Ch 7: Desire

~Beast's POV~

"I will let you read some things first, then we will discuss them so that I know you understand. I want you to read Chapter 1 on human anatomy for both males and females. Chapter 2 talks about sexual intercourse. Start with those. You will probably be more comfortable reading alone, so I will leave you. It shouldn't take very long, but I will give you a few days to read and get comfortable with the idea of talking about this."

Beast nodded his head, knowing this would likely be the most painless option.

Though Lumiere left immediately, Beast stared at the book for a long time, uncertain about the knowledge hidden within.

Tentatively he opened the cover bracing himself for whatever was to come.

Beast sighed as he closed the book. Looking out the window of his office, he saw day had nearly turned to dusk.

The orange sun was sinking down below the horizon, with magnificent clouds of pink and purple surrounding it like a halo of color.

The sight should have been comforting, but after the heavy day of reading, Beast couldn't focus on the beauty before him.

His mind was rampant with thoughts about the book, about himself, and mostly now, about Ben.

It had all started simply enough. The book outlined basic anatomy that Beast was sure he'd learned at some point, though it seemed more common knowledge than anything else.

But as he read more deeply, he learned things he admitted he hadn't known. Or at least, things that he had experienced but never understood.

Like puberty.

He of course remembered some things, like how his voice had started to crack and deepen in strange intervals. How he'd grown several inches taller over a few short months. Even how hair had started to spring up in the most unexpected of places.

Yet all of this was quickly overshadowed in coming days when the curse befell him. He no longer worried about a little hair, because he was covered in fur. Growing a few inches? Try several feet. And his voice… it had gone from squeaks to menacing growls.

He'd never fully experienced the effects of becoming a man, because he was experiencing ones of becoming a beast.

And until now, he never thought about what else had changed.

But the book had some words about that too.

About the burning sensation he felt every time he looked at Ben. He'd spent days trying to understand the reaction, drawing blanks and feeling tight in his own skin. But now he had a word for it.

Desire.

The shock of understanding rocked him deeply.

In his younger days he'd never had the time to think of love or desire. He was too busy trying to prove himself. Working himself to exhaustion daily, in an effort to improve his strength and skill. He had to be the best. It was demanded of him, and he spared no thought for other things.

That included attraction.

In the far reaches of his memory he could almost picture a pretty maid who'd caught his eye a time or two. But any feelings he might have had were squashed by the demands of training.

His father's words echoed in his ears.

You'll never be the best if you're distracted.

So he didn't allow himself to be.

And when the change occurred, no distractions were to be found.

But it was different now.

He felt every fiber of his being tingle when Ben was near. His stomach churned, and heart beat wildly in his chest.

The book explained these as physical manifestations of attraction, and Beast admitted it scared him.

He didn't quite understand his feelings.

Shouldn't he be feeling this for a woman? Wasn't that the point of desire? To create new life?

But his feelings for Ben wouldn't lead to that. And though the book was clear on the relationship between men and women, it said nothing of how men could feel for one another.

Was something wrong with him? Was this another side effect of being a Beast? And how did would Ben feel about this?

He wanted to believe Ben felt the same way, because then he wouldn't be so alone, but that was probably just his wishful thinking.

Beast rubbed his head feeling more confused than before.

At a light knock on the door, Beast called for them to enter, though he didn't rise from his seat at the balcony.

"Master. Dinner will be ready soon. Will you dine with Ben this evening?" Lumiere asked, hesitancy in his voice.

Beast shook his head.

"Not tonight. I have much on my mind."

Truthfully, with his newfound understanding of his feelings, he felt ashamed to be in the same room as Ben. He was afraid of what Ben might see.

"I was going to give you time, but I think we should talk now." Lumiere announced coming to stand beside him.

Beast gulped, feeling a more than a little helpless.

"I don't understand why I feel this way. Is something wrong with me?"

His words were remarkably soft and Lumiere patted his arm comfortingly at the admission.

"No, no. There is nothing wrong with how you feel. Nothing at all."

Beast wondered if he should elaborate. Maybe the candelabra didn't understand what he meant by his feelings.

"The book was only a starting point. There are many things it doesn't discuss. But before I continue, I'd like you to answer a question for me." Beast turned to face his friend, dreading the question he knew was coming. "You feel for Ben what you think you should be feeling for a woman, yes?"

There was no censure, just plain and simple words.

Beast nodded, hoping Lumiere could help with these feeling, and was more than a little surprised when a big smile filled the candlestick's face.

"Wonderful! I was hoping you did." He grinned.

Beast blinked in confusion.

"Why is this a good thing?"

Lumiere laughed.

