Chapter Nine – Why Now

Tikki watches in concern as Marinette drops her head into her hands, groaning quietly. "I don't understand why you're freaking out. Isn't this what you wanted?" She tilts her head to the side, studying her holder. "For Adrien to show an interest in you?"

"Yes!" She throws her hands in the air before wrapping them around her middle. "But why now? Why now when I'm finally no longer obsessed with him and I can hold a conversation and my entire life is a giant mess?" She groans in frustration and drops her face back into her hands.

"Plus he's dating Ka–"

"Not helping." She groans and Tikki rolls her eyes.

"I think he's a bit confused right now."

Marinette drops her hands and raises an eyebrow. "You think?"

The kwami glares at her. "Please leave the sarcasm for Plagg." Marinette rolls her eyes but smiles slightly. "Marinette, is it really so bad that Adrien wants to be with you right now?"

Marinette chews on her lip and stares at the floor tiles beneath her shoes. For the longest time all she wanted was for Adrien to look at her the way he was looking at her tonight – and according to Alya, for the past couple of weeks, although she hasn't noticed. Like she matters to him. Like he cares about her. Like he . . . likes her. As more than 'just a friend'. She just doesn't get why now. Why now, when he's going out with Kagami? When she's finally decided to give up on him, and for a while there it was almost, somewhat, maybe working a little bit? When her life is messier than a pigsty? When most days her brain is filled with so much crazy that she can't even think straight?

This brings on another question though. Why?

Why would he like her? Before now, she never really stopped to think what about her he could like; she just obsessed over liking him and figuring out a way to tell him. She knows why she likes him; because he's kind and selfless and intelligent and he's always thinking of others and even though he doesn't have the kindest people in his life he doesn't let that affect him and he's just an overall wonderful, amazing person and he gave her his umbrella even though she was rude to him and hadn't apologised for it. How could she compare to that?

Yes, she knows she is kind. Yes, she knows she can be selfless. Yes, she can acknowledge that in quite a few aspects of her life she is considered intelligent. But that doesn't mean someone's going to like her.

Even though people don't like to say it, she knows that teenage boys are shallow, no matter how kind they are. It's not their fault; they've got raging hormones and thoughts and urges that they're not in total control of and it messes them up. It makes them make decisions they wouldn't normally make if they could breathe in air free of lust and the smell of sex. Its why boys can be manipulated so easily by a simple act such as biting a lip, fluttering eyelashes, smiling.

When did smiling become a message in boy's minds that translates to 'even though nothing else about me says so, I want you'? When the hormones messed them up, that's when.

Hormones, and what their male role models and the media and, let's face it, porn teach teenage boys and men that women are objects that are there simply for them to play with for however long they want until they get board or something sexier comes along. It's why even the few gentlemen left in the world can still treat women like the object they're led to believe they are. And women are no better; they're taught that if a boy likes you, he either ignores you, or is mean to you. They're taught that the ideal man is the one who treats you like a queen, but the one you're probably only ever going to meet are the jackarses who treat you like you are nothing more than body parts for them to fuck.

So why would Adrien possibly like her? Because he's a guy, and she's a girl, and the world is a messed up place where no one is actually truly happy because they don't know how to be happy.

With her mind still whirling with her thoughts, Marinette takes in a deep, shaky breath and lifts her gaze from the floor to meet Tikki's. "Yes."

. . .

She finds Adrien where she left him in the kitchen, only now it looks like someone asked him to solve equilateral equations without a calculator in front of a live audience of judgmental teenagers. She stands beside him for a moment, waiting for him to tear his gaze away from where he's staring in shock at the fridge. After a long silence, she clears her throat louder than she intended to and he jumps, eyes flicking to her. She recognises two emotions in his eyes; fear and outright embarrassment.

"Are you okay?" She frowns at him in concern and reaches a hand up to feel his forehead. "You look ho–warm. You look warm." He flinches slightly as her hand comes into contact with his skin, but then he leans into her, letting his eyes flutter closed for a moment. A relaxed smile dances across his lips and she clears her throat again, dropping her hand. "You don't feel warm."

