Okay, sorry about all this wait, guys. It's a good week to make stuff up! I own nothing.

Would you guys like me to do minor characters (like Greek heroes, minor gods and goddesses) more?

CHAPTER 71: DON'T DRIVE THE SUN CAR!

Helios woke up to someone making bacon in his palace. Mm, he thought. He loved bacon!

Helios quickly got dressed and headed downstairs. There, he found Selene and Eos, making a nice breakfast for him.

"Well, good morning," said Helios. "What's this about?"

"Oh, you know," said Eos, "we thought you've been working hard lately…"

"I have."

"And you've been sleeping with a lot of girls…" said Selene.

"Yeah."

"So, we thought we'd make you some breakfast," said Eos.

"Oh, you two are something else," said Helios, kissing his sisters on the head. Then, he ran over to the cabinet. "Hey, where's my Advil-ambrosia?"

"What?" asked Selene, putting the bacon on a plate.

"My Advil-ambrosia," Helios repeated, massaging his jaw. "My wisdom teeth hurt."

Selene and Eos looked at each other.

"How long have you had this?" asked Selene.

"Like…three days," said Helios. "It started when I left that one chick in her bed—"

"Stop," said Eos. "Selene, make him an appointment."

Selene went to the phone and dialed the OMC.

"Hello," said an automatic voice. "Please listen to bad music while someone gets off their ass and picks up the damn phone."

Bad music started to play.

"Hello, and thank you for calling the Olympus Medical Center. This is Hestia. How may I help you today?"

"Hey, Hestia, it's Selene."

"Hi, dear. How are you?"

"I'm fine. I'm calling on behalf of my brother Helios," said Selene into the phone. "He's having wisdom teeth problems today, so I'm wondering if you could get him in to see somebody immediately."

"Of course…but there's no dentists here at this time. If you'd like to wait an hour, Dr. Asclepius will be in, so he could examine Helios."

Selene looked at Helios, who was literally on the ground in the fetal position, bitching about how bad the pain was getting. "Yeah, he can't wait that long."

"Well, Selene, how about you do it?" suggested Hestia.

"Uh…okay."

Selene went over to Helios and pulled him up. "C'mon, Helios. I'm doing your surgery today. Let's go, Eos!"

OMC

"I…I don't think this is a good idea, girls," said Helios. He was sitting in the chair, looking up at his sisters.

"Listen, if you wait another few days, you'll be in a world of pain," Selene ordered.

Helios rolled his eyes; Selene was always the nagging one.

Eos put a golden napkin on Helios' shirt. "You want both drugs?"

"What?" asked Helios. He was still glaring at Selene.

"I said do you want both drugs?" Eos repeated.

"Yeah," said Helios bitterly, folding his arms under the napkin.

"Okay," said Eos. She got out a device that Helios was very familiar with: the device that has a name that escapes the author right now. That laughing gas machine thingy.

Eos gave the device to Helios. "Put this on your nose."

Helios did as instructed.

"Good," said Eos. "Now, breathe in the air."

Helios took in a deep breath through his nose. Within a few minutes, he started feeling light-headed and dizzy…which was good because Selene was holding a giant needle in his face, and it didn't scare the crap out of him.

"How do you get your teeth so white?" demanded Selene as she gave Helios the Novocain.

"Pizza," Helios giggled.

"I see," said Selene. "When you're not high, we'll talk about how you do that. Okay, now we have to wait for the Novocain to kick in."

Helios took out his phone. "Guys!" he yelled at his phone. "I'm the sun god! Did you guys know that?"

"Yeah," said Eos seriously. "We know you're the sun Titan."

"Oh…how long have you known?" Helios asked her.

"Since forever," said Selene.

"Did I ask you?" snarled Helios.

"No."

"Good. Shut your trap then."

The procedure went on from there. By the time Selene was done, there was golden ichor all over the napkin, and Helios was rolling his head from side to side.

Suddenly, Helios slapped Selene's hand away. "Where the hell is my son?"

"What?" asked Selene. "I have to put the stitches in! Hold still!"

"WHERE IS MY SON?" Helios yelled.

"What are you talking about?" demanded Eos.

"Okay, girls. I gots a secret," said Helios. "I gave my kid Phaethon the chariot and he never gave it back to me. WHERE DID HE GO?"

"I don't know," Selene said. "Maybe he's back playing soccer or something."

"What's soccer-or-something?"

"Like when you kick a black-and-white ball into a goal, stupid," said Selene.

"Oh, okay. Where's my chariot, then?"

Helios pushed the light out of the way, tore off the napkin, and ran into the waiting room. There, he found Zeus, waiting to get his annual godly flu shot. "I was looking for you!" yelled Helios.

"Oh, really? Well, I'm a busy king with many important things to do. What is it?" Zeus asked, throwing that week's edition of Stupid Goddesses on the chair next to him.

"I wanna tell you not to drive my chariot, Phaethon," said Helios. "Remember what happened last time? You saw all those sexy star monsters!"

"Stars aren't sexy, idiot," said Zeus.

"I'm the sexiest thing to ever exist," said Helios. "Okay. Just don't drive the sun car and I'll be your bestest friend!"

The door flew open and Apollo walked out. "Zeus! Come back for your shot!"

Helios ran to the other side of the waiting room, where he found Hermes reading a book called Creepy Mailmen: Why No One Likes Hermes (written by Apollo). "Did you like my sun car?" asked Helios.

"Yours? Yeah. It reminds me of Apollo's chariot…but it's well-build and doesn't turn into some crappy—"

"Phaethon, I told you not to drive the sun car!" And Helios burst into tears.

Meanwhile, Zeus was getting ready for his flu shot. Apollo readied the needle. "I hope this hurts like a bitch."

"Why would you say that?" said Zeus calmly.

"Because you're a horrible, jerk father and I hate you and you suck and…yeah…"

"You're a pathetic excuse for a son anyway," said Zeus.

All of a sudden, they saw Hestia running out the door, leading to the waiting room.

"Where do you think she's going?" asked Apollo.

"I don't know," said Zeus, wincing as Apollo gave him the shot. "Maybe she has diarrhea."

"Helios," they heard Hestia saying, "honey, I know you're high. But we can't have you screaming at imaginary people!"

"Phaethon's real," Helios insisted boldly. "I gave him my sun car! He wrecked it, that little bastard!"

Hestia grabbed the phone from behind the desk. "Theia, this is Hestia from the OMC. We have a little present for you in the waiting room."

Theia—the Titaness of the bright, clear sky—came running into the waiting room. "Helios!" she yelled at her son. "What happened?"

"Mommy!" Helios screamed like a little girl. "Where's Phaethon? He was supposed to be back here for dinner, but he never showed up."

Theia thought for a minute. "Oh, Phaethon? Yes, dear, I know where he is. Come with me."

Helios and Theia walked over to the pharmacy, got Helios' meds, then headed back to Helios' palace. Theia pushed a pill into her son's hand, then gave him some water.

"Okay," Helios said an hour later, "did I say anything stupid while I was high?"

"Well…you thought everyone was Phaethon, then you told them not to drive the sun chariot." Theia went to the fridge. "Got any cold beer?"

"Yeah. It's on the bottom shelf."

"Thanks. So, anyway, you need to get some sleep. So, turn on the TV and go night-night."

Helios rolled his eyes, turned on the TV (Hercules Busts Heads: Season 4), and crashed on the couch.