Ch 9: Beast's Story

~Belle's POV~

The day of the picnic had marked a turn in Belle's relationship with Beast. She had been so overwhelmed, him sitting across from her, his heart in his eyes.

She'd wanted so badly for him to pull her into his arms.

And perhaps for him to kiss her too.

The thought made her blush deeply.

And then ache deeply too.

Kissing was out of the question. She couldn't allow herself to kiss him. No matter how much she might want to.

Not because of what he was, but because of what she was.

For goodness sake, he thought she was a boy.

And if she had any hope for staying there, for continuing the beautiful friendship they were developing then she needed to keep things neutral. Platonic.

If she let him get closer, he'd find out she'd lied.

That she wasn't a he… well, not completely.

Belle gripped her cropped hair, groaning.

Why did this have to be so confusing?

Why couldn't she be normal?

She glared down at her body, cursing herself silently.

She could never be normal.

Neither boy, nor girl.

But somewhere in-between.

And so she could never be with him.

It killed her, knowing this was the truth. That this was how it had to be.

Part of her wanted to argue.

Beast wasn't normal. He would understand. He would accept that she was different because he faced issues of physical normalcy too.

And then the fear took over, recalling what happened the last time someone found out.

She'd never been so scared. So terrified for her life and the same body she often hated.

And she did hate it.

Hated how it had cost her.

Why was she different? And why did it matter so much?

Her eyes misted with agony.

How often had she asked herself these questions? Wondered why she'd been cursed like this?

But even so, it wasn't until she met Beast that those same questions hurt more in different ways.

Because she'd never thought there'd be a chance for more. Never saw the opportunity for someone to love or accept her.

But with Beast?

Oh she was sure he liked her.

They way his eyes watched. The heat that pooled in them.

Too often she'd seen the same look in her own face, thinking of him.

And the flirting, though light, was present.

So he must want her too.

Only he didn't want her, not Belle.

He wanted Ben.

But Ben was only a part of her.

And that was a reality she couldn't run away from.

Despite how much she was growing to care for Beast, how much she wanted to be more than friends, she would never take it further.

She would be his friend. The best friend he'd ever had. But nothing else. Nothing more. Ever.

Because that was better than losing him.

Resolved, Belle locked away her feelings, promising she'd not encourage his. If he flirted, she'd not flirt back. If he looked deeply in her eyes, she'd divert his attention. And if she felt he was getting to close, she'd back away. Physically, and emotionally if needed

Belle was certain if he saw her keep things friendly, he would respect that. He would never push.

She hated that the reason he wouldn't was because he thought himself a monster. She only hoped that with her friendship and time, he would see he was so much more.

Days passed and with great effort, Belle held true to her word. She'd managed to stop giving him side glances, or heated looks. She kept all conversation light, friendly. She never took his hand or tried to touch him, and if he drew near, she pulled away using anything close by as a distraction.

She'd been heartbroken at first, seeing his sad looks. The hurt, the fall in his expression. But she steeled herself against it, knowing it would be better for him to endure this disappointment than a much greater one if she let things go too far.

She hoped her excitement to include him in her daily adventures would lessen the sting of her romantic rejection. To show him she did like him, that he was a great person, that she just couldn't do more.

And for his part, Beast had seemed less glum as the weeks went on. That when Belle pulled away, the hurt that flashed in his eyes was replaced with acceptance more quickly than before. Belle comforted herself with the hope that with a little more time, there would be no more hurt.

It was the only thing keeping her going.

~Beast's POV~

Beast wasn't sure what had changed, what words he'd said, or line he'd unknowingly crossed. But Ben wasn't acting his normal self.

He was as friendly as ever, but despite the new level of enthusiasm, he was off.

At first Beast had thought the day of the picnic marked a change for good. For growing closer, maybe even moving away from friendship into something more.

But since then Ben had very determinedly kept things light, and Beast, at arm's length.

Beast's first reaction was to be hurt. Ben had been giving off all the signals that he liked Beast as more than a friend, so why the sudden change? Did he decide that being with a 'beast' was too much? Too gross?

But when he looked closer, he saw the old Ben lurking beneath the surface of this new façade.

Ben's blush was still there when Beast gazed at him, even if he pretended not to notice. Goosebumps would break out along his skin if Beast 'accidently' brushed against him. And every time Ben forced his eyes away, there was a grimace like quality to his smile. As if the action caused him pain.

It was as if Ben was trying to bottle up or hide away his feelings.

Beast just didn't understand why.