"Because that means he makes you happy. And you want him. This is something you've never had before. And I'm happy you are becoming the man now you were meant to be."

The words startled Beast. How did this make him more of a man? The question must have been obvious on his face, because Lumiere laughed again.

"I'll explain. You have been so wound up in being a beast, that you never let yourself think about the other things you could have. You can still be happy even if things didn't go the way we wanted them too. And life doesn't have to stop because of that either. That you're realizing your more than just an animal means your growing, and that is what makes you a man. What you feel in here." He tapped Beast's chest lightly, motioning to his heart.

Beast sort of followed the logic, though he wasn't sure how any of what he felt was a good thing.

"But how I feel, this isn't normal, is it?" There was genuine fear in his voice, and Lumiere's eyes turned a smidge sad.

"What is normal? And why would you want to something so mundane as normal? If you are happy, if Ben makes you happy, is that not enough?"

Beast considered these words and found a sort of comfort in them.

Making Ben happy mattered to him. To see his smile, and the way his eyes light up with delight. It made him ache in the most pleasant of ways.

"I want it to be enough, but I don't understand how it's possible."

Lumiere nodded, understanding Beast's confusion on the matter.

"The book I had you read was only a start. Just enough to teach you what things are so that what comes next makes more sense." He elaborated, making Beast's ears perk. "The subject content isn't an easy one for many to discuss and I didn't want to rush you with too many things at once. I thought simple, if one-sided, was the best place to begin your education on the matter."

"So there's more?" Beast wondered how much more there could be. The book had been straightforward, and he wasn't sure where there was room to elaborate.

Lumiere laughed.

"Qui! There is much more. The book barely scratches the surface of love and love-making. Like learning to read, you have to know the words and parts before you can understand how they work together."

Hope filled Beast's chest as he looked at Lumiere. And what he thought would be embarrassing was now fascinating.

"Is there more to read then? Or will you explain it to me?" Lumiere smiled as if sensing the change in Beast's tone.

"Both. There is much to read. I have a few more volumes to suggest, though I think now would be a good time to answer any immediate questions you have."

Beast had many, many questions.

…

~Belle's POV~

(several days later)

Belle nibbled her lip as she paced her room. The week after she had spoken with Beast about creating a garden had left her feeling excited. She spent much of her time wrapped up in ideas of what to do. And when the supplies appeared, she had put herself to work with getting the lawn in order. Beast had been encouraging in the beginning, but as time passed, it seemed he had started to pull away from her.

At first it had been little things. Their meetings had become shorter, he'd been a little quieter too, then one night he didn't show up for dinner.

Or the next.

Or the day after that.

And again tonight.

She sighed loudly, flopping back on the bed.

He was probably just busy. And now that she had a job of her own to do, he didn't need to see her as much. She was well now, and needed less attention.

But the thought made her sad. She loved their evenings together. He made her feel so special and important.

No one ever looked at her like she meant something. She wasn't used to anyone caring about her opinion. But he did.

Belle knew she was being a bit unreasonable. He likely had other things to do besides wasting the day with her. And a man had a right to quiet evenings alone, if that was what he desired.

Still, she found herself feeling a bit blue and not at all in the mood for story time which was scheduled to start soon. Another reminder of his distance. He hadn't shown up the past few days for her nightly tales either.

With a reluctant sigh she pulled herself up off the bed and walked to the sitting room, where the crowd of servants waited for her.

She couldn't help feel a little better when she saw their eyes light up as she entered the room. And maybe a little overwhelmed as they all started talking at once.

"Hi Ben! I can't wait for the story tonight."

"Will you tell then one about the mermaid?"

"No, tell the one about the frog!"

"Oh Ben! The one about the princess with long hair!" The chipped teacup danced spritely at her feet.

"Whoa! Whoa," she smiled gently, patiently. "I was actually thinking of a different story tonight. One I haven't told before."

An excited hush fell over the room.

"This one is about a young woman who breaks the law to save her family." Eyes widened as she began the tale.

As she weaved the story of the young, accident-prone maiden, they leaned toward her in fascination. Sad looks were exchanged as she spoke of how the girl felt she let down her family. Surprised gasps sounded when she regaled the girl's decision to run away from home with a secret identity and fight in the place of her father.

Tears gathered in their eyes when the woman was hurt, and her secret identity found out.

"No! He can't kill her! He loves her!" Chip tittered eyes bright with unshed tears.

"Hush! Let her finish the story," Mrs. Potts comforted.

Belle smiled at their enthusiasm.

"It's okay Chip. Because you see what happened next, no one could have expected. Shang threw down the blade, declaring 'A life for a life'. Then they rode away, leaving her behind in the snow."

