A/N: If we could get to 300 reviews, that would be totally amazing! I hope you enjoy this one. I own nothing. 44Lefty suggested I have a satyr have a medical emergency/dentist issue…so…here's our favorite satyr! GIVE IT UP FOR GROVER!

CHAPTER 78: NO CANS FOR YOU!

In a small window of the Big House at Camp Half-Blood, Grover was stalking his prey—Mr. D's seventeenth Diet Coke can of the day. Grover was ready to break through the window and steal it, but he figured he'd have to wait until Mr. D wasn't aware of his surroundings.

Grover watched as Mr. D wiped his mouth on his sleeve, then threw the Diet Coke can away into the recycling bin. Grover hoped that Mr. D wouldn't give these cans to the other satyrs—Grover had skipped dinner and was starving his ass off.

Suddenly, Chiron came outside and said, "Mr. D, it's almost time for bed."

"Chester, I don't need someone telling me when I need to go to bed. You should be telling Anne and Pedro to go to bed."

"Annabeth and Percy are over eighteen," Chiron retorted. "They can call lights out when they want to."

"Well…so can I." Mr. D folded his arms and stuck his tongue out at Chiron.

Chiron shook his head and pulled Dionysus inside the house.

Now was Grover's chance! He quickly crept outside (which was no easy task, since his hooves clopped on the porch loudly), and headed over to the recycling bin. His stomach growled, so Grover picked up as many Diet Coke cans as he could, stuffed them into a random bag he had with him, then bolted for Percy's cabin.

Percy was watching a—uh—not-so-very-nice movie, when Grover barged into the cabin.

"Dude!" yelled Percy.

"Is this what you do when you're alone?" asked Grover.

"The Stolls told me to watch it," said Percy. "They told me it was a documentary about a dolphin."

"And you watched the whole movie, even though you knew it had nothing to do with dolphins?"

"Yeah," Percy admitted sheepishly. "What's up, G-Man?"

"Perce, I just got a load of Mr. D's Diet Coke cans. Can we watch a movie together and I can eat them?"

Percy shrugged. "Sure."

"Great!" Grover plopped himself down in a beanbag chair and opened the bag. "Can we watch Home on the Range?"

"Annabeth borrowed it for something," Percy said.

"How about Charlotte's Web?"

"Katie borrowed it for all the new Demeter kids to watch."

Grover grumbled. "Psycho?"

"Cool!"

Percy threw the DVD into his laptop, and they both began to watch Psycho. About halfway through the movie, Percy was yawning out of boredom. But Grover, who was scared of literally almost everything, was trembling in the beanbag chair.

"Shut it off," he begged Percy.

"No. We never finish movies when the two of us watch them together. This time, we're going to finish it!"

Grover munched on a particularly chewy Diet Coke can. As he was chewing, a piece of can lodged into his gums and sliced them open.

Grover yowled in pain. Percy was annoyed: it was a tame part in the movie.

"Would you shut up, Grover?" Percy snapped. "Or I'll finish without you."

"Sorry," Grover muttered. "I was chewing and the can got caught in my gums and now I'm bleeding."

"Dude, you're getting blood all over my new blue carpet!"

Grover ran into the bathroom, rinsed his mouth, got the can out of his gums, then ran back into Percy's room to eat the rest of the cans.

"See ya, Perce!" Grover yelled. "Don't forget, we have Nature School tomorrow by Zeus' Fist."

"Nature School sucks," Percy groaned.

"Dude, c'mon. I'm teaching it tomorrow. It'll be fun!"

"Fun as in waterslide-fun, or fun as in cleaning-your-room-because-your-mom-said-it-was-fun fun?"

"Waterslide-fun," Grover replied.

"We'll see about that," said Percy.

Grover decided that he would go to bed early that night, so he laid down in his bed and began to doze off. He was having a dream where unicorns and satyrs got along quite well, when something woke him up.

Grover shot out of bed with the worst stomachache he'd ever had the misfortune to experience!

Grover remembered a few hours ago when his gums started to bleed because he got part of a can stuck in them. But he would've taken that pain any day over this raging stomachache.

Grover quickly thought of a plan. He ran to Percy's cabin, banged on the door, and waited impatiently for Percy to answer.

