"There was gambling at the cross. There were dice at the cross. It says here, 'When they had crucified him, they divided up his clothes by casting lots.' Do any of you know what that means? It means there was craps…at the cross. But Jesus did not partake. Jesus did not give in to sin.
"Listen to me now. There was drink at the cross. There was wine and beer and liquor. Gin and Juice…Colt 45s…I'm telling you, there was drink at the cross, my friends, but Jesus would not have any of it. He understood that drink cannot fix your soul. Drugs cannot make your troubles go away. Only salvation can take your troubles away."
Jane stares up at her priest, wide eyed. On her lap, the baby fidgets, threatening to fuss until she starts to bounce her knees up and down.
"How do we get salvation? How do we get saved? How do we become worthy of Christ's love and sacrifice? By living every day, every moment. In his image. Can you do that? Ladies and gentlemen, I want to ask you today to commit, right here, to commit yourself to Christ. To walking, talking, living, breathing, in his image. Can you cast of sin. Cast off the drink and the drugs and the gambling. Turn away from it, the way He did up to the very moment of his death. Remember that sin feels good, and so we want to continue it. It takes away our pain and so we think we need it. But all you need, yes…you, is Jesus. Let us pray."
Jane bows her head with the rest of the people in her pew, reaching automatically to tip her middle brother's head towards the floor.
Her mind is still full of the sermon when they file out onto the steps twenty minutes later, into the pale April sun.
"There're Easter eggs," her mother says cheerfully, pointing towards the Cathedral's front lawn. "Do you want to Easter egg hunt, Janie? Take your brothers."
She doesn't want to. The note tucked under the loose slat on the side of her house said that Olivia and Emily would be at Emily's house all day and that she should come straight after church to hang out. 'I put your name in with the doorman,' the note had said in Emily's stiff and unfamiliar hand. 'Just tell him who you are and he'll let you in.
"Ma, I gotta go to…" she falters here, the lie on the tip of her tongue. She thinks of what the priest said in his sermon. Lying is a sin, isn't it? Shouldn't she be casting it off?
"I want to go hang out with my friends," she finishes lamely. "Can't I go hang out with Liv and Emily?"
"You spend too much time with those girls," her father growls. He has missed a spot shaving, and the random patch of stubble looks dark against the rest of his pale skin. "Do what your mother says and take your brother to find eggs."
Angela deposits the baby into Jane's arms and steps back, reaching into her bag for the yellow disposable camera she's had since Christmas.
"Get together, all of you," she says.
Jane pulls her middle brother Frankie to her side, out of reach of her father's frustrated hands, and pokes a finger into the baby's stomach making him laugh.
As they head away from their parents towards the other kids already searching, Frankie takes Jane's hand.
"Sorry to haveta find eggs with us 'stead of going a play with you friends."
Jane squeezes his little hand.
"You're my friend, Frankie. You and Tommy are my friends too. I wanna play with you guys."
Her brother's smile might be worth it.
…
…
"Rizzoli." Jane tucks the phone under her chin as she fishes in her pocket for her keys. "If you're about to tell me that I have to come back into work, I'm gonna put my boot up your-"
"You know, they have caller ID on most cell phones for a reason."
Jane smiles at the familiar voice, unlocking her door and stepping into her front hall. "Well normally it's only work that calls my work number."
Olivia makes a disbelieving sound."Like you ever answer your landline."
"Hey now, I look at the blinking light every once in a while, to see if it's gone up."
Olivia laughs, but her voice is serious when she asks. "How goes it, Jane?"
Jane sighs, opening her fridge. "If you're calling to ask me if I'm coming tonight, the answer is still yes. I'm not flaking out on our first get together in forever."
"Unless Boston needs you, right, hero?"
Jane rolls her eyes. "What's up? Is it another case? I might need a nap before I hear. I just came off a double, and I'm running on the fumes of fumes."
"Yeah? Nah, there's no case…You catch em?"
"Don't I always?"
"Yeah, 'cause you learned from the best."
"Yeah, Emily taught me very well."
Olivia laughs. "Jerk," she mumbles. "So…you just gonna crash in your apartment, then?"
Jane shuts the fridge with a little thunk, frowning at her kitchen counter. "Uh…yeah, where else would I be crashing?"
She can hear Olivia hesitate, and she leans against the counter, waiting. "I don't know…" Olivia hedges. "Maura's maybe?"
Jane puffs, trying to ignore the bolt of panic that runs through her arms. She manages sarcasm, like always. "Oh my God, really?"
"Really what?"
"This is what you called to talk about?"
Olivia plays dumb. "Is there something to talk about?" she asks casually.
Jane rubs at her head. "Jesus Liv. It's too early."
She can hear Olivia smile. "I'm attacking at your most vulnerable. Sue me. Is she coming tonight?"
"No," Jane says shortly.
"Why not?"
Jane looks around her apartment, hoping that the answer will just appear. "Well," she says slowly, "for starters, Em hates her."
This brings Olivia up short. She sounds uncertain for the first time. "She does not," she says slowly.
Jane scoffs. "She certainly doesn't like her," she counters. Olivia sighs.
