A/N: Hey everyone! Sorry for the late update, my sister graduated high school last week, so it was busy around here (hey look at that, a legit excuse for once).
dinohuntsmen, I guess we'll see how things work out for Jack! Fenrir Wylde Razgriz, Apparently there's a little boy ghost that keeps an eye on me, which really freaked me out when I found out but I've gotten used to it and don't think of him most of the time. Definitely nicer to think about family and friends lurking around, apparently a lot of them were visiting for my sister's graduation! ArouraBorialice, oof, I hope you at least enjoyed the re-read! I had to read the story again to refresh myself on where I was, too. AkariWolfPrincess, haha, pretty much everyone in this story is plotting something, yeah. ForeverACharmedOne, I don't see Pitch wanting to mess with tricksters either, they'd probably annoy the shit out of him. And yeah, I've been wanting to establish the death spirits as neutral!
"Misery loves company, Jack, you don't want to be alone right now. Apparently so much that you're willing to put up with me."
Chapter Six: Guilty Conscience
It was quiet here. The hour was odd and no one else was around. Even if they were, they likely wouldn't have seen the boy with wings, one in a splint, lurking near the glass.
Hospitals were usually such dreary places, unsettling in their sterility, uncomfortable with goodbyes and fear. This place was a notable exception, where mostly joy reigned.
Through the glass, in the nursery, were several rows of bassinets. Each bassinet held a newborn baby: pink, squishy, and probably not all that cute to anyone outside their family yet.
They were bundled in soft blankets and hats that would surely never be as warm and cozy as their mother's womb was, wearing mitts to keep from scratching themselves or anyone else with their unusually sharp nails.
Soft footsteps against the constantly washed floor drew Cupid's eyes from the nursery. The woman with the long, dark hair spared him a smile before standing beside him, watching the infants as well.
"It's summer," she said. "Shouldn't you be lurking a wedding or an exotic honeymoon?"
"Hard to get around recently," Cupid said, gesturing to his splint.
"Still, even a courthouse wedding would surely be more romantic than a hospital," the woman said, smiling as one of the babies stirred, giving it a soft wave. "Think there's one within walking distance."
"I've been traveling by portal, but I'm running out and I don't want to go back to the North Pole to get more yet," Cupid sighed. "Besides, hospitals are full of people finally realizing how much they love each other."
"But you're not there either, you're not watching someone confessing their love to someone else before going into life-threatening surgery, you're watching newborns sleep." The baby that had stirred seemed in awe of her. And why wouldn't they be? She was the goddess of childbirth, after all.
He should have known better than to not expect to run into her here.
"There are different kinds of love, Artemis," Cupid said.
"I know that," she said, turning back to him. "But you and your mother specialize in the romantic, sexual kind. Your name is Eros, after all."
"I'm aware. But the first sort of love most people experience is storge, familial love. It's nice being around nurseries, because usually there's so much of that in the air," Cupid said. "It makes me a bit nostalgic."
These babies didn't know how lucky they were that they would not have to remain physically infants for centuries.
"Makes you think of your mother, hm?"
"Our powers pick up on eros more than anything, but I remember picking up on storge from her."
"She loves you very much," Artemis nodded.
"No one expects to have a kid that's going to age that slowly. I didn't make it easy for her because I was so frustrated to be an adult stuck in an infant's body. I couldn't even communicate verbally for ages and she figured it out. Every time I felt like a burden to her, she'd hold me close whether I wanted it or not and I would just feel all her love for me and the fact that I was around," Cupid said. "And the thing is? It's not just me. All the Muses feel that way about each other, they all just… they just love each other. It doesn't matter that they're not related by blood, they love each other like they are. And the fact that they love me that way too is just… hard to deal with recently."
"You're feeling guilty again," Artemis tsked.
"I betrayed the alliance, I betrayed the Muses, and Rowan is dead," Cupid said.
"You did it because you love them as much as they love you, Eros, you did it to keep them safe," Artemis said, setting a hand to his shoulder. "I've told you before, we can't beat ourselves up over the Mortal Muse's death."
"We're the reason she was fed on in the first place, the reason she was so sick and weak and—" Cupid started.
"And even if she wasn't sick or weak she may have still drowned. Even if she wasn't fed on that night, she may have been fed on another night. A lot of things had to come together to result in her death, we only played one small part," Artemis said.
