Chapter Forty Four – Memories

Marinette chews on her lip, glancing between the class photo and her rubbish bin. Contemplating if this is the right thing, the good thing, the wrong thing. Will she regret throwing it away? Will she regret keeping it? Will she regret taking it down? Will it form a permanent divide between her old classmates and herself?

She can hear Tikki's soft snores from where she's sleeping in the little alcove above Marinette's bed, and she can imagine Wayzz's and the other kwamis' laughter from inside the miracle box. Her gaze washes over the phonograph and she sighs, thinking about its original owner.

What would Master Fu do? Would he hold onto the photo, hold onto the memory of a simpler time? This is the only photo she still has up of anyone from her old class. Now the only photo on her wall (excluding the ones of family) is the one of her and Kagami when they got orange juice. She has others though; others that she will put up once she figures out what to do with the class one.

Glancing between the photo and the rubbish bin again, she makes up her mind and opens one of the draws on her desk, tucking the photo inside underneath some old designs she's already made. She might not want the constant reminder of what she lost when she looks at her walls, but she's also not ready to part with it just yet. Who knows, perhaps it will get to a point where she really can forgive and forget, like Alya said? She doubts it, but you never know. A lifetime is an awful amount of days, and even more moments: a lot could happen in that time.

Picking up the two photos she printed earlier, she grabs her sticky tape dispenser and climbs up to her bed. One of the photos is the one of her and Nino taken the day before the pregnancy rumour started. Even though it's on his Instagram and she can look at it whenever she wants (and whenever she has wifi), she would prefer to be able to see it every day and remember that he's always there for her, no matter what. Just like she's there for him.

The other photo is from earlier that day at lunch. Sabine insisted on getting a photo of Marinette, Adrien, Nino and Chloé to commemorate the occasion (and Marinette's Escape, which has become the official title of her last day at Françoise Dupont), so before their meals arrived the boys jumped up quickly to stand behind the girls chairs, and they all flashed big, genuine grins at Sabine's phone, laughing at the actions Tom was making behind her to make them laugh.

Sabine turned around in time to catch him with his eyes crossed and tongue pocking out, doing jazz hands on either side of Sabine's head, and that earned him an elbow to the ribs, which didn't actually hurt him but he sure as hell pretended it did.

Smiling at the new photos on her wall, she sits back on her bed and pulls the covers over herself, leaning back against the pillows. Taking her Ancient Chinese to Mandarin and her Mandarin to French translation books from the alcove, she flicks through both until she finds where she's up to. After several months of slowly translating the Miraculous spell book (or at least the pictures of the spell book) and as a result learning Mandarin, she has gotten to the point where there are times that she doesn't really need the Mandarin to French translation book – although she still likes to have it handy, just in case.

She's halfway through a translation when there's a distinct thump on her balcony, instantly followed by insistent knocking on her skylight that borderlines desperate. Knowing that there's only one person who can get onto her balcony, she rolls her eyes fondly and puts the books back, knowing she won't get much else done tonight.

"It's open," She calls, putting the books back in place. She turns back around as the skylight opens and then Cat Noir's jumping through and landing in front of her in a crouch, his hands gripping her upper arms and manic grin splitting his face in two.

"Milady!" He cries, and she dimly thinks that that was the rection she was expecting when he first discovered her identity (at least, that's how she always imagined it). "You will never guess what Father just told me!"

"Uh–"

"Guess, guess, guessguessguessguess!" He cries, visibly vibrating in his excitement.

"Uh–"

"He fired Lila!" He cries, unable to wait another second.

Marinette blinks in surprise, still trying to wrap her head around what Cat just said, when he releases his transformation, leaving him in his pyjamas with an equally happy kwami at his side.

"It was the best," Plagg tells her, darting forward to nuzzle into her cheek in greeting. "You should've been there to see Adrien's face! You know I never really liked Gabriel, but he's starting on grow on me." With that, he gives them a cheeky grin before curling up next to Tikki, seemingly content to sleep there.

"He fired her?" Marinette asks, turning back to Adrien.

He nods happily, crawling forward to climb under the covers with her. They manoeuvre themselves so they're laying down, and seeing as their kwamis are sleeping, she turns the light off. Thanks to the skylight, there's still just enough light that they can see each other, but not enough that she can distinctly make out his features as clearly as when the light is on.

"Yep," He says, popping the 'p'. "Do you remember that meeting that Lila mentioned at lunch today?" She nods and he grins once again. "Well, it was with her and her mother, and Nathalie had told Father what she had done to you and she had arranged a meeting, and Father told Mrs Rossi and Lila that Lila is no longer going to model for Gabriel and that her contract has been ceased and that a lot of the other staff members have made complaints about her – apparently I'm not the only one she gets too, uh, handsy with – and so Father fired her and told her that if he hears about her coming near me or you again he will file for a restraining order."

"Wait, what?" Marinette frowns and props herself up on and elbow so she's looking down at him. "A restraining order?"

"Uh–huh." He finds her shoulder and urges her to lay down again, this time with his arms around her, and she curls into his side, wrapping her arm around his waist in a hug as she rests her head on his chest. "He also mentioned some sexual assault and harassment charges, but I think that was just to save face and frighten her after not doing anything about it for so long."

"She assaulted you?" Anger laces Marinette's words and Adrien shrugs, pressing his nose into her hair and inhaling her scent.

"It was never anything bad, per se. She didn't, like, touch my privet parts or try to walk in on me changing. The worse thing she'd do was try to kiss me, but after Chloé I've gotten pretty good at avoiding those." He rests his cheek against the top of her head and lets out a long sigh.

"Chloé's gotten better about that."

