Fitz's POV

There becomes a point in a situation where you stop. Just stop. Stop getting your hopes up, stop expecting things, stop feeling. Because when you do get your hopes up, expect things and feel intense emotions, you're vulnerable and your whole world can shatter. It's happened so many times this past week.

Words cannot describe how strongly I feel towards Olivia. Equally, words cannot describe how wrong we are for doing what we did. We don't live in a fantasy world where you can do things that you want without owning up to the consequences. I'm not saying that I got arrested because we had sex. And I'm not a believer of that karma crap. But I'm a bad person and bad things happen to people who do those bad things. I know I made it seems superficially that I was just satisfied being with Livvy - that I didn't care about Mellie or anything else. But in my mind, I did. I just held it together because my feelings for Livvy are so strong.

And I know why I'm here, back in prison. Maybe I don't know the logistics or specifics but I'm not stupid. I know it's because of Gerry dying. And the sucks. Because I could claim my innocence until I'm blue in the face and nobody would believe me. Nobody but Olivia.

"So," the prosecutor sits in front of me, chugging down his glass of water. He looks satisfied - content. He thinks he's got this case in the bag. He hasn't met Livvy yet. "This whole ordeal would be lot easier, Mr. Grant, if you just pleaded guilty. The state of California is very open to giving you a lenient sentence. Providing, of course, you plead guilty."

I don't say anything. I know enough from Livvy to wait. Even if I don't know for certain if she's coming. I have major trust issues at this point.

The prosecutor, who is still looking very content, just shakes his head and scoffs. "That's up to you. Making this difficult...it's your choice. Not talking. It's the wrong choice, the stupid choice, granted. But...it's still yours."

He's saying these things to provoke me. And it's about to work. I hated being treated like this. I hate being manipulated. But Livvy would kill me herself if I said something I can't take back right now.

"I mean," the prosecutor smirks. "Who the hell is your lawyer? They taught you well. But sometimes, Mr. Grant...I mean, how do I put this? I know you feel like if you speak to me, you're giving up. You're giving in. But you should really talk to me. Even if you feel like you just need anyone to speak to. I'm here."

Okay. I get that. But get this - I don't wanna talk to you. I don't wanna even look at you. I only want Olivia. So get the fuck outta my face.

These past few days have been difficult but this takes the cake. Do you have any idea how hard it is to swallow my pride and clench my fists, silently waiting in company of this manipulative douchebag that the state hired? I'm doing it anyway. I'm trying, at least.

"Do you have any idea," the prosecutor closes his eyes. "Of the amount of evidence piled against you? Has your oh-so-smart lawyer kept you in the dark? I wouldn't be surprised. Let me give it to you straight, Mr. Grant. I spoke with your wife. She refused to deny that you shot her and your children. She won't say you did it...but do you have any idea how this looks in front of a jury?"

I turn away. Why is she doing this? Whatever. Olivia will approve a good, fair jury. I try not to let him get to me. I'm trying to tune him out. But my face is red. I'm not breathing.

"Do you really not care?" he asks. I bit my lip. Stop talking. Please stop talking. Please. I'm trying to hold it together for Livvy, but you're making it incredibly hard by being an asshole. I'm about two seconds from violent right now. "Do you not care that your son is dead? That you killed your son?"

OLIVIA. GET HERE RIGHT NOW. RIGHT NOW. I CAN'T TAKE THIS. I am seriously about to punch the ignorance off this guy's face. I can hear my heartbeat in my ears. I'm so beyond pissed. I can't take it. I seriously can't. Oh my fucking God. WHERE ARE YOU, OLIVIA?

"Excuse me, Mr. Shotz." And like an answer to my prayers, she there's by the doorway in yesterday's clothes. Thank God. "Do you care to explain why you're harassing my client?"

I close my eyes. I don't think I've ever been happier to see her. And that's saying a lot, considering she's always been there for me and has made this whole ordeal a helluva lot easier.

"Olivia Pope," the prosecutor turns and raises his eyebrows. "Well, I'll be damned. I've heard quite some things about you."

"I can't say the same about you," Livvy sneers. "And it's Ms. Pope to you. Now get the hell away from my client."

Mr. Shotz presses his lips together and reluctantly leaves his chair, then the room. I grin, looking up at Livvy. She smiles back, but tightly. I can tell she's been crying. For some strange reason, I don't blame her for not warning me that I could be arrested again. I know she'll do anything in her power to make things right again and get me out. "Hi, Livvy. Thank you for that. I was seriously gonna punch the smirk out of his face in the next minute if you didn't show up."