"I'm not sure they'll see it that way. The ones you love can hurt you the most and this is going to be such a huge betrayal to them, I just… maybe love won't be enough. They might not be able to forgive me for this when they find out. And they will find out, they're trying to figure out why no one wants to ally with them while they're under Apollo's control, it'll come back to us eventually," Cupid said, practically rambling through his anxiety over the situation.
"That's why you've been avoiding them?" Artemis asked. He hadn't been able to give her many updates recently and he knew she was irritated about that.
"I can't look them in the face without feeling guilty. The Guardians, either. Even Jack! It used to be easy because we would just give each other a hard time but now he thinks I'm loyal and a friend and I can't believe I'm to the point where I don't want to let Jack Frost down," Cupid said with a slight wince. The fact that he and Jack were sort of friends now was still a hard pill to swallow.
For both of them.
"Tell them," Artemis said.
"Tell them what?" Cupid asked.
"Tell them that I'm the reason no one wants to ally with them. Tell them that I want them on my side, not Apollo's. Tell them that you've been working with me because you were trying to help and Apollo's been keeping his distance so I was the best option, but to avoid Apollo throwing a fit, it had to stay secret. Tell them the truth," Artemis said, stepping in front of Cupid to look him in the eye.
"I don't think it's that easy," Cupid said. "They'll… they'll hate me, I'm sure of it."
"It's better they hear it from you than to hear it when Apollo finally figures it out. And maybe they will hate you for a while, but they still love you, and you can't keep torturing yourself like this," Artemis said. "Besides, I have enough mythical beings on my side that I'm more than ready to negotiate with Calliope. Soon enough, the Muses won't belong to Apollo anymore. They'll be mine."
Jack sat beneath a shady tree and watched as the nearby river went by at a steady pace: not too fast, not too slow. The sound was monotonous, but soothing as he sat with his arms wrapped around his knees.
Baron Samedi had given Jack probably one of the better answers he could have hoped for. He knew this, logically, at least.
Emotionally, however, that was a different story.
She was happy, and if she was happy, he should be happy, right?
The thought of her at peace, without pain, without the crippling fear that had haunted her and triggered panic attacks should leave him relieved.
It should be some kind of comfort that she was content, if a bit worried, keeping an eye on things from the other side.
Hell, he should be at least interested in the fact that there was an afterlife at all.
But the feeling that left a tightness in his heart and a hollowness in his belly was not happiness, not comfort, and certainly not relief.
Getting these answers was supposed to help him cope with this, to try and accept that she wasn't around and that maybe that sentiment that she would "always be with him" wasn't total bullshit.
Instead, Jack seemed to have shifted gears from depressed to resentful.
"You're probably the worst person to ever exist, Frost," he mumbled to himself. Here he was, sulking about and being angry that Rowan was completely okay with being dead.
How could she be happy about it while he was so miserable over it?
The anger didn't come without guilt, prompting Jack to question what exactly would make him feel better. Would her spirit becoming restless and haunting the earth for eternity, flickering light switches or something equally ghostlike, be a more acceptable fate? Would he be satisfied if she were stuck in some kind of purgatory somewhere, lost and without direction or meaning forever?
Obviously not.
So, why wasn't he okay with what the Baron had told him?
Footsteps in the grass barely caught his attention. It was the hoarse voice that followed, rather, that left Jack tense.
"Funny, I thought that was my title."
Was he hallucinating again? Images of Melpomene had shown up quite a few times to taunt him while he was battling with his tired mind. When he glanced her way, he found that she was watching the river, not him, a small frown fixed to her face.
"What?" Jack said.
He couldn't be hallucinating; he wasn't fatigued. It hadn't been long enough since he had woken up at the pole to be fatigued.
"'The worst person to ever exist,'" Melpomene clarified.
She stayed where she was, a few feet away and still facing the water rather than him. Jack watched her carefully, unsure what to make of her being here.
"Hmph," was his non-committal response. Melpomene knew very well how Jack felt about her, and those feelings certainly hadn't changed after Rowan died.
After all, perhaps if Melpomene had communicated more with the rest of the group, Rowan would still be alive.
Then again, perhaps she would have died soon anyway, at a slower, more painful pace. Rowan had been very sick and significantly weakened when she died. No one had a clue if she would survive what the Shadow People had put her through in the long run.
As much as it might potentially make Jack feel better to pin Rowan's death on someone else, someone he already resented, it was hard not to continue to consider that she might have been better off if he had never come into her life in the first place.
