Hi guys! Hope everyone's enjoying the fall so far! Sorry it's taken me so long to write!
I don't own PJO, SpongeBob, or the idea from the author ponystoriesandothers!
CHAPTER 75: YOU SEEM KINDA TENSE…
It was an ordinary day in the Underworld. Thanatos was off doing some killing or whatever, Persephone was walking around in her garden (she and Nico had tried to kill each other again), and Hades was busy in his study, trying to work out some problems with the new arrivals.
Suddenly, he heard a quiet sneeze come from the doorway.
"Uh…" Hades glanced towards the door. "Persephone? What do people say when someone sneezes?"
"Bless you?" Persephone offered, sniffling into a Kleenex.
"Why would we bless them again?"
"I don't know. It's just a saying, I guess," Persephone said, coughing deeply into her sleeve.
"What's up?" asked Hades.
"I think I'm coming down with something," said Persephone. "I'm allergic to Nico."
"No. That's not possible," said Hades. "I know for a fact that Nico doesn't cause allergies."
"I'm gonna lay down," said Persephone angrily, coughing again. "Save me some stew in case I get hungry in the night and need something to eat."
The following morning, Persephone was still not feeling well, so she ordered Hades to take Makaria to preschool.
"So, yeah…" Hades said awkwardly. "I'm not usually around when you get her ready…"
"Give her breakfast, help her get dressed, brush her teeth, brush her hair, and wash her face," Persephone spat.
"Does any of this require me to talk to her?" barked Hades.
"Talk to her while you're helping her get dressed. Psyche told me that if we want her to be more independent, we should give her more choices."
Hades grunted, then headed into the kitchen. Makaria was at the table, looking at Hades with her big, brown eyes.
Hades gave her a bowl of Skittles and Makaria devoured them. Then, she burped and ran into her bedroom. Hades followed her, eating the other half of the Skittles bag.
"What should we wear today?" Hades asked.
"A dress," Makaria replied. "A pretty one, too!"
Hades looked through her closet. "How about this one?" He held up a dress with poke-a-dots on it.
"Okay," Makaria shrugged. "Off to school!"
"Did you brush your teeth, brush your hair, and wash your face?" Hades asked.
"Nope."
"Why not?"
"Because I wanna be like you when I grow up."
"No. No you don't."
"Why?" Makaria demanded.
"Because I said so, dammit!" Hades barked. "Get into the hearse, please."
Hades made sure his kid was strapped into her car seat, then he sped off to preschool.
"Daddy, how was I born?" asked Makaria.
"Why must you bombard me with this silly nonsense?" asked Hades.
"Answer my question first," said Makaria.
"Mommy pooped you out," snapped Hades. "Here's school."
Makaria and Hades got out of the car, and Hades' day immediately got worse.
"Hi, Fructus!" Makaria said, hugging her classmate/cousin/uncle.
"Hi!" said Fructus, hugging her back.
Demeter stood behind her son, her arms folded. "You look awful," she observed.
"How nice of you to notice," said Hades.
"I'm a mother. It's my job," Demeter said coolly. "Where's Persephone?"
"In Hell where she belongs," barked Hades. "She's sick today, so I was forced to take this kid to school. Right, Makaria?"
"Right, Daddy."
"What did you give her for breakfast?" Demeter asked.
"Uh…" Hades had to think about it. "Take a guess."
"Cereal?"
"No."
"Pancakes?" Demeter guessed.
"Nada."
"Well," Demeter said, losing her patience, "what was it?"
"I gave her Skittles!" Hades cackled. "All part of a balanced breakfast, Demeter!"
Demeter shook her head. "At your next cleaning, you'll have, like, thirty cavities."
"How's Trippyhead?" barked Hades.
"Triptolemus is doing fine," said Demeter calmly.
Makaria and Fructus just watched.
"How did I get the great misfortune of being your brother and son-in-law?" asked Hades.
"I would love you more if you'd just asked for Sephie's hand in marriage," said Demeter.
"Abduction was cool back then!"
"Abduction was never cool, idiot!"
Hades snapped his fingers and Demeter's face turned a sickly shade of gray. Demeter snapped her fingers and Hades grew barley from the seat of his pants, causing his daughter and nephew to laugh.
"SHUT UP, STUPID CHILDREN!" yelled Hades. "I AM A GOD!"
"We're gods, too," Makaria said thoughtfully.
"Yeah," said Fructus.
When they got inside, they found Ms. Hecate at the front desk, looking for her phone.
"Good morning," she said in a bored voice. "How are you kids doing today?"
"Good," said Makaria and Fructus in unison.
"Great," said Hecate. "I'm a little hung over, so sorry if I can't talk good right now."
Demeter and Hades looked at her in annoyance.
"What did you drink last night?" Hades said.
"Oh…I honestly don't remember. All the scary gods had a party and I got really trashed," Hecate said. "So…Ms. Psyche and Ms. Danaë are waiting for you two. If you need anything, I'll be in the bathroom kneeling in front of the toilet."
When they arrived at the classroom, Makaria hugged Hades around the leg. "I love you, Daddy," she giggled happily.
"Mm-hmm," Hades grumbled.
Once Fructus and Makaria marked themselves present, they headed to the carpet.
