RECOMPOSE
by Ladywolvesbayne
1. DISTANT ECHO
APRIL 3RD, 2557 - 2 WEEKS AFTER THE EVENTS OF HALO
LOCATION: UNSC INFINITY
John never slept much in his life -SPARTANS were trained for efficiency, and it required to be operative as long as possible- but lately he was sleeping less than ever. As in nothing at all. He knew that was bad, but couldn't help it. He did not want to stay put, it was unbearable. Whenever he sat down for more than five minutes, John started thinking about things he did not want to think about. Mostly, about her last words. Whenever he closed his eyes, he kept seeing her sad, beautiful face, when she thanked him from the bottom of her cybernetic heart for his service and friendship. And then, despair. Only the familiar weight of the MJOLLNIR and the rifle in his hands kept the thoughts away, hidden in some dark corner of his mind where they could not hurt anyone. Where they could not harm him.
Of course, John did not say a word about it. He wasn't much of a talker anyway.
Commander Palmer first suggested him to rest. Then, she made it an order. Later, she filed a report to keep him away from duty when she found him in the cargo bay of the Infinity ready to go out with a scouting party, merely a week after he was recovered from the debris of the Didact's ship. She said something about it not being right, John wasn't paying attention. And hence he wasn't paying attention and she realized it, Palmer sent him to the medical bay to get a full exam. The leading medical officer diagnosed him with PTSD after a series of tests, as John himself was suspecting.
Everybody could see right thru him: something was off with the Master Chief.
Captain Lasky approved with much interest the medical recommendation of a twelve-month leave and private counseling with an UNSC psychologist. John dismissed the last idea right there, the only person capable of analyzing him that deep was in the other corner of the galaxy, imprisoned, and he would never get enough clearance to even see her. Then Lasky made it an order, and since they shared a kind of respect that went far beyond military ranks, John complied. The leave and the counseling were meant to help him, he tried to get that into his head. No more denial, no cryo-sleeping his problems away this time.
It could also be just like Captain Del Rio said once, that he was aging.
True, he never felt more old or tired. But John knew deep inside that his age wasn't the problem, war machines as honed as him worked perfectly until they got blown off the ground. This was something else.
They said SPARTANS did not know of fear or remorse. That they felt nothing.
John could prove them wrong, if he cared. In his chest there was this hollow place, like a black hole ever expanding since the day he lost her, swallowing his sanity away. Because that was how it felt like: it was a loss, she wasn't the only person he cared about but was his best friend, even if she wasn't a real person at all. Cortana felt real to him, and it was enough. She had a smile he could see, a laugh he could hear and a personality he liked a lot, once. She understood him. She was real to him.
Now Cortana was gone. He kept the chip safe, like a charm close to his heart underneath the plates of his armor, but he could feel it was empty. It did not matter how many times he tried to plug that thing in the first terminal he could find, when nobody was looking. The result was always the same: a redundant error message in the screen. A painful error message.
They say that SPARTANS never die.
Then, why did he felt like a part of him was already dead?
JUNE 7TH, 2558
LOCATION: CLASSIFIED
4:14 PM standard time
The mission was going smoothly, not a big deal in any way. There wasn't much danger implied in escorting a convoy of raw materials across a deserted area infested with dangerous wildlife beyond the occasional warning shot to scare away the bugs. Or plainly shot the bugs that managed to get way too close. It was John's "comeback" assignment and it felt right to start with something light, now that the war was at a certain impasse. An ample faction of the Covenant and the UNSC joined forces a few months back in order to locate, investigate and disarm the Halo installations and any other Forerunner technology, something that proved to be a wise choice for both. The Arbiter himself proposed the truce in behalf of his followers and it was fully accepted by the UNSC command after a careful evaluation.
It did not mean that the war was over for good, but it was a very welcome break.
John turned the warthog in a corner of the road, gracefully. Red dirt flushed in the wind, in the long horizon there was a sandstorm building up but according to the weather report, the entire convoy would be safe and sound in its destination by the time the storm could rise at its full rage.
"So, Chief... mind if I ask how did you spend your leave?" Palmer said, out of camaraderie. There wasn't much to do anyway besides from keeping an ear on the radio.
He kept his eyes on the rocky road, on occasion side-glancing the cliff at the right of the vehicle. Behind them, in the turret seat, DeMarco was carefully overhearing.
"I traveled a lot." John answered her, respectfully.
"Way to go, sir. Sounds like fun." said the SPARTAN in the back.
"I've never been that long on Earth before and it felt like a good thing to do after I was discharged from counseling. I even got a dog from the UNSC K-9 division."
"A dog?" Palmer leaned in a bit. "What kind of dog?"
"Military breed*. " he said, "Her name is Charley."
Palmer smiled behind her helmet.