"That's unfair! She saved them all." Babette chimed in now.

Belle nodded solemnly.

"She did. But her lies made them distrustful of her. She had done what she thought was right, but they couldn't see it that way."

Belle wondered if they would blame her too, if they found out her secret. Would they shun her? Would they abandon her?

Her throat spasmed, as panic took hold.

"Are you alright Ben?" The matronly teapot asked. Belle forced a smile as she swallowed back her fears.

"Yes. Sorry." Clearing her throat, she continued the story through its happy ending. But when it was over, Belle didn't feel the normal sense of joy at the finish. Instead she felt a little hollow.

Feigning tiredness, she took her leave a littler earlier than normal and made her way back to her room.

She wasn't there long when a knock sounded at the door.

Belle sighed knowing it was Mrs. Potts checking in on her. She opened the door, fake smile in place, ready to brush off any concerns.

But it was Beast standing there instead.

"Oh." Her hand flew up to her heart as she looked up at him.

His brow was pleated with concern.

"Are you feeling ill? Mrs. Potts said you left early this evening." Worry colored his tone, and it spread warmth through her core.

"I, uh, I'm fine," she nearly stammered. His gaze made it hard to concentrate, and she wanted to kick herself for getting caught up in it. Her feelings were probably inappropriate considering he had been putting more space between them these past days. She needed to get a grip on reality.

He frowned deeply, and reached a hand out to press against her forehead. Her heart thundered at his touch. Their eyes locked and she knew he could literally hear her reaction. Embarrassed, she pulled back.

"I'm really fine. I was just a little tired today is all."

His eyes watched hers, an almost hungry edge filled them.

"You don't look tired."

Belle felt her blush deepen.

"Well, um, I guess I'm not exactly tired. I, uh," Belle trailed off, uncertain of what to say. She couldn't exactly tell him what was really on her mind.

Beast's eyes never left her face.

"If you aren't tired, maybe you would consider walking with me in the garden?"

Unsure of her voice, Belle nodded and followed him wordlessly out the door.

Belle remained silent as they made their way out of the castle into the courtyard. Only the sound of their steps could be heard along the path.

"The garden is looking beautiful. You've done a great deal in just a few short days."

The compliment took her off guard, uncomfortable, she shrugged off the praise and looked up at the fullness of the moon as it shined on her new winter flowers.

"You're more quiet this evening than usual."

Belle kept her eyes on the lawn.

"Am I?"

She tried to keep a neutral voice.

"Are you happy here Ben?"

Startled, she glanced over at him, surprised and curious at his question.

"We haven't seen much of each other this past week. I fear I've been neglecting you."

Belle wasn't sure what he'd say, but it wasn't that. And she felt his honesty deserved some in return.

"I've missed our conversations, but I understand that you're busy." Her words were gentle, and she hoped they didn't seem too attention starved, even if that technically was how she felt. "But to answer your question, being here is the happiest I've been in a long time."

His brows drew in, and mouth turned down into a deep frown. She wondered why saying she was happy would cause such a look?

"I've been wanting to ask you, what happened before you came here? How did you end up in the forest all alone?"

Belle froze at the question. She didn't want to lie to him, but she couldn't tell him the truth.

"I-," her words died on the cold air as she struggled to think of what to say. "I couldn't live with the family that had taken me in anymore. But I didn't have anywhere to go. I was hoping to find work somewhere, but I got lost in the woods."

She hoped he wouldn't probe further than that. Replaying the events in her head already had her nearly shaking in fear. Fear for what happened, but also fear of it happening again.

Warm hands gripped her shoulders, she looked up to focus on Beast's concerned eyes.

"I hope one day you will feel comfortable confiding in me. But for now, just know you are safe here. And I promise no harm will ever come to you." His eyes held absolute truth.

Unthinking, Belle pulled herself into his arms, wrapping her hands about his waist and squeezed. She just needed a moment of comfort she told herself. Her face buried into his chest and his warmth radiated through her. She found strength in his embrace.

It took her longer to find her composure than she expected, and when she stepped back, her cheeks were pink with embarrassment.

"Sorry, for, well, uh…" she trailed off blushing. "Thanks."

But Beast held nothing but a tender look in his eyes.

"Why don't you show me what you've been working on?"

Thankful for the change of topic, Belle smiled and pulled Beast deep into the garden, gaining confidence with every step.

AN: Another chapter! I wonder why Beast was avoiding Belle? Maybe it had something to do with the lessons Lumiere was giving him... hmm

Thanks for all the support for this story. It means a great deal to me that many of you are excited to read it and see the relationship unfold.