Chapter 7
"Indeed, but we should probably be sitting somewhere private," Yu suggested and looked at the random groups of people populating the streets even this late at night, most likely due to Golden Week.
Yosuke nodded and checked the time on his phone. "Well, by the time we get everything to the house it should be quieter out here."
Yu looked over at Yosuke again and smiled seeing part of a June's uniform not hidden by his jacket. "Come straight from work?"
"Of course. Dad's condition for tonight. The man can't just give a straight yes or no, there's always a catch," Yosuke grumbled, taking off his jacket to remove the apron. "I hate this damn thing. I always forget it."
Yu felt a twinge of guilt. "I'm sorry, I didn't want you to have to work then be out this late. I'd have waited until tomo—"
"Stop. Don't. You didn't hold a gun to my head to make the decision. I wanted you to get here as soon as possible and if it meant working for five hours stocking shelves I think I can somehow make that sacrifice," Yosuke said and winked, his signature sarcasm present again. "Besides, you're going to be making the same sacrifices this week, partner."
"I can hardly wait," Yu replied with his own smile and bumped his shoulder against Yosuke's, briefly surprised at how close he already was.
It was nice. Like he'd never left.
"Dude, I cannot believe you're back! Seriously, I was starting to wonder there for a minute if I was going to have to make good on my word and have Nanako-chan call your mother," he joked and Yu couldn't help but shamelessly stare.
Yosuke was here. Yu could literally reach out and touch him. He'd imagined his friend's smiling face while they'd talked over the phone and through text messages, but seeing him in the flesh was a reminder of how wonderful and difficult this week was going to be.
"You okay?" Yosuke tilted his head, a half-smile tugging at his lips.
"Sorry, just have a lot on my mind and the long trip didn't help. Although the uniform does explain the lack of messages," Yu teased.
Yosuke rubbed the back of his head. "Yeah, I kinda predicted your reaction. Figured I would leave you in suspense rather than make you feel bad the whole way here. You're weird like that." He looked down at the ground before continuing. "I guess this is gonna be a heavy talk, huh?"
"More than you know."
"Geez, partner, sounds like you're breaking up with me or something," Yosuke chuckled nervously, without realizing the effect his joke would have on Yu.
"Ah, uh..." Yu felt flustered and hoped the night would hide his newly red face. "Sorry, maybe I am overdramatizing it. I guess it just matters how you're going to interpret it."
Yosuke must have decided that Yu hadn't received his comment well. "I was just messing with you. I promise I'm ready for whatever. Judgment free!"
"Thanks. I know you mean it." Yu turned to him, giving a gentle smile he reserved solely for his partner.
"Heh, y-yeah." Yosuke's eyes drifted towards the sky.
The remainder of the walk consisted of Yosuke coughing and them gossiping about what the group had been up to since they no longer spent all their free time investigating a bizarre murder case. As usual, Yu mostly let Yosuke do the talking, and it was nice to hear his voice not filtered through the static of a phone. Once they arrived, Yu recognized the familiar quiet of a vacant house.
"Parents are out a little later tonight, but it's still not safe to talk here. No telling when they'll get back. Stereotypical parents, not informing their child when they'll return so they can catch them in the act of something terrible," Yosuke said with a shrug, only half-joking.
"Makes sense. Can't say I wouldn't do something similar." Although Yu imagined his idea of 'something terrible' was a bit more extreme than Yosuke's.
"You would say that."
Thankfully, Yu had one bag filled with only the essentials so it was much lighter to carry than his first stay in Inaba. Yosuke had insisted he could borrow anything he needed to prevent Yu from struggling with the luggage on the train. It was comforting to be in Yosuke's room again, and Yu could tell he'd tried to tidy up.
"Catch the cleaning bug?"
Yosuke snorted, "Hardly. Don't move anything around too much, who knows what will come tumbling out."
"Like 'the goods'?"
"Shut the hell up, dude," Yosuke hissed and smacked his friend's arm playfully. "Your memory is ridiculous, I swear."