"Nice, indeed. It's good to see you back in check, Chief."
"Thank you, Commander."
"Seems like we are gonna make it early." stated DeMarco, cheerfully. "Man, I'm dying for a shower, all of this sand is making me sore."
"I wonder how come is that possible, since the undersuits are sealed." Palmer said, amused.
DeMarco groaned. "It just feels itchy everywhere."
John didn't say anything but he could agree with DeMarco, he felt itchy as well. Maybe it was because the undersuits were brand new, the new armor needed some adjustments too. Nothing that couldn't be fixed.
He frowned slightly at the thought of fixing things.
They've been in the sandy road for almost nine hours with less than half an hour of rest. Behind their warthog rolled six heavy-duty sealed trucks loaded with cargo, sixteen civilians and a closing escort of the other four SPARTANS from fireteam Majestic. Back in the Infinity, when Hoya raised his hand and questioned his superior about taking a few Pelicans instead of traveling those dirty roads, Palmer commented something very scientific about the magnetic winds, the gravity of the planet and the fragility of the cargo. Tedra translated it for Hoya in few words as a task strictly for land vehicles.
The convoy turned around another corner and got out of the cliffs, down into a narrow red and rocky valley. In the long distance, a bit ahead of the rising sandstorm, the curvy shape of five crystal domes saluted them with radiant reflections of sunlight. The UNSC scientific base of Red Tusk.
"Say, Commander." interrupted Madsen, via comm. "I heard a new group of scientists will be boarding the Infinity today, from Earth. We're seeing a lot of new faces around with all this thing of the truce."
"Yes, they most likely have arrived by now." responded Palmer, calmly.
"I hope there are some interesting faces this time." sighed Madsen.
"For your sake, I guess we all hope for the same." said Tedra, laughing.
"People, keep it together." snarled DeMarco, surprisingly grumpy. "This channel is for important information, not chatter."
John chuckled, his comm channel closed.
His HUD focused in the distant crystal structure and imprinted some significant data about the facility. The entrance was pointed in bright green. This new AI assigned to the entire Majestic team was silent but efficient. The name was Sigrid and she wasn't much of a cheerful person or quite smart either, it was more like a robot and responded only to command. It felt right that way, somehow.
After a year, John was much more capable of thinking about Cortana without feeling something falling apart inside. He just had to focus in the happy moments. The memories of her chatter, of her jokes, of her compliments, of those small conversations they used to hold privately in closed comm while traveling across the galaxy. Once he realized he would always remember and cherish those memories of her, it became easier and easier. To let go, to keep up, to get over it.
It wasn't about forgetting Cortana, it was about moving forward.
A small part of him still held some hope, yet. Last summer on Earth, he found out that Dr. Halsey had willingly escaped from military custody with a group of Covenant rebels during a complicated situation. He made a call and had to get a special clearance for it. Palmer filled him in with some of the details, she was clearly angry and six months after the event the UNSC still had no information about the Doctor's whereabouts, neither heard about any actions that could be her responsibility.
John actually discovered it because he received an encrypted transmission, a few days after the escape.
It said simply "I'm sorry, John. I cared about her too. I promise I will make it up to you."
That was obviously Dr. Halsey. Who else could've find him, tell him such words? Who else could've fired up his hope so much? After checking in with Palmer, he thought it could be a trap from the Covenant rebels, a vile trick to lure him out into space again and kill him at last. It would be a low blow but still, very effective. A few months early, John could have considered answering the mysterious call, to go after the signal unto his own death -or freedom-, but he was getting better. He knew better, the chip he secretly kept was still there.
It meant nothing. Six months later he returned to active service, and still nothing had changed. He was in the driver seat of a rattling warthog with a new team. And Cortana was still gone.
JUNE 7TH, 2558
LOCATION: UNSC INFINITY
8:17 PM standard time
John made his way straight to the SPARTAN bay of the Infinity, after landing and debriefing. He intended to talk with his head armor technician and share his concerns about the adjustments the new MJOLLNIR model needed, then pay a visit to Charley in the K-9 quarters and spend some time with her, finally hit the showers before his evening meal turn. In the meantime, Roland informed over the main comm channel of the Infinity about a gathering scheduled for next day, the presentation of the new scientists recently arrived. The smart AI reminded to all officers to be present on the main deck for the event.
After settling things with his technician, John was enthusiastically received by a massive brown furred dog with a natural black mantle over her back. It was probably of the size of a small pony with teeth as big as his pinky finger, but still quite serene and pretty much the type of dog that could match the proportions for a SPARTAN soldier. John kneeled down before Charley and she sat as well, stomping fast on the floor with her heavy tail. Charley barked and whined, ears straight up. Then, she licked anxiously the hand John showed her, and tapped it with her own paw.