He'd never push Ben for more if that was truly not what he wanted, but Beast wasn't certain that was the case.

And it made him wonder, if Ben was attracted to him, why didn't he want to act on it?

Was he afraid?

That thought caused Beast much heartache.

He had reason, plenty of reason to be scared of Beast. But that didn't seem to be the problem. Or at least it wasn't a problem before.

So yet again Beast wondered, what had changed?

He looked up across the lawn from his office, seeing Ben down below.

He was hard at work in the garden, pulling weeds and preparing for new plantings.

Beast watched for a time, eyes never straying, wondering what had caused the Ben to start holding back.

"Master?"

Beast almost started at the voice.

He turned to face Lumiere, who was looking over the balcony down to where Ben was still at work.

"He is not himself of late." Lumiere's voice was more somber than usual

Beast rose his brows, glad for the unexpected comment.

"So you noticed too." His voice was equally serious. "I wish I knew the cause"

Lumiere tapped his metal foot against the floor for a short moment, as if thinking of what to say.

"He is worried of getting to close to you." He said finally, a note of certainty in his voice.

Beast had come to the same conclusion, but it hurt to hear it spoken.

"I was afraid of that." He sighed, feeling a heavy burden on his chest.

"I think you should ask him why."

There was a thought.

Confront Ben directly about the change of heart.

"You don't think that would make it worse?"

Lumiere shook his head, uncertain.

"There's no way of telling. But something is bothering him. And a friend would ask."

The dig was not lost on him.

Ben had been trying his best to be Beast's friend. A friend could ask questions about how they felt. About their behavior.

It was a possibility.

"There is a chance this is less about you, and more about him." Lumiere added a bit cryptically.

"Meaning?" Beast returned, confused by his confidant's words.

Lumiere shrugged.

"Everyone has a past." Beast didn't miss the side glance. He certainly had a past, and it had shaped him too.

He was still haunted by it to this day.

And maybe that was Lumiere's point.

What Ben had gone through had shaped him. And how fair was it for Beast to judge Ben's actions if his own had been similarly guided?

This was a different perspective. One Beast hadn't considered before. Something about Lumiere's words made Beast wonder if he knew more than he was letting on.

But that was Lumiere. Whatever his thoughts, they were his own. If he didn't want to share them, no amount of threatening or begging would change his mind.

"You know something." Beast still felt the need to call him out.

"More than some." Lumiere agreed.

Beast shook his head at the obvious evasion.

"I only mean you can hardly expect Ben to share what you're unwilling to speak on too."

Beast felt the comment was fair, but hard to accept. Sharing his past could hardly change anything.

"If you really think it's his past holding him back, what can I do to fix that?" Beast felt certain it was a hopeless cause. There was nothing to be done to fix his own past. All he could do was accept it. Was Ben's the same?

The candelabra was quiet and thoughtful.

"The past cannot change. But the future can."

This made less sense to Beast. His future was certain because of his past. He'd be a Beast forever and Lumiere knew that. Nothing could change that.

"I don't see how this applies."

Lumiere rolled his eyes. It was obvious Beast was missing some sort of point, but he didn't like these puzzling remarks, and wished his old friend would just speak his mind.

"If Ben isn't who you think he is, would it change your feelings?"

The question was so unexpected and seemingly off topic Beast hardly knew how to respond.

"I'm not sure I know exactly what you mean. I don't actually know who he is. But what I do know tells me that there is little he could do or say that would change how I feel."

Lumiere accepted the answer with a small nod.

"Good. Now make sure he knows that too." He patted Beast's leg somewhat comfortingly. "Dinner will be served soon. I told Ben to be in the dining room at seven."

No mistaking that subtle hint to talk to Ben tonight.

Nodding, Beast turned away to look back out the window, down at the object of his thoughts.

He would do his best to be Ben's friend. And if that was all he ever wanted; Beast would honor that wish.

But how he hoped for more.

…

"Oh this is delicious. I think every meal is better than the last one." Ben commented cheerily as he spooned up more soup.

Beast laughed lightly at the look of pleasure on Ben's face.

"Soup and grilled cheese are most certainly fine dining."

Ben gave a lopsided grin.

"Just because it isn't fancy doesn't make it any less wonderful."

There seemed to be an innuendo to the words.

"No. I agree. Sometimes, the simplest of things are the best."

Ben's face took on a somewhat far off look.

"I suppose so." He murmured, seemingly lost in thought.

Beast wished he knew what was on the boy's mind.