As pleased as their jokes made him feel, Yu knew he couldn't avoid this any longer. "Well, let's get going before it gets too late. Unless you still wanted to have a late night adventure despite the approval from your parents? I'd advise against it with your cold."
"Yeah, I think I'm gonna back down on that. No sense in killing myself the first day you're back, right?" Yosuke nodded and popped a cough drop. "Lead the way."
Yu had decided the shrine in the Central Shopping District would be quiet and that it was the least likely place they'd be disturbed. Luckily for Yosuke, it was a short enough walk that he didn't feel fatigued.
"Alright, lay it on me," Yosuke stated, shoving his hands in his pockets and sitting down on a stone step.
Yu placed a hand inside the inner part of his coat and stopped briefly. "A few days ago, I received a letter..."
Three days earlier...
"Yu, there's something on the table for you!" His mother's message carried down the hall, and could be heard over the music Yu was playing.
"You know you can't drown me out with his playlists," the voice he'd now grown accustomed to called from Yu's bed.
He'd learned that the best way to deal with his new tormentor was to ignore him most of the time, replying only when he started to grow violent. However, this was rather precarious when Yu was in school or around his parents.
"This is boring." His Shadow rolled over and jumped up, following Yu down the hall.
No one else seemed to be able see or hear his Shadow, but he also couldn't disturb the people around Yu. The hallucinations and dreams had calmed down for the most part, and his other self only seemed to enter his dreams when Yu was in a more distressed state. Yu had made it a habit to end his evenings with a phone conversation with Yosuke which seemed to suppress any intrusions.
The Shadow was now at the front door, looking down at the 'something' in question. "Ooo, it's a letter. Who could it be from?" He moved to look over Yu's shoulder while he turned the envelope over.
"What...?" Yu's eyes widened and he almost dropped the letter.
"Oh, it's from him. Looks like this evening isn't going to be boring after all," the Shadow chuckled and grinned wicked at Yu. "I wonder if he's writing to confirm what you already know..."
Yu whipped his left arm and watched his reflection flicker and appear back in the hallway, same amused expression present.
"Come on, let's see what it has to say. Maybe you guys can become pen pals," he remarked and turned to head back for Yu's room.
The letter was heavy in Yu's hand and he turned it over to the front again.
"Adachi..."
There was no questioning that it was from the former detective, but Yu was alarmed with how Adachi had obtained his address seeing as how he was incarcerated in one of the strictest prisons the country had.
"From anyone you know?" His mother looked over from the couch.
"Used to know. No one important." It was best to keep his mother in the dark on this one.
"Well, don't be rude just because you don't talk anymore. Make sure you write back! Who knows, it might rekindle a friendship," she advised.
The only response Yu could have replied with honestly would have been something that would create a lot of questions he wasn't going to answer. Dojima had thankfully kept quiet about the events that had transpired in Inaba, and other than the basics of the case, Yu's parents were in the dark. They definitely didn't know the group had 'assisted' the police with the matter.
Yu returned to his desk and stared at the envelope for some time, wondering if he should just burn it and be ignorant of the contents forever.
"Come on. Open the damn thing, you're dying to know what's inside."
Suddenly the letter opener was in Yu's hand and the envelope unsealed.
"What deep, dark confessions might the once treasured Adachi have in store for us? You know, this is pretty convenient! After all, one of the things we've yet to cover is your overwhelming fear that you're—"
"Enough. I know."
"Then if you don't want to hear it, read the damn letter," his Shadow hissed in Yu's ear and went back to the bed.
The paper was thin, barely worn which indicated to Yu that Adachi didn't carry it with him for very long. Apparently he hadn't agonized over how to compose the wording.
Hey kid,
I bet you're pretty confused, this coming out of the blue, right? 'How did he get my address?', 'What does the big, bad murderer have in store for me?', 'What on Earth could he want?'. Hit anything on the head yet?