Well, at least someone missed him while he was gone.
"I missed you too, girl." John said, and tapped the dog softly in the head.
The other dogs in their quarters whined as well, the caretakers were feeding them at that moment.
"You can take her out for a walk if you like, Chief." said Corporal Jenko, the lead caretaker of the K-9 unit. She took a glance of the tall figure of the massive man, still dressed in his tight silver undersuit and boots. "She's been in here all day, just waiting for you. You sure know how to make an impression in a girl, sir."
He didn't know what to answer, at first.
But Jenko's smile was as big as her face. No wonder why the dogs loved her.
"Thank you, Corporal. I'll bring her right back." said John, seriously.
"See you later, then."
He stood up and exited the quarters, Charley followed. There was no need for a leash or anything of the sort, the dog was well trained and knew very well not to wander away from her human friend who smelled quite funny for a human. Her silver dog-tags tingled in the air pending from her red tactical collar, cheerfully, with every jumpy step Charley took beside John's long strides. The main corridor was pretty much concurred, it was almost time for the first turn of evening meals.
"Well, we have exactly thirty minutes." John mumbled, still walking.
Charley perked her ears up, looking at him with smart brown eyes. She whined.
"I need the shower, you get bathed once a week. Let's go for a run, shall we?"
He started trotting, Charley followed again. Then she ran and he followed, making the turn towards the main elevators through the medical bay. John tried to stop her, dogs running loose across the ship were against regulation, but people seemed happy to see a carefree oversized animal passing by. Most of them cheered in good mood. They finally reached the elevators and Charley sat down in the metallic floor, waiting for him.
"OK, where do we go now?" John asked, when he faced the dog again.
Charley barked twice. Two floors up, it was; the scientists and officers' decks.
While the elevator's doors remained closed, John crouched beside the dog and petted her neck and behind her ears, earning a few sticky licks across his cheek and temple. He chuckled and tried to clean his face up. Charley didn't care about his slightly graying hair or the ever-mournful look in his blue eyes, she reached deeper than that and understood him in a different way. She made him feel at ease, a bit more comfortable with himself. That was priceless to John.
In some way, that dog reminded him of a certain someone.
John stood straight again when the elevator doors opened. They both exited and kept trotting across the officer's deck, and a moment later a message entered his private comm channel. It was Roland's neutral voice, Captain Lasky requested SPARTAN Sierra-117's presence in the strategic command, immediately. That was another deck up, right behind the Infinity's control bridge.
He looked at the dog. She looked back at him, waiting. She flopped an ear.
Well, the message did say "immediately"...
"Behave, Charley. We're going to see the Captain." John commanded, serious.
The dog shut her muzzle closed and stood in a very professional fashion, her ears pointing at the ceiling. It was quite the sight, actually, such a massive dog walking proud beside such a massive man. John tried to restrain a small smile to no avail, Charley didn't break character. They headed back to the elevator and went another floor up. He supposed it was an ordinary meeting with the Captain just to check how he was doing, it was his first day back in service after all.
John didn't expect anything wrong, to say the truth.
Palmer was expecting him when the doors opened again. She was still wearing her armor and her face seemed a bit pale, alongside with her slightly furrowed brow. That's when he knew something wasn't right.
His pulse flickered. Charley stepped closer to him, vigilant, leaning on his leg.
"Is that your dog?" Palmer said, uneasy.
"We were in the middle of a walk, ma'am." he apologized, clearing his throat.
"Never mind. Follow me, Chief."
John walked behind Commander Palmer until they entered the bridge and crossed into another floor of the same deck, the holo-table was on and showing an immense amount of strange data. Roland was almost juggling with the vibrant words, at the same time trying to explain something to the concurrence. John paid attention, but something didn't make any sense, starting with the fact that there was an unusual lot of people at the deck, including fireteam Majestic with their weapons drawn and pointing at a small figure dressed in white. From that distance he could not see who it was, but sure it was someone dangerous or suspicious.
Charley pressed her side on John's leg, again. She shot her ears back.
She wasn't scared, but the opposite.
Commander Palmer made a small sign with her hand and drew Captain Lasky's attention. John and the dog stood behind, he immediately seized his posture and saluted, Charley sat her butt on the black floor and stood firm too, like the pro she was. Captain Lasky greeted him back, his face was as worried as Palmer's. He didn't mind the dog.
"At ease, Chief. Please, come along, let's see if you can help us make some sense out of this."
"I'll try my best, sir. What is it?"
They walked, Charley closely to her master, protective.
"I'm not sure at all, to be honest." started Lasky, doubting. "We captured her boarding the Infinity about five hours ago along with the new scientist crew, Roland detected her through the security cameras. She was immediately seized, of course. She answered all of our questions in good will and the medical board gave her a green, but still... I wanted you to see her, Chief. Before making a decision, that is."