He hums in agreement, hugging her tighter against him. "Yeah. She can still be clingy, but I think she's come to the realisation that she doesn't actually like me like that."

"You already knew she doesn't?" Marinette questions, letting her eyes close as they grow heavy. It's not actually that late – it's only a little after nine – but it's been yet another long, emotional day.

"Yes and no. I always had a feeling she doesn't really like guys that way. She never mentioned having crushes on one, but she'd talk about other girls a lot more. Like, celebrities and stuff. And there was some girl she liked when we were little that she talked about all the time."

He stops talking and they lapse into silence, before Marinette pulls away from him, rolling onto her other side to go to sleep. Adrien hesitates a moment before curling up against her and putting an arm around her waist. She tenses, eyes opening again, and he stills, sliding his hand back from her stomach to the bottom of her ribcage – which he can feel all the nooks and crannies of beneath his fingers.

"Is this okay?" He whispers.

At first her only reply is her breathing, but then she rolls over to face him.

"I don't want to fight Cat Blanc again."

Adrien swallows nervously and hugs her closer to him, although he keeps their faces apart so they can still talk. "You won't. I won't let you."

She sighs through her nose and reaches a hand up to fiddle with the collar of his shirt. "I don't think it's up to you."

Adrien shakes his head hastily and grips the material of her pyjama shirt in his grasp as if to stop her from pulling away. "It's not up to you either, unless you actually are secretly Hawk Moth." He smiles at her, but she doesn't react to his joke.

"Do you remember when Master Fu passed the miracle box onto me?" She purses her lips and keeps her gaze on her hand fiddling with his collar.

Confused as to where this has come from and where she's going with it, he frowns but still nods. "Of course."

"And you remember he lost his memories?"

Adrien freezes and his blood runs cold. Oh. That's where she's going, he thinks, swallowing against the sudden lump in his throat. "Yes." His voice comes out thick with emotion and she shuffles closer to him, sliding a knee in between his. Their torsos are now in contact and he can feel the rise and fall of her chest as she breaths against his, but this time it's not as mesmerising or has the same effect on him. "I do."

Releasing a long sigh, Marinette meets his gaze and forces the tears in her eyes to stay put and for her voice to remain steady. "I'm going to lose my memories, Adrien. I'm going to forget who you are and who I am and what we have or don't have, and I'm never going to remember. And I'm not about to put you through the pain of losing me."

"I won't be losing you," He says, but even he knows that's a lie.

It's possible that after she passes on the miracle box they will be like Master Fu and Marianne and she'll fall in love with him again and they'll ride off into the sunset on a train, but it could also be that that will be it. They won't be together. She'll lose her memories so she won't miss him because she doesn't remember him to miss him, and he'll have his memories and her memories and he'll have a constant ache inside of him for her and for the future they lost just like he has for his mother, and he will never, ever lose that ache. Ever.

"I know it's hard," She tells him, sliding her arms around him in a hug and holding on tightly. "But it's my job to protect the miracle box and if it means losing everything when I can no longer do so, I would much rather minimise the amount of hurt I cause."

Shaking his head, he returns her embrace and hides his face in her hair. "But that's not going to be for ages." He sniffs, squeezing his eyes closed so his tears don't escape.

Marinette shrugs sadly. "Maybe, maybe not. It could happen tomorrow or the next day or fifty years from now. Either way I'm going to forget." Her voice cracks and she swallows, wiping the tear running down her cheek away using Adrien's shoulder.

"So what do you want to do?" Adrien wants his voice to be emotionless, for just once to sound like his father, but instead it comes out full of tears and accompanying a sob.

Marinette shakes her head and buries her face in his neck. "I don't know. I just want to be like this for a while." She clutches him tighter.

"And nothing more?" He asks sadly, already knowing the answer.

He's known her answer for a while now that even if she does return his feelings (which he knows she does, thanks to Nino and the reveal of identities and all the puzzle pieces falling into place) they're going to stay the same. They're going to be Adrien and Marinette; Cat Noir and Ladybug; partners in crime fighting and best friends in all of eternity. Him and her against the world.

"We can't be anything more. It wouldn't be fair to you."

That makes Adrien stop and he leans back from her to look her in the eye. "'Fair to me'? How about fair to you? You're the one who's forced to give everything up and keep people away from you with a ten–metre pole. You didn't ask for that."

Marinette swallows nervously and avoids his gaze. "I didn't, but I also didn't not ask for it. I never told Master Fu that I didn't want to be the next guardian, or that I didn't want to be Ladybug. I never said anything, and that isn't fair to him." She meets his gaze again and bites her lip.

"Still," Adrien mutters, but he has nothing else to say. He can't think of what else there possibly is to say, or what he could say to make this all better. "Let's not think about this right now." He says, forcing a smile and blinking his tears away. "Let's just be us. Partners in crime fighting."

"Ladybug and Cat Noir," She murmurs, her own smile gracing her lips. At the sight of it, his softens and turns genuine, and he rests his forehead against hers. "No matter what happens and what the future has in store for us."

"Always." His rubs his nose against hers in an Eskimo kiss and she giggles.

"Is that a Harry Potter reference?"

"Maybe?" He grins cheekily.

"You're a dork."

"Yeah. You know what else I am?"

She raises and eyebrow at him, trying to morph her face into a deadpanned expression but her lips refuse to cooperate and stop smiling. "My knight in shining leather?"

Adrien hums, sliding his hand from around her back momentarily to push her hair back from her face. "No. I'm your superhero Godcat."

She groans and rolls her eyes, hiding her face in his chest as he laughs at her reaction. "You're terrible."

"You love me."

"Yeah, I do."