Chapter Forty One – Exhausting
"Could we sit down?" Marinette asks, biting her lip nervously.
Adrien nods automatically and starts to lead her over to the couch, but then she sits on the end of his bed and lets out a big sigh. Scratching the back of his neck and hoping his cheeks aren't as flushed as they feel, he sits down next to her. His added weight on the mattress makes her lean into him so their shoulders are touching, and he waits for her to move away. When she doesn't, he relaxes and puts his arms behind him, leaning back on them for support.
"If you had the choice would you be Cat Noir?" Marinette says eventually. Her voice is still quiet, but in the otherwise silent room it's easy for him to hear.
"Yes." He says straight away, without hesitation.
That's where we're different, Marinette thinks, fiddling with her fingers in her lap. "I wouldn't." She feels Adrien shift beside her, turn his head sharply to look at her, but she stares stubbornly at the floor. "At least I don't think I would."
"Why not?" Sitting up properly, Adrien slips his hand over hers and squeezes. After what feels like an eternity, she flips her hand over and interlaces their fingers, squeezing back.
"Do you remember our first fight? I was terrified. Of everything. And you didn't even hesitate. It was like fighting akumas was something you did every day already. And that's amazing, but I couldn't even get my yoyo to work properly." She shakes her head, releasing a soft snort at those early attempts.
"Yeah, every time you threw it it hit me on the head." Adrien giggles, stroking his thumb across the back of her hand.
"Yeah. But the only reason I transformed the first time was because I just repeated what Tikki told me to say, not because I actually wanted too. And then Mum started coming up to my room so I had to go onto the balcony, and then I figured since I was meant to be a superhero I may as well try to help Ivan, a–and, I mean, you kinda know what happened next." She smiles at him and reaches up, patting the top of his head gently where her yoyo hit him so long ago.
"I do remember how scared you were, and that you didn't seem to really know what to do." Adrien murmurs, and Marinette nods in agreement.
"Well, remember how I failed to capture and deevilise the akuma?" Adrien nods. "When I found out I had failed I took my Miraculous off, and the next day at school I put it in Alya's bag so she could be the superhero instead, because I know she'd make a brilliant superhero. Better than me."
"That's not true." Adrien tightens his grip on her hand and turns slightly to face her, although she keeps her gaze on the floor. "I mean the part about Alya being a better superhero than you. Obviously she's an amazing superhero herself, but she's no better than you."
Marinette shrugs slightly, turning her head to meet his gaze. "You're just saying that because I've saved your butt so many times." He grins and shrugs, feigning innocence. "But then when the akuma attacked Alya left without her bag so I went after her and then she got trapped by the car so I had to transform a–and . . . well, you also know what happened after that. You were there. But even though I stood up to Hawk Moth and saved Ivan and Mylène – and Chloé – I still didn't want to be a superhero. And there are times I do wish I wasn't one."
Adrien frowns and shifts closer to her so their sides are touching. He mulls her words over in his mind while she studies the floor beneath their feet. A quick glance at the clock beside his bed lets him know that Nathalie will be along sooner rather than later, and he figures it will probably be advisable for them to be working and not sitting on his bed, so even though he doesn't want to rush her, he knows he has to move the conversation along.
"Like when?" He asks softly, voice cracking slightly. He clears it awkwardly, scratching the back of his neck with his free hand.
"Like when we first met Bunnix – when we were fighting Chris from the future – and she mentioned all of the villains we've defeated and the fact that we're still fighting and going off of how old she looked that means we're at least in our twenties and probably working or going to university or whatever, and we're still fighting." She lets out another big sigh and flops back on his bed, putting an arm over her eyes, her hand still entwined with his. "It's just exhausting! Don't you find it all exhausting?"
Adrien hesitates for a moment, before he lays down next to her. Their feet are still hanging off the end of his bed, so it feels like they're going to slip off at any moment thanks to gravity, and he tries not to think about the fact that Ladybug is on his bed. Letting those thoughts into his mind would defiantly making sleeping difficult tonight.
"At times, yeah. It can also be a bit of a nuisance. I mean, if an akuma attacks at night we're tired during the day, and if one happens during the day we miss school and outings and, like, movies, and it constantly feels like I'm trying to play catch up and I feel so guilty for having begged Father to let me go to school only for me to not be there half the time because of akumas, and . . . yeah. It is exhausting."
Releasing his own big sigh, Adrien lets his gaze go out of focus as he stares up at the ceiling. He feels a pressure on his shoulder and he turns his head slightly to see that Marinette's leaning her head against him, and he smiles, looking back at the ceiling.
They stay like that for some time, before Marinette sits up and says they should really be working on the PowerPoint for the presentation if they want to finish it so they can work on the speech and then have tomorrow to finalise everything, plus since Adrien has a photoshoot and they won't be working on the assignment after today (since it's due on Monday, Marinette's last day of school – apparently), she's made plans to spend some time with Nino and tell him she's switching to home schooling.
Needless to say, Adrien does as he's told because when Marinette tells you to do something you do it unless you want to be on the receiving end of one of her Disapproving Mum looks (not that he'll tell her she has such a look). It's a good thing they do, too, because no sooner have they pulled PowerPoint up on Adrien's computer when Nathalie arrives with a glass of water for each of them and inquiries into how everything's going and if they need any help – they don't, but they thank her for offering – before leaving them to it, starting an alarm on her phone so she remembers to check on them in ten minutes time. She highly doubts anything would actually happen between them (neverminded the fact that a lot could happen in ten minutes) but it makes her feel better knowing she isn't leaving them to their own devices for long periods of time.