"She's…Emily. She's protective of you –of both of us – in strong and secretive ways. She…" Olivia trails off.
"What does that have to do with her not liking Maura?"
"She doesn't not…She…Look, are you bringing her tonight or what? I think you should."
"No," Jane says again, shutting her eyes.
"Jane-"
"We said family only. Especially after the Casey debacle the last time."
Olivia pauses, and Jane thinks for a moment that she has won. But no, Olivia is just changing angles. "She called you sweetheart," she says quietly.
Jane feels ice cold. "What?"
"Maura called you sweetheart. I heard it."
"When?"
"A couple weeks ago, you fell asleep on the phone and Maura told you to hang up, and she called you sweetheart."
Jane takes a breath. She doesn't remember that. She doesn't remember Maura calling her sweetheart, or the fingers that slid into her hair during her nightmare. She doesn't remember lips on her shoulder, or the way she'd wanted it to go on forever. She doesn't remember the way, when Maura had pulled back, unsure of herself, maybe a little guilty, Jane had pressed back against her, hoping to give some silent form of consent.
No. Jane had been asleep, and so she doesn't remember any of that.
"That's just Maura. She-"
"Wouldn't call anyone sweetheart if there wasn't something there. For her at least. You can't tell me otherwise."
Jane rubs at her brow. Lack of sleep or…something else is making her feel light headed. "I have to go."
"Don't run from this, Jane." Olivia's voice has gotten lower.
"From this conversation? I'm not. I need a shower, and some food that doesn't come out of can."
Olivia can't be distracted. "Don't run from this woman. Don't let that bastard in your head. Don't do it."
This isn't happening. "Olivia, Maura is my partner. We solve crimes together. Sometimes I stay at her house. Our schedules line up so we end up doing stuff together. I like her…we're…friends. Okay? Can we drop this now?"
Olivia is silent for a moment. "Yes,"she says finally, neutral.
"Thank you," Jane slumps back against the counter, exhausted.
"I'm sorry."
She's the one who should be sorry."It's fine…I'm…It's fine."
"But, Jane?"
"Yeah?"
"Barry Frost is your partner."
…
…
They crack the plastic eggs and they eat what's inside. Gummy worms, Cadbury eggs, peanut m&ms in festive, pastel colors. Tommy gets chocolate in his hair and down the front of his shirt. Frankie gets louder and louder as each Reese's peanut butter egg disappears. Their mother forbids them to go out. It is Easter. They will spend it together as a family, she says. But Frank stumps up to their bedroom with a six pack under his arm, muttering about the graveyard shift he's got coming up, and Angela gets sidetracked by a phone conversation with her church friend about "The Young & the Restless."
There is nothing in the fridge to wash their candy down but diet coke and flat mountain dew.
It's in the middle of Jane and Frankie's second sword fight (Frankie with the left over wrapping paper roll and Jane with half of a pool noodle "borrowed" from the neighbor's yard) that the earthquake happens.
All three of them fall silent as the floor starts to shake. Jane looks down at the wood bouncing rhythmically underneath her, STOMP. STOMP. STOMP. Like the sound of.
Like the sound of
Workboots.
"Jane!" Fankie's eyes are wide. Tommy holds his hands up to her, lip quivering.
"Don't cry," she hisses, lifting him into her arms, knowing even as she says it that she sounds too harsh, and that Tommy is going to cry.
"Please," she begs him.
But then their father is on the bottom landing, and the earthquake breaks around them, and it's all Jane can do to keep herself from crying.
"SHUT. UP," Frank yells. He is still holding a beer bottle in his left hand, and his eyes are bloodshot, like he's been sleeping. Like he's drunk.
Angela appears around the corner of the kitchen, pale faced. "They didn't mean anything by it," she says tentatively. "They were just playing. They're just kids. It's Easter."
Jane takes Frankie's hand, slowly backing them up towards the front hall. If they can just get to the front door…
But Angela steps towards Frank, hands out to placate him, and Tommy sucks in a deep breath and wails.
And that is the last straw.
Frankie does not need to be told twice to go to the closet. He doesn't need to be told to reach out and try to comfort his little brother.
He doesn't ask where his sister is going, or what the sharp sound of skin on skin is.
"Stay here," Jane says. "Stay here until Liv gets you."
Frankie nods, and Jane turns away from the closet, heart loud and panicked in her ears.
She allows herself one quick moment of self disgust.
She knows this routine as well as any other. It should not scare her anymore.
…
…
Maura lets herself in.
Jane hears the click of her heels in the hall, and then the soft jingle of keys as she fits them in the lock, and she can't help but smile. She's been sitting on the couch for the past couple hours, lamenting the distance of the TV remote and wishing she could quiet her brain enough to get a bit more sleep.
The doctor backs into apartment quietly, toeing the front door shut behind her, and Jo Friday jumps from her place next to Jane on the couch with an excited little bark.
"Hush, Jo," Maura says, her back still to the couch. "Jane's sleeping."
Jane's smile widens. "Nah," she says, and Maura jumps even though Jane is whispering. She spins and looks at Jane on the couch, her own smile illuminating her features.
