Okay, back to demigods and our favorite daughter of Bellona! And Icy just got back from the dentist and needs to get a couple fillings done! Yay…ugh, I hate that!

CHAPTER 68: IT'S SO RED!

Reyna was sitting in a chair in a waiting room of New Rome, waiting for her cleaning. The secretary, Florence, was sitting at the computer and making phone calls and stuff.

"Reyna Avila Ramirez-Arellano!" a woman called. "We're ready for you!"

Reyna followed the woman back into a treatment room and sat in the chair.

"So," the woman said briskly, "I'm Heather and I'll be Dr. Carlson's assistant. Are you taking drugs?"

Reyna shook her head.

"And who is your godly parent?"

"Bellona."

"Did you say Bologna?" asked Heather.

"BELL-O-NA!" Reyna yelled. "And just for that, you will have my sword!"

Heather shrugged. "Um…okay? So we'll need to take some x-rays because you haven't been to the dentist since you were, like, two or something, right?"

"Whose chart are you reading?" Reyna snapped, rolling her eyes at Heather.

"Oh, sorry. This is Andrew Pratt's chart. You know him? He's a son of Mars."

"Yeah, and he looks like Mars, too," snarled Reyna. "Please hurry this along. I'm taking time out of my day to get this thing done, and I have to plan some war game type of thing."

Heather grunted, threw Reyna's chart on the counter, and took a few x-rays. When they came onto the computer, Heather pressed a magical button and Dr. Carlson walked into the room, dressed in a white lab coat and looking stern, as usual. "Reyna," he said.

"Dr. Carlson," said Reyna politely. She hated him. The guy sucked and he was the only good dentist in New Rome. All the others were eaten a few years ago by some rogue serpent thingy that someone left in the office as a prank.

"So, no cavities," said Dr. Carlson. "But before Heather cleans your teeth today, I have to tell you that you'll need to get your wisdom teeth pulled. Have a good afternoon."

Reyna stared at him. "That's it?"

"Yes," the dentist said briskly. "I have to go do some fillings."

Heather asked Reyna what flavor of toothpaste she wanted (Reyna chose chocolate). Heather sort of rushed Reyna through the procedure, and sent her on her way.

Reyna headed to a café and decided to try calling the Olympus Medical Center. She didn't want to go under the knife at Dr. Carlson's office, so she decided to go under the knife on Olympus. Even though those gods (besides Apollo and Asclepius) knew next to nothing about medicine, Reyna had heard some pretty good things about the procedures. So Reyna got off her warlike butt and called Olympus.

"Hello, welcome to the Olympus Medical Center," said the automated woman's voice. "Please follow the directions carefully. If you are a god calling for an appointment, press one. If you are a Greek demigod, press two. If you are a Roman demigod, press three. If you have no idea what the hell is going on, please check the number because you probably dialed the wrong one."

Reyna pressed three.

"Hello and thank you for calling the OMC. This is Vesta, goddess of the hearth. How may I help you today?"

"Hi, Lady Vesta, it's Reyna from Camp Jupiter."

"Hi, dear. How are you?"

"I'm fine, thanks. I just went to the dentist and they told me I have to get my wisdom teeth taken out, and I hate the person who would be doing it. So can I schedule an appointment with the OMC?"

"Of course," Vesta replied. "Which day works best for you?"

"A Thursday or Friday," said Reyna.

"Okay, good," said Vesta. "I have this Thursday open at ten or two-thirty."

"I'll take ten," said Reyna.

"Excellent! Which doctors would you like? At ten, I've got Bellona—whose assistant will be Mars—or you could have Jupiter—whose assistant will be Juno."

"I'll take Bellona," said Reyna.

"Okay, honey. You're all set for Thursday at ten. Please come fifteen minutes early to fill out a medical form."

So that Thursday, Reyna woke up early, yelled at Octavian several times because he was annoying her, ate a light breakfast, and headed off to Olympus. When she got there, she got a medical form from Vesta and sat down to fill it out.

MEDICAL FORM

Name: REYNA AVILA RAMIREZ-ARELLANO

Godly parent: BELLONA, GODDESS OF WAR

Reason for appointment: EXTRACTION

Please choose which method of pain relief you would like today: Novocain, nitrous oxide (aka laughing gas), both, or none (note that if you choose NONE, it'll hurt like a bitch!)

Reyna didn't have time to answer that last question. At that moment, the door flew open and a man stepped out, wearing a mask around his neck and carrying a file folder. "Uh…" he looked at the folder name. "Reyna, you're up!"

Reyna headed back to the room with Mars.