Adachi's handwriting showed his hand had been completely steady, and not a single word looked like it had been crossed out.
See, I was curious about something, and it's been eating at me for a while. After all, it's not like I have anything else to do in this place. Besides be harassed for being a past detective. Who knew that rooming with the people you helped put away would make for such an uncomfortable experience?
His bitter tone was making Yu sick. The Shadow just smirked knowingly.
You'd think I'd have more time for pleasantries in this letter like, 'How's Nanako?', 'Dojima still the same pain in the ass?', 'You brats still trying to pretend you're all innocent heroes?'. The guards that audit these letters don't want to read that crap though, so I'll skip the majority.
The sight of Nanako's name enraged Yu and he wrinkled the sides of the note, his nails almost breaking the paper as his grip tightened.
No, what I wanted to know is how is that little head of yours? I've noticed a few things in the time I've been sitting here, bored out of my mind. I can't speak for Namatame, but I've started to experience some pretty interesting things. Tell me, how's that Shadow of yours doing? You know, the one you never got to meet?
Yu felt his limbs start to go numb with shock at the words, but he shook his head and held the feeling at bay.
The way I figure it, you should be seeing some of the same stuff as me at this point. Did you honestly think we got to be 'special' without penalty? Knowing your self-righteous attitude I can only imagine the answer is a resounding 'Yes.'. Humans don't get touched by a God or Goddess without some fucked up shit happening. Just a guess though, because it's not like there've been any case studies on the subject.
I'm writing to make you an offer, because I think I have some information that you'll be quite interested in. Without giving too much away, it might just be the answers to all the questions you've no doubt got. However, I know how little you trust me, but I am also willing to bet you're more curious than you are cautious. Here are the terms: you come see me, alone, we have a little chat and we continue our little letter writing back and forth. See? It's that simple. I'm not asking for your first born or anything—I just want your presence and time. Is there any way I can convince you my intentions are pure? Absolutely not, and why would they be? So, you'll just have to take a leap of faith, but think of what you could gain, kid.
My advice would be to keep this proposition a secret, but knowing you, you'll probably run to your little sheep and ask their opinion. You've got the address and I've given you clearance to see me. You might even get to find out how I got Mommy and Daddy's address.
The choice is yours,
Tohru Adachi
Yu stared off into nothingness, processing the words, trying not to panic.
"What an interesting turn of events. Luckily the guards already think he's nuts so this shouldn't change too much. What will you do? Think about what they will think! I can't wait to see his face! Because you've already decided to tell him. The second you saw the address you made that decision. But... we already know what we're going to do, don't we? I wonder what a prison looks like, even just the visiting area. You're going to really disappoint Yosuke; after all, he'd insist the two of you could work through all your problems together. You don't believe in him... do you?"
"Shut your damn mouth." Yu put his face in both hands and tried to access his options, limited as they were.
The longer he waited, the less likely he was to act, but was that really the best choice?
"Stop stalling. Tell Yosuke your decision and get it over with. Maybe he can forgive you, but he'll never understand. You kind of mourn the loss of the Adachi you knew, right?"
Yu took a deep breath. "Yes. It's not liked we wished for things to turn out the way they did."
"Humph, you're no fun today," his Shadow whined.
"I won't fall for your traps."
"And you can't trick me. Just because you think you're invulnerable doesn't mean you can convince me of that. Besides, you really do have a lot of questions. Imagine if Adachi could save you and Yosuke couldn't! What would that possibly mean? It would make sense, you're both just alike, aren't you?"
The words had finally been said, one of the few things Yu had been avoiding all this time.
He scrambled to carefully deflect the accusation while trying to not outright deny it. "Wouldn't anyone be ashamed of becoming like him?"
"You aren't becoming anything, though," The sentence cut Yu like nothing had so far.
Before Yu could respond the front door opened and closed and muffled voices were heard from the living room.
The Shadow followed Yu's eyes to the noise. "Go on, play the perfect son. Better for them to think that than know the truth."