Magic had hurt Rowan more than it had kept her safe, in the long run.
"Self-pity isn't a good look, Jack," Melpomene purred, turning back to face him at last. "You're far better suited for self-loathing."
"Maybe I wouldn't feel any of that if you weren't around," he quipped.
She smiled softly. "You and I both know that isn't true."
She wasn't wrong. He'd felt like this ever since he and the Baron had parted ways.
But Jack was not about to admit that.
"So what are you feeling sorry about? Her again? Poor, poor Jack, destined to be alone, it seems," Melpomene sighed, as though the notion was delightful, plopping down beside him. Jack inched away, glaring daggers at her.
"So leave me alone," he said.
"Misery loves company, Jack, you don't want to be alone right now. Apparently so much that you're willing to put up with me," Melpomene said, seeming amused at the idea.
"What gives you that idea?" Jack sneered.
Melpomene glanced back at the river. "You came here."
Jack's eyes fell to the not too distant bridge that ran across the river. His stomach sank.
This wasn't just any river that he had wandered to and plopped down beside.
Of all the rivers in the world, he had come to this one.
This river, this bridge, where he and Melpomene had met.
This river where Melpomene had died.
He had needed to think. He just needed to get far away from that island and go somewhere quiet to think. He had gone here instinctively.
"No," Jack said, shaking his head as he pulled himself to his feet. "No, I made a mistake."
"You didn't come here by accident, Jack," Melpomene said. "No one else gets it. No one else knows what it's like to attract tragedy like this."
"You did this last time," Jack snapped. She leaned back against the tree casually, as though she were bored with what he was about to say before he even had a chance to say it. "You went on and on about how you were the only one that understood, that you were the only one that really knew me and it is bullshit."
"Is it?" Melpomene asked. "Who among the Guardians understands? Nicholas? He had a lifetime with his mortal love. They had a marriage; they had children. When she died, there weren't any statements left unsaid, any plans cancelled, any regrets. How would he understand?
"And then there was Rowan. You told her everything, didn't you? Things you didn't even tell the other Guardians, you told her. You saw her at her absolute worst and her very best; she was your person. But you can't talk to her."
Jack broke eye contact, swallowing.
Rowan would be the first person he would want to talk to about something like this. He missed staying up late and talking to her.
She had been his best friend.
"And what, that leaves you?" he said.
"You forget Jack, I've seen you at your absolute worst. I've seen you at rock bottom. There is no image to uphold with me, I already know so many of the miserable, miserable thoughts that have passed through your tragic little mind," Melpomene said. "Besides, what am I going to do? Judge you for feeling sorry for yourself?"
"Maybe not, but you would tell the rest of the Muses," Jack said, having not forgotten the compulsive urge to gossip among the group. "I'm not the same desperate and alone spirit you found all those years ago, and I'm not doing this again."
"True, things have changed, it's hard not to change in all this time," Melpomene said with a nod. "But, you are desperate. And you are alone."
"Being alone is still better than how I was with you," Jack said.
"Did you ever consider that I might have changed too, Jack?" she asked. She watched him with those sad eyes, those eyes that lured you in and begged you to wipe away the tears.
Jack shook his head, turning his heel and kicking off the ground without another word.
"We need to find out what we're up against, who we're up against," Urania said, shaking her head as one of the elves came by to offer her a tray of cookies. The elf seemed somewhat insulted and approached Erato next with a huff. "They're probably the ones convincing everyone not to associate with Apollo."
"The stars haven't told you anything?" Terpsichore asked with a frown. Erato took a pink frosted cookie and lightly pat the elf on the head.
"Just that whoever's working against Apollo is closer than we believe," Urania sighed.
"Would it kill them to not be cryptic for once?" Terpsichore mumbled.
"Do you suppose they are talking about Melpomene?" North asked. The other Muses present grew visibly uncomfortable at the suggestion; Calliope shook her head.
"I don't think it's Mel," she said. "Not after last time, trust me, she doesn't want anyone else to end up dead."
"I trust you. It is Melpomene that concerns me," North said.
"I don't think it's her either, for what it's worth," Erato added. "And everyone she talks to, well, either they're not on Pitch's side or if they are, they're not telling her."
"So as far as he wants us to know, he's not up to anything with those plans," Urania said.