Now, before we get into Reyna's thing, let us take a moment to appreciate the lovely work Hephaestus did with the place to fix it up. First off, the Throne Room now had a little hallway that led to the OMC, which had a waiting room as soon as someone walked in. Behind the door were the treatment rooms (which had doors on them so someone could drown out the screaming of pain while others wanted to watch the mind-numbing stuff on TV in the waiting room). There was a lab and a testing area in the middle of the hallway. At the end of the hallway was an operating room and a recovery room. Basically, it was just like a mortal doctor's office, complete with scary equipment, an OR, and a few beds in the recovery room. What more could the gods need?

Okay, enough said.

Mars led Reyna to the dental treatment room, where he literally pushed her into the chair. "So, kid, your mother will be here in a moment. I have to ask what kind of drugs you want today. Do you want some alcohol or LSD or PCP…or perhaps some weed?"

"Uh…I don't think it's those kinds of drugs, Lord Mars."

"Oh, sorry. Venus and I had a date last night and I asked her what—not important. You want the shot or the air? I'm too lazy to remember the names."

"I'll take both," Reyna replied.

"Okay," said Mars. "Oh, she's here."

Bellona walked into the room. She was a tall woman in a white t-shirt with jeans and gym shoes. She sort of looked like she was going to start a war.

"Good morning, Reyna," Bellona said. Her voice was low and firm. "Are we ready for surgery?"

Reyna nodded.

"Excellent. So Mars says that you would like both drugs. Here's the nitrous oxide, and this'll make you high so you shouldn't remember anything."

Mars slipped a mask over Reyna's nose and she breathed in the air.

Bellona began the procedure. First, she blah, blah, blah. When she did the preparation stuff, Reyna was numb and high.

"Mars, I'll need the forceps," said Bellona.

"Can I play with the suction thing first?"

"No," snapped Bellona. "I need to plan WWIII here."

"Can I help?" Mars asked eagerly. "I'd love to know your plans!"

"But you're Mars and you don't plan. You just do," snapped Bellona. She pulled all four of Reyna's teeth and Mars handed Reyna some water so she could rinse.

As soon as Bellona put some stitches in, she kicked a button and the chair came back up. Reyna didn't understand what was going on, nor did she know where she was.

"Reyna, here is your medicine," said Bellona. "And you need to take this…are you okay?"

"Pretty chair," Reyna giggled. "This is so…what color is this?"

"C'mon," said Bellona firmly. "You should know what color this is. Mars never went to preschool and he knows what color this is."

"I KNOW WHAT FREAKING COLOR IT IS!" Reyna yelled. "IT'S…RED!"

"Wow, you must've liked that word if you had to capitalize, underline, bold, and italicize it," Mars replied.

"Indeed," said Bellona. "Now, Reyna, for the next week, you should rest. No fighting or killing or eating small animals. I also want you to take this special drug that'll keep your pain at a bearable level. Have a nice day!"

Reyna headed to the reception area, where she ran into Vesta.

Reyna drooled all over the desk and Vesta looked up. "Hi, honey," she said. "I'll go ahead and schedule your follow-up to get your stitches out."

"Bananas!" Reyna giggled stupidly.

"I like bananas, too," Vesta replied, typing away on the computer. "Next week, I'll get you in on Thursday at three, okay? Ah, whatever, you don't even know what your own name is. I'll have Mercury send you a message or something. Feel better soon!"

"Applesauce!"

"Yep, you'll want to eat lots and lots of that," Vesta agreed.

Reyna headed back to New Rome. How she got there doesn't matter; she got there. 'Nuff said!

Reyna headed over to her friends, who were all sitting on comfy-looking couches and eating cheeseburgers to their hearts' content.

"Reyna, how was it?" asked Frank.

"Sexy," Reyna replied.

"I see," said Hazel. "Here. We got you some ice cream."

"Thanks, guys! You guys are, like, my bestest friends ever!"

Even though she was still numb, Reyna downed the ice cream in about two minutes; it usually took her longer.

"Everyone," Octavian announced, "I have an announcement! I want you all to know that—after two days of not being able to take a dump—I have successfully taken one today! Thank you for listening!"

"Octavian, you sick bastard!" Frank yelled. "No one needs to know about your health problems!"

"No one needs to know that you dream about Hazel and you starting a family," Octavian retorted.

"Oh, yeah," Frank said dreamily.

"At any rate," said Octavian, "one last thing. Reyna is high so no one ask her anything serious until she's sober once again! And now, it is time for some freaking stupid campfire songs. Please follow me to that sad-looking campfire in the middle of nowhere!"

Hazel, Frank, and Reyna all followed the group down to the fire pit, where—indeed—they sang campfire songs such as "This Song Sucks" and "This Song Sucks Part II: This Song Really Sucks".

Sorry if it was awful. But I hope you guys found it funny anyway!