Fitz's POV

It turns out Lena is actually a lot smarter than I give her credit for. This morning she swore that it was gonna rain, despite it being almost eighty degrees and sunny. I refused to believe her but sure enough, about an hour ago, a nice, even, isolated thunderstorm shook up the neighborhood. It didn't rain much at all in Southern California but DC is a different story. It's rained six times in the fifteen days we've been here. I could get used to this.

I haven't done dishes in God knows how long but here I am, elbow deep in soapy water, wiping breakfast platters from this morning. Strangely enough, I don't mind. Lena and Karen are close by, sitting together at the dining table. They are working on Karen's spanish homework together. I find that even though I am not engaging in whatever Karen is doing, she seems better with me around. I know it's not gonna be like that forever - in a couple of weeks, pending my approval, of course, I am going to be busier than I ever have before. Secretary of Defense is a huge responsibility. I did not make the decision to run lightly. After Asher won Governor years ago, I didn't even wanna continue politics. I just wanted to take care of my daughter. And for a while, I did. I gave up everything to her and I wouldn't do it any other way given the choice right now. But then Karen did so well. She made new friends at her private school, joined more clubs and was being a lot more social and noticeably in a better place. Then, I got a call from the White House. Just as Sally Langston got elected, she told me she had been considering me for Secretary of Defense for a long time. She was confident that I could get the senate's approval. And she didn't seem to care about my being falsely accused before.

I think the reason I took the job is because I thought it was my destiny or some shit like that. I mean, what are the odds that the President of the United States personally singles you out of hundreds of more conventional candidates? I had never even spoken to Sally Langston before. I thought it was fate. And I still think it is. I love spending time with Karen and I am still going to try to as much as possible, obviously. I already missed out on so much of her life when I was running for governor of Cali. And I didn't want it to be the same way. It's not going to be the same way now.

I turn off the sink and wipe my hands with a paper towel. I turn around and lean my back on the counter. Karen's light blue eyes are focused deeply in her Spanish textbook. Lena is sharpening a pencil for her with a little plastic sharpener. Karen is doing a lot better since last night but she's not where I want her to be. I want her to accept and embrace change, whenever it comes. I want her to be able to understand fully what my job requires. I just want her to be okay.

I think I am gonna look for a child psychologist for Karen to talk to, like she did a couple of years ago. Therapy went okay for her but she still had trouble opening up, even towards the end. Maybe since she's older and more social, things will be different this time around. I really hope so.

X

Five Years Ago

"Okay...ready?"

I look over at David, who sympathetically smiles back. He isn't nervous - he doesn't have reason to be, unlike me. He doesn't have to see his six year old daughter for the first time after being imprisoned for five months.

The last time I was in a normal car, not a cop car, was when I was riding with Olivia after my bail hearing. I was so young, so optimistic yet so helpless. That seemed like forever ago, despite in reality being only a couple months back. I wonder how Livvy is doing. I wonder how she is doing all the time. In prison, you get a lot of time to think, to address your demons. Not that Livvy was a demon...but she was definitely someone I encountered in a dark time. She made it...not that.

This car ride was so different. David filled me in on who actually killed Gerry and how they found him. I'm in shock, although it's ridiculous that I am. I should have known. I should have put the pieces together. Whoever filled in the anonymous tip was obviously smart enough to do just that. And kind. They were kind enough to care. They saved my life. And although I don't know who they are, I know that much and I will be forever thankful for them.

I look outside the window, taken aback. It's my house - the Beverly Hills mini mansion I have lived in for years now. But it looks so different. It's right here in front of me and I can't recognize it.

Leaving the jail was a madhouse. All around the property was numerous reporters, swarming near my getaway car. David told that since all questions have been answered, nobody in the public truly thinks I'm still guilty, except for a few conspiracy theorists. They just want an interview with me, which I should be collected enough to give in a few days.

Mellie was released from the hospital months ago, along with Karen. David didn't say anything about Karen's condition, just because he doesn't know. I've been kept in the dark this whole time - Mellie never visited or even called. I'm not angry because I haven't seen her - I'm pissed off because I don't know how my daughter is doing.

"Fitz," David repeats. "Are you ready?"