By the time Marinette goes home several hours and one delicious lunch later, the PowerPoint is completely finished and speech half written. Even though the plan was for them to finish the speech on Sunday, once Adrien's had his dinner and said goodnight to both Nathalie and his father (who once again decided to join him for dinner, not that that made much of a difference in regards to how much conversation happened at the table), he changes into his pyjamas – as has become the custom – and transforms into Cat Noir to go to Marinette's house.
It is a productive visit, however, because they decide to finish off the speech before doing anything else. Anything else ends up being laying in Marinette's bed and watching The Little Mermaid until they both nod off halfway through due to sheer exhaustion. Plagg then wakes Adrien around six so he can be in his room when Nathalie knocks on his door to tell him to get up, as if his (incredibly loud) alarm wouldn't have already done that.
Marinette wakes up shortly after Cat leaves, but then rolls over and continues to sleep for the next hour or so before getting up. She cooks the rest of the crêpe batter before dressing in jeans and a Jagged Stone hoodie, pairing it with some converse. Nino arrives at ten, and, after grabbing a croissant each, they decide to walk through the park across the street.
"Mmm," Nino moans, closing his eyes and letting the flavours of the croissant wash over his tongue. "In another life I would totally marry you."
Marinette giggles, bumping her elbow against Nino's arm. "Are you talking to me of the croissant?"
"Both." He grins at her, not caring about the fact that pastry crumbs are stuck to his chin and around his mouth. "But don't tell Alya. I don't want to make it up to her by filming akuma attacks for her." He shudders at the thought of chasing after monsters made from demonic butterflies under the power of a terrorist with the weirdest fashion sense. Again.
Marinette rolls her eyes, smile faltering as she looks at the remains of her own croissant. Appetite suddenly gone, she passes it to Nino who quickly devours it, despite having only just finished his. "I don't think there's a risk of that." She murmurs, focusing on the footpath beneath their feet.
Nino's head swivels around to look at her so fast he almost trips over his feet from the change in momentum. His eyes are so wide he wouldn't be surprised if they popped out of his head, and he's grateful it's still too cold for flies because his mouth is definitely open right now.
"What?" He squeaks, voice so high–pitched Marinette looks at him in surprise, half–expecting to see that Nino's somehow turned into a chipmunk. "Has she said something to you? Is she asking weird question again? I know that she's been a little . . . uh, not–so–nice lately, but just let me talk to her and–"
"Nino, Nino, Nino," Marinette says, putting her hands on his shoulders and forcing them both to come to a stop.
She opens and closes her mouth, unable to form actual words, and Nino's expression morphs into one of worry as the seconds tick by. His eyes flick over her face, taking in the crease in her eyebrows, the paleness of her skin, the water in her eyes, the way her hands tremble on his shoulders. He's known her long enough to read her like a book, and right now her pages are screaming guilt.
"Do we need to find a Harry Potter book?" Her mouth quirks up in a half smile, and he wraps his arms loosely around her waist, pulling her to him in a hug. Her arms slide around his shoulders and she cuddles into him. "We're not far from the take–a–book, leave–a–book café?"
Marinette giggles, squeezing Nino tightly before pulling away. "Probably, but I need to tell you before I chicken out." She bites her lip and wrings her hands together, hesitating.
"You're leaving school, aren't you?" Nino asks quietly, taking Marinette's hand in his. It's more for his sake than hers; he needs an anchor.
Marinette looks at him in surprise, before nodding slowly, guilty expression becoming even more pronounced. "I'm so, so sorry, Nino."
It's Nino's turn to look at her in surprise, and he lets out a laugh in confusion. "Why are you sorry? This is a good thing." Marinette tilts her head, frowning, and he shrugs. "Don't get me wrong, I'm going to miss you, obviously, but you're getting out. You breaking the cycle of . . . I mean it's not really abuse, but at times it feels pretty close to it."
"Neglect is a type of abuse, and there are certainly times where our teachers have neglected the 'good' students in favour of the 'bad' ones in the hope that they'll learn by example."
They both roll their eyes at this statement, thinking about the biggest supporter of that advice: Ms Bustier. She's a good teacher, but a terrible role model.
"I'm gonna miss you so much." Marinette splutters, the tears in her eyes spilling over and falling down her cheeks.
Seeing Marinette start to cry, Nino loses his cool and his own eyes immediately fill. "M–Me too."
Ignoring the ridiculous rules of society that say boys and girls who aren't in a romantic relationship can't hug in public, he clings onto her and buries his face in her neck, his tears finally falling when she flings her own arms around him, holding on just as tightly as he is.
Eventually they both stop crying, but neither make a move to release their hold on the other. It's only when the tears on their cheeks start to get itchy that they pull away to wipe their eyes, smiling at each other sadly as they do so.
"Which school are you going to?"
"Actually I'm doing online school for the rest of the year until we go to lycée."
Nino hums in understanding. "Are you going to, um . . . what's the name of the lycée that's attached to Françoise Dupont?" Marinette shrugs, the name of the local lycée escaping her. "Well, I've been thinking it over and I've decided not to go there."
Marinette blinks in surprise before her shoulders slump and she sighs in relief, a smile splitting her face in two. "Thank God! I thought I was the only one!"
Nino's face breaks out in a grin and he bounces on the soles of his feet in excitement. "Wait, really? Which one were you thinking of going to?"
"The lycée on the other side of the Notre Dame, the one that focuses more on the creative arts rather than the sciences."
"OMG," Nino says, which reveals how excited he is (since he only ever doesn't say 'Oh my God' when he's super excited). "That's the same one I'm thinking of!"
The scream they both let out, purely due to excitement, attracts the attention of everyone within hearing range (which is further away than would be assumed), but neither of them care as Marinette tackles Nino in a hug that sends the two of them to the ground.
They both agree that, for once, Harry Potter isn't needed on a day of a crisis. And that they're pretty sure they're deaf now.