Ch 8: Picnic
~Beast's POV~
It had been difficult, keeping his distance. But it had also been necessary. He never intended for Ben to feel abandoned in his absence. The lonely look in his eye when they spoke a few days ago had been all too telling, and it made Beast's stomach clench with regret and excitement.
Surely this meant Ben felt the same way he did? Right?
Beast leaned back in his chair and rubbed his temples, attempting to clear his mind.
Lessons with Lumiere had consumed his thoughts for several days. And where his thoughts were initially concerned, confused, timid even, now they were far less innocent.
His education on the subject of sex was nowhere near complete, but it was expanded by a great magnitude. The readings and discussions with Lumiere had opened his mind to a world he dared never think of before.
There was just so much!
Not just the way bodies could fit together, but what they endured. How sensations evoked by even slight changes in touch could vary drastically. How words could be mixed with action to incite pleasure. Generally speaking, how pleasure could be achieved by various means.
It was equally exhausting as it was exhilarating.
He no longer had these nameless emotions and reactions, but rather vivid images in his head whenever Ben was near. Now he ached to discover what acts would elicit pants and moans from the young boy's mouth.
Did Ben like gentle sweeping caresses along his skin? Did he prefer firm demanding grasps? Would he desire sweet kisses along his face as he came to completion?
These were the thoughts running though his mind.
These were the thoughts that also made him feel like a giant pervert.
He hadn't known he could feel these things, much less for another man.
Lumiere had been helpful, explaining that some men enjoyed the company of other men rather than women. Some enjoyed both. And there were some who didn't care for labels and simply enjoyed others regardless of sex or gender.
That too had been confusing at first, but the more he thought on it the more it made sense. Did it really matter? What a person was, boy or girl? If you cared for someone, wasn't that enough? Wasn't he himself in a strange position anyways, more creature than man?
What did it change if he liked men?
Beast shook his head at his own thoughts.
It changed nothing. Nothing at all.
Still.
What if Ben didn't feel the same way? And that would be a concern.
But there was hope.
Beast could see it in Ben's eyes more and more now that he knew what to look for. The signs of desire.
The widening of eyes, dilating of the pupils. Quickened heartbeat and flushed cheeks.
Ben sported them frequently in Beast's presence.
At first Beast thought the boy was just predisposed to such a look. Then, as he watched from afar, he noted Ben though often rosy cheeked, bared no other symptoms.
But if Beast walked out of shadows to join him in the garden late in the evening, the blush would spread. Up to his ears and down his throat. And other signs were there as well.
Often, when Beast was pretending not to look, Ben's eyes would travel across the expanse of his form and a look of pure hunger would fill his eyes.
No. Beast decided, Ben almost certainly had desires similar to his own.
The only problem was, did Ben want to act on them? Or would he be ashamed?
This too was something Lumiere had discussed with him at great length.
Beast, having a very non-traditional upbringing since his change, never truly experienced societal expectations or the pressure to conform them. He had of course, learned to comport himself for business purposes, he had lands to manage after all. But the other parts of society were all but foreign to him.
He didn't get to grow up with other children or learn the customary ways of becoming an adult.
Lumiere explained, though Beast had known as much, only opposite sex couples were accepted in a social sense. Traditional opinions dictated the point of such joining's were for the purpose of property ownership and more importantly, procreation. Slightly less traditional but generally accepted thoughts considered the enjoyment and love between the individuals to be equally as important if not more so than the ability to bear children. After all, some couples were unable to have children regardless.
And though society was ever evolving, this seemed to be an area with little progress. It was still looked down upon for persons to engage in sexual activity outside of marriage and even more so with individuals of the same sex. It could be overlooked, if a person was discrete or rich enough. But this would never be accepted openly.
Learning all of this ripped Beast apart.
First to learn that people could and often did have feelings outside of traditional teachings. And then to hear that it didn't matter, because society wouldn't allow it anyways.
Why did it matter? Whose right was it to condemn others for their preferences? Particularly when those preferences didn't hurt anyone?
It was baffling. Enraging.
And most importantly to Beast, it was heartbreaking.
Because it meant people who probably loved each other would never act on it. And he wondered if he would be one of those people.
