Jane meets Alexandra Cabot for the first time at the wedding of her childhood friend Elliot Stabler. Emily says she will fly into Boston to collect Jane, and the two of them will rent a car and drive to New York City for the celebration.

"You don't have to do that," Jane protests the week before, sighing into the phone just as Emily draws a breath.

"Well, someone has to make sure you get there on time," Emily says. "We can share the driving."

Jane knew that Emily and Olivia had already talked about this and that they have drawn straws and it is Emily who has lost. Emily who has to talk her into this babysitting.

She flexes her hands, stilled wrapped at the palms. She puts up the fight that Emily is expecting.

"I don't need to share the driving," she says obstinately. "I'm fine."

A pause, as Emily weighs her options. "Are you taking the pain meds they prescribed?"

Trapped. Jane knows it and so does Emily. If she says yes, then Prentiss is right, they should share driving. If she says no, well…

"Yes," she concedes, and she can hear Emily smile.

"Looks like we're sharing driving then, Hero."

Jane's hands clench into fists automatically. "Don't call me that," she says, and she hears the change in her voice. She is unable to stop it. Since when did her apartment smell like a musty old basement?

"Hey, Jane," Emily's voice has gotten softer. She's not playing around anymore. This trip to the wedding will be Jane's first real social outing since Hoyt. Since he tried to kill her. Since her tried to dissect her into little pieces and-

"Jane, come back," Emily is firm. "You saved that woman. You're in your apartment. He's in maximum security prison and he-"

"Thanks," she cuts Emily off. She doesn't need the whole ritual. "Thanks," she says again. "What kind of car should I rent?"

Emily lets her change the subject. "Something sporty and sexy," she says, hiding her laugh. "Like me."

Jane chokes on her water. "Minivan it is."

…

Jane is twenty seven, a new detective and a former invalid. Injured in the line of duty. She might have feelings for the Medical Examiner she's been working with for the past six months.

All of this is too much change, and as they pull into the assigned parking for the wedding, Jane takes comfort in the knowledge that her friends - at least - have not changed.

Emily made good on her promise, flying into Boston the day before the wedding, and the two spent the three hour car ride (in the bright red minivan Jane picked out) trading stories about work, and not talking about the tender skin still visible on Jane's hands.

Everything with these two is, and will always be, the same.

Jane had felt comforted.

They leave their car with the valet, and wade through the throngs of wedding guests, looking for Olivia. It is Emily who sees her first, and she taps Jane on the shoulder and points to their left, and whatever ease Jane felt in the car disappears. Olivia is there, looking much the same as the last time Jane laid eyes on her. But she is talking to a woman, tall and blonde, with dark rimmed glasses and sharp blue eyes. And the way Olivia leans in to talk to her…

The way she puts her hand lightly on the other woman's hip, just for a second.

"What the hell?" Jane asks. "Really?"

Emily raises an eyebrow, but doesn't answer. They have both known Olivia for more than fifteen years. There can be no misinterpretation of what they're seeing.

Jane looks to Emily to see how she's reacting to this new development, or to get a clue about how she might react, But Emily's face is impressively blank. She feels Jane's eyes on her, however, and she nods once.

"Let's get this over with, then, hmm?"

They make their way forward. Olivia jumps, startled, turning from the tall blonde with a look of undisguised panic. Jane feels an irrational prickle of irritation at her best friend's seeming displeasure at their arrival.

"Hope we weren't interrupting anything," Emily says, and although she has a smile on her face, her voice is decidedly frosty.

"No!" Olivia's voice wavers. "You're just early. I wasn't expecting you for another hour." She steps forward then, and hugs them, and Jane feels somewhat placated by the familiar gesture.

Emily, it seems, is not. "Who's your friend?" she asks when they pull apart, because the blonde woman hasn't moved away, but stands nearby, watching the three of them with undisguised curiosity.

Olivia turns and beckons the woman forward, and only when she steps forward, about to be introduced, does she lower her eyes as if she is shy.

"This is Alexandra Cabot," Olivia says, and Jane watches the way she looks when she says this name. Like there is nothing more beautiful to her in the world. "She's ADA for Manhattan."

An attorney.

Emily's face doesn't change, but Jane is sure that her own expression has turned very sour. She can't help it.

Olivia shoots her a look, and when Alex holds out her hand, Jane takes it grudgingly.

Emily shakes it next, and her dark eyes search every inch of Assistant District Attorney Alexandra Cabot's face.

The lawyer looks back, just as mesmerized.

It is the first time that Jane she sees the three of them as a triangle.

A girl in love with a girl in love with a girl. No one in the right spot when they need to be.

