Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in Twilight
Previously: "Let's get you home for breakfast, shall we?" That got a smile from her as she wrapped her arms around my neck.
"I'd like my vampire boyfriend to carry me back home please"
"I'm more than happy to comply" I leaned down to give her one kiss before dashing to the forest back to our home.
We spent the whole day lounging around the main house while waiting for the family to arrive from their hunting trip mid-afternoon. It was seldom that we had the house all to ourselves so we wanted to make the most of it.
Even though I try not to think about the event yesterday, it didn't stop me from being too overly cautious every time I was near Bella and she could definitely see the extra caution that I was taking. It was something that I intend to take until I would be strong enough to control myself not to hurt her or at least be able to lose myself to desire without having to accidentally kill the love of my life in the process.
"Pancakes?" Bella asked as she came out of the kitchen carrying a plate with ten layers of pancakes topped with chocolate syrup. My nose wrinkled in response and she just shrugged her shoulder while settling in the couch beside me.
"I'm pretty sure normal humans don't eat that many in a single serving" I commented and she just frowned.
"You know I'm not a normal human and besides, after all the running that I've been doing, I feel like I could eat a full meal and still be looking for more and to think, this is just snacks." Bella looked at her flat stomach as if trying to think.
"Huh, good thing I'd be able to burn all this food off" I laughed. It was so unlike Bella to be conscious with her figure. Bella started eating her food while I leaned back to watch her every move. From time to time, I would fix a stray hair on her face which earned me a blush every time.
"Stop staring" She finally said after finishing her food and I only gave her my most dazzling smile which made her turn scarlet again. The phone rang at that moment and Bella let out a sigh of relief while quickly picking up the phone.
"Cullen Residence"
"Hey Bella" I could hear Alice on the other line.
"Oh, Hey Alice! How was your trip?" Bella asked casually.
"It was delightful! The boys were able to bag some bears along the way. Too bad Edward wasn't there." Alice replied like it wasn't our source of food that they were talking about.
"I'm sure I didn't miss much" I commented knowing Alice could hear me pretty well.
"I can 'see' that" she replied dryly. How's your side Bella?" My smile turned into a frown. Way to spoil my good mood. I could hear Esme on the background chastising Alice about bringing up the topic.
"You saw that didn't you? Of course, you did…" Bella asked and there was a hint of embarrassment on her face.
"You are okay, right?" Alice asked again and I appreciate my sister's concern for Bella but I would rather forget about that incident if I can.
"Yeah." Bella opened her shirt and was looking at the small bruise and I couldn't help and inspect it as well. She looked at me with the same confused look as I have.
"Ahm, actually, it's almost gone… so don't worry about it 'kay?" I let my fingers trace the remains of the bruise and remembered that the incident just happened yesterday. Normally, it should still be prominent but it was almost gone now. I was happy that it healed fast but it goes to show how Bella's body was still a mystery to us. Fast healing would have to be added to the list of Bella's abilities from now on. Come to think of it. Her recovery from James' attack was quite fast and nobody ever thought anything mysterious going on there.
Bella held her hand to my face and I kissed the tips of her fingers to help her keep calm. I bet it was even harder for her to get to know something about her abilities one by one.
"Just making sure" Alice replied.
"Don't worry. I can take care of myself and besides, one day, I won't have to worry about being hurt once I become one of you." Bella's comment caught me off guard that I dropped her hand in my lap. I could hear silence on the other line. I'm pretty sure all of them heard what Bella said.
"Anyway, I called to let you know, we'll be back late in the afternoon and I was wondering if you could join me and Esme for a girl's night out?" Alice cleared her throat and was quick to change the topic right away. Bella was looking at me with her brow raised. I'm not sure if it was from Alice's offer or from my reaction about what she said.
"Girl's night out?" Bella was asking but it felt like their voices were being drowned out by the thoughts coming through my mind all at once.
