AN: Melody is not related in anyway to Mellie. In retrospect, naming a random, unrelated character 'Melody' was a dumb choice. Anyway, since my school officially ended today, expect updates at least every two days! Like I said, I expect the story to be around forty chapters or so. Enjoy.

Fitz's POV

Four Years Ago

I hate the sound of my daughter crying. I don't hear it that often, being as Karen is one of those girls that always try to hide her emotions. Tonight, I wish she would again. The sound of rain and her mother zipping up suitcases in the other room just doesn't mix well with her sobs. It makes me feel like there's nothing left in the world.

"Where is Mommy going?" Karen hiccups through tears. "Why are you fighting?"

I look down at the crying kid on my lap. She's old enough to know what's going on. She has been a witness these past few months to the horror Mellie and I have put her through. She's been in the middle of so many fights. She's cried herself to sleep so many nights. And I feel like crap for letting that happen.

But Karen is old enough to understand what's happening. Maybe she's in denial. Or maybe she is asking me because she is hoping I can give her another answer. But I can't.

I know that it's best for Karen to say goodbye to Mellie. I don't know when she is coming back but my instincts don't look good right now. Maybe she's not coming back at all. In that case, Karen should have some closure.

But if Karen approached Mellie right now, Mellie might hit her and that's not the way Karen should remember her mom, even if that's a perfect representation of her character. Mellie has no problem hitting the kids, which really makes me angry. Especially now, when Mellie is getting really pissed off, throwing her shit into a suitcase.

"Sh," I whisper to Karen gently. I have no answers to her questions - none that she would want to hear, anyway.

I want to go up and stop Mellie. I want to yell at her to stay and take care of her daughter. To be a good mother. But Mellie has never been a good mom. These past few months have been no exception. That, and even though I know it's best for Karen, I can't go up at stop Mellie.

Not when I want her to leave so badly.

Mellie storms into the living room where we are and grabs her keys off the coffee table in front of us. She buttons up her coat looks at Karen. "Karen. Give me a hug, sweetheart."

I let go of Karen so she's free to hug Mellie. But she doesn't get up from my lap. I stare at her. She was completely sobbing a few seconds ago, now she's dead quiet.

"Come on," Mellie says, rushing through her words. She really wants to get out of this house. "I'm leaving, Karen. Give mommy a hug."

But Karen doesn't. And God knows I won't make her.

Mellie, on the other hand, is furious. I guess that Karen really doesn't give a fuck is Mellie leaves - the yelling just made her scared. I'm not saying that Karen doesn't love Mellie. Then again, it's hard to love a parent who doesn't love you back.

Mellie stares at Karen for another minute before sighing and leaving the room, and then the house. I wonder if that's all it takes for Mellie to forget her daughter - just a minute.

Karen watches Mellie go and leans her head against my shoulder, wrapping her arms around my neck. I bend down to kiss her tear stained cheek. Karen is seven now - a little too big to be sleeping on my lap, but it's fine by me. As long as she's okay.

I look back up as my daughter falls asleep on my chest. Mellie is in the doorway, faced away from me. She marches to her bags and takes them out the door.

I don't know it yet, but that's the last time I will see Melinda Grant.

X

Olivia is pacing around despite throwing her guts up just seconds ago. She is pacing the hotel bathroom tiles like she's in disbelief. In a way, so am I. What are the odds that I meet her at a political dinner of all places? Five years after the fact. Look at us now.

More like look at her now. She looks beautiful. Maybe that sounds weird since she just threw up and looks like she's been through a world war, but I still think she looks as amazing as she did in that hotel room five long years ago. Her hair is longer and it's curly. It's a pretty look on her.

She looks nervous, angry, frustrated. I am trying to calm her down without bursting out laughing. Maybe she feels insecure about throwing up so much but I find the whole thing humerous. And I find the anxious, shocked expression she has on very adorable.

"What are the odds of meeting you here?" I grin. "One could say it's 'heavin on earth.'"

"Stop it with the vomiting puns," she snaps at me, then matches up to me. She grabs my face with both of her hands and stares at me like she doesn't believe that I am right here in front of her. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm running for Secretary of Defense," I explain to her. Her expression doesn't change. A smile grows on my face. "But something tells me that you already knew that. You've been keeping tabs on me, Livvy. I never pegged you for a stalker. Oh, wait. Yes I did. Back in that LA motel room. You did your research on me. You always do."

Livvy rolls her eyes and continues pacing. I laugh. She snorts. "Is this funny to you?"

"All jokes aside," I stuff my hands in my pockets. "Are you okay, Livvy?"

She braces herself against the sink, closes her eyes and takes a huge breath. I'm shocked at how much air that small of a person can take in. But she does anyway. It's so surreal that she is standing here in front of me. I can hardly believe it. When she flicks open her eyes, they're staring back at me through the mirror. "I'm...trying to be."

I nod. I can understand that. She thinks that I am taking this lightly, seeing her. Of course not. There was a time when I loved this woman. In some ways, I still do. But I am not thinking of anything other than us here right now. "I get that. If I can do anything..."

