It's time for your appointment."
Zeus led Hercules into the exam room. Zeus forced Hercules to sit in the red dental chair, and he put a pink napkin on his son's shirt. "If you're going to act like a girl, then I'll treat you like a girl, Little Miss Hercules."
Hercules looked up at his father. "Daddy, I'm only doing this because I'm scared."
"Here's the thing. I've heard Ares call me Daddy, too. So guess what I did? I gave him a pink dress to wear around Olympus for a month, and he called me Fat Bastard for the rest of the year. After I threw him into the Godly Prison, he said he was sorry and—"
"Are you done talking to that jerk-face?"
Hera turned around from the counter and glared at her stepson. She'd been so quiet that Hercules didn't notice her presence.
"Yes, queenie," said Zeus.
"So, what's wrong with you, besides the fact that you look like you're on steroids and eat nothing BUT steroids?" Hera demanded.
Alcmene had forced Hercules to give up steroids a long time ago, so he didn't answer that question, and Hera knew about that, too. So he cleared his throat and said, in a faint groan, "My teeth are killing me."
Hera put on a mock-sympathetic look, like, Oh, I'm sorry your teeth hurt. I hate you look…or something like that. She had Hercules open his mouth and examined his teeth. Finally, she put the tools down and glared at Zeus. "Take some x-rays of his teeth for me. I have to make Hebe a sandwich before Mother Rhea takes her to preschool today."
"Already done," Zeus said.
"Then I have to go do Hebe's hair."
"Ares did that. I told him to. It looked great."
"Bull crap," Hera snapped.
"Uh…guys," Hercules muttered as the pain got even worse. "Uh…I have an appointment at four with a bunch of dead heroes and whatnot, so, like, can we get this thing moving along now?"
Hera sighed. "I suppose so."
Zeus took the x-rays and he and Hera examined them on the computer.
Hera looked at her husband. "He's got five cavities!"
"Dude, chill," said Zeus. "It's all good. But you had better do this procedure right, Hera, or there'll be trouble!"
"What kind of trouble?" Hera snapped.
"Like I'll throw you at Kronos and he'll eat you again and I won't rescue you this time kind of a thing," Zeus replied bitterly.
"I see," said Hera. She leaned the chair back farther. "Okay, Captain Steroids," she said. "I shall now numb you. If you kick, I'll consider making you mortal again so I can kill you."
"Uh-huh," Hercules managed.
Hera was going to use topical, but she decided against it. She picked up the Novocain needles and looked at Hercules. "Guess how much I hate you," she ordered.
"How much?"
"THIS MUCH!" And she jabbed the Novocain into Hercules' mouth.
Hercules screamed like a little girl and grabbed for Zeus' hand. "Daddy!" he screamed. "Daddy! That hurts!"
"C'mon, Hera, don't be a bitch," said Zeus. "I thought you two made peace."
Hera extracted the first needle, then gave Hercules four more shots of the drugs. "I still hate you," she said, looking at Hercules. "And you," she told Zeus.
"Why must you verbally abuse me every day of my immortal life?" asked Zeus.
"I don't know," said Hera. "By the way, I only gave him half the Novocain…because I hate him."
"Son," said Zeus, "are you okay?"
Hera was done with the procedure for now, but Hercules was still sobbing because even heroes feel pain, everyone! Hercules looked at his father and his eyes seemed to be begging Zeus to finish the procedure before Hera did.
"Son," said Zeus, "I want you to breathe this air in." And he gave Hercules the laughing gas.
"Dad? When we're done, will you play tea party with me?" asked Hercules in a very girlish voice.
"No. Hebe tortures me with that enough. Now open your mouth so Hera can finish."
So because Hera only gave Hercules half the Novocain, he felt the drill. He screamed like a little girl a few times more and when Hera finished the fillings, Hercules asked her if she wanted to play tea party.
"Hades no," snapped Hera. "I have to do queenly things. Goodbye, stupid son of Zeus."
Zeus helped Hercules back to his palace, where Hercules crashed on the couch with gauze in his face. Zeus handed him an Advil for the pain and told him to take it.
"Son," said Zeus, "I have to go home and drink booze. Will you be okay here?"
"Uh-huh," Hercules slobbered all over his couch.
"Excellent."
"Daddy? Can I get a lollipop for being a good patient?"
"Uh…no," said Zeus and headed off to his own palace to drink.