Chapter Four

Rey woke with a start. Something was wrong, she was sure of it. There was an emptiness around her that she hadn't felt in a while. Her hand found the warm dent in the mattress beside her, and cold realization hit her as she turned on the light. A flurry of nauseous worry was building in the pit of her stomach. There, a letter, propped up on the table next to her. Rey wiped the sleep out of her eyes. She had an awful sinking feeling that she knew exactly what the letter was going to say. Kriff, why hadn't she thought of that before? She'd been too absorbed in her own turmoil to think about Ben. Don't get ahead of yourself. With shaking hands, she unfolded the sheet of paper, recognizing Ben's neat, flowing letters immediately.

Do you ever feel like you wish you had met someone sooner? Like all those little bits of your life would have been so much brighter with them in it. Like you've been cheated to have existed for so long apart from them. Rey, I wish we'd had more time. You don't deserve this. You don't deserve any of this. I suppose that's the greatest difference between us: I do. I know that you can, you will, find a way to get on without me. The weeks I've spent with you have been the brightest of my life. Thank you for that, and everything. I suppose it was foolish of me to hope that this would last, but it seems that the galaxy demands otherwise. It's time for me to pay for my crimes. I hope that then, this will all blow over and you can go home. You shouldn't have to be away from your family for me.

I love you more than life itself, Rey. I will always be with you.

He hadn't signed it. He hadn't needed to. Hot tears were running over Rey's cheeks, burning as they fell heavily onto the sheet below. He couldn't have—he wouldn't—and now she was alone as ever. She reached for him through the Force. Faintly, she could feel the signature of his mind far in the distance, fading fast. She felt so small, and in her mind's eye she could see another ship, speeding away from her, no one turning back at her cries. Why? Why did everyone think the best way to keep her safe was to abandon her? To take everything she'd ever had away from her and act as if they were making the sacrifice.

Ripping herself out of her thoughts, Rey raced to the cockpit, launching the Falcon into the air. Hoping beyond hope that her feelings were sufficient, she locked the ship onto a course for where she had last sensed Ben.

Damn him, damn him! Where had he even gotten a ship? It had better not be faster than the Falcon. Not much was faster than the Falcon.

What would she do if he managed to turn himself in? Oh, she would fight them all for him if she wasn't too late. And if she was…she might as well just turn herself in too. She couldn't go back to the Resistance. Had he forgotten that she was wanted too? How dare he act like he was making some noble sacrifice, when all he was doing was leaving her alone. Alone. For who knows how long. All she had ever been, really. Until now. And here he was, acting like he could just take that from her like it was nothing.

But he was nearby. She could sense him. Rey didn't dare pull the Falcon out of hyperspace so she could look for his ship. She reached out in the Force instead, letting it guide her as she corrected her course until the Falcon moved parallel to Ben's signature. Rey opened her eyes and switched to using the Falcon's scanners. An Imperial-era TIE, sailing just off her starboard side. She should have guessed.

Frantically, Rey hailed the ship on her comm. After a minute, the signal stopped. He must have jammed it.

"Damn it, Ben!" Rey shouted aloud, pulling her face through her hands. Maybe if she could get in front of him she could get him to turn around. But with the speed they were traveling at? She would need a lot more room than she could get. She remembered facing down a similar TIE in the deserts of Pasaana not so long ago. She would gladly take on the ship with just a lightsaber now. But that was out of the question. Think, Rey. She had disassembled this TIE model for parts before. It was one of the ones she was most familiar with. If she could disconnect the right wire, one of the engines would go out, leaving Ben stranded to spin in circles. Could she even reach that far and remain substantial within the Force? What if she hit the wrong part and blew up the ship? It wasn't worth it. She wiped the sweat from her forehead and looked up as her senses tingled.

Ben sat next to her in the copilot's seat, eyes fixed on an indeterminate point in front of him. Rey spun in her chair, leaping to her feet.

"Kriffing Hell, Ben!" she screamed. "What the kriff are you thinking?"

He didn't move, eyes still away from her, shoulders trembling. She could see the dried tear tracks on his face and his mouth was slightly open as he panted.

"Talk to me!" Rey pleaded, tears breaking from her eyes once again. "You don't know what you're doing, Ben! I wish this damned ship had a tractor beam!"

He finally turned to her. "It's the only way."

"For what? For what! You wrote how much you loved me and then left me in the dirt, just like everyone else!"

"Rey, no! You'll be safe! It's for your own good."

"And did you ever think to ask what I wanted? Whether I want to be protected? You think they're just going to stop looking for me because you turn yourself in? I'll just be wanted and alone!" Rey realized she was shaking, and clenched her fists, trying to still her body.

"No!"

"The Force brought us together for a reason," Rey shouted. "Not so that you could just…just…"

"Rey…"

You're a coward, Ben, she thought at him angrily. Taking the simple way out. Leaving me to deal with your mess.

He looked up at her with liquid brown eyes. "But you deserve to be with your family."