Olivia is the first one to break it. She has found Alexandra.

…

She sits down next to Emily on the bench, and for a while they don't say anything. Then Emily throws her arm over the back of the bench. She's not actually touching Jane, but it's comforting nonetheless. "How are you?" she asks, tone casual.

Jane sighs. "She loves that DA. Did you see? She's been making kissy faces at her all day." She's unsure if she says this because she wishes to wound Emily, or if her own jealousy is spurring her forward.

Emily doesn't answer right away, she looks out at the view of the ocean, eyes unreadable. Jane wishes she knew how to make her face stony like that. Her old partner, Korsak, used to tell her that every emotion she feels is also perfectly etched on her face.

"She deserves to be happy," Emily says finally, and Jane nods, instantly guilty. She is not as selfless or as unruffled as Emily is.

"Yeah," Jane agrees. "I just meant…I just meant I wish she would have told us.

Emily blinks.

"Em?" Jane can't help but push. "Don't you wish she would have told us?"

"I don't suppose we've given her much reason to want to share that part of herself with us," Emily says lowly.

Jane bristles. "She's my best friend. I don't believe that shit my Pop tried to-"

"Still," Emily says, abrupt. Her face may be unreadable, but her tone always gives her away. "We lack, in that area don't we. She doesn't want to tell us because she doesn't want to trigger you, and I…" another broken thought. Emily clenches her fists.

"You trade in secrets," Jane offers, to move away from the emotion.

Emily looks at her like she might be grateful, and then something seems to occur to her. "You shook her hand," she says.

Jane nods, and then she realizes too, and she looks down at her palms, surprised. "It didn't hurt," she says, awed.

And Emily's eyes are alive again, and she lets her arm fall across Jane's shoulders for the type of hug the two of them deal in.

"We're gonna be okay," Emily says. "And we're gonna do better."

"Yeah?" Jane loves Emily. She looks to her.

"Yeah," Emily says. "And we're gonna follow Olivia's lead, and we're gonna go after what we want."

And Jane allows herself to be happy, because Emily is.

"Yeah," she says. "Even if that ADA is way out of her league."

…

…

"Are you okay?" Jane take a step towards Maura, then stops, unsure. She isn't sure what Emily has been saying, only that she came out here to make it better.

And when Maura turns to face her, she is smiling. "Yes."

Jane breathes a small sigh of relief. "Yeah? Emily didn't rough you up too bad?"

Maura's eyes look glossy, like she's been on the verge of tears for a while. "Of course not," she says quickly. "She cares about you very much, Jane. She sees herself as your older sister. That much is clear."

Jane snorts. "Yeah. Just like an older sister to go prying into my love life." She says it without thinking, and only realizes the weight of her statement when she looks up into Maura's wide eyes.

"I mean…" she starts, ready to sidestep, "I just meant-"

But Maura smiles gently, moving towards her and the entrance to the bar. "It's alright, Jane," she says. "I know. Should we go back in?"

She's offering an out.

Jane doesn't want it. She steps in front of the doctor, blocking her way to the door, holding out her hands. "I…no," she stammers, fighting to quiet the beating of her heart. "Can we just, like, sit over here for a minute?"

Maura's face registers shock, and then concern, but she nods, taking Jane's hand and letting herself be led to the little bench off to the side of the building.

They sit for a while, not talking, and Jane can feel Maura watching her. She tries to prepare herself, to open her mouth and just do what it is she came out here to do.

"Jane," Maura says softly. "It's okay. Emily didn't tell me anything about you that would put me off."

Jane's head snaps up. "What?"

Maura blinks. "We barely talked about you at all. And when we did it wasn't anything that would make me think less of you. Like anything ever could," she adds like an afterthought.

"Oh," Jane says. "No." Maura has misunderstood. "No, that's not…" She looks at Maura, and the confusion on her face makes Jane relax a little bit.

"That's not why I came out," she says. "That's not why I wanted to sit."

"I see," Maura says, and if anything, her bewilderment deepens. "What is it, then? Are you alright?"

"You know," Jane swallows, "you know what happened last week? In the crib?"

Maura's face stays perfectly blank, and for a moment, Jane panics, thinking that it was a dream, and now she's going to have to explain herself.

But then Maura nods. "Yes," she says. "I remember."

"We should talk about it," Jane says slowly, and Maura looks up into her face, trying to read her.

"Should we?"

"Yeah. Don't you want to?"

"Yes," Maura says, "but only if you're ready."

Jane frowns, moving a little closer. "Even if waiting hurts you?"

"It doesn't-" she breaks off abruptly, and Jane realizes that she was about to lie, but cannot make herself. Jane watches her sidestep the actual question so that she can be truthful.