"A penny for them?"

Ben cocked his head to the side, obviously not understanding.

"A penny for your thoughts." Beast repeated the full saying. Ben's eyes light in understanding but turned a little sad.

"I'm afraid my mind wanders down paths it shouldn't." His eyes darted back and forth, watching Beast closely. It made Beast wonder if Ben was thinking about him.

"You have a question then, about me?" Beast hedged, hoping he would feel more comfortable with the direction.

The reluctance in Ben's face was all the answer he needed.

"You can ask. I wouldn't deny you." Beast reassured, hoping he hadn't just lied.

Ben sighed a little, swirling his spoon around his bowl.

"It feels wrong, to pry, I mean."

Beast wondered if that was because it would open doors for him to ask questions in return.

"Is it prying if I say you can?"

The boys nose scrunched adorably.

"Yes." He looked thoughtful. "You've been nothing but generous since I've come to live here. It seems not just rude, but very ungracious to nose my way into your business. And I can't help but think everything I need to know; you've already shown me." His smile was soft and accepting.

It warmed Beast as much as it made him ache.

He wanted Ben to know him better.

"But still, you have questions. If I could ease your mind, I would." Beast pushed just a little more.

Ben actually cracked a smile.

"You make it difficult not to feed into my curiosity." He laughed a little, but then his face fell. "I only worry I may say or ask something too personal or hurtful."

His eyes squinted, as if even the thought of causing Beast pain was too much.

"I suppose I understand. Yet I am not as delicate as you think."

A small silence filled the air.

"You mentioned simple things are often better. It made me wonder about your life. I suspect it has not been simple." Ben finally admitted.

Beast was glad he had spoken up, though the subject wasn't so easy to discuss.

"No. It hasn't." He agreed solemnly. "And I imagine yours hasn't been simple either."

Ben didn't look at Beast, but his brows rose a smidge.

"True." His pause was short. "Do you wish you had a different life?"

What a question.

And how to answer?

Beast contemplated for a long time.

"At one point I did. But then, with time, I accepted the life I was given. It isn't easy, and there are days I wish things could be different. But even if things had turned out differently, there is no telling if I would be any happier."

The words seemed to bother Ben.

"So if you had a chance, for someone to wave a magic wand and fill your heart's desire, you wouldn't take it?" It was as if he truly couldn't understand why Beast wouldn't want that.

Maybe it was time to give a little, Beast thought. To open himself up.

Perhaps it would help Ben. Not just to understand, but with his own problems.

Yet the thought of divulging his past was hard to accept. Still, if it could bring Ben closer, help him, maybe he should.

So instead of answering Ben's question, he got up slowly extending a hand.

"Come with me?"

Ben stared at the open paw for a long moment, before tentatively taking it.

"Thank you," Beast told him. It was a show of trust. Beast hoped that trust would take him further.

He led Ben away from the dining hall, down many corridors to the room he was looking for. Ben followed him into the private library, a look of awe on his face.

"This is beautiful."

His words were full of wonder and Beast couldn't help his smile.

He led them to a couch, gesturing for Ben to sit.

Then he walked over to a desk, pulling out a small object wrapped in a cloth. He handed it to Ben after making his way back, sitting on the couch.

Ben slowly unwrapped the item, to find it was a circular frame. Inside was a painting of a family. A young beautiful woman, and equally handsome man, and a small child with the bluest eyes.

Beast saw the moment Ben recognized the likeness.

"This is you?" Confusion and no small amount of disbelief colored his tone. Ben looked up for confirmation.

"I was about seven at the time of the painting."

Ben's eyes tracked back to the picture. A myriad of emotions crossed his face, and thousands of questions.

"My mom became sick, and she passed away shortly after this was made."

Tears filled Ben's eyes, as he looked up at Beast.

"You mentioned you lost your parents before. I'm so sorry. I know how hard it is."

Beast nodded.

"My father was never an easy man to please, but when my mother died," Beast cut out for a moment, trying to push back the pain. "He was- relentless."

Silence hung in the air.

"He wanted to me to be the best. The greatest ever. Son, warrior, everything. I think he was obsessed with perfection because he thought somehow it would save me from the same fate that took my mother. Sickness would never befall his son if he was infallible."

Beast gritted his teeth.

Ben's hand on his paw, startled him enough to relax.

"Sorry. This is all very hard."

Ben nodded, as if understanding perfectly.

"Beast, you know you don't have to keep sharing. Not that I don't want you to, but it seems like it's so hard."