She laughs softly. "Somehow, I doubt that. But you're welcome." She sits where the prosecutor was before and folds her arms on the table.

I lean back, just in awe how of pretty she is. "Wow."

"Wow, what?"

"Wow, you're gorgeous." I tell her. She rolls her eyes and I shake my head. "Seriously. Do you not know how pretty you are?"

"Shut up, Fitz." she sighs. After a pause, she sighs. "If you didn't know what was happening already, they brought you back in because you're not looking at attempted murder charges anymore. You're looking at murder charges."

"I kind of figured that out."

"Good," she shifts. "How are you doing? Are you okay? How are you feeling? And did you say anything?"

"I'm fine," I lie. I don't want her to worry about me. "I'm absolutely okay. And no, I didn't say anything."

She stares at me as if she doesn't believe either of those things.

"I swear, Livvy! Yeah, this sucks, but at I didn't say anything to that dick. I swear."

She narrows her eyes at me for a minute, then nods very hesitantly. Why doesn't she trust me? "Hm. Okay, okay, I believe you. Anyways, I'm gonna get you out of here. It might not be today, tomorrow or the next day, but I'll get you out."

"Okay." I notice she sounds a lot more weary than before, but I don't say anything else. She definitely can't promise as confidently as last time and it's not her fault. I guess it's not mine, either, although it's so incredibly hard to understand that. And it's so scary to think I have to go back to that goddamn prison where I'll get beaten up and God knows what else. "Alright, Liv."

"You'll be fine," she assures me after a moment, but I don't believe it for a minute. I don't like to think she'd lie to me, but I guess she would. I look at her.

Six Years Ago

"You're never here!" Mellie screams, blocking out Gerry's desperate sobs. My son is only thirteen months old and he has to deal with his piece of parents fighting in front of him. Mellie inches Ger up by her side, but he doesn't settle down. She doesn't seem to care. How could she be so heartless? "Seriously, Fitz! You can't even get your head out of those goddamn political science textbooks long enough to drive to the pharmacy and get me my PPD medicine!"

I close my eyes and my fingers wrap tightly around the cool shot glass of bourbon. I don't drink a lot, especially since I've been studying so hard lately. I'm trying to get into the military's justice system before I try to run for governor in a few years. Dad just finished his term last year and it's been incredibly hard, especially ever since Gerry was born and Mellie was diagnosed with Postpartum Depression. I obviously don't blame her for getting the mental disorder (which causes severe depression after childbirth) but it's definitely made things more difficult. And sometimes, she can be a pain in the ass - not to mention, a neglectful mom. I mean, she loves Gerry just as much as I do. Like I said, it's just hard. And her bitching to me every night after dinner in the Governor's mansion after my dad goes to bed definitely doesn't help. I try to take care of Mellie the best I can. But that doesn't excuse her from totally going exorcist on me every single goddamn night. "Shut up, Mel."

"Excuse me?" Mellie demands. Gerry wails. I'm too exhausted to save him from his insane mother's arms. "What did you just say to me?"

I open my eyes. "I said shut up. I got your goddamn pills, they're on the kitchen counter so you don't forget to take them like you do every fucking day. I spend every hour of everyday working so we can call this mansion our own. And all you can do is bitch to me about everything and be a bad mom towards Gerry. Fuck that, Mells. Fuck you."

Mellie blinks. She's crying now. "Is that really how you feel?"

Yeah, it is. I'm sorry, I am. I don't feel good about telling at the wife I've only had for four years. We had a great relationship at the beginning. But these days I don't even recognize her and it's so frustrating. I want us to work. I love her and I want us to really be who we once were. Why isn't that possible? "Yeah, Mellie, it is how I feel. I feel very strongly about that. I'm trying to make it right by us, by our family and my father. But you're making it damn near impossible. One of my feet is out the door already..."

"Oh really?" Mellie demands, wiping her eyes. "Well guess what, asshole? I'm pregnant. Congratulations."

X

It's hard for me to think about that. That was when things were bad, but not nearly as much as they would be in the next six years to come. The fighting, the constant arguing never stopped. Mellie tried to get an abortion. At first, I was against it because obviously I wanted my baby, no matter how unexpected and inconvenient she was. Then, eventually I thought about the mental toll it would take on Mellie and reluctantly agreed to an abortion. I resented Mellie for it, though. Anyway, my father refused to let us get the abortion. He said that if the press ever found out in the future, it would kill our shot in the governor's mansion. The funny thing is, I killed my own way into the mansion. Anyways, yeah. We couldn't get the abortion.