"Hey, Gr—"

"Percy," Grover bleated. "My stomach hurts really bad."

Percy backed away. "Please don't puke on me."

"Don't think I will," Grover replied. "Where do I go?"

"If I tell Will Solace you're sick, he'll probably meet you at the infirmary," Percy said.

While Percy sent an Iris Message to Will, Grover ran for the infirmary. He quickly made himself comfortable by going into a made bed and lying there, looking like he was dying.

Will Solace came into the infirmary, closely followed by Percy.

"Hi, Grover," Will said tiredly. "What seems to be the trouble today?"

"Will," Grover bleated, "I was eating some cans and now my stomach is killing me."

Will tapped his chin in concentration. "Hmm…well, I'm afraid the only way I can make you better is with surgery, Grover. When you wake up, you'll feel like you've had a few drinks."

"Do I have to tell Chiron and Mr. D that you've been drinking?"

Will and Percy looked at him.

"Can you keep a secret?" asked Percy.

Grover nodded, then sat forward.

"All the head counselors were bored one night, so we thought we'd try some of the wine Mr. D sneaks in here…and it didn't taste good. The point is that we both know what 'a few drinks' feels like," Percy frowned.

Grover shrugged. "I'll keep that secret if you keep my secret. I stalk the Hunters of Artemis."

"That's not a secret," said Will. "That's just a fact. Everyone knows about it. Okay, lie down and I'll knock you out with a shot of some medicine that has a very long name."

Grover lied down again and Will took out a giant needle. He jabbed it into Grover's arm and Grover was out.

"Is he out yet?" asked Percy.

"Oh, yeah, he's out," said Will.

Will performed the surgery, then reversed the anesthetic. Grover woke up and rubbed his eyes. He looked up at Percy first. "Hey…" he sighed. "How's it goin'?"

"Good," said Percy. "What's my name?"

"Albus Dumbledore," Grover bleated/sighed. "The gayest wizard to ever live!" Then, he turned to Will. "And there's Draco Malfoy! He's the most badass wizard to ever live, too!"

"I don't know who he's talking about," said Percy.

"Ah, it's probably from his imagination," said Will. "I don't think those guys exist." He turned to Grover. "Okay, Grover, I'm putting you on a no-cans diet for two weeks."

"NO!" Grover screamed.

"You can have these again afterwards," Will said, throwing the cans into the back closet of the infirmary.

Later that afternoon, when Grover had made a good enough recovery so he could walk around and stuff, he somehow remembered what Will had told him. But was that going to stop him? No, it wasn't!

While Will was busy learning about medicinal herbs and whatnot, Grover crept into the infirmary and went back to the closet.

"What are you doing?" asked a voice behind him.

"Getting lunch," said Grover. "I'm starving!"

Chiron shook his head. "Will has forbidden you from eating cans for two weeks…solid." He handed Grover a few carrots. "Eat those instead."

While Grover munched on the carrots, Chiron clopped off to play Pinochle with Mr. D.

But that didn't stop Grover either. So, while Chiron and Will were nowhere to be found, he sneaked near the closet again. He was about to turn the knob on the door when a voice said, "Grover?"

Grover looked around and saw Annabeth coming toward him. "Hey…" His voice trailed off.

"You shouldn't be by that closet if those cans are in there," said Annabeth. She gave him a bowl of grapes. "Eat those," she said.

Grover pouted, and looked at Annabeth. "Can you hide them in a better spot so I'm not tempted to eat them?"

Annabeth looked like that was the best idea Grover had ever had. "Sure thing!"

Annabeth quickly ran back to the Athena cabin, where she threw the cans into the hall closet where everyone kept their blueprints and whatever.

"There we go," Annabeth said to herself. "That should keep Grover from thinking about the cans for two weeks."

But that's all Grover thought about for the next two weeks. No matter how many activities he did and other foods he ate, he couldn't get those Diet Coke cans out of his head!

Finally, after the two weeks were up, it was like déjà vu. Grover ate too many cans, got a bad case of can-in-his-stomach-itis, Will had to perform surgery on him again, then literally tied him to a tree afterwards, where Grover wasn't able to move until he swore on the River Styx that he wouldn't do a stupid thing like that again.

And that was the worst thing I've ever written! HAHA! Hope you guys liked it!