Chapter 2

At a distance all too far, a boy was tucked under his covers, hiding underneath a mountain of pillows. He adjusted, trying to get comfortable while lying on his stomach, but he was too excited to be still. The light from his phone was hidden beneath his fort, and his message exchange felt secret and undisturbed.

You seem to be feeling better, I hope I helped.

Yosuke was. This was the most happy he'd been in weeks, and he tried to pretend that it was just because he was talking to his best friend.

dude you have no idea. i thought i was gunna flip earlier! hope i havent kept you up too late.

But his phone read 1:06 and he knew that Yu needed to sleep for school because he had a future and Yosuke wasn't going to be the one to compromise it. He wasn't ready to let go yet though. He wanted to read that Yu was fine and that they could text as long as Yosuke wanted. That would be impossible as they'd both probably starve before Yosuke was satisfied. Ugh, he sounded way too giddy about a simple conversation. How lonely was he without his partner?

No, it's been a long time since we've talked. I missed you.

Yosuke's mouth fell open briefly and he quickly tried to arrange his thoughts into a coherent response.

its been way too long right?

He had to add more than that or this was just going to run the exchange into a dead end.

did you and rise have fun?

Why did that sound more bitter than he had intended? He only wanted to change topics, but he had just snapped at Yu earlier about the story, and he was sure Yu was getting bombarded with hateful messages. Why did he always fuck this up? Why was it taking him so long to respond? Why did the last couple of months take such a weird turn for them? When Yosuke looked at the ease of their friendship, they didn't even have to say what they were thinking—one look had always been enough. However—and he couldn't even guess a date if he had a gun to his head—now Yosuke seemed to confuse even the most basic of mannerisms Yu displayed. It wasn't that he thought Yu had changed all that dramatically, but something had definitely happened.

Fine, but if I am being completely honest, a little awkward. I think she still cares about me in a way I can't return.

Yosuke calmed down. Yu had come to him after the confession feeling like a heartless jerk. Yu felt terrible for making Rise cry, but it had been unavoidable; Rise was overly emotional and Yu—although he always tried to make attempts—came off as somewhat cold at times. Yosuke, selfish as he was, felt a brief moment a satisfaction when he'd found out about Yu's rejection. He'd convinced himself that the reason was because Rise needed to finally get a taste of what the real world had to offer, but that still didn't seem like the appropriate response a friend should have. He hadn't really processed the momentary happiness since then, but it was something that had frightened him for a reason he couldn't place.

hey its gunna be weird at first but its Rise so she'll bounce back.

Yeah, that sounded reassuring, or close enough anyway.

Thanks, but I am dreading school tomorrow. Think I could get away with skipping one time? We can meet halfway and take a mental health day together.

Yosuke covered his face with a free hand and groaned. This was growing to be a complicated situation.

A joke, obviously.

He'd known, but it still felt good to see Yu write it. Was Yu as lonely as he was? Of course, and what an idiotic thing to think. Yosuke at least had the others around, and there wasn't much point to a big city full of strangers. He tried to imagine Yu singing karaoke by himself and it was pitiful.

You there? Did you fall asleep?

Oh shit, he needed to send something light hearted.

nah just imagining you singing karaoke.

Their texts were slowly turning more experimental for Yosuke. If he said this what would Yu respond with? What if he added this or answered like this? It seemed way too childish, but Yosuke also felt like he had to practically relearn his best friend all over again.

We should do that if you ever come to visit. I would love to see if you're better at singing than you are at cooking.

Yosuke grinned reading Yu's familiar sarcasm. At least that was still the same.

i will destroy you.

He could see it now, Yu's terrible singing followed by Yosuke's only slightly less terrible singing. Some random song about beating the odds and standing together. Funny how the others were less and less involved in his future plans with Yu.

But what did that mean? What did all of this mean?

In what way?

Hold on. What was that supposed to mean? Was that a—

In any case, I look forward to your attempts.

Why did he read everything twelve different ways? Yu was too vague and it wasn't fair. Another thing that remained the same, but Yosuke could never read what the vagueness relating to him meant; with the others—sure, no problem, but when his partner was joking like this, it was all too complicated.

The messaging continued about another hour or so before Yosuke made the decision to let Yu sleep.

get some rest and prepare for war tomorrow. text me that you are alive periodically.

Enough with his selfishness, Yu couldn't afford to be exhausted.