"I care more about what makes you comfortable," she says finally, and when Jane makes a disgruntled noise, she turns slightly so that they are looking directly into each other's eyes.

"I won't bully you into any decisions," Maura says it quietly, but her tone is full of conviction. "I won't back you into a corner that leaves you no other option than to fight your way out."

"I could never fight you," Jane says. She wants to reach for Maura's hands, but stops herself. "I'd never fight you."

"I've never given you any reason to," Maura says quietly. "But I saw the way you looked that night, after we were together."

"How did I look?" Jane asks, and she really wants to know. She can't even begin to explain how she'd felt.

"You looked terrified," Maura says without hesitation. "You looked terrified and exhausted and like you were at war. And I wasn't about to push you into an action." She smiles weakly, and her hands unclasp in her lap to gesture as she speaks. "I wasn't about to push you into something that might ultimately take you away from me."

And now Jane does reach out and takes her hand, feeling the way Maura's breath catches when they touch. "I'm not going anywhere," she says.

Maura allows herself to look doubtful. "You can't make that promise."

"Why would I want to be anywhere that you weren't?" Jane counters.

Maura lets out a breath, exasperated. "Jane, I don't know what Olivia and Jennifer said to you inside, but I can't-"

"You let me change the subject," Jane interrupts, and Maura is quiet, waiting. "When we get to close to something I'm," she hesitates, and then gives the ground. This woman is worth it. "When we get close to something I'm too afraid to talk about, you let me change the subject. You take care of me when I'm too stubborn to do it myself. You show up at my apartment with food and comfort and you…you sit by my hospital bed and talk to me. You…you told me once, when I was down, that even if I came back half of the person I was, you'd still love me the same."

Maura looks around at her, thrown. "You heard that?"

Jane nods. "I'd hear you say you love me anywhere, Maura. In any condition. You say it to me every day without even using those words. And I let you, because…I'm a coward."

Maura's laugh is a little watery. "You are anything but a coward, Jane."

"It's because…It's my father…He would-" she begins, but Maura shushes her, putting a hand on her upper arm.

"You don't have to tell me," she says. "You don't owe me an explanation more than you deserve to never have to think about that man again."

And Jane leans forward so she can put her fingers into Maura's hair. "It's your turn," she says, watching how the other woman's eyes close as her fingers trace the shell of her ear. "Tell me what you want, Maura. Please?"

…

…

She drops by the precinct after her second to last visit to the shrink. It's been a long day on her feet and her hands are throbbing dully. She ignores the pain, tells her hands that they will just have to fucking get used to it. She is back on the force as of next week. Besides, she wants to see the doctor. It's the first thing she's wanted since regaining her independence, and her therapist has told her she needs to act upon her desires.

So she goes to the precinct, and she ducks into the elevator to the morgue without saying hi to anyone. She is single minded.

Maura Isles is in her office, engrossed in something on her computer, and Jane lingers in the doorway, just looking. She and the Medical Examiner had been working together for almost six months before Hoyt happened. Jane considers this woman her best friend, though she would never say that out loud to anyone, least of all to Maura herself. But the doctor glances up and jumps. "Jane!" She stands, broad smile, and comes around the corner of her desk, the surprise in her expression fading to tempered excitement. "I didn't know you were coming by today. It is so good to see you."

Maura is beautiful.

Maura sat by her bed every day for hours in the hospital, even when she was too out of her mind on pain meds to really contribute anything to the conversation.

Maura talked to her anyway. Even when she thought she was asleep.

"You're looking well!" Maura says, and she does indeed look Jane up and down, inspecting her. "You've come by to tell me you're returning soon?"

In truth, Jane has come to apologize. Since her release from the hospital, she has shut every single person out of her life. She doesn't return calls from Emily or Olivia or Korsak. Her mother has visited her apartment twice, and both times Jane hid in her room, under her comforter until she left.

"Yes," Jane says, feeling guilty, taking the out anyway. "My shrink says I'm clear. Now it's just physical."

"Well, we both know you'll have no trouble there," she says lightly. Then she steps closer. "Can…I see one of your hands?" she asks it openly, seemingly unafraid, and something about the nature of her request makes Jane think twice before answering.

"Which one?" she asks, nerves making her sound more sarcastic than she wants to be.

Maura ignores her tone and genuinely considers her question. "The one that hurts more, I suppose," she says, and Jane offers her left hand to the doctor. Slowly, still not sure that this is a good idea.

Maura slips Jane's hand out of its protective sleeve and flattens it, palm up, against her own, glancing up at Jane's quiet little hiss of pain.