"I very much doubt that," North said, shaking his head. Sandy, who had gleefully taken the eggnog that had been offered to him by one of the elves, nodded in agreement.
"He doesn't really have to do anything, though. Look at how scared we are, how much we're scrambling and he hasn't done anything yet," Calliope groaned. "I just don't know where to go from here or what to do differently when we don't know why no one wants to deal with Apollo."
"Is Pitch even strong enough to do anything yet? He was just starting to recover the last we saw him," Terpsichore said. "And as far as Apollo goes, well, he's an ass, it might just be that simple."
"It is hard to say if Pitch is strong enough to do anything or even has the resources to make a bomb from those plans. We are already keeping an eye on anyone that has a supply of stardust, not much else to do at this point," North shrugged. "Not much else except to try and get more people on our side."
"You guys are lucky, Tsar Lunar is so much more agreeable than Apollo is," Erato said. Sandy shrugged, a crescent moon and several other images flashing above his head.
"True, Tsar Lunar's not with his own enemies. Especially when it comes to Artemis," Urania said.
"And those that love Artemis. She's the moon goddess and as far as they're concerned, Tsar Lunar took up residence in her territory," Calliope said.
"And as far as he is concerned, the moon has always been his," North sighed.
"It's all so messy," Terpsichore pouted.
A portal opened up nearby and Cupid appeared, looking nervous as the four Muses and two Guardians present turned to face him. Erato grinned, walking over and pulling the boy into her arms.
"Cupid! I was just telling North earlier that I hadn't seen you in a while," Erato said.
"I'm sorry," he mumbled.
"How's your wing doing? Still basically the same?" Urania said, approaching his wing and examining it as best she could as Erato released the boy from her grasp.
"Yeah, the same," Cupid shrugged. Urania frowned.
"He's always healed slowly, I imagine it's because he ages so slowly," Erato said with a frown.
"At this rate the earliest it'll heal will be New Year's," Urania said.
"Where've you been, Cupid? Have you heard anything or talked to anyone that might help us?" Calliope asked, her tone cautiously hopeful.
The boy avoided eye contact, and the others in the room eyed him in concern as he stood there silently, nervously. He cleared his throat after a moment, seeming to try his best to find the words to speak.
"I know why no one wants to work with Apollo," he said.
"Great!" North said with a grin. When Cupid's frown just deepened, the others exchanged worried glances.
"Cupid," Erato said. "What do you know?"
"I love all of you, I love all of you so much, you know that, right? You know I'd do anything to keep you all safe and that I just love you all so much, right?" Cupid said, his tone still nervous as he finally met his mother's eyes.
"You're making us nervous, what happened?" Terpsichore asked.
"Eros Cupid, what did you do?" Erato said, her eyes widening in fear of what he may say.
"You know I love you all and just want to protect you, right?" Cupid said again.
"We know that. Now, tell us what you need to tell us," Calliope said, her tone stern as she approached her nephew and crossed her arms before her chest.
All eyes were on him, even a few passing yetis and elves had stopped to see what was happening and why exactly Cupid was so nervous.
"Pitch was right, I'm the reason the Shadow People knew how to trap Jack in Paris. I'm the reason they were able to get Rowan alone. The fact that I was able to save both of them was not a coincidence, it was set up," Cupid said. "I was giving information to Artemis. She set everything up so that I could solidify my place in the alliance. I didn't know that's what she was doing, she didn't tell me that she had leaked any information, she just suggested I go to Paris that night and everything fell into place from there. She knew I would step in to save them and you would be grateful."
He winced, waiting for whatever was coming next.
There was silence for a moment, wide eyes, shocked faces. Erato looked absolutely terrified, hands covering her mouth.
North was the one that broke the silence, his deep voice large and intimidating. "WHAT?!"
"You told me it wasn't true!" Erato said, on the verge of tears as she spoke. "You looked me in the eye and you told me that Pitch was wrong and that you hadn't set up anything!"
"I didn't set it up! Artemis set it up, I didn't know that she was behind it until after the fact! I did tell her the information that she leaked to the Shadow People, though, the fact that Tooth was using Tsar Lunar XI's sword, and I am so sorry, but I was trying to keep you all safe, I—" Cupid started.
"How in the hell is leaking information keeping us safe?" Calliope demanded.
"Artemis and I both want you safe! She knew she couldn't help directly without Apollo getting pissed and—" said Cupid.