I will, I hope you sleep well. We should actually talk tomorrow if you don't have work.

A spoken conversation that lasted longer than ten minutes sounded great to Yosuke, but he did have to work.

i'll be there until 7 but i am free after that. i'll try to eat at work!

He had tried to refrain from texting Yu a thousand times a day, but it was getting harder and he didn't want to appear clingy. Plus, there was no way Yu wanted to hear about Yosuke's mundane days. A text would have been sent to him every few minutes.

bored.

still bored.

chie is being a pain.

people are talking.

come here and distract them.

bored bored bored.

what did you make for lunch?

Texts that he'd composed and never sent. There were hundreds more like those he'd deleted after second guessing himself. His phone buzzed again.

By the way—and don't think this means I expect it or that you're obligated, but if you wanted to text more I'd really like that. You wouldn't be a bother, I promise.

Geez, was the guy in his head? ...Who was he kidding, of course Yu was. He always was.

trust me if i sent everything i wanted you would go crazy.

Literally three seconds later.

Try me.

This was too much for one night. So many questions with too few answers. Yu was the most confusing person Yosuke had ever met, but he supposed it made sense. He couldn't argue that his line of reasoning didn't make a whole lot of sense if he stood back and examined it. How could someone he could practically speak for be such a mystery to him? But literally just him. If Chie asked a question, Yosuke could answer for Yu and his partner would simply nod—hell, he could even order at a restaurant for the guy at this point, but when Yosuke questioned what Yu intended for him... Where were the answers there? Why wasn't that equally as effortless? Did that say more about how Yosuke felt concerning himself?

right right i will. be careful what you wish for! night partner!

That seemed completely normal. Totally normal, nothing weird or out of place about that.

It was just two best friends who were used to seeing each other every day, but now they lived on what felt like opposite sides of the planet. Yosuke was mildly pleased with himself and his deductions, but he also knew he had to be missing something.

Then again, he probably just missed his best friend and it was only natural to be concerned about bombarding him with calls and texts.

It was... Wasn't it?

Yosuke looked at the phone and sighed as the screen turned off due to inactivity. How did you go about telling your best friend that you felt like you didn't know him anymore? Was it really Yu that had changed, or was it him?

School followed the normal pattern, but now Yosuke sent a fourth of the texts he'd planned on deleting. He was used to not sleeping more than five hours, but the conversation they'd had kept him up thinking until a few minutes before his obnoxious alarm went off.

"Yosuke? You alive?" Chie prodded his shoulder roughly.

"Hrmph." An eloquent response.

"Hey, wake up you dummy. Lunch just started." Chie gave one final push and leaned back.

"Not hungry, go ahead without me." He turned his head and stared at her with red eyes.

"Geez, didja you get any sleep, Senpai?"

Oh good, Kanji was there too.

"No, now please let me enjoy my fifteen minutes of rest." He thought about working later at Junes and sighed.

Of course, the group next to him didn't budge. He heard Yukiko and Naoto talking and it was something about Yu.

"Did Yu receive your letter, Naoto?"

A what?

"He should have yesterday, and I believe he recently got Kanji's letter as well," Naoto answered and Yosuke could hear Kanji scooting away from her.

"A letter? Why a letter?" Yosuke pried, now sitting up straighter.

Naoto nodded. "Senpai mentioned he preferred letters every now and then, so I correspond with him that way most of the time."

"I sent him a couple too, but he always sends back such serious stuff. It's real awkward." Kanji crossed his arms and looked towards the ceiling.

Yosuke wanted to read these letters. Why hadn't he gotten a letter? Why hadn't he been told Yu liked getting letters? When had this started?

"Maybe you should send him one Senpai, I'm sure it would cheer him up." Naoto smiled innocently as she spoke, but Yosuke detected something sinister.

"Nah, letters aren't really my thing, I'll stick to texting." Yosuke seemingly wrote off the idea and rested his head on his arms again.

"Well, I believe it would be a nice surprise for him," Naoto finished and returned to her conversation with Yukiko.

Oh, but he was going to send one, and it would beat their letters. Yosuke tried to desperately think of what exactly he would write that could elevate his letter to this supreme, overlord status he'd created in his mind, but his lack of sleep was working against him. He looked down at his phone and smiled seeing the light.

