Fitz's POV

Despite my best wishes and effort, I am pulling into my driveway past midnight. I tried to get home early, I really did. But Sally kept me reading and annotating these documents and really complex stuff, so that kept me in White House for well over twelve hours.

Karen didn't call me, but I don't know how to feel about that. If she was really angry, she would have. But I guess she's not angry. She's just heartbroken. Which is honestly even worse.

I open the door and find that a lot of the boxes from the foyer have been moved. They must have spent the day unpacking. I guess life really does go on without you.

It's not until I reach the third floor where I see Karen. Her bedroom is wide open and bright, despite it being almost 1:00 AM. She's on her bed and using her iPhone, blasting One Direction music. I approach her room but stay in the doorway. She doesn't look up. "Karen? What are you doing up? You have school tomorrow."

"Actually, I don't," Karen says, still not looking up from her phone. "The teachers are finalizing our grades, so school if off. I thought you would know that, but then again, why would you? You don't care."

"I knew that," I lie, shoving my hands in my pockets and walking in the room. I sit on the foot of her bed but she still doesn't look at me. "And I do care. I've been trying to tell you that for the longest time. It's just...the single dad life is kinda hard, Kar."

"What are you talking about?" Karen lets her phone drop to her stomach. She props herself up on her elbows and finally looks at me, glaring. "It's been five fucking years."

I raise my eyebrows. "Hey. I get that you're upset, but that doesn't give you an excuse to use that type of language. Especially not with me."

Karen rolls her eyes and picks up her phone again. "Whatever. I don't give a shit."

"I'm serious," I warn her. "Keep cursing and you're going to lose that phone of yours."

That shuts her up. Still, I can see the attitude forming in her eyes. Her acting like this doesn't necessarily get me angry. It just makes me sad. It makes it that much harder to rebuild the relationship we've tried five years to get right. She's never acted like this before. She's always been a sweet girl. It really hurts to see her like this. "Karen, I don't appreciate your attitude these past few days. If you have a problem, talk it out with me. This is why I asked you about therapy in the first place. This move may have been hard on you and my job is straining -"

"Oh my god," Karen mumbles, rolling her eyes. "I heard you the first time, okay?"

Then why don't you understand? I get up, ready to leave the room. Every time I come in here, trying to resolve things, everything gets ten times worse. "Goodnight Karen."

X

Five Years Ago

"Fitz!" Mellie's shriek jolts me awake.

My eyes open and I feel something warm on my hand. I look over and even in the dark, I can see a deep shade of maroon coming from my hand. It's leaking from Mellie's stomach. "Huh...Mellie...are you okay? What's happening?"

Mellie reaches, straining for her robe. She's crying. "Gerry, Karen. Go...get them."

I blink at her, suddenly wide awake. What about Gerry and Karen? Are they hurt? I throw my blanket off me and run out of the bedroom, tripping on my own feet. Just when I am outside the bedroom, two gunshots blast into my the radius of my ears. All I can hear is a ringing. If Mellie was shot, how could I sleep through it? I rub my eyes, trying to collect myself after hearing a noise that ear shattering. If Gerry or Karen were hurt...if they were shot...

Mellie runs past me, but not to their rooms. She goes down the stairs, yelling, "I'm going to try to find some help!"

I lean back against the wall, too numb to move. A figure rushes past the hall and follows Mellie downstairs. I swallow. "Hey...you...stop...stop!"

But he doesn't. He doesn't stop and I don't get up. I don't think it's because I can't get up. If I tried to get past the ringing in my eardrums and the ache in my heels from running too hard, I could psychically get up. It would be hard, but I could do it. But I don't want to.

I don't want to because I don't hear the screams of my children. And if they aren't screaming, if they aren't scared...they are dead. Or dangerously close to being so.

And I can't get up and see that. I can't get up and face that.

X

I jolt out of bed, feeling goosebumps up from my neck and all the way down my spine. I sigh, leaning against the backboard of my bed and wondering how my heart could possibly beat this fast.

I can barely call that a nightmare because it actually happened. Just a few years ago, that was my reality. That was what I lived through, although I am surprised I lived through it at all. In some ways, I didn't. A part of me was lost that night - a part I don't know if I will ever get back.

Once I regulate my breathing, I cradle my head in my hands. It's only four in the morning - I don't have to be in White House for another four hours. But I know I won't be able to go back to sleep. I'm not crying - I am not a crier. I don't remember the last time I cried. Crying makes me feel weak, although I already am. There's something about tears rushing down your face that just verifies it, you know?

The only times I cry is when I am so overwhelmed by grief that I can't take it. I completely break down. And that only happens when I think about Gerry. But at times like these, when my career and family is on the line, I can't afford to think like that.