"What decision are we implying?"
"One that I don't want to regret."
John's pulse flickered again. Halsey? No, there will be a lot more fuzz if it was her. All of the high brass would be there, too, and she would be locked under seven keys in a high security cell by the time.
"I understand. Who is it?"
"She identified herself as Cortana, Chief."
Now his pulse nearly stopped, as his head shot right back to the other side of the table, where fireteam Majestic stood aside to reveal the small frame of a human female dressed in a white and gray lab coat, her black hair short to the chin and bright, shiny like a raven's wing. Big rifles were still pointing at her, but her radiant blue eyes opened big as she recognized him, as her smile broke open in a very familiar fashion, a hopeful grin. Everyone turned to look at him, obviously expecting something John did not know how to deliver.
He couldn't do anything. Neither move nor speak.
Her skin was pale, humanly pale. She was a solid entity, that was clear.
"Chief." she said, her voice natural and joyful. "It's been a while. You look nice."
He just stood there, breathing slowly, trying to contain it. His strong features were solid as rock and nothing transpired from that face, corded muscle across his body tight in tension, as well; it was impossible to say what he was thinking from the outside. Inside it was the exact opposite: he was a dam about to break. The silence took over the deck, right away, disrupted only by slow beeps from the ever running ship instruments. He felt so fucking helpless without his armor to cover up the slight tremor of his fists. It probably would've been much more easy if he could hide his face behind an orange visor and think about what to do. There was no training whatsoever for this kind of situation.
Charley reached his hand and slowly licked the clenched fist. She whined.
How many times he wished for a chance to see Cortana again? To hear her?
There she was. And she said that he looked nice. Nice, for God's sake. She looked very much alive, very much human. Very much like the Cortana he spend an entire year trying not to think so much about. So real, almost like a dream -or a nightmare-. Her smile faded, as time passed by and he didn't show any reaction.
It made him sad, somehow.
Then she took a breath and straightened her shoulders, assuming a more serious attitude. The woman looked over to Captain Lasky:
"May I?" she said, pointing at the guns with her finger.
"Carefully." the Captain approved. Beside him, Commander Palmer stood even more firm, ready to pounce or draw her weapon.
Cortana took a step forward, then another, heading straight to John. The weapons followed her, fireteam Majestic closed their positions behind the small woman. She stood a few feet away from John, facing his colossal stature with a very concerned look in her blue eyes. She was almost two feet smaller than him. He could almost smell her, from that distance.
He really wanted to say anything, but...
"Cortana... " John breathed, almost in a huff. "How is this possible?"
"I don't know." she said, softly. "You know I don't miss a chance to brag about my wits, but this time, Chief... I don't know. I can't remember what happened after I said goodbye, I thought it was the end of it. But it's good to see you, once again."
She blinked fast to keep the tears of joy away, trying to control herself. It wasn't safe, not yet. DeMarco shot a doubtful glance at Thorne, behind her back. The younger SPARTAN shrugged a little. After a short moment of silence, John unclasped a broche from his undersuit and slid a hand inside, only to bring out a simple steel chain that held his dog-tags and a black chip, a hollow memory card. He held the chip in front of her. Cortana's eyes opened even more, surprise and remorse filling her pupils; she took a few more steps and her hands grabbed the card, carefully.
From that short distance, she looked up. She found those familiar bright blue eyes and knew she was home, finally.
"You kept this." she murmured, softly.
"I made you a promise."
Cortana broke a wide smile again, in a way that made his pulse race a bit.
"I like your dog."
"Her name is Charley. I'm not sure she likes you, yet." he commented.
She pursed her lips, her face showed instant hurt, but she didn't took her eyes off his. John could read her like an open book, he saw a wave of sorrow crossing her features and felt something grow cold inside of him.
"You know it's me, Chief... don't you?" Cortana whispered, just for the two of them to hear.
He looked at her hands clasped around the black card pending on a chain from his neck. In that moment, John took a small glance at one of her wrists, almost distracted by her intoxicating scent of a real person. Soft and feminine, so warm...
He saw a small Forerunner glyph tattooed in Cortana's skin.
TO BE CONTINUED
*I can imagine that there are no such thing as dogs aboard the UNSC ships. That's all mine. Let's say that "military breeds" are dogs specially bred for military uses, John got an "improved" breed of German Shepherd if you like -I picture them quite bigger than the original dog, faster and smarter-. Animals help fight depression and I think that would not change much in the future... also, John seems to me like the kind of guy that could take good care of a dog. It's kind of a nice picture, don't you think?
It will continue, soon enough. Follow so you won't miss the update, and review if you have anything to say or correct! Remember, PMs are also welcome, let's get in touch! :)
PD: SORRY for the lousy English!