Still alive and well, make sure you are focusing on school while sending me messages. I'm much more occupied with remaining unnoticed today than usual. The principal and my homeroom teacher actually gave me a lecture on responsibility and how the students' actions reflect the school as a whole. I apologized, but I had a few things I would have liked to respond with.

Wow, Yu was irritated, but at least it made him chattier.

eh just let it go. or dont and knock them out. letting it go would probably be more prudent.

you like that? bigger vocabulary than usual amiright? all these homework assignments you make me do must be paying off.

Maybe that would help Yu feel better.

Impressive, I can't wait to see how you'll be texting by the end of the school year. Lunch is over here, but don't forget about later. :)

Yosuke held still and stared for a moment. Yu had actually sent a smiley face. Why did these simple things confuse him so much? Had this been the case before?

Later on, Yosuke mindlessly stocked the shelves in the grocery department; his body was set to autopilot as his exhaustion reached its peak. Two symbols put together had totally ruined his concentration for the day. How was this healthy?

A nearby manager called over to him, "15 minutes and you can go, Hanamura."

It was a sense of relief as Yosuke pooled his remaining strength together to power through the final pieces stock. He could finally leave and keep his appointment with Yu. Also, in the past few hours he'd compiled a decent idea for a letter; maybe not the words, but the other, more important aspect, he felt.

"Okay, multitasking." Yosuke turned on his laptop and picked up the phone, eyeing the clock as he did so.

"Don't think about earlier, don't say something stupid, and don't make an ass of yourself. You've had a ton of conversations, just act like a person with some sense today." He tried to give himself a pep talk mixed with some advice. Maybe it would work this time.

He pressed two then send, his speed dial for Yu. Two rings.

"Hello," Yu answered casually, although he sounded somewhat tired.

"Hey, sorry about all the messages today, I warned you though," Yosuke tried to joke, not daring to tell him there were about a hundred more he wanted to send.

"Honestly, I had expected more."

Dammit, so he could have sent more.

"Well, I'll amp up my game then," Yosuke replied as he laughed, trying to make it sound more like it was Yu's idea at this point.

"I look forward to it. By chance, did anyone mention what happened last night at Yasogami today?" Yu sounded on edge.

"Nah, mostly just Chie asking if I'd heard for some reason. No one else is really interested in the stuff."

"Even Kanji texted me."

"Well, it's Kanji."

"Hmm, you did as well."

"Ass." They both laughed.

While Yu answered Yosuke's questions about his day, Yosuke was organizing files on his computer. He wouldn't mention anything to Yu about his letter and definitely not ask why Yu hadn't mentioned his like for letters. Yosuke wasn't about to sound like a jealous girlfriend.

Yu changed the subject after a few minutes. "It's our last year, do you have any plans after—"

"Ugh, don't even remind me. I feel like I am gonna be stuck here with no future." Yosuke didn't want to talk about this.

"I thought after what happened last year you loved Inaba now?"

He had, but the thing that he loved most about Inaba was gone.

Yosuke jolted up at the thought and almost dropped the phone. No, that was not how he had intended it, even in his own mind. He loved Yu like a brother, like family, like a friend. Friend. Best friend. His partner, but not like—you know, that kind. Why was he making everything sound so awkward even towards himself?

"I do like it... a lot more, but"—How could he phrase this—"it's not the same." So vague, how wonderfully awful, and now he'd set himself up for Yu to ask more questions. Not that he could blame him, because Yosuke would do the same and often had to... At least now, anyway. The thought stung.

"How do you mean? After the murders?" Although Yu was being unclear, Yosuke knew that his tone meant it had to do with Saki-senpai this time.

"Just... the adrenaline has worn off, we've all settled back into our old routines. There're no more Personas"—No more you—"or battles... It just sucks. Not that people getting thrown into the TV was great, just our mission is complete and it's not the same anymore." It felt wrong to complain to Yu, who was stuck in a city by himself, and if he said it was because Yu was gone it would sound creepy and pathetic... Right?

There was a long silence on the other end.

"Yu? Hey, sorry... I know that wasn't really fair to—"

"No. No, I understand what you mean completely."

Yosuke heard Yu take a deep breath.

"It's hard to be here, without you guys, and part of me wishes we could all just climb in a TV and meet up." Yu laughed at the end, but it was sad and bitter.