"Yes Bella. All that hunting makes me want to go look for a spa and relax" Bella laughed at that.
"I thought vampires don't get tired?"
"You know we don't. I just feel like getting myself pampered after all that outdoor hiking. Esme's joining us and they can get you food if you need to eat and… yes I can already see you coming so just be ready when we get home all right?"
"Okay, I'll see you here then. Alice, I think I should go… Edward is looking at me really weird now."
"I believe both of you have something to discuss" Alice was saying.
"huh…. Okay bye..."
"Wait, Edward" Bella handed the phone to me but I didn't bother taking it, hearing Alice clearly.
"Try not to overreact okay? Bye"There was a click on the other line when the line went dead and Bella turned to face me.
"What's going on Edward?"
"What did you just say about you becoming one of us?" I almost choked out the words. It was something that I never anticipated to hear from her.
"What's wrong with me becoming one of you?"
"What's wrong?!" My voice was starting to rise. I stood up and was pacing at the living room.
"Bella, do you know what you're asking?"
"Of course, I know what I'm asking" She frowned.
"How could you even consider that?!"
"Why not?"
"This is not like choosing what job you would like to get! This is even bigger than you choosing this world over yours!"
"I don't see where the problem is. If my boyfriend, the love of my life, my mate as what you call it, is a vampire, isn't it the most logical thing to do to become one as well?!"
"Bella! Choosing to die to be with me is not logical!"
"Wait? This whole time, all you wanted was for me to grow old?"
"As it should be" My voice turned down to a whisper at the thought of losing Bella with old age but that was how it was supposed to be. Bella would grow old and get to live her life. I get to be with her if that would still be what she would want.
"And you expect me to just go with that?"
"…yes"
"And what about you? You would spend the rest of your life alone again?" I could hear the slight tremble in her voice.
"I would find a way to follow soon"
"No!" Bella's voice suddenly rose.
"Bella…" I moved closer to her and held her hand tightly in my chest. There was a look of defiance on her face and I could see her holding back tears. I didn't want her to feel that way but she has to realize that, that is the only way for us to be together forever.
"Bella love… I know this is hard but I could never take away your life just so you can be with me. Do you see how selfish that would be for me? I can't do that to you… you deserve to live your life… to grow old… I'll give everything to make you happy. If you want a family then I won't stop you… If you decide that one day, you don't want to be with me then I'll let you go."
"I will never want anybody else" Bella clarified, calming down and my dead heart swelled by Bella's words.
"Then I will be here for you, loving you until the end, and when it's time, I will find a way to be with you in the afterlife because there will be no existence for me without you."
"That's just not right" her voice was now a whisper.
"No… what's not right is you choosing this life. Bella, we didn't choose this for us. If you only know how much I want to be human right now so I can love you like a normal person could, but that's not possible. I am just grateful that despite what I am, you chose to be with me."
"I don't mind you not being normal…" Her hands caressed my cheeks and I gently led it towards my lips so I can kiss her soft hands.
"And I love you even more for that. See how much you're sacrificing for me? You have already chosen this world instead of yours so you can be with me and now you are choosing to be a vampire. Bella, that is too much a sacrifice in your part. This is your life we're talking about."
"If it's for the man I love then I wouldn't mind sacrificing everything because I know you'll do the same for me. Don't you want to be with me forever?"
"Oh Bella… that's the only thing that I want for in my life"
"Then why can't you let me do it?"
"Because… you have so much of your life ahead of you. You are a strong woman Bella… and you can do so much more. I can't take that away from you. We chose to live off of animals because we value human life. Even when I have strayed from Carlisle's belief and hunted the most wicked humans, I still felt remorse of having to kill. It would be directly against what we believe in if we take your life. I can't let you end your life just like that"
"But don't you see I'm not trying to end my life? I'm trying to start a new one… with you" Her voice was full of conviction and I could see that she wanted this and as much as I try to deny it, I wanted it as badly but I can't just let her do that.
