Olivia's POV

"I love you," Jake murmurs into my ear. I squeeze my eyes tighter together - he genuinely thinks I'm asleep. I take a breath, and turn over, so we're chest to chest surrounded by white hotel sheets. I am met with olive green eyes. He smiles softly at me and puts his arm down around my waist. "Hi, Sleeping Beauty."

Jake has been overwhelmingly affectionate ever since last night, when I agreed reluctantly to leave the case. I did not make the decision lightly - it was seriously one of the hardest things I have ever considered and in the end, I am surprised I even did it. But last night I got to thinking and realized that Jake is very important to me and above all, I have to prioritize our life together, even at the expense of another man's. Okay - that makes it sound dramatic. I have full faith that David will get Fitz acquitted. I wouldn't leave the case if I didn't believe that. And even with that, it was almost impossible for me to leave the case. But I want a life. I want kids. I want to settle down. Or at least, Jake wants that. And I want whatever will make Jake happy. He's been so lovely to me this whole day - he even laid down with me an hour ago after lunch when I said I needed a nap. Maybe it's because I have been feeling very ill and not myself these past few days, but I am willing to be the best fiancée ever at this point. Especially since he knows about the cheating.

X

8:45 AM that morning

"Wake up."

I am woken by Jake's cold voice, and him throwing a duffel bag at my legs. I stretch my arms and look around the room. Jake slept on the couch last night. Even after I went to David and quit the case, he has been avoiding me and when he does speak to me, he's just plain rude.

"Get up," he repeats, lowering himself back on the couch and opening up his laptop. "Start packing. I'm booking a flight for tonight. We'll be back in DC by morning."

Okay. I am Olivia Pope and I do not like being ordered around. Still, he's my fiancé and I am determined to work this out with him. He's the reason I quit the case. This relationship is worth fighting for. "Look at me, Jake. We need to talk about this."

"We don't," he snaps, eyes glued to his computer screen. "You quit the case. Thank you for that. There is no reason for us to stay here. Unless your boy toy wants you back, in which case-"

"Is this what this is about?" I close my eyes and lean back against the headboard.

"Obviously this is what it's about, Olivia." Jake replies, his volume growing louder. "You cheated on me. We're engaged and you cheated on me. I don't know with whom - frankly, I don't want to know. I don't care. You cheated. And yeah, I still love you and yes, the engagement is still on, only because I am a good enough guy to give you a second chance. But I am still pissed. I have a right to be pissed."

I close my eyes and inhale. I can't argue because i cannot justify it. Or can I? "No. You're wrong. Yes, you have a right to be pissed but you shouldn't be. Because I made a mistake and the only way to get past it is to really get PAST it. Not to go back to DC and be resentful for weeks to come. Because I love you and I know you love me. You love me enough to forgive me. So can you REALLY forgive me. So you can spend another couple of days in Los Angeles with me, because I know you love it here just as much as I do. And I know you love me."

He stares at his computer screen for a few seconds before finally pulling his gaze at me. He swallows. This is the hardest I have ever pulled for our relationship, the most I have ever cared. And he knows it. So he's taking it seriously. "You're right, Liv. I love you - a lot. But it's hard. You know it's hard."

"It doesn't have to be," I tell him, crawling out of the bed and over to the couch, where I put his laptop to the side and sit on his lap, my arms around his neck. He sighs, but he puts one arm around my waist. "It really doesn't have to be. I haven't been the best fiancée. But I am willing to try."

"I love you," he says, once again, yet still refuses to look at me. "And I appreciate you trying, Olivia. I'm glad you quit the case. We've both made mistakes - you cheated and I said things I shouldn't have."

"Exactly. So can we put this behind us? Can we spend a couple more days in LA? Make it a journey?"

He inhales, but at last, he nods his head.

"Anything for you."

X

So all day today, after this morning, we haven't spoken about the affair. And now Jake is being really affectionate, so I think he's willing to put this behind us once and for all. Which is actually incredibly generous and forgiving, because if Jake cheated on me, I don't think I would have the heart to give him a second chance. I would be too insecure, too hurt.

After we spent the day out, sightseeing, I got really nauseous, dizzy and had to go back to the room. I'm finally eating, but barely. I think it's the emotional toll the last few days have had on me finally catching up. Maybe that's why Jake is giving me a break.

