Hello Hello Hello!
And welcome back to another installment of your favorite series!
1,001 Things I'm NOT Allowed to do in: Kingdom Hearts!
I'm your host, the illustrious Freerunner, and today we will be diving into the world of Kung Fu Panda!
As always, I don't own anything except myself! The humor is all yours!
471. Enlightenment does not equal maturity. Just look at Po and Veronica.
I am over ten thousand years old. For roughly nine thousand, nine hundred, and ninety four of those I have acted the way I do now. The only time I am even remotely serious is when there is a critical crisis at hand or when I am severely pissed off. So, in all my years of existing, I have only been completely serious for a total of six years.
Po on the other hand is an ADHD ten year old nerd in the body of an adult.
Shifu swears up and down it was bad enough with just me and the furious five as his students! Now that Po has come along, and the whole business with Tai Lung has passed, he still finds it difficult to maintain his inner peace.
And that's not even getting into the stress about Lea and James' maturity levels.
472. Veronica, we know your form translates into a Nine-Tailed Fox in this dimension, but can you please stop cackling? You're starting to scare the kids.
Yeah, I was a Kitsune. Honestly I have no idea how my personality and power would translate to anything but!
Lea was a Kitsune too actually. The only way I realized that was because he had two tails. The others will grow in as he ages. I got my last one shortly after I turned a thousand.
James was a red wolf cub. I think it had something to with that loyalty streak he's got, not to mention his hair.
473. Veronica, we do not mock the glorified albino chicken. He has fireworks and he knows how to use them.
So do I, and I know how to cause widespread panic and chaos throughout an entire country with only a single firecracker
Can Shen do that?
No, he needs the big ass canons and the pack of wolf mercenaries.
All I need is the smallest firecracker and a crowded market.
So your argument is invalid Shifu.
474. Veronica, please refrain from taunting the rhinos so much that they throw you into prison to shut you up. They are still recovering from Tai Lung's escape, and you doing so right after that pisses them off even further.
That was not my fault.
I didn't even do anything to warrant that!
Apparently they don't like foxes. AT ALL.
And apparently being a nine-tailed fox is even worse in their eyes.
I broke out ten seconds after they locked me in, and took out about half of the defenses with me just to make a point.
They haven't screwed with me since.
475. Veronica, you are not supposed to get into a dumpling eating contest with the panda.
The two of us scarfed down roughly two hundred each before we called it quits and proclaimed it was a tie. In the spirit of the competition, I actually turned off my black hole of a stomach for once to make it fair.
We had to go and get our stomachs pumped because we ate so much.
Good times...
476. Veronica, screwing around with the Furious Five is only funny when they aren't urgently needed.
Well what did you expect me to do with fourteen barrels of whipped cream?! Let it go to waste?!
I don't think so!
The first barrel tasted amazing on breakfast the next day, and Tigress was swearing up a storm as she tried to get the other thirteen out of her fur.
477. Veronica, you are not supposed to screw around with Po's dreams.
I popped into the Dragon Warrior dream we see around the beginning of the movie.
Scared him so badly that he woke up screaming right as his dad woke him up.
478. Yes Veronica, you have an action figure. Don't let it go to your head.
Lea has one too, but not James.
Apparently after we completed the basic Kung Fu training and began developing the Fox Tail Style Lea and I became public figures. Shifu and Oogway don't accept many new students to train in the advanced courses, so besides Po Lea and I are their first new students in nearly ten years. James is still training to master the basics, but with who his parents are, I highly doubt he'll be in that class for long.
479. The Wuxi Finger Hold is not to be used to get out of Mantis' acupuncture training.
Maybe not for you mortals, but for someone like me it's the equivalent of a deep tissue massage.
Ahhhh. The Wuxi Finger hold is a special chi attack that targets all muscles of the target's body at the same time. For a mortal, it hurts like a bitch, but for an immortal it still hurts but the good kind of hurt that makes all of the knots in your muscles loosen up and disappear.
480. Despite being naturally aligned to chaos, Veronica does enjoy peace every once in awhile.
Just because my alignment is angled towards causing Chaos doesn't mean that I don't enjoy taking a break from time to time to enjoy the silence and serenity.
I was always delighted to relax for an evening under the Sacred Peach Tree with a good cup of tea with Oogway. The view from it at sunset is absolutely spectacular.
It's only gotten better and more beautiful since I met Lea, even if Oogway is not longer with us.