Present
"A letter? That's harmless enough," Yosuke said and seemed relieved.
Yu had been nervous about the confession, but now he was wishing that the nature of the conversation hadn't changed to this.
He couldn't keep eye contact. "Just read it."
Yu took it from his pocket and extended it towards his friend, holding it tightly for a moment when Yosuke started to take it. "You're... going to have a lot of questions, and I'll do my best to answer every one of them, but—"
"You don't have to defend yourself, partner," Yosuke assured him and gently tugged at the letter, releasing it from Yu's grasp. "I don't think anything could surprise me after what we went through."
Yu's face twisted in a mixture of worry and disgust with himself. "I would wait before making that call."
He hadn't kept the letter in the envelope, but he knew once Yosuke read the greeting he'd know all too well who the sender was. Sure enough, Yosuke's eyes grew wide and his expression turned furious moments after opening it. Surprisingly though, his friend didn't make any comments while he read, his face just changed from one emotion to another.
After several minutes, Yosuke placed the paper in his lap and stared at the stone steps in front of him. Yu wanted to start spouting reassurances and ask a dozen questions himself, but he kept completely still and silent. Yosuke finally spoke after what seemed like ages.
"What is he talking about, Yu?" He looked up, eyes red and puffy, but not from his sickness. "What's really going on? What does he mean by your Shadow?"
Yu flinched and drew back, knowing this conversation wasn't going to go well, but no rehearsal could have prepared him for the hurt and betrayal he heard in Yosuke's voice.
"What have you been keeping from me?"
It was like Yu had forgotten basic language skills, and when he opened his mouth to explain, nothing came out.
"Do you not trust me?" The darkness did not hide the glint coming from Yosuke's cheeks.
"Of course I do!" Yu found a response, a little louder than he'd anticipated, but an answer none the less.
"Then what the hell?" Yosuke snapped this time.
"I couldn't... I mean... I didn't know how to... How could I explain it? It was hard enough to try and make sense of the hallucinations, let alone seeing my... Shadow," Yu managed to choke out.
"What? Think I couldn't help you? Out of the two of us I think I have a little more experience with facing the things." Yosuke was standing now, his stance defensive.
"No, I just"—he couldn't be dishonest any more—"didn't want you to think less of me. I was afraid you would think I couldn't handle it. I was seeing my Shadow outside of the TV, and none of us have experience with that. We can't summon our Personas here, and now I've got more symptoms than I can distinguish. It feels like I'm developing a new one every day. Some diminish, some grow stronger, others go away altogether, but two remain constant. My Shadow and now..."
These words were the absolute hardest.
Yosuke didn't appreciate the delay and repeated, "And now?"
Yu looked at his partner with a look of agony that could have only challenged with the night he'd almost Nanako.
"I can't feel my Personas."
It wasn't something that had happened slowly. Yu simply woke up the next morning after Adachi's letter to silence. There were no mummers from them, no feelings of warmth and comfort, just a void. He tried calling Them, inflicting 'harmless' pain on himself to summon at least Izanagi and even asking his Shadow in a desperate attempt to get an answer. He had received laughter and one day without his other self, more than likely a different way to make Yu suffer.
Yosuke's tone and face immediately changed to horror. "You mean... You can't even feel Izanagi?"
"No," Yu's voice wavered as he spoke, "There's just... nothing."
Although the others had mentioned their Personas weren't as active as Yu's, they still felt a faint presence. The day that Yosuke had mentioned Takehaya Susano-O, it had only been a surprise because he'd communicated with Yosuke instead of being a soundless fixture in his mind.
Yu cleared his throat to steady his words, "But I have a theory that maybe if we went into the TV I could find some answers."
"Agreed, to hell with asking him," Yosuke finished.
"Well, I want to try this for now. I won't rule out Adachi, but I'll to go him only as a last resort. I don't like the idea either, but if it means the chance of gaining my Personas and sanity back, I'll risk it," Yu carefully explained, and embraced for the impact he expected from Yosuke.