Yosuke felt his chest tightening. "Hey, don't worry, I'm sure Golden Week will work out. Let's talk about something more—uh, positive. Or whatever." Nailed it. Totally nailed cheering him up. Yosuke felt like an idiot.

"Yeah... Let's hope, right? Do you have homework?" Yu inquired, like a concerned mother.

"You know the answer," Yosuke replied, sounding like a defeated son.

"Should you do that?"

"No!" That was a little too quick. "Uh, I mean it's cool. I'm not that tired that I won't do it after this, and we don't talk often so..." He was exhausted, and he could probably fall on the futon and pass out in seconds.

"Oh, well if you need help you can just text me later too," Yu offered, and Yosuke thought about seriously taking him up on that. Yu's homework was probably levels above his, so it would probably look like a joke.

"Thanks, I mean it." Yosuke was running out of stuff to say, and he wanted to ask a dozen questions, but it didn't seem relevant right now. If he asked a question, it would be obvious that he had been thinking about it...

Fuck it.

"Hey, um, Yu?" Grow a pair, shit.

"Hmm?" God, when he did that it was hard to act serious.

"The thing with Rise..." This had been at the back of his mind, and he tried to cover it up but couldn't. "What did you guys do anyway? What happened that made people think you were dating?" Yosuke hadn't seen the program himself, just heard about it from his mother.

More silence. Maybe he could just hang up and jump out his window and save himself any more embarrassment. At this point, he was pretty sure he'd filled his life's meter.

"Well, it was just Rise being Rise, I guess. She tends to cling—"

Unbridled anger flared inside Yosuke.

"—but other than that we just went to a coffee shop somewhere and talked about her tour. I took her to some random stores because she wanted to shop, and then I walked her back to her driver. A few hours was taken completely out of context." Yu sounded agitated as he continued, "It wasn't like this when we all hung out in Inaba."

"Right..." Yosuke wasn't sure what he'd been looking for, but now he had fury burning for a reason he didn't understand.

"I didn't mean to make you think I'd hidden something from you. I have no romantic interest for her."

Now his best friend was worried about betrayal... What a successful line of questioning he'd barely started.

"No, no I'm sorry for being an ass. I should have known better than to assume based on some crappy gossip. It was my bad." Yosuke closed his eyes and willed himself to complete the thought, "But... you will tell me when you find someone"—A swallow—"right?"

"Of course. You really didn't upset me though." Yu reassured, sounding odd.

Yosuke figured that was an appropriate response based on how he'd been acting with Yu. It wasn't like him to inquire so much—well not about this kind of stuff anyway. Honestly, 'wasn't like him' didn't even fit the bill. The only times he'd asked had been out of genuine, playful curiosity. This time, he sounded offended and even a little jealous.

"Ah, well that's good at least. I know I suck with that kinda stuff. Glad it's cleared up. Anyway, let's talk about something you want." Yosuke stared at his computer screen, trying to just forget about the last few minutes.

"Well..."

"What dude?"

"Yosuke, do you—"

Yosuke heard a muffled yell on Yu's end.

"What? I didn't hear you."

"My mother is calling."

No, Yosuke wanted to hear what the question was going to be.

"It's fine, go ahead." Please.

"I will ask later, I better go see if she's trapped herself underneath the couch or something. It was good to talk to you though. Text you later?" Dammit.

"Yeah, yeah... That's cool. See ya, partner." Yosuke didn't even try to hide the disappointment.

"Bye for now," Yu replied, sounding equally dissatisfied.

Click.

There were so many emotions that Yosuke was trying to process that he felt as though his head were going to implode. Why did he feel so possessive? Yu was allowed to see the others—with or without him. Why did he feel so angry at Rise? She did nothing wrong, and in fact helped his best friend feel better.

So, why did he just want to go and erase her existence?

It sounded so brutal, but he felt that critical of her right now. It bothered him to the point where he felt sick to his stomach, but the danger of denying it was too well known to his group. She was his friend too, and Yu was allowed more than one friend.

"Fuck..." He leaned on his elbows and rubbed his temples.

He decided that he should just focus on this letter and forget all the crap he was bottling up. The screen was killing his swollen eyes, but at least he could focus on the throbbing pain in his head instead. He slipped his headphones on and tried to distance himself. He'd write this letter and go to bed. To hell with the homework.

In the back of his mind, despite his belief of the contrary, his suppression of the truth was slipping.