I turn to look at him. I try to smile confidently but I think it just comes out very wearily. "Are you coming in with me?"

David smiles kindly. He leans over the car and puts his hand on my shoulder. "I know what I have told you these past twenty minutes may be a lot to take in. But the fact is that you are acquitted of all charges. You don't need me anymore. My job is done. I know it's gonna be hard to eventually you can put this whole nightmare behind you."

I nod. I told myself I wouldn't cry but I might start. I realize that none of this would be possible if David wasn't here. I look up at the driver, who taps his watch and glares back in the mirror. I cough and reach my hand out. "I would not even have the chance without you, David. Thank you."

He takes my hand by the wrist and pushes it down. "You can thank me by going into your house and living your life, alright?"

I laugh softly and nod. With one more glance at David, I slip out of the car door. The car pulls away quickly but David waves out of the window before he disappears up the hill. I spin back around and look at the house. It's a beautiful house but the memories there have made it hell. It's aged. I rub my big arms. I don't know how I managed to keep them as muscular as they are in prison, but I simply did. It's not cold because it's Southern California but since it's January, there is a little wind in the air.

I head down the pathway, my bag clutched tightly in my hands. The prison gave me jeans and a navy hoodie to wear and I just feel so awkward in it. I'm glad there's no press out here. But something tells me that there will be soon.

I push open the door, surprised to see it's not locked. I look around and my stomach drops. It's exactly the same as it looked in July, but now it smells like peppermint. It's eerily quiet and empty. I turn the corner, my heart beating. A small, dark green Christmas tree is in the corner. Something is baking. But there's nobody in here.

"Karen?" I hear Mellie's voice chime from the bathroom. She must have heard the door open and close. The bathroom swings open and Mellie comes out, trying to put a silver clip in her brunette, bouncy curls. She's wearing a turquoise silk dress, despite it being forty degrees outside. Her eyes widen when she sees me.

I set my plastic bag on the round dining table between us. I don't know how to greet her, so I just awkwardly smile. "They didn't tell you I was coming back today?"

"I knew you were getting released today," Mellie swallowing, brushing through her curls. "I didn't know you were coming back here."

Why wouldn't I come back here? I just stuff my hands back in my pockets. "Where's Karen?"

"Did you..." Mellie sighs and slips back in the bathroom. She returns back with white high heels. "Did you ever consider that maybe it would be hard for her to see you? She knows what they were saying. She's not stupid, Fitz."

I know that. I know all of that. But I also know that my baby girl knows I didn't do it. I understand that it may be weird for her but I know that that's a part of her that missed me these past few months. She is so young. She probably doesn't understand what's going on around her. But she's smart enough to catch the gist of it. And I know she knew my innocence before anyone. She is my daughter. When she was too shy to talk to anyone, she still spoke to me. She laughed with me. People underestimate her all the time. She's beautiful, so they call her a political pawn. An ornament. Furniture. They think she's just there to look cute, which she does very well, but she's so much more than that. Mellie never had the time or interest to notice that. She never cared. I'm the only one who can see Karen for who she really is - an intelligent, creative, humorous young girl who has the kindest heart in the world.

"Where is she?" I repeat.

Mellie rolls her eyes. I can tell she's not putting up a fight for Karen - she doesn't give a shit about protecting her. She just wants to argue with me. But I guess she's done. "She's upstairs. Taking a nap."

"What were you planning to do?" I demand, my voice shaking. I'm home for five minutes and Mellie is already pissing me off. She literally just gave her testimony a week ago. Did she really want me to rot in jail for months? "Go on your what...date? And just leave her here? Leave a sleeping SIX year old girl upstairs while you were out of the house?"

Mellie slips into her shoes and gets her bag from the table. "I'm not having this discussion with you, Fitzgerald. I'm going out and having a good time, something I haven't been able to do for months because of your goddamn trial. Goodbye, now."

I don't even wait for her to leave before I run up the steps. I walk more gently when I'm upstairs in the hall. If Karen is already awake, I don't want to scare her. I walk into her baby pink and white room and find things almost exactly the same as before. Her toys, her books, her little furniture. The only thing that's different is the new bedsheets and the stench of bleach, probably used to clean the walls and white carpet. I frown at that. No little girl's room should smell like bleach.