"What happened five years ago," she turns so she's actually facing me. She folds her arms and swallows hard enough that I can actually see it. "Was a mistake. It was...I was engaged."

"I know." I reply. I don't add what I really want to say - it wasn't a mistake. In some way, I think she knows that but doesn't want to say it. Or admit it. I want approach her right now, come closer, hug her. Hold her after so long. But I would never do anything to make her feel uncomfortable, like she seems right now. So I just stand back, by the stalls, hands in my pockets.

The door swings open and an old lady in a silver long gown walks in. She stares at me, appalled. I realize that if I am serious about being chosen as Secretary of Defense, being caught in women's bathrooms isn't ideal.

"I-i," I smile politely and stammer for an explanation. "I was helping out a friend."

I realize that sounds sexual - not what I intended. The woman takes a disgusted sigh and leaves the bathroom, finally causing Livvy to grin. "'Helping out a friend?' Really, Fitz."

I take her chuckling as a sign that I can step closer to her without her feeling uncomfortable. I put my hands on the sink and allow myself to laugh a little. "Yes, that came out more sexual than I initially intended. Let's just hope that it won't affect my run."

"For Secretary of Defense?"

I smirk again. "So you have done your research on me?"

Livvy turns back to the mirror and turns on the sink. "I know the general things."

I nod, folding my arms and leaning back on the sink. I never imagined me meeting Olivia again like this. And I never imagined I would feel like this. It's like I am getting reminded just how beautiful she is and how funny she is and how easy it is to talk to her. And how being with her is so much better than anything else I have had in a long time. Besides Karen, Livvy is the only person living I even ever cared about anymore. "Yet I still don't know anything about you. Did you marry that...what's his face?"

"Jake?" Livvy clears her throat, still not quite looking at me. "Yes, I am married to Jake. I have...I have a kid. With Jake."

My heart sinks to my stomach and I immediately feel stupid for that. There was no justification for Jake leaving her. But seeing her in that little dark blue dress and looking all amazing, royalty like got me planning ten years ahead to my future. My imagination goes crazy sometimes. I imagined my life is Livvy, over a span of just over a minute or so. But now I feel completely pathetic for feeling this way."That's...that's wonderful. What's his name?"

"Her, it's a her;" Livvy replies, not quite answering my question. She turns off the sink and braces her wet hands on the sink again. She looks really upset, really frustrated. Maybe it's because she's sick, but it's throwing me off too. I have never seen her like this and all I have ever wanted was for her to be okay. "We have a daughter. Jake and I...we have a little girl."

I nod. I would be happier for her if she was happy herself. But then again, it would be so painful for me to see her living her life with another man. I want to ask her for the name again, but I guess I don't want to know. I'm proud of her for moving on without me but it's hard to hear the details of their lives together. "I'm happy for you, Livvy."

"Really?" Livvy finally looks at me. I see tears in her eyes. She wipes them really quickly, as if she caught on that I noticed them. She grabs a few paper towels, looking embarrassed. She takes a deep breath, another of many. Then she smiles, as if she's trying to lighten the mood. "Because your tone of voice...it seems like you're flirting with me."

I laugh. "Livvy, I am not trying to fuck you in a woman's bathroom. And not just because you smell vaguely of vomit."

She laughs back, a really beautiful, familiar noise. She tosses her used paper towels in the wastebasket and crosses her own arms. "I am happy for you too, Fitz. I'm happy that you fought back. And I am happy that you are getting this new job. I am happy for you."

I nod slowly. "But are you happy?"

Olivia blinks, taken aback by my question. I am surprised I asked that too, but I guess I want to know the answer badly. But I don't get it. She stands there silent, pressing her hands down her navy dress. "I should go, Fitz. It was nice to see you."

"Are you going home?" I ask, my voice tight. I don't want her to leave but if she's not feeling good, I want her to get what she needs, whether that be rest or being at home with her daughter.

"Jake is here," she replies, looking back at the mirror one last time. "I can't leave him. Our driver is waiting for us in the parking garage until the dinner is over."

I immediately fish my keys out of my back pocket. I wouldn't care if I wanted to see Livvy again or not - I would offer her this regardless. I set the keys on the sink counter. "Take my car."

She laughs, as if that's the funniest thing she's ever heard. "Even if I could go home, I could just take a taxi. Not your fancy ass car."

"Olivia Pope does not take taxis." I snort. "Please, Livvy. Take my Mercedes. I have to be here for President Langston - it looks good for the senate. I can very easily cop a fancier ride home. Please. Take care of yourself."

She pauses and I know she's considering it. Being as stubborn as she is, I know she must be really sick to agree to driving home. I just hope she can make it back safely. I don't care about the car. I just care about her being okay at this point.

"Fine," she finally agrees, reluctantly taking the keys. "Thank you, Fitz."

I nod. "Don't even mention it. It's the black Mercedes SLS AMG in the first floor of the garage. If you don't know what that looks like, it's a sports car with Lamborghini winged doors."

She raises an eyebrow. "Fancy. Thank you, again."