I look at Olivia.

I was with her a few hours ago...with her. I cheated on my wife, I sacrificed my freedom, her job, literally everything to have sex with Olivia Pope. I know that that sounds reckless and it probably is but the weird thing is that I wouldn't take it back. And I don't regret it. Because for those twenty minutes or so, everything was alright.

Olivia's POV

"So, uh," I fish David's card from my bag and onto the desk. The receptionist takes it from me, confused. "This is my associate and part of Fitzgerald Grant's defense team. Speak to him about any questions or follow ups regarding the second bail hearing."

I turn to look at the door I walked in to get to Fitz just ten minutes ago. I can't see him from this angle. Maybe it's for the best. Maybe if I see him again, I'll get too attached. Just like before.

I wipe a tear that threatens to run down my cheek. "In fact, speak to David Rosen about anything regarding my client for a while. I'm going off the grid. Thank you."

X

I miss Jake. I know that sounds weird, but it's hitting me now more than ever. I seriously miss him. Maybe I could miss Fitz too, but I'm not allowing myself to think about him. I didn't even let myself drive to Savannah's motel to collect his things. I drove straight to Pacific Hills and collapsed on the bed, even though I was wide awake.

I'm so washed out. And I'm crying. Despite my best efforts, I'm sobbing silently into the fancy hotel pillow. I feel so alone and empty, here in this big, elegant room. I just want to be back in Jake's loft in DC, where he's making me dinner and we're having sex on the piano. Or better yet, in the motel room shower with Fitz, having no worries in the world. Yeah, either of those would be nice.

Not this alone ass feeling I'm getting right now and hating. I feel so pissed. Pissed because I slept with Fitz...pissed because I could've tried harder for his case...pissed because I can't protect him, no matter how hard I try. Pissed just because I came to California and got involved in the first place.

You're literally so stupid, Olivia. What the hell is wrong with you? Why did you allow so much bullshit to occur in just a couple of days? Better yet, when is the last time you slept and gotten your head together? This is not you. You are not a reckless, crying whore. You are a sophisticated, classy professional. That seems so far away now...

My phone buzzes from the other side of the bed. It's Jake. I actually pick it up this time, trying to collect myself. "Jake?"

"Olivia. I've been trying to reach you for hours," he replies. He sounds kind of annoyed, but not as pissed off as earlier. It's been such a long night, I realize. "Anyway, I was packing up and I heard on the TV that Fitzgerald got arrested again. I'm sorry..."

He doesn't sound sorry. He doesn't sound sorry at all. But I can't imagine why he would be, so I just let it go. And I try my best to compensate for the fact that I actually cheated on him, my fiancé. I lay my head on the headboard. "It's okay. I'm, uh...dealing with it. I took a break off the case...handed it to David for the time being -"

"Oh thank god!" Jake sounds beyond relieved. He doesn't even try to hide it. "I'm glad to hear that, Liv. You know I want you to be safe and healthy. I'm glad you're doing that - taking at least a break. I'm proud of you. I seriously am."

"I guess," I mumble. Another tear runs down my face. I seriously wonder if Fitz will be okay in prison. He has to be. He just has to.

"Seriously," Jake goes on, kind of irritating me. "You have no idea, Olivia. I was so concerned...so angry. Even if you're just taking a break, that's really good. I'll be there by the afternoon tomorrow and I'm taking a taxi to your hotel. We can just spend the whole day in the city tomorrow. For the time you're in LA, you should at least get to enjoy some of it."

I bite my lip. "Yeah. Look, it's been a long ass day, Jake. I'll talk to you when you land, okay?"

"Alright. Love you."

"Love you, too."

After I hang up, I slip into my pajamas and make the room dark, despite the sun rising slowly outside. I close my eyes - tight. My mind doesn't shut up, as hard as I try to make it.

Jake said I should at least get to enjoy some the city while I'm here.

But the thing is, I already did. Whenever I had those moments with Jake...I did.

AN: Hey, guys. I hoped you liked the chapter. I appreciate the helpful reviews and I get that there's a lot of confusing going on here and the case is a little more complicated than a lot of you may think.. I have a few more chapters already written and I will upload them throughout the week. Right now, I believe the story will be about forty chapters long or so. Also, believe it or not, I actually really love Mellie as a character on the show so but for storyline purposes, I am gonna make her a more horrible than she may seem to some of you...

Lastly, if you have any questions, you can always hit me up on my personal , saharsiddique or on tumblr sahara-hype.