And don't think that I am mentally fine and guilt free. I feel like complete crap for giving up on Fitz. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I could have gotten him acquitted - and fast. But...the more I think about it, the more it hurts. The more the guilt eats me alive and has a physical form - my head throbbing, my stomach turning and the fatigue. So I just like to live in a fantasy world where Fitzgerald Grant and the whole case simply don't exist. Which obviously isn't fair to Fitz, but I left him in the best hands.

"Are you feeling better?" Jake asks, bringing me back to reality.

I stroke his cheek. "A little bit. More, now that I am with you. But I'd like to skip on dinner. Did you wanna go out?"

"Yes," Jake sighs and lowers his eyes. I feel bad, but I know I will vomit anything I digest at this point. "I really did want to. I made reservations this morning after we made up. A really nice restaurant too, on Sunset Boulevard. Are you sure you can't go out?"

Did you not just hear me? Do you think I don't wanna go out because it's so freaking fun to lay in bed sick while on vacation? I close my eyes. "Sorry, baby. No chance of that happening. Not when I feel like this. Maybe tomorrow morning for breakfast?"

"Okay," Jake sighs. He kisses my cheek before turning over and stumbling out of bed. "I'm going to shower. You can go ahead and order something and we'll pick it up in the lobby."

"Okay," I watch him go into the bathroom before picking up my phone - but not to order food. I go straight to my texts. There's nothing new but there's a voicemail from David. I press play. I can't help it...

'Liv, can you call me? I know you quit the case, I have accepted that. I'm not happy about it...but I've accepted it. Anyway, I just need your help on something. Just one thing. It's about Fitz. I'm worried. Just call me back. Please.'

I turn off my phone but keep staring at the black screen.

Fitz? In trouble? I want to help, of course I want to help, but that's the point of quitting the case - I am not affiliated with it anymore. I bring my phone to my chest and close my eyes. What could it be? I am not so curious as I am concerned. If David really accepts my being gone, why does he need my help on something related to the case? Is it really that important? Even if it's not, i'm worried. And I owe Fitz enough to help out, at least a little. That, and I really need to know how he's doing.

Before I can stop myself, I open my phone, dial David's number and wait for him to pick up. When he doesn't, I wait until I hear water running from the bathroom and then call again, this time to leave a message. "David, look, I'm in Pacific Hills. Why aren't you answering? What does Fitz need help with? I'll do whatever it takes. But just so you know, I am not his lawyer anymore. So just this. Come by the room later."

I turn off my phone, my heart pounding. I don't like to admit it, but I'm scared of what Jake will do if he realizes what I just did...

X

"I swear California has different sesame mandarin chicken than DC does," Jake claims, gulping down his bite with a sip of Mountain Dew. "I mean, it's just so much better. All Chinese food is better on the West Coast."

I nod, picking through my own chicken and rice. I keep looking over on the bedside table where my phone lays, anxiously awaiting for a call or text. I don't quite know what excuse I would make up to go outside and answer it, but at this point, I am just waiting and nothing is coming up. I sent the voicemail over an hour ago, and now here I am sitting cross legged with my fiancé on the bed eating Chinese food, waiting for a text like a pathetic teenage loser. I'm not just not eating because I'm nervous - the anxiety is actually setting off my stomach. These past few days, I literally cannot keep anything down.

"Anyway," Jake goes on, oblivious to the fact that I can't even look him in the eye, much less speak to him. "When should I book the flight for? I mean, I know we're staying for a couple of more days, but do you have some type of timeline? What do you wanna do in the Sunshine State before we leave and go back to our boring old lives in DC?"

I shrug, still staring at my food.

"Well, I for one," Jake continues, still not noticing how awkward I am being. "Am excited to go back to DC, actually. I want to get married as soon as we get back. I mean, not as soon as, obviously. But within two months. I know that I wanted a fairytale wedding and I know that's not what you want, so with our timeframe, you may actually get your wish. But can you throw together the nicest thing possible? Like, I still want the nice reception and big cake and the three hundred plus guests, you know? And we obviously need a nice revenue. Maybe we'll get married in Maryland. There's plenty of great places in Maryland."