I shrug. "No problem, as long as you're okay. Call me to pick it up whenever. The White House will put you through."

She smiles genuinely. I am so happy to see her smile. "I can't say thank you enough."

I roll my eyes. It's sweet that she's saying it, but I would have done it even if I wasn't into her. Olivia is just the type of person you want to take care of. "Then don't say it at all. I mean it. It's fine."

And it really is. For her, anything is fine.

X

"Daddy?"

I close my eyes. Karen sounds really upset. She is used to me being away from home nowadays, but ever since our argument two days ago, she seems to be in a fragile state. I wasn't all for leaving her at home all night, especially when I didn't want to go to this dumb correspondents dinner. "Yes, baby?"

"When are you coming home?" she asks in a small voice.

I sigh. I was planning on staying for the rest of the party, which ends well past midnight. But it's only a quarter to ten and they haven't even served us our main course yet. Not that I care at all. I would rather be at home, in pajamas eating Ben & Jerry's Half Baked Ice Cream with Karen than be here in an uncomfortable suit eating steak and soufflés with politicians I have to pretend to like.

"The party barely just started," I explain to my daughter. "And I have to turn off my phone, sweetheart. The President is about to go and say a few words."

"I don't care," Karen mumbles onto the other line. I know she's not saying that to sound bratty or whiny. I know that she genuinely misses me and needs me there with her, which makes me feel guilty. That, and I really don't want to be here. Sally is showing me off like her lap dog, which is nice I guess. I mean, I know she's trying to help me win. But it's really annoying. The point is that I don't want to be here and Karen obviously feels the same way. "Come home."

"I can't," I reply apologetically. I genuinely am sorry. I try to be a father before anything, but having a stable job is part of that. In the end, not being here could disappoint Karen indirectly. I might not make enough appearances to get the senate votes I need. "I have to be here. And you should be asleep, Karen. It's a school night."

"I don't care!" Karen repeats. I frown. Now Karen is being kind of bratty. "I don't care. I'm not sleeping."

"Karen-"

"You promised me you'd be home every night to tuck me in!" she screams on the other end. I put my elbow on the gold and white cloth table and lean my head into my palm. She's right - I did promise that. I have nothing to say right now. But she has plenty. "You're a liar! You lied to me! You say you're an honest guy but you're not, Daddy. You lied to me and I hate you."

Wow. That genuinely hurts. Karen doesn't act out much but when she does, she knows the exact things to say that get me in my feelings. I should probably get mad at her for talking to me like that but she's right. I'm a liar. I try hard to be honest and I am just not.

I tried to be enough for Livvy and I just can't.

I hang up. Maybe that's not the best way to resolve things with my eleven year old daughter, but I am getting states from the guests surrounded around the table with me. I try laugh it off. "Teenagers. What are you going to do with them?"

X

"Kalorama, please."

I decided the cut the night short and go home to Karen anyway. The rest of the dinner was a flop and everyone seemed uncomfortable around me. I guess I have that presence on everyone, don't I?

I close the taxi door and kick my feet up. Besides seeing Olivia, everything about tonight has been crappy. Seeing Livvy wasn't such a success either but I was glad I did anyway. I needed closure. Or whatever the hell that was.

When I arrive home, Lena awkwardly tells me Karen is already asleep. I go upstairs and find that even though Karen is in her bed, she is wide awake. I sit on the foot of her bed and sigh. "Hi, Karen."

She turns away from me and sniffs. I know she was crying. It makes me want to cry myself.

"I know you're mad at me," I go on, swallowing. "And you have reason to be. But you're also gonna have to be strong. And bare with me, okay?"

She doesn't say anything.

I swallow again, giving up. I lean over and kiss her forehead. "Goodnight, Karen."

When I leave the room, I don't feel any better than I did coming. Why can't I do anything right? I failed as a husband and now I am failing as a father. I wasn't enough for Livvy, the only woman I loved in my life. Five years ago, I couldn't protect Gerry. I can't even talk and communicate with my own daughter. And I made a fool out of myself in front of my colleagues.

I still break down over Gerry's death sometimes. Even though it's been five years, it still hurts. Not all the time - not since I got released and went through a healthy grieving process and accepted it. But Gerry would have been twelve years old right now. And it painful to think that he's not here. That, and there's always going to be a resentful side of me, angry that I couldn't protect him. I love Gerry and I have moved on. But it hurts sometimes.

As for Karen, I try to do my best. But sometimes my best simply doesn't cut it. I would do anything for her. It's hard to be a father with a political career. I want what's best for her and I guess that's simply being there. Then again, the only reason I even want this job is to take care of her. To get our lives back on track. To make her happy and okay for years to come.

The crazy thing is that if Olivia was here with me, none of this would be a problem. She would fix it. We would be in this together. I think that's what true love is. No matter how many battles you lose, you and your significant other win the war because you're together. I never had that with Mellie. Some days, it seemed like she was the war I was fighting.

I love Olivia.

I am in love with Olivia.

And now I am realizing that she is a part of the promise I made.

She's supposed to be part of my life.

And I am going to try everything to make her mine.