Yosuke merely averted his eyes. "He's playing you. He never does anything selflessly."
Yu was shocked that Yosuke hadn't exploded or at least punched him, but he could still sense the contained rage. "Yosuke... I know. Like I said, this is if all else fails. I don't want to give him the advantage, and before you ask, I did not respond to the letter."
"Tell me about your Shadow."
Yosuke was clearly done talking about Adachi.
Yu complied. "Basically I see him no matter what the circumstance. I could be in school or eating dinner with my parents."
"Is he... Is he here right now?" Yosuke looked around him.
Yu assumed it was just a nervous reflex. "Not right now, and no one can see or hear him but me. At least in our world... The TV might be a completely different story. That, or he isn't real and you should save me some time and lock me up too."
That was the wrong thing to say.
"Don't fucking talk like you're him!" Yosuke jerked back and grabbed Yu's shoulder, clutching it painfully.
"Sorry... I just don't have a lot of confidence in myself at the moment. There's also that night—the one where you had to call Dojima. Generally, the Shadow just talks or does minor things to annoy me, but that was the only night he's ever assaulted me. At least, that's the only explanation I can come up with. I had no bruises, but everything was so real," Yu finally admitted, and paused to see if Yosuke had more questions.
"So, that night..." Yosuke's grip relaxed as he trailed off, but his hand remained. "This is crazy. I guess we'll all get together and—"
"No. The others can't know. You, I trust to handle the news, but the others... I'm not so sure. I'm not trying to sound arrogant, but—"
"And I get it. Could be considered a morale killer, but it's going to be dangerous if it's just us though."
"I know. I don't like the idea either. To be honest I'm hoping that since the other side has become peaceful we'll encounter little resistance."
Yosuke sighed and released Yu's arm completely now. "Look, I'm not usually the one to be the voice of reason, but look at the facts. We haven't trained in months, our old weapons were returned to Daidara's and as much as I'm taking what you said as a compliment—and don't take this to as an insult... You have no Personas. Our edge is kind of lost, dude. Not trying to hate on myself, and Takehaya Susano-O is powerful, but I'm just one person. If I'm fighting it'll be difficult for me to heal, and you can't exactly take a hit from a Shadow, let alone your Shadow. If we fight, we're going to need help, partner. The thought of... I don't-I mean."—Yosuke looked away again—"I can't lose you."
Before Yu could think about what he was doing his arms were around the other teen.
"Ah! What are you—"
"You're right... I'm sorry. I'm just going to need a few days to figure out how to tell them... But I know we don't have that luxury," he apologized, but didn't let go.
The damage was done, and Yu was going to enjoy the feeling of holding Yosuke for as long as he could. To the teen's surprise, he felt trembling arms surround him, Yosuke's hands tugging at the fabric at the back Yu's jacket.
"Don't keep anything from me again. You didn't have to deal with this alone. I told you that the night you called me, and I know I fucked up, but I meant it. Partners means something, got it?" Yosuke's forehead had moved to Yu's shoulder to no doubt hide his face.
"Heh, you're right. I promise I won't don't this again. Same goes for you."
Yosuke's laughter rumbled against Yu. "You got it."
After a few more minutes Yosuke finally broke the embrace and stumbled back, obviously realizing their 'compromising' position.
"W-well, let the investigation begin... tomorrow. Let's get me some medicine and go to bed, I think I'm starting to feel a little weird," he stammered an excuse to cover up his awkwardness and turned his back to Yu's humored expression, marching down the stairs.
"Always the surprise, isn't he?" A disapproving voice came from the shrine.
Yu didn't even turn, knowing who he'd see, because for tonight he was going to enjoy the freedom of having divulged almost everything to his best friend. For the first time in days, Yu didn't feel empty or alone, and he could worry about what the rest of the week had in store, tomorrow. For now, he'd follow his partner home, using Yosuke's embarrassment as an excuse to hang back and observe.