Would Ben feel an inherent sense of shame for having affection towards Beast? Would he consider it immoral, as Lumiere explained, villagers were often taught?
These questions burned him inside and out.
He thought the hardest part about being a Beast was no one could ever come to care for someone so grotesque. But now, in the face of these feelings, and seeing the look of desire that was often stamped on Ben's face, this was true torture. That someone could overlook his deformity to the person within, and yet still be held captive by societal rules.
A knock at his study door abruptly pulled Beast's mind away from his dark thoughts.
"Yes?" His voice was gruff, but he imagined Lumiere would forgive him the abrasive tone all things considered.
But Beast was surprised when it was Ben's head that appeared around the door rather than his candlestick friend.
"Sorry. Did I catch you at a bad time" His eyes were hesitant, and posture indicated he was ready to bolt.
"Not at all. I was just looking over some ledgers. I apologize if I was abrupt," Beast lied easily giving Ben what he hoped was a re-assuring smile.
Still, Ben looked cautious. Not that Beast could totally blame him, there was a tangible tension between them now whenever they were alone. Partly, Beast guessed, because of the new awareness of his own feelings and the shadow of his previous somewhat cold-shoulder to Ben.
Ben's smile was nervous and to Beast's eye, a little forced.
"Please, come in." Beast gestured to the chair across from his desk, hoping Ben would take it. He only opened the door a little wider, staying mostly hidden behind the fixture.
"Oh, well, Lumiere wanted me to see if you were ready for lunch."
Beast's brows rose in surprise.
Lumiere never asked Beast when he wanted to take his meals. Usually he or Mrs. Potts just showed up with a tray of food.
And Ben looked unusually nervous to just be asking about taking a meal.
Something was amiss, that was for sure.
"Taking lunch would be a welcome distraction." He played along, although still somewhat wary about what might be in store.
Ben smiled a little, though he still looked timid.
"Well, umm, it's such a nice day out, how would you feel about eating outside?"
Beast was feeling more confused by the second. He'd never taken a meal outside. What was Lumiere up to?
"Outside?" he glanced to the window, it was a beautiful day.
"Well, in the garden, specifically," Ben blushed slightly, making Beast's stomach clench.
"That sounds wonderful."
Beast stood and walked determinedly over to where Ben was still half-hiding in the doorway.
As he drew near, he saw a brown wicker basket in the boy's hand.
Noticing Beast's gaze, Ben looked down.
"Is a picnic okay?" His eyes darted back up, hopeful and nervous. He'd drawn his bottom lip between his teeth. Beast resisted the urge to reach out and release the swollen flesh, to capture it with his own lips.
"A picnic is more than okay." Beast's tone had gone slightly husky from the direction of his thoughts. Despite his best effort to resist the enticing creature before him, his body was reacting without permission.
Ben's eyes widened, pupils dilating slightly.
Beast could have groaned. These looks were doing nothing to quell his growing desire.
"Umm, okay." Ben turned suddenly, moving quickly down the hall. Beast followed wordlessly, knowing he needed a moment to control himself anyways.
Ben directed them out of the castle to the left side of the lawn, where great progress had already been made.
Shrubs and winter flowers filled the cobblestone path as they made their way deep into the garden. They only stopped when Ben brought them to a small clearing of grass surrounded by quaint brook.
It was lovely, and perfect for a picnic.
"This okay?" Ben was hesitant again, Beast could tell he was battling a great deal of nerves.
"This is beautiful. I keep forgetting how much you've managed to do in just a few short weeks. I'm sure by the time spring is here, it's going to be perfect."
Ben blushed warmly under Beast's praise, and damn if Beast didn't like that look.
Before long, a blanket was placed across the grass and the basket unpacked of all its delightful contents. There were roast and turkey sandwiches, a fresh salad, rice pudding, several fruit turnovers, bread and cheese, and a bottle of lemonade.
It all looked delicious, and Beast could hardly remember a time he felt so hungry.
"This is quite a spread."
Ben blushed.
"Well, I wasn't sure what you liked."
Beast felt his brows raise in surprise.
"You made this?" Why did that make him feel so warm?
"Not all of it, but I was allowed to help." His face was so red, Beast wondered how warm his face was to the touch.