The words make him swallow deeply and gave him courage too.

"No. I want to share this with you."

Ben nodded, lips pressing together tightly. Beast wasn't sure if it was to hold back words or emotions.

"I trained for a long time. All through my childhood, into my early adult hood. I was never allowed to be anything but what he wanted. I won't lie, I was tired. I was tired of trying so hard for it to never be enough."

Beast took a breath for what was coming next. Something he'd never shared with anyone before. At least, not the whole story.

"I met an old woman in the woods one day. I was practicing like I was told. Over and over the same drills. I think it must have drawn her attention. She told me that she was impressed by my dedication and asked me what I hoped to accomplish."

Beast's fist clenched at his sides.

"I don't know why but something about her made me want to talk. I told her about everything. My mom, dad, the constant regimen I was so tired of. She seemed sympathetic."

In all fairness, she probably was sympathetic, at the time.

"She didn't have a wand, but she did offer me this small potted rose. It was just this tiny thorny stick at the time. No flower or any semblance of a flower. She told me that if I planted it and tended it faithfully for a year that it would bloom. And that if I made a tea from one of its petals it would make me everything my father wanted me to be. Stronger, bigger, faster, just… better."

Beast had hardly believed, and yet he hoped it to be true.

"My father thought I was crazy at first, but he let me plant the rose. And I did exactly as I was told and one year later it bloomed."

Looking over at Ben, Beast saw the pain in his eyes. Knowing where this story was leading.

"She gave me only two rules. To only use a single petal and to continue to care for the flower afterwards." Beast paused. "I made the tea exactly as she directed, and the next morning as if by some miracle I was- changed."

The wonder in his voice showed through.

"I was stronger and faster and just, incredible." Beast voice nearly cracked. "But when my father saw me, it still wasn't enough."

Beast's eyes closed against the pain.

"So you see, even with a magic solution I was still unhappy. I wasn't ever going to be what my father wanted."

Beast pulled back to look at Ben who was taking in all that was said.

"I was only seventeen. I was so naive. The rose gave me what I asked for, but what I'd really wanted was my father's approval. I was so upset, so devastated, I lost my temper and crushed the flower." His eyes glanced to Ben, who was wearing a face of compassion rather than judgement. "Doing so turned me into this."

"Oh no." Ben's words were soft. And suddenly he surrounded Beast with a hug. The action was unexpected, but Beast welcomed it.

He enveloped Ben in his own arms, squeezing him snugly.

"My father was outraged of course, he sent soldiers to find the woman and bring her back. She wasn't happy."

He hated how sad is story was. How it wouldn't have a happy ending.

"My father threatened to kill her if she didn't turn me back. In retaliation, she cursed the whole castle. Everyone but my father. His punishment was to live with the guilt of knowing it was his fault."

But his father was a coward.

Beast hated that this was it. That there really wasn't more to tell.

Ben gripped Beast tighter, looking displeased.

"It just seems so wrong. You made a mistake, but it wasn't out of greed. You were doing everything you could. How could you be faulted for just trying to please your parent?"

He looked so sad, so upset on Beast's behalf he hardly knew how to feel.

He stroked Ben's cheek tenderly.

"You have one of the kindest hearts I've ever seen. It's absolutely beautiful."

His eyes were held captivated by Beast's. A question sitting in them.

"It's okay. You can ask me anything." And Beast meant it. His heart was already being lost to the creature before him. He would deny Ben nothing.

"I was only wondering, if there's no way find the woman, to see if she would undo the curse?"

It was a reasonable question. Beast was hesitant to tell him though, still, he'd come this far.

"She mentioned a way to sort of get rid of it," he started, Ben's eyes looking surprised. And hopeful.

"How?" he questioned, obviously wanting to help.

"It was implied my father could take our place. Transfer the curse to himself if he was willing."

Ben eyes turned heartbreakingly sad.

"He didn't do it." It wasn't a question.

Beast sighed, nodding his head.

"No, he didn't. Instead he abandoned us all."

Ben placed a hand over his mouth, horrified.

"I know it's pointless to say, but I'm so sorry that happened to you."

Beast didn't feel it was pointless. He felt humbled that Ben was still holding him, comforting him despite the fact he'd brought the curse upon himself, and his family.

"It's not pointless. But I can't blame anyone but myself. My father was a tyrant, but I'm the one that took the rose. I'm the one that wanted that easy fix."

Ben was silent and unmoving, still wrapped in Beast's arms.