"You're awake!" she says. "I thought that after sixty three hours on duty, you'd be dead to the world by now."
Jane shrugs, sliding over on the couch to make room for Maura, who sets the tray of coffee she's brought on the coffee table before settling herself next to Jane.
"I brought your favorite," she says unnecessarily. Like she would have done anything else.
"Thanks." Jane pulls the afghan up over her knees. "But if you thought I would still be asleep, what are you doing here?"
Maura looks a little nervous. "I…I thought I'd make you brunch," she says finally. "You haven't eaten anything with any nutritional value in over two days."
"Hey, twinkies have nutritional value. And pizza has all the major food groups included. And didn't the FDA just reclassify it as a vegetable?"
Maura fires up at once, turning to face Jane fully, her face a mixture of anger and frustration. "The reasoning behind that change was a purely political, financial, and-" but she catches sight of Jane's face and she shakes her head, chuckling. "Oh. You're winding me up."
"A little," Jane confesses. "And brunch would be great…if I had anything in the apartment that you could turn into something edible."
But Maura jumps up at this, heading back to the front door. "I think I know you a little better than to assume that you have food in your apartment after a three day man hunt." She pulls the front door open to retrieve the canvas bag she's left in the hall. "I brought enough for now and for later, so no Chef Boyardee for at least a week, Jane oh-" She turns back from the hall with the bag, and comes up short. Jane has cross the room and moved behind her. They are face to face now, inches apart.
Jane reaches out and puts her hand on Maura's elbow.
Maura's eyes jump up to her face, searching.
Jane drops Maura's elbow quickly, looking away. "Sorry…I thought you…might need help."
Maura steps around her slowly, heading towards the kitchen, and by the end of her sentence, she sounds perfectly cheerful again.
"I'm a capable human. And I would rather you not be anywhere near a stove on your best day, let alone after only four restless hours of sleep."
Jane leans against the doorframe, watching as Maura begins to unload the groceries, putting everything away in the right spot.
Restless. That's an understatement. Jane had staggered into the crib around 3am on the second day of the manhunt, barely able to keep her eyes open long enough to fall into a bottom bunk. She had been dragged into a nightmare almost immediately, and when she'd sat up in bed, breathing hard, Maura had just been there, like she'd been anticipating Jane's nightmare from the moment she'd headed from her office up to the crib.
"Jane," she'd said, sitting down on the narrow little cot. "It's okay. It's alright."
"I can't find her," Jane had gasped. "I…I can't find you."
"Shh," Maura had said. She'd taken Jane's hand and put it against her heart. "We'll find her. You found me."
And then – suddenly and not suddenly at all – they'd been kissing. And there was no room to pretend to be asleep, and no room to stop and assess what has happening.
"Let me," Maura had murmured, and when Jane had gone to protest, She'd silenced her with a kiss and slid her hands under Jane's tank top. "No," she'd said. "Just now. Just let me, now."
And Jane had.
When she'd awoken, it was the morning, and she was alone under a blanket. And Maura's perfume was all around her.
She'd gone for twenty four bleary, blurry more hours. She'd worked side by side with Maura for much of that time, and the Medical Examiner had not so much as hinted at what had happened.
Now, off work and alone together, she is still acting as though nothing happened.
Maybe nothing happened. Maybe it was a dream.
Could it have been a dream?
"Hey Maura?"
"Do you want blueberries in your pancakes, or chocolate chips? Why am I even ask-"
They've spoken at the same time, and when Maura looks up at her name, Jane can see in her face that it was not a dream. She can see that Maura remembers what happened, probably with more clarity that Jane does.
She can see that the doctor respects her, and wants to be there for her, in any way she can.
She can see that Maura loves her.
Jane pulls a hand through her hair. "I have a thing tonight," she begins.
Maura nods, "Emily and Olivia are in town. I remember."
"Yeah," Jane glances up, and then away, trying to hold onto Olivia's words from earlier. "Yeah," she says again. "Did you…It's totally fine if you've already got plans. But would you want to come with me? Maybe?"
Maura doesn't answer right away, and when Jane looks up at her she can see that the doctor's jaw is working furiously.
She catches Jane's eye and nods emphatically before turning away to stir the batter.
Jane chuckles, moving to collapse on her couch again.
"Wake me by waving one under my nose, okay?"
The last thing she hears is Maura's soft, musical laugh.
…
…
"Liv?"
"Hey! We're waiting on you! Where are you calling from? Are you almo-what was that?"
"Liv, can you hear me?"
"Jane? I'm coming. Okay? I'm coming. Hang in there, okay? I'm coming."
"I have to hang up now…I have to hang up now."
"I'm coming. Don't worry, Jay. I'll be there."
...
Hello! Thank you all so much for reading. I started this just to play around with the characters, and I'm awed that you are all enjoying it. I have a long rambling author's note that you can read on my tumblr, regarding this chapter and the next. My tumblr is the same name. It might answer some questions or gripes you have with this fic.
As always, continue to leave your feedback if the mood strikes you
yall are the best.
Happy reading
tc