I nod. I honestly really don't care where or how we get married. I just want to do it so we can get past this weird engaged part of it. I never wanted a big, flashy wedding and Jake does, so that's where our views clash. Even though I have a high profile job, I never felt like I was this huge, attention seeking person. Jake likes glitz and glamour and he likes being the center of attention at times. He grew up very rich and is used to big functions and weddings like that. I think that that's fine. A big wedding just isn't very me. I believe that no amount of flowers or guests can size up your love for another person. I don't think any of the material stuff matters. I was brought up wealthy too, but I was never really materialistic. Still, I have to make compromises. "Whatever you want, Jake. I was never the marrying or the wedding type. You know that. You can take charge of this."

To my surprise, Jake nods enthusiastically. It's so weird that he's so excited about wedding planning when I couldn't care less. Usually the roles are reversed. "Yeah, totally. I can have the whole thing figured out - classy and big but quick, you know?"

I nod, even though I don't know. As Jake goes on about wedding preparations, I keep stealing nervous glancing at my phone. Fitz - is he okay? He has to be okay...

There's a heavy knock on the door, causing both Jake and I to turn around. Jake gets up slowly and looks through the hole.

"Are you fucking serious?" he murmurs and very angrily opens the door. Without even shifting, I know who it is.

David walks right through Jake, disregarding him. He stops in front of the bed, facing me, ignoring a very pissed off Jake. I swallow nervously.

"I didn't say you could come in!" Jake begins warningly.

"Well, I didn't ask," David replies shortly, not taking his eyes off mine. He clears his throat. "Olivia, we have a problem. A serious one."

"She's not obligated to help you or your shit client," Jake shouts at David, who looks as if he hasn't even heard him. "News flash, Rosen - she quit your case. Fitzgerald Grant is not her client anymore. Thank God for that too, because that bastard will rot in jail where he belongs. Better yet, they'll put his ass in the chair and fry him like he-"

"Jake, stop!" I yell, silencing both David and Jake. I love Jake but sometimes it's like he purposely tries to be an ass. And what he is saying so far below the belt... I sigh. "That's enough, okay? Yeah, I dropped the case but that doesn't give you an excuse to say shit like that. You crossed the line."

"And you didn't when you cheated on me?" Jake demands. David's gaze falls instantly to the floor, his hands in his pockets.

I swallow. "Really, Jake?"

Jake presses his lips together, then turns to David, whose blushing. "Whatever. Look, Rosen, get out of our hotel room. Liv doesn't care about your case anymore."

"I find that hard to believe," David looks up. Oh, don't do it. Please don't say it, David. "Since she's the one who told me to come here."

I close my eyes. I can't look at Jake right now. I was wrong for what I did. I said I left the case and I meant it. This was...betrayal and lying. This was really messed up.

"Are you serious right now?" I hear Jake ask me, his voice hurt. "Please tell me he's lying, Liv."

"He's not," I admit, trying to swallow the lump in my throat. "I'm sorry, Jake. I-"

"How could you?" he goes on. I open my eyes. He looks like he's in pain. That makes two of us. "Did you think I wouldn't be upset? Did you think I wouldn't find out that you were still involved? Honestly, Olivia! Do you really think I'm stupid?"

"No," I protest, tears streaming down my face. I hate crying in front of David but I can't help it. I hate it when Jake yells at me. And I don't know why he's doing in front of David - just airing our dirty laundry out like that. I'm a very private person and I just feel so attacked right now. "Jake, please-"

Jake shakes his head, like he's in disgust. "No. Just stop. I cannot believe you did that. You told me-"

"And I meant it," I rub my cheekbones with the back of my hand, trying to get myself together. David is now standing awkwardly by the sliding glass doors that lead to the balcony, facing away from us. Even though I'm upset, I can't imagine how shitty David must feel. And yeah, I am upset. I'm upset that Fitz is going through a problem. I'm upset I was stupid enough to ask David to meet me here. I'm upset that Jake called me out in front of him. "I just...I want to help. You know me, Jake. I wanted to help."

"You only want to help yourself," Jake mumbles. He lowers himself next to me on the bed. "But whatever."

I look at him and sniff. "You're my fiancé-"

"I'm still your fiancé," he assures me. "I'm not gonna leave you. But please get your shit together, Liv. Figure out what you want, what you need."

I close my eyes and try to catch my breath. He's right - he's completely right. I need to get my shit together. And I need to figure out what I need. But I can't do that here, not like this. I'm not being fair to Jake. I'm not being fair to David. I'm not being fair to Fitz, Mellie or Karen. Hell, I am not even being fair to myself. I thought everything about this case and decisions involving it were black and white but there's so much grey area. And I have to deal with all of it - my emotions, my feelings, my loyalties and what I truly feel in my gut. And I simply can't do that here, in this crappy hotel room where my judgment is beyond crowded because I am having a breakdown every five minutes.