"How does trapping Jack keep anyone safe?!" North said, clearly still furious.
"I wouldn't have gone about it that way, I wouldn't have told her anything if I knew that's what she planned to do! I just needed to solidify my place in the alliance so none of you would second-guess letting me fight," Cupid said.
Images were flashing above Sandy's shocked face at such a rapid pace, Cupid could barely register the specifics of his disappointment.
"So you leaked information so you wouldn't get benched?" Terpischore said, shaking her head in disbelief.
"You made everything worse, Cupid!" Urania said.
"You lied to me," Erato said, tears rolling down her cheeks now. The boy was visibly upset over this, over everyone's reaction.
"We tried to help! Artemis sent me to smudge Rowan's room and leave her with crystals to try and help her healing process. We didn't want her dead. We didn't want anyone dead, Artemis… Artemis knew you wouldn't take her help if she just offered it because Apollo would try to stop her," Cupid said.
"This is her idea of help?" North said.
"She thought after the new moon, after you had to relocate Rowan and everything else that you would seek her help despite what Apollo thought, that you would choose to bring her in. That's the only way she could help without it seeming like she was going behind his back," Cupid said. "That's what she wants, she wants you to choose her over Apollo, and that's why so many people won't side with you while you're associated with him. Because she already talked to them and they're on her side."
"Why are you telling us this now?" Calliope asked.
"Because I wanted you to hear from me. Apollo isn't doing enough to protect you, and I know you're mad and I know Artemis didn't go about it the right way but she is prepared to be a better leader than he is," Cupid said.
"We can't just ditch Apollo," Terpsichore said. "He brought us back to the dead, I mean… Artemis is just his sister."
"No, she's not," Cupid said, shaking his head.
"What do you mean?" Erato asked, wiping her eyes.
"Apollo can bring the Mortal Muse back from the dead as a Muse, but Artemis is the one that picks the Mortal Muse in the first place," Cupid said. "All of you were hand-picked by Artemis when you were born."
"What? Apollo always said that it was random! He—he always said that it just happened and—I searched all over the world trying to track down Rowan and he never once said I could have just asked Artemis who the Mortal Muse was! He knew how important it was we find her quickly for all our sakes!" Calliope said, nostrils flared and teeth clenched.
"He'll do anything to keep you on his side instead of hers, even if it means risking you," Cupid said. "Artemis has just as much to do with each of you being Muses as he does. And if she tries to tell you that Apollo will say she's lying or manipulating you. He's on a power trip, he always has been."
"We can't just abandon him and join up with Artemis instead, especially after finding all this out," Urania said, shaking her head.
"She's right, as angry as I am at Apollo that he would keep this quiet, there's too much history, we can't just leave," Calliope said. "Especially for someone who tried to manipulate us into reaching out to her."
"I really didn't mean for anyone to get hurt, I really just wanted to keep you all safe and I've felt so guilty about Rowan being dead, I just, I really want you all to know that," Cupid said.
"You could have come clean about this long ago," Erato said, shaking her head.
"When you asked me during the new moon if I had anything to do with setting everything up and I said no, I genuinely didn't know that Artemis had set it up, I swear," Cupid said.
"When did you know?" Urania asked.
Cupid dropped eye contact again, shame radiating from his being. "Not long after."
"And yet you still acted as though it was ridiculous to assume that you were involved," North scoffed.
"I would never put any of you in danger on purpose," Cupid said again, weakly.
"We trusted you to keep what was said at the meetings confidential. You betrayed that trust," Calliope said. "We stood up for you, we believed you when you lied."
"I never lied, all I said was that I would never put you in danger and that I would do anything to protect you, that's what I did!" Cupid said.
"You kept secrets and you played us all and we can't trust you like we did before," Calliope said.
"Please. Please, I was just trying to keep you all safe, I thought working with Artemis was the best option," Cupid said.
"I do believe your intentions were good," Erato said, still crying. "But Eros… you went behind our backs. You were just as deceptive as Pitch was at the end."
"I know, I'm sorry," he said.
"I'm so disappointed in you," she said.
"I am too," he said sincerely. "I'm so sorry."
"You need to leave," Calliope said. "We need to figure out what to do about this and hell if I'm having you report back to Artemis."
Cupid swallowed and nodded slowly, pulling another snow globe from his pocket. Turning away from the disappointed faces of the others, he tossed the snow globe forward and was gone in the next instant.