"It looks divine." Having said so, Beast raised a sandwich to his mouth, taking a slow bite. He nearly groaned from the taste and Ben's eyes on his lips.
The eyes shifted away after a moment and focused on the food before them.
Beast watched Ben from his peripheral, taking note of every movement. The way Ben nibbled on his sandwich, tongue darting out to catch every crumb. He imagined for a moment how that tongue would feel against his own lips, traveling across his face, down his neck.
Tormented by his own thoughts, Beast grew quiet. Battling his inner demon, that demanded Ben's attention and affections.
"Are you alright?" Ben asked, concern marring his beautiful brow.
Beast swallowed deeply and cleared his throat several times before he could speak.
"Quite. Just enjoying the delicious food." He covered easily.
Ben didn't look convinced.
"You had a pained look on your face. If you don't like the sandwich, you really don't have to eat it."
Beast wanted to groan. He had probably been making faces, but it had nothing to do with the food.
"No, no. My mind is just distracted. The food truly is wonderful." He hoped his genuine statement would be accepted.
Ben's face drew in contemplation for a moment.
"If it would be better, I can leave you to your lunch? I know you usually take it alone; I wasn't intending to rob you of your solitude."
He shook his head immediately.
"I am glad of the company, if a little unused to it. My manners are not as practiced as they should be. Forgive me?" He said it with a smile and as much charm he could muster.
His words had the effect for which he was hoping. Ben blushed, looking utterly disarmed. It took him a moment to speak.
"There is nothing to forgive. Your manners are not bad. I suppose I was just a little worried of overstepping my place by asking you to eat in the first place."
That made Beast's heart ache terribly.
"You couldn't overstep Ben. I asked you to stay here because I value your presence and all you have to offer. Never fear otherwise."
Beast watched as the boy's eyes grew a wet sheen. Fear struck his heart, wondering what he'd done to cause the reaction. But then Ben gave a warm smile.
"You are far more kind than I keep expecting." His grin was lopsided and small, yet Beast felt shame.
"Ah, I suppose you would expect the worst, all things considered." Like how he'd gone into a rampage locking the boy in a tower to nearly die of infection.
But then Ben was on his knees, leaning forward to grasp Beast's paws in his hands.
"Please don't misunderstand. I'm not talking about how you look, or the first time we met. It's been some time since I've known kindness from someone who wasn't directly related to me. And I'm baffled by how a stranger such as yourself could be so generous, when you really don't even know me well at all."
The impassioned words and gentle touch filled Beast with an overwhelming urge to protect the boy. He was such a kind, sweet soul. It mystified him that anyone would want to be anything but generous and caring in return.
Against his better judgement, Beast reached out a paw to stroke Ben's cheek. The skin was so soft, it took most of his willpower to not lean in for a kiss.
And Ben watched him, eyes wide with anticipation, mouth slightly open. As if Beast's touch were exactly what he wanted.
"Ben, you deserve far more than anything I have given, or could possibly give." It saddened him to say the words, but he felt they were the truth.
Ben looked down for a short moment, then back up again, brows drawn in disagreement.
"I think you don't even realize how much you have given me. Not just a place to sleep. Or food to eat. But a home. Friends. In just a few short weeks, you have given more than what many people will know in a lifetime."
The words were almost too much.
His inner beast yelled to claim. To take. To keep forever.
And his heart shouted too.
To protect. To cherish. To love, forever.
"Then I offer you my home, for as long as you should want it."
Ben's eyes softened, so much affection shining through them.
"Always."
So overwhelmed with emotion Beast struggled to pull back. Yet he knew it was the right thing to do.
Slowly, he removed his hand from Ben's cheek, smiling internally when the boy looked sad at the removal.
All was quiet. The intensity of the moment lingered between them.
Finally, Ben sat back, a blush blooming on his cheeks.
He cleared his throat.
"So, want a pastry?" he grinned cheekily.
And Beast knew he would do anything, everything, to keep this wonderful creature by his side.
AN: I know, this update took way too long to get out. I was juggling to many things at once, but I'm trying to focus on this story now.
How did you like this interaction? Things are getting a little intense (I love a slow burn).