They stand there in silence for almost three minutes, Maura pressing lightly on different parts of Jane's hand, taking note of the places that make the taller woman jump a little, or clench her jaw.

Finally, she pulls away. She smiles up into Jane's face, a full, sincere smile that makes Jane's eyes water.

"You're going to be as good as new," she says.

It is the first time anyone has said it with so much unwavering belief. It is the first time that Jane truly believes it.

"Hey, Maura?"

"Mm?"

"I also came by because…" she balks, she can't help it. "I just…have been really distant. From everyone! And I just wanted to tell you…I wanted." It is not supposed to be this hard.

Maura turns away from her, and Jane tries not to look as she bends over her desk to lift her phone to her ear. "Susie? I'm going to take my lunch a bit early today…" she pauses, listening. "Yes. No, pack that and phone me if the results on Dyson's case come in…Thank you." She hangs up and turns to Jane, still smiling as though Jane hasn't been an awkward, stuttering mess.

"I hear what you're saying," she says, and Jane's heart seems to squeeze tight. "You've been away for a long time. And if you don't get a cheeseburger, you will cease to exist."

And Jane laughs, so relieved that she actually feels lighter. She nods, still chuckling. "I need a cheeseburger pretty bad, doctor. How did you know?"

Maura's smile is warm. "Company?" she phrases it as a question, but Jane doesn't even consider turning her down. Her face muscles feel out of practice. She has not smiled this much since…she can't even remember when.

She opens the door for Maura, and finds her hand in the small of her back as she ushers the doctor through the door.

If Maura notices this, she does not comment on it.

…

…

Jane leaves her lips against Maura's a little longer than the kiss requires. She is marveling at how good it feels to kiss her, and not have to pretend to be asleep, or pretend that it isn't really happening. There is still an initial thrill of fear and panic, but it is nearly overwhelmed by the rightness of this woman in her arms. For her part, Maura seems to have frozen. "I want to kiss you," she'd said, and Jane had leaned in and kissed her, without thinking.

Behind them, Jane hears a chuckle, and then a voice that sounds vaguely familiar says, "shit. I owe Frankie like fifty bucks."

Maura pulls away, blushing, and Jane looks around in time to see a rookie from her brother's class wink at her before disappearing into the bar.

Jane laughs, and when she turns back to Maura, she sees the other woman looking at her with wide, amazed eyes. "What else?" she asks, and when Maura looks her confusion, she clarifies. "What else do you want? What else can I do? I hope all your wishes are that easy."

Maura opens her mouth, and then closes it again. She looks down at their hands, still entwined. "We will have to have Emily and Olivia to the city more," she says, looking away, and Jane feels her spirits fall. Maura understands this show of affection, however public, to be simply a result of the cajoling and needling of her friends.

"Maura," Jane sighs. "I'm so sorry."

"You don't have anything to be sorry-"

"Yes there is," Jane cuts her off, more than her talk with Olivia, this kiss has sealed her. "All you do is support me, and love me, and give me all this space to figure out what my deal is, and all I've done is taken advantage of that."

"You haven't-"

"I have. Because now you think that tomorrow, when they're gone and we see each other at work, that I'm going to act like nothing happened. I've made you have to protect yourself, the way I felt like I had to."

Maura is crying, and Jane holds her hand and doesn't try to stop her. Just when she thinks that it is too little, and too late, that all of this is falling short, Maura speaks.

"I want to take you out."

"What?" Jane misses most of the request in her surprise.

Maura looks up. "I want to take you out. To dinner. Or lunch. You can pick, but I want it to be a date. And I want to kiss you again."

Jane grins. "Okay."

"And,"

Jane raises an eyebrow. "There's more?"

The ghost of a smile tells her it's going to be okay, but when Maura's speaks, she is serious. "There's no going back Jane. You're right, I've protected myself from you." She grimaces. "That sounds awful, doesn't it? I don't mean-"

But Jane shakes her head. She brings Maura's hand to her lips and the doctor falls silent. "No going back," she says, and Maura laughs.

"I'm going to take you out," she says, and the authority in her voice makes Jane's heart race. Maura stands. "We really should go back," she says. "They'll be wondering where we are."

And Jane stands too. "One thing first," she says, and she presses her lips to Maura's again. There is still the fear, still the thrill of panic, but it's already less. "I lo-" she starts, but Maura puts her whole hand over Jane's mouth.

"No," she says, but she is smiling wider than Jane has ever seen. "Not yet. I…" she shakes her head. "Not yet." And when Jane nods, she stands a little taller to kiss Jane's cheek, and then turns and heads into the bar.

Jane follows her, making sure to hold the door open for the doctor on their way back inside.