He blinks his eyes open and scratches the back of his neck. "I'm fine. I think it's just the heat of the kitchen." He grins at her.

She frowns, tilting her head. "Was that a pun?" Honestly, at this point she can't tell what's a pun and what's not. She needs to spend less time with Cat. Or at least less time listening to him.

His cheeks flush darker and he coughs awkwardly into his fist. "Um . . . no?" He smiles sheepishly. "I don't think so. If it was it was unintentional."

She hums in agreement and swings her arms awkwardly, gesturing towards the stairs where she can hear the party raging on without them. "Should we go back up?"

"Yeah." He smiles at her again. As she turns to leave, she swears she sees his hand reach out as if to grab hers, but she shakes her head to clear the thought. You can't think like this now. You have to let him go. Especially since he may be unable to do so himself.

They pause at the top of the stairs; mouths open slightly in shock at what is transpiring in front of them. If Marinette was unsure of whether she ever wanted to come to another school party again, she has now made up her mind.

The music has been turned up so loud she's surprised the police haven't been called yet. Everyone appears to be a little to a lot intoxicated, and someone's thrown up on the floor. Judging by the slightly grey tone to Kim's skin, and Ondine's visible concern over him as she crouches in front of him, offering him a water bottle, she assumes it was him. The thing that is the most worrying, however, is the fact that all of the girls, sans Ondine and Alix (who's standing one step back, arms crossed, a disbelieving expression on her face), have crowded together on the opposite side of the deck.

Marinette chews on her lip nervously and watches as they murmur to each other. Going off of their expressions, she assumes that something happened to one or more of the girl's and they're consoling her or them. Her unasked questions are answered when Alya looks over the heads of Mylène and Rose and spots her. Her expression hardens into a scowl and she pushes through the crowd, storming over to her. The girls' gazes follow Alya's movement, and just before she reaches her, Marinette spots exactly who they were consoling and her stomach plummets.

"Seriously M?" Alya demands, stopping right in front of her. So close she can feel the rage radiating off of her. "What has Lila ever done to you? Why would you even do that?" She pokes Marinette in the sternum harshly and she grits her teeth against the sudden pain.

"Do what?" Adrien asks, putting a hand on Marinette's shoulder. He frowns at Alya, concerned and confused.

Alya's eyes zero in on Adrien's hand on her shoulder and Marinette shrugs it off before Alya can comment on it. She's already had the misled 'why are you leading him on when you know he has a girlfriend' speech from Alya on the way over, she doesn't want her to have more ammo because of something that probably (hopefully, maybe) doesn't mean anything.

Before Alya can say anything else – or Adrien can unknowingly make the situation worse by supporting her – she ducks around Alya and makes her way through the crowd. Her eyes briefly meet Lila's and the triumphant, self–assured smirk on her face makes Marinette's blood boil. Before she turns to look away, she notices a stain on the front of Lila's dress a similar shade to the drink Alya made her and she puts two and two together.

She hears someone calling her name as she walks briskly down the street away from the Liberty, but she doesn't turn back. If it's Alya, she doesn't want to deal with it. If it's Adrien, it will only make everything worse if she stops for him. If it's anyone else, she doesn't want to explain anything to them. If it's Lila . . .

"Mari! Wait!" It's Luka.

Her feet stop before she can tell them to, but she forces herself to keep moving a moment later. She hears his footsteps come closer, and then he's right beside her, matching her pace. He reaches out a hand to stop her but she pulls it from his grasp, quickening her pace a little more.

"Mari, please just wait."

She inhales shakily, biting the inside of her cheek. Her visions blurs with the tears that have built up but she refuses to let fall and she stumbles over her feet. Luka uses it to his advantage and jumps in front of her, putting his hands on her shoulders and forcing her to come to a stop.

"Marinette, it's okay."

The amount of concern and worry in his expression is enough to knock down her last defences and she bursts into tears, hiding her face in her hands in an attempt to hide them from him. She feels arms around her and then he pulls her into his chest, murmuring in her ear that it's okay and if she wants to say anything he's there and if she doesn't he's still there, and it. is. okay.