"I know," I murmur. I swing my legs to the side and put on my coat which lays on the couch. I collect my bag and phone.

"Where are you going?" Jake asks from the bed.

"Away," I answer, putting on my shoes. "For a while. I'll...call you."

David turns around and clears his throat. "Need a ride?"

I nod and before Jake can protest, we both leave the room before I grab my suitcase and stuff my essentials in the front zip up pocket. He doesn't follow us. We walk quickly down the hall in a tense silence until he finally speaks up. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I lie, pressing the elevator DOWN button.

"If it helps," David voluntarily takes the suitcase from my hand and enters the elevator. "I think Jake is a total ass for making you cry. You should leave him."

I laugh quietly, sadly. "I'm not leaving Jake."

"I'm just saying," David mumbles as the elevator closes. "You could."

I turn to him. "What's the problem with Fitz?"

"He's back in the county prison," he explains to me quietly, even though we're the only people in the elevator. "And he's going through some...things. Nobody hurt him but I think he may try to hurt himself. He's really depressed, Liv and the COs aren't gonna help him, as you probably already know. He's so...broken. His son's funeral is tomorrow and he can't go. Can't even get any closure. I don't know what to do to make him more motivated to win this case. Because you and I know that he's innocent. And he has to."

The elevator opens up and I nod, facing forward. I don't want to hear any of this. I don't want to know that Fitz is hurting that much again. I mean, I know he's in a bad place but I also know and believe that he's a very strong person. And I thought he could handle it but I don't blame him if he can't. I clear my throat, trying to hide my own emotions.

"Okay," I mumble as we step out of the elevator and into the lobby. "I'll see if I can help. But just so you know, David, I am not coming back to the case. I am not his lawyer anymore."

"I get that," David sighs. "I may not be happy about it, but I understand it. I'm gonna find someone else and stay on board as a witness. I'm not leaving him. He's a good guy and I'll do whatever it takes."

I'm so glad to hear that. David is truly a good guy. He's a gladiator in a suit. And I personally don't know why Abby left him, but right now I don't care. I reach over and give him a big hug. He's hugs me back and I know it's not awkward because right now we're both thinking about the same thing - Fitz.

"So," he coughs when we depart the hug. "Where am I driving you to?"

I press my lips together even though I don't have to think about this. The last time I was there, I was happy. Happy with Fitz. Then really upset, but nevertheless, I was happy to begin with. And it's the only place I was sure of things.

"Savannah's Motel & Breakfast."

X

I keep thinking this and it's not going away - the last time I was here, I was happy. Maybe not for the last thirty minutes or so, but that time with Fitz...together. I was so happy and so sure of everything.

When David drove me here, I asked the manager to stay in the same room, Room 112. Since they barely get any business, despite being in a busy part of town, she said yes, although she was very confused. David was reluctant to leave me alone but he finally did, after paying tonight's bill- sixty dollars, as if I couldn't afford. Like if I can spend two hundred eighty dollars a night plus tax at Pacific Hills, I don't get how I can spend a fraction of that here in this crappy motel?

When I came in the room, there was a rush of emotions from a couple nights ago - first, fear. When the police came and I knew that they would take Fitz from my arms, that's all I felt. Then, guilt. Guilt for cheating on Jake and guilt for letting down Fitz. Then, contentment. Contentment because I know David will do his best to get Fitz out. David wears the white hat. He's a hero.

But I know that that means nothing if Fitz hurts himself before. That cannot happen. I need Fitz to be okay. And he's just...not. It hurts me so much that he's not. I need to help him.

I collapse on the dirty motel bed where Fitz and I were just a couple nights ago.

I love Jake. There's no doubt about it. He makes mistakes and we're not a healthy couple emotionally but I love him. He is always there for me. He will always be there for me. And I want to be with him.

But I need to help Fitz. I laid down with him and exposed vulnerable feelings I had and he did the same. That's a bond, an experience nobody can ever claim from me. I owe Fitz that much. To help him through this. Even though I can't get him acquitted, I need to help him.

I fish my phone out of my pocket and look at the time. It's 9:05 PM. Visiting hours are over.

But I know where I am gonna be first thing tomorrow morning.