"Bella please…"
"You know in the end… it's not your decision to make, right?" Bella tentatively asked. I actually have no argument against that and she saw it in my face.
She leaned and brushed her lips against mine.
"I'm letting this go for now, for you, but if the time comes that I need to decide, you already know what I'll choose" Bella stepped back and turned towards the back exit.
I was about to follow her when she turned around.
"I'm going to get ready before Alice arrives. I think it would be best if you stay here to welcome them home." All I could do was nod as she left towards the cottage.
I let my eyes wander around the empty house. Bella was clearly upset that I didn't want her to be like me. I wanted so much to tell her that I was only looking out for her life. She's put herself in too much danger already being with me and now this. It was just too much from someone like her. She deserved something better or maybe someone even normal. It didn't do any good that I hurt her earlier today.
Ugh. What am I thinking? How could I even think that Bella would be able to live a normal life here?
Maybe if we can find a way for her to go back to her world, she would be better off there? Without someone like me endangering her all the time.
I heard their thoughts even before the car entered the driveway an hour later but I was too caught up in my own dilemma to welcome them. I only noticed when their thoughts were all focused on me and I could hear Jasper testing my emotions.
"Girl problems" Jasper told them. I just grunted. Esme was at my side in an instant.
"Oh Edward, I'm sure everything will be all right"
"Your mother's right. You know, it's normal for couples to get into an argument sometimes." My father suggested, which really didn't help.
"Normal couples fight about normal things and not about your partner's death and immortality".
"Is that what she really wants?" Carlisle asked and I nodded gravely.
"Alice?" Carlisle looked at my sister for confirmation and I watched as Alice's vision of Bella unfold in the future. I saw the same scene the first time I saw Bella in Alice's vision. It was the image of both of us lying on the meadow but this time, when the sun hit our figure, it was both of us that shone like diamonds and Bella was looking at me with her golden eyes.
I tried to close my eyes to clear the vision but it didn't really do anything until Alice stopped looking into the future.
"It's there all right. It's not that clear probably because of Edward not wanting this for Bella but it's definitely there" Alice confirmed and I had to pinch the bridge of my nose in frustration.
"Wouldn't it be the most logical thing for her to do? She wants to be with you so isn't it just right for her to choose this life?" Jasper asked.
"Ugh! That's exactly what she said! I can't want this for her. Us, we didn't have a choice. It's this or die but her, she has a life ahead of her, albeit a long one but she would choose to die so she can be with me!" I felt Carlisle's hand in my shoulder.
"Son. Calm down." I looked at him and let out a huge sigh.
"It's too early to think about changing her. There's still a lot of things that we need to think about before we can even consider that possibility. For now, let's focus on helping her with getting her memories back and finding her way home. If by then, she still wants this life… I'm not sure if we can stop her. We've already seen how stubborn she is."
I faced my creator. "So, if she would still ask you to change her then, you would?"
Everyone in the room waited for his response and it took a while before he can answer.
"Edward. You were the first person that I have changed and you of all people knew the reason behind it. I can't bear to see your life wasted just like that when I know you can do so much more and I've seen that firsthand from the years that we have been together. But ever since Bella arrived, I've never seen such drastic change since the day you opened your eyes to this lifestyle. All of us here, including Rose and Emmett, we've found the greatest happiness in our lives and you, you have found that in Bella and as a Father, that's the only thing that I could ask for. I can see that it's the same for her as well."
"Your Father's right son." Esme held my hand.
"You both deserve your happiness"
"But at what expense? By killing her?" No one was able to answer because by then, we all heard Bella's footsteps and beating heart coming towards us.
"Do you want us to talk to her?" Alice looked at me in a volume so low that only vampires could hear.
"For now, let's try to avoid that topic and keep her from making any type of decision about her mortality that she may regret later." Carlisle was the one who answered and I couldn't agree more.