"I know you say you do, but I don't understand how you can accept this life. It would be different I think if you deserved it. But you don't. You were just a kid."

Beast shrugged.

"I was old enough to know better, though I do think my transformation was a bit harsh. Still, it's not as if I accepted it right away. Much time has passed since then. With time, things come into perspective more."

It was mostly true. Beast had come to accept his life, for the most part.

Though lately, with Ben becoming an ever more important person in his life, he had been wishing things were different.

"How old are you?"

The question was so unexpected, Beast couldn't help his laugh.

"Far older than I look."

Ben rose brow, as if trying to decide.

"Fifty?"

Beast roared with laughter.

"Are you saying I look fifty?"

Ben had the grace to blush.

"No. It's hard to say how old you look. I was just guessing by how you mentioned so much time had passed. And your voice is a lot more mature sounding than a seventeen-year old." He explained, turning ever more red.

"I see." But Beast said nothing more.

"So are you going to tell me?" He nudged Beast lightly.

But Beast wondered how Ben would take the subject. If he would find Beast's age problematic.

"My ageing was affected by the curse. The best that Lumiere and I can guess is it's about five years for me to age by one."

Ben's eyes widened, then turned suspicious.

"And how many years have you aged?"

Beast laughed again at the sneaky question.

"About nine." He finally admitted.

Ben's jaw dropped, and his eyes raced. Beast could tell he was counting.

"So, you're like sixty-two?" he was astonished.

Beast felt like blushing, but he shrugged.

"Only in years. I have the body of a twenty-six year old."

Ben blew out a big breath.

"Okay, young one. Just how old are you?" He asked teasingly.

Beast considered he'd never thought to ask before. His less than innocent feelings towards the boy were now be called into question in a way he hadn't thought of.

And looking at Ben now, he realized he had to be quite young. No hair on his cheeks. His voice was high at times.

Beast almost wanted to cringe.

Ben was probably still a child.

"I'm twenty this year." Ben announced to Beast's great relief and bewilderment.

"Twenty?" He questioned dubiously. "With no hair on your face?"

This apparently was the wrong question to ask, because Ben grew very still before pulling back.

"Wait, Ben. I meant no offense."

He tried to reassure, knowing he had crossed an unspoken line.

"It's alright. I know you didn't." His voice was understanding, but he wouldn't look at Beast obviously embarrassed.

When Beast tilted his chin up, Ben winced, trying to look away.

"Please don't."

Beast let his hand fall, feeling horrible for the distraught he'd caused.

"I truly didn't mean to hurt your feelings Ben. I see now that it could be a sensitive subject. But I meant no harm." He spoke softly, hoping to repair the damage he'd unwittingly inflicted.

"It really is fine. I-I just forgot for a moment. That's all." He was shaking his head, a self-depreciating smile briefly crossing his face. "Thank you for sharing your story with me tonight. I know it must not have been easy."

The redirection of topic was not lost on Beast, but he accepted that whatever was bothering Ben, he wasn't ready to talk about it yet.

"We're friends, aren't we?" Beast asked to Ben's apparent surprise.

"Yes. Or at least I hope so."

Beast nodded.

"Friends can count on each other. I trust you, maybe more than I've trusted anyone else before."

Many emotions fluttered on Ben's face, and Beast could tell he was conflicted.

"It's okay if you're not there yet. If you'll never be ready to trust me. But I'm here if you decide you can." He told Ben softly.

The boy looked like he wanted to confide in Beast so badly. But something was holding him back.

Maybe they just needed a little more time.

So with as much patience as he could muster, Beast stood slowly, extending his hand yet again.

Ben took it, looking confused.

"Story time should be starting soon. I don't want the whole castle to come hunting for you." He joked with a light smile.

Ben relaxed, returning the grin.

"They are relentless."

They slowly found their way to the large sitting room, now filled with enchanted objects, who were all chatting excitedly.

Ben wasted no time in gathering their attention before weaving a tale of far off places and great adventures.

Beast stayed, watching, listening. He must admit his mind was not on the story, but on the person telling it.

And he hoped one day, Ben would trust him enough to tell his story. Until then, Beast would wait for him. However long it takes.

AN: So I thought about holding off to post this, just to spread out my updates, buuuuttt you guys have been so patient since I started this story, I feel I owe you! Hope you enjoyed this longer update.

How did you like Beast's background story? What do you think about the possibility of the curse not being able to be broken?

Thanks for the reviews! I love hearing from you guys