"You are my kriffing family!" she screamed, her nails digging into the palms of her hands.

He turned away from her, head shaking slightly. Breathing hard, Rey forced her hands to unclench by her sides. Maybe she could steal his hand—the prosthetic one. Would he come back for it? No. Could he fly without it? Probably. This was ridiculous. She let her head fall into her hands. Then, moving behind Ben's seat, she rested her cheek against his hair instead. He sighed and shrugged her away. "I'm sorry for making you feel like I'm abandoning you, Rey."

"You are abandoning me," she said flatly.

"I didn't want to hurt you."

"Then come back!"

Ben didn't respond, just kept his gaze fixed forward.

"Is this really what you want the last time I see you to be?"

His gaze dropped and then came up to meet Rey's. "No."

She didn't respond, just placed a palm on top of his. He tried to pull his hand back but she followed him. She wouldn't let him get away this time. She took a deep breath, and trusting her senses, guided Ben's hand to a lever she couldn't see. She reached for a similar switch on the Falcon and closing her eyes, pulled them both, dropping the ships out of hyperspace.

Rey was drifting slowly and the seat next to her was as empty as the space around the ship, but then the TIE fighter streaked to a stop next to her, still parallel to the Falcon.

Come on. Rey fired up her engines, and after a minute the TIE followed. She glided down onto the surface of a nearby rocky moon. Her scanners said it had a poor atmosphere, but she didn't particularly care. Closeness was all that mattered. Rey lowered the Falcon's ramp, then stood at the top of it, unsure what to do as she watched the TIE descend. Ben clambered out of it and paced toward the larger ship. He stopped at the base of the ramp and looked up at Rey. Then he was running to her. He dropped to his knees in front of her.

"Ben…"

The name, it seemed, was all he needed. He threw his arms around her waist, pressing his cheek against her stomach. Rey's breathing turned to ragged sobs and she dropped fully into Ben's arms. "I thought you said you weren't going anywhere."

"I'm sorry, Rey, I'm so, so sorry." His damp face was buried in her neck.

"You scared me," she said. "I was so scared."

"I was scared too."

"That was so stupid!" Rey scolded.

"I know, I know," Ben crooned.

Rey clung to him as if her life depended on it. "Please, don't leave me."

"I've got you," he murmured into her skin. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Promise me." It was more of a demand than a request.

He pulled back to meet her eyes. "Yes. Anything. I won't leave you again."

Rey nodded, trying to swallow the lump in her throat.

"I didn't even consider that it would hurt you if I left. I just wanted you to be able to go home."

"How many times do I have to tell you before you get it through your dense head, you're not alone in this anymore."

"Frizz, Rey. I don't deserve this. You."

"Ben?"

"Yeah?"

"I can't breathe."

He stood back and helped her to her feet. She could see from his unsteadiness that the low oxygen was getting to him too. "Then let's get out of here," he said.

Rey raised the ramp and stabilized herself as the ship filled with breathable air again. She found Ben already seated in the copilot's chair. "Where to?" he asked.

"You're really not going to leave me again?"

"Of course, Love. I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking straight. I'll never willingly put you through that again."

Rey had meant to sit in the pilot's seat, she really had, but somehow she found herself in the copilot's, straddling Ben. Their kiss was salty with tears, and he pushed her back to wipe her cheeks before swiping at his own. And then she had pulled him toward her again, kissing him with a desperation born of relief. Their tongues were tangling and Rey was intent on merging them into one being. But eventually Ben pushed her back, though an arm around her waist still held her close.

"Rey, I could kiss you forever," he said, "but you're exhausted and so am I."

Slumping into his arms, she realized he was right. She had hardly slept and he had slept less. She scrambled off him and settled wearily into her seat. "We should get off this rock."

"We're still close to the Endor system," said Ben. "It's probably our best bet for now. Ewoks aren't big on communicating with other systems and Kef Bir would be near enough for supply runs." In that moment Rey didn't care where they went. So long as it was close and Ben was there.

They lowered the ship into a meadow on Endor's forest moon and Rey rose, quickly pulling Ben to his feet after her. They padded together to the main berth, and Rey realized she had never even changed out of the clothes she had been sleeping in.

The two settled in and Rey wove her fingers between Ben's. He wasn't going to get away from her this time. She stretched out her legs, toes just barely finding the end of the bed and the wall. He was blocked in; he'd have to climb over her body to get out.

"I'm not going anywhere," Ben murmured. "I'll be right here with you." His breath was warm in her ear. Rey rolled over to kiss him one more time.

Soon Rey could feel Ben's breathing even out and she knew he was asleep. Still, her wakefulness persisted. Her mind believed Ben's promises. Her heart did not. And yet, finally, in Ben's warm embrace she gave in to the pull of sleep.

Author's Note: I just wanted to get it out there that I wrote Ben's letter long before the TROS novelization leaks came out. Not that it matters.

Anyway, please let me know what you think! I love reading your reviews!