Karen is still seemingly sound asleep in her bed, her white cotton blanket up to her chin. I walk over to her and gently lower myself by her feet. Her bed is very small, so I think she would be more comfortable if I'm on the floor. So that's exactly what I do - sit cross legged on the carpet, on hand across the bed and on her back like I always do when I'm worried about her. She looks the same to me - curly, long light brown hair down her back and pale, rosy skin. When she opens her eyes, I know they will be the same royal blue color has mine. I kiss her cheek. "Karen? Sweetheart?"

She wrinkles her nose up a little, her eyes still closed. She probably thinks I want her to get up and go to school or something but truth be told I don't even care if she wakes up. I don't want to disrupt her. But if she does wake up, I want her to know that I'm here for her. Because she's literally all I have left. She's my princess. She sighs softly in her sleep, making me smile.

"Karen?" I whisper against her forehead. "It's Daddy. I love you."

She doesn't say anything and I don't mind. I just stay next to her until suddenly I feel her reaching out and wrapping her little lilac pajama covered arms around my neck. I get up, curl up on her little bed and have her with me. I don't really want her against the dirty prison given clothes I'm wearing but I know that if she's on me, it'll be impossible to get her off. I rub her back and she presses her cheek against my chest. I wonder if she's hurting her stomach and wound in the angle she's laying on me but she's latched onto me tightly, so I don't think it's bothering her. It's certainly not bothering me.

I hear a voice and I look out the window. A news van is outside and an anchor is standing reporting on the sidewalk in front of our house. I hold onto Karen tighter. I know this won't be the last of the glitterati that comes by. But I want to protect my daughter.

She stays fast asleep and in about ten minutes, the news van leaves. A couple of reporters are out there but once they realize I'm not coming out, they reluctantly all leave. There's no way I would even consider getting up right now.

Karen stays drooling lightly on my chest. I don't mind, not in the least. I wonder if Karen even consciously knows that she's laying on her father's chest right now. Maybe she thought that my voice was a part of a dream.

I wonder if, for her, it was a nightmare.

X

I guess it wasn't. Karen was so relieved to see me and it was never weird. At dinner that night, Mellie never came home. Karen didn't even notice and if she did, she never minded. She was so surprised that I actually made her pasta. It turned out she had been eating those crappy Lunch-Able things for weeks on end and hadn't been cooked a real meal in a long time. Hearing that made me that much more angry at Mellie, but I didn't take it out on Karen. Even though I was tired, I spent that whole night with her, just talking and trying to explain things. Turns out, my baby girl didn't need explaining. She understood who actually did it and why they did it. She told me that she was still sad about Gerry and she cried every night. Then she told me about the nightmares, which got me very worried and upset. I called the psychologist the next morning.

"Karen?" I dry the last plate with the towel and turn around to face her. She looks up from her spanish textbook and smiles. "Can I ask you something?"

"Nope," she says jokingly. At least I think she's joking. I walk to the table, my eyebrow raised. "I'm kidding, Daddy. What is it?"

I sit down on a chair next to her and wipe my damp hands on my jeans. "Do you remember Doctor Wheeler?"

She looks at me, uncomfortably surprised. She hasn't seen her old therapist back in the Bay Area for years. I don't think therapy was a fun time for her - to many bad memories associated with that time period. The family getting shot, Gerry dying, me being arrested, Mellie leaving and getting bullied...that's a ton to take for a year. So I can see why she would be reluctant to go back.

"Why?" She mumbles. I hope she doesn't feel uncomfortable because of Lena. Lena can't understand what we're talking about and even if she could, it's not like she would judge Karen or anything like that.

"Because, sweetheart, I think you should go see a therapist again."

Karen's eyes instantly get wet. I can tell she's already against this idea. "Why? Me? No. I'm not going. You can go, but I'm not. I talk to you. I don't need to talk to a doctor. I talk to you!"

"I know you," I reply gently. I really don't want her to think I am ambushing or attacking her. "What I am trying to say, Karen, is that maybe you should talk to a professional-"

"You don't like talking to me?" Karen demands. "Why didn't you just say so?"