Hebe, who was tracing the H on the carpet with her finger, looked at the gods. "Why didn't Auntie Seph bring you in today?" she asked Makaria.
"Because she's not feeling good," said Makaria.
"That sucks."
"I know."
"Good morning, everyone!" Ms. Psyche said happily. "It's time to do the weather."
Once Hades and Demeter parted ways, Hades went back to his palace in the deep, dark Underworld. When he walked into the palace, he noticed that his bedroom door was open. That was weird; he thought he'd left it closed so Persephone could sleep.
"Pomegranate?" asked Hades. "You in there?"
No answer.
Hades called again. Still no answer.
Hades was getting a bit nervous, so he went into the bathroom. Persephone wasn't in there. He knew that Persephone liked to hang out in the kitchen a lot, so that's where he went next.
Sure enough, the goddess of springtime was in there, mixing a potion or something on the stove.
"Good morning," said Hades, putting his hands on her shoulders. "How are you feeling, my dove?"
Persephone slapped him across the face. "I feel like someone's microwaving my insides, you ass-face!"
"Okay. I can see you're giving me attitude," said Hades calmly. "Why don't you go into your room and reflect. I'll be in my study when you want to cuddle."
Persephone stuck a thermometer under her tongue. When it beeped, she held it up to Hades.
Hades glanced at the thermometer, then looked back at Persephone. "Yep. You've got a fever."
Persephone dragged him by the arm and led him to their bathroom. She began to run a hot bath.
"That's a good idea," said Hades. "Maybe it'll help with your conges—"
Once the tub was full to the brim, Persephone pushed Hades into the tub. Hades submerged for a moment or two, then came up again, spitting water and splashing it everywhere (and it went all over their new carpet, too).
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, STUPID?!" he yelled.
Persephone didn't say anything. She began to walk lazily to the kitchen as if Hades had never asked her the question. She came back moments later with a knife, some carrots, some celery, and an onion…and Hades sorta knew what his fate was to be…
Persephone sat down in the chair beside the tub and began to cut the vegetables into small chunks. She set the vegetables to the side when she was done, then poured them into the tub.
"Um…" Hades said, "Seph, I don't think you should be making stew in the bathtub if I'm in here."
"You seem kinda tense," said Persephone. "So, I drew you a hot bath. And these aren't for a stew. These are bath bombs."
Hades glanced up at the shelves above the sink. Sure enough, there were several bath bombs, but Persephone didn't seem to be interested in them.
Persephone sneezed, wiped her nose on the towel Hades was just about to use to dry off, then continued to stir the vegetables in the tub. And although Hades realized he wasn't really going to be eaten, the thought of Persephone going all Kronos on him scared him out of his ugly robes!
"I'll be right back, honey," Persephone said. "I forgot the noodles. Don't move." And she walked out of the bathroom.
Hades was going to get out, but the water was at a comfortable temperature. The pictures on the walls (skulls and bones) were soothing to him. The smell of freshly cut veggies (which usually made him nauseous) were pleasing. He almost didn't want to leave.
Then, he realized that Persephone was standing over him with a lighter, a bag of noodles, and a few logs. She threw the logs onto the floor, set them on fire with the lighter, and threw the noodles into the bathtub with Hades. "When I feel like it," she said, "I'll grab the cauldron and cook up a scrumptious dinner!"
Hades shrugged. This was going to be weird…
"Uh…sweetie," said Hades, "in the kitchen, there's a bottle of something called…um…uh…Super-Secret Sauce. It's a red liquid that—if you drink it—it'll make the stew taste like the best stew ever."
Persephone glanced at him. "Really?"
"Yeah…" said Hades nervously. He tried to regain his confidence. "So…why don't you go ahead and grab it and you can have some. But bring it in here first so I can see if it's the right stuff."
Hades couldn't predict the future, but he'd put a label on a bottle of cold medicine so that he could prank Thanatos into drinking something nasty. He wasn't planning on giving this to Persephone, but now seemed like a good time.
When Persephone returned, she was holding the bottle of cold medicine and a spoon. "How much of it should I take?" she asked.
Hades peeked at the bottle's label. "Uh…one spoonful," he said quickly. "And…it'll kinda make you sleepy, so you might want to take a nap after you drink it."
Persephone poured out the dosage and downed it. Then, she began to sway on the spot. Hades climbed out of the tub and helped his wife into bed. He tucked her in, kissed her goodnight, then headed back into the bathroom to dry off before returning to work.
Persephone slept until the next morning…the second day Hades had to dress Makaria and help her get to school. When Hades came back home, he confronted his wife.
"I must've been that sick if I wanted to cook you in a stew," said Persephone bitterly. "You'd taste terrible, Hades."
"Well, thank you, my pomegranate."
"At least my fever went down," said Persephone. "Oh, did Mother say anything to you this morning?"
"Yeah. She said she wished you would've cooked me up because our families can't get along well," Hades said in a depressing tone.
After Persephone recovered from her fever, she had to deal with soggy veggies in the bathtub, which was not a pleasant thing she wanted to deal with.
Thanks for reading, everyone! I couldn't think of a good way to end this one, but I hope you liked it. Please review and send me ideas if you'd like! I plan on keeping this story going for as long as I possibly can! It'll be four years this year that it's been going. Should I do something awesome to celebrate four years of "Surgery"?