I sigh. "Because that's not what I mean and you know it, Karen. I meant you should talk to me along with a professional. If you're so against the idea, Karen, I am not gonna force you to go. Just keep an open mind, okay?"

"Okay," Karen says quickly and goes straight back to her work, filling in verb congregations and whatnot. I know she's just agreeing to consider it to get me off her back - she won't actually think about it. It's frustrating because I don't think she's mental or whatever, I just want her to get the help she needs and do the best for her. She's so blessed to have the opportunity to see a professional and she's not using it.

But like I said, I am not gonna force her to see somebody. I tried doing that years ago and although it worked, that was an extreme measure. She really needed therapy back then and it's not a necessity now. I just think it would help things to be honest. But again, I am not gonna force her to.

Having said my piece, I get up and walk back into the kitchen area. I get my phone from the counter and sit on a stool on the island. I unlock it and go to my emails. I have several unopened ones from the White House and the senate about my hearing date. I go through each of them and try to get the gist of what they're telling me but it's hard and complicated. As exciting as it is, it's incredibly difficult running for Secretary of Defense. I'm the the commander in chief, only second to the President herself. It's kinda crazy if you think about it.

Five years ago, I would be getting ready for another type of hearing.

It's insane to think about how things change over the years. Even though I try to think of her as less as possible, my thoughts always circle back to Livvy. I don't try to forget her because I dislike her or anything. It's just the opposite. I just wonder about how her life is. I wonder if she's happy. I really hope she is.

Over the years, I gradually thought about her less. I thought about her a lot in prison - some days I could not think about anything less. And then when I got released, I tried to focus on getting my life and family back together. So when that I was over, I had idle moments so I could think of nothing but Livvy. Then, slowly, I forgot things about her. How she looked, the brown of her eyes... days could go by without me thinking of her. And they did. The days went by. But ever since I moved to DC, I keep thinking about her again and again.

Maybe it's the knowing or not knowing if I am near her. She was from DC, but that was years ago. I have no idea where she is. I could search her up, and I did, but she's apparently not a lawyer anymore so it makes her that much harder to find.

If she is near here, I could visit her. Not now - who knows where her life is? Assuming she got married to her fancy fiancé, she may very well have kids and she could be living a housewife life right now, although I can't imagine Livvy like that. Strangely enough, I can imagine her as a mom, but not as a housewife.

If I ever visit her, it should be years from now. When I have a wife of my own and my life is stable enough, because God knows it isn't right now. If I visit her when I have a wife, maybe I can be near her without remembering us sleeping together. Because I think about that a lot and not just because I haven't gotten any in the longest time. I had sex just a few times in the last five years, which sounds pathetic and it probably would be if I had been doing nothing in between that time. I was trying to be a father, trying to get my studying and career back on track. I met this really nice girl just days after Mellie left and I hired her to be a part time babysitter for Karen. Granted, she was a college student but that was not the reason it didn't work. We slept together a few times but I could not see anything in the future with her. Eventually, I fired her too but simply because Karen didn't like seeing us together. That made sense - the girl kissed me and took care of Karen - she probably thought that I was replacing Mellie. Not that Mellie ever kissed me or even took care of Karen. Karen was just weirded out. And Karen always come first.

Then, there were a few more girls, but none of them felt right. Sometimes I think I'll be single forever and strangely enough, I am okay with that. Assuming I get approved by senate, I'll have a huge job and a teenager on my hands, so that will keep me busy. I don't really care for romance at this point. I only ever really cared for one girl and she's away.

By definition, she's away.

AN: Did you guys see what I did there? Lol, the last line is from a Scandal episode, season 2, 'Happy Birthday, Mr. President'. Anyway, I know it may seem like the story is going a little slow but I swear once Olitz meets again (and don't worry, they will) it will be worth it. I'm just trying to really develop the characters right now, because they're all interesting people. And ofc I wouldn't make the killer Mellie, that's way too obvious. I thought about it, but it would just be bad writing. You'll see soon enough, but there were little clues in previous chapters!

Oh and thanks for your kind reviews and your messages. I really appreciate the support, y'all know I do this just for you!