I reach over and get my cell off my the nightstand. Even though it's four in the morning here, it's probably only midnight or so in California. It's way past calling hours in any prison, but Orange County owes me a favor or two.

I call and get put through to the warden. I ask him and like always, he gives in. And, like every single time, apologizes for how I was treated when I was locked up. I think he still bothers to apologize because I send them a sponsors check every Christmas.

Finally, he calls Evan to his office and puts him on the phone. "Hey, Fitz. Why are you calling so late?"

"I don't know," I admit to Evan. "There is a lot on my mind."

"I'm not going anywhere," Evan jokes and I smirk. He is such a smartass sometimes.

And he's not entirely true - he gets out in seven short months, according to my calculations. "Look, Evan. I'm sorry I woke you and I am sorry I haven't called or sent money in the last couple of weeks. The move to DC has been...interesting."

"Interesting," Evan repeats. "I noticed you didn't say 'bad' or anything like that."

I smile. "That's because there have been...circumstances that make it worth it."

"Circumstances, huh?" I can hear Evan's smirk on the other end. "Do you mean a girl?"

I shake my head through the dark of the room, grinning. Evan is hundreds of miles away and he knows exactly what I am thinking. And I know what you must be thinking - that I am crazy because my best friend is a criminal. And maybe I am. But ever since that day in jail...ever since he opened up to me and believed me...he's always been on my side. And I have always been on his. I know what he's in for - theft on multiple accounts. He stole food for his pregnant wife and two year old son. And that makes him have a bigger sentence than half of the violent criminals in there. It's not fair. It's just not fair. I try to play God, you know? I offer him legal help, money and I support him wife and son, who is a lot older now and in college. I trust him. I trust him with everything. "Yes, there is a girl. Olivia Pope. My lawyer five years ago."

Evan laughs. "Now that's just overly poetic, even for you, Fitz. When's the last time you ever spoke to me about your love life? Never. Because you don't fall for anyone."

I sigh and stretch my free arm. "I fell for her, Evan. I fell for her so hard. But with Karen and the job...everything is piled up against another. That and she's married. With a kid."

"Yours?" Evan jokes.

I roll my eyes. "Very funny, Evan. You're missing my point. I love her. I do. But I don't know what I am going towards. I can't compete with her husband, her life. How do I do that when I barely have a handle on my own life? I can't."

"Fitz," Evan sighs. "You are a man who has been through many losses in his life. I recognize that because I am a man who has been through many losses as well. You lost your son, your wife and your political career. You can't get the first two back...you are trying to get the third one and I respect you like hell for it."

"Thank you," I rub my eyes. "But what's your point? You suck ass at telling me anything other than how shitty my life is."

Evan laughs again. "Because it is. That's the reality - life often sucks ass. But when you find a thing...a person that has the potential to make to make your life a little less crappy...you gotta chase after them, man. Even if it is hard. Even if it seems impossible. You gotta at least try."

X

"Your senate approval hearing is in two weeks," Sally repeats for about the billionth time. I scoff under my breath. The more Sally talks about this job, the less I want it. But that doesn't stop her. "We've got two weeks to get you prepped and polished. And since I have a country to run, you will be on my schedule, my clock. So I suggest you pack a bag and move into the Blair House temporarily, so I can check in on you in my free time."

I raise my eyebrows at Sally. I want this job, I want it really badly. But if staying in the White House guest house for two weeks is what it takes..."Sally, I have a very moody, very sensitive eleven year old daughter at home-"

"If Karen had any idea of the magnitude of this job, she would understand and give you her blessing," Sally interrupts absently. She grabs a folder and walks towards the door. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have a meeting in the Oval. You're welcome to use this meeting room all day if you want."

I watch as she leaves the room, shutting the door behind her. I really appreciate Sally dedicating so much time and effort to get me prepared for this job. And I really respect her as the President. But if she had any idea of what I was going through right now...

It feels like every choice I make is the wrong one. And I am under so much pressure. I want Karen to be happy. I want to be happy myself. The only thing that can do that, I realize, is being with Olivia. And I don't know if that's the best choice for Karen. My daughter is...sensitive to say the least. And possessive. She doesn't like me when my attention is elsewhere, where it has been for most of her life. But in another way, I think Olivia is what Karen needs in her life.

None of that matters if Livvy doesn't pick me in the end.

Olivia's POV

"I cannot thank you enough for this!" David cries through another bite of his bacon. "Abby is the most amazing girlfriend I could ask for, but she cannot cook for her life."

Abby rolls her eyes, sipping the coffee I brewed, but she is grinning. "I'm sitting right here, asshole."

David leans over and kisses her cheek apologetically. I smile at them. Seeing them be such a cute, loving couple makes you wonder why they ever broke up years ago. They've been back for four years now but the one they act around one another makes you think that they're an old married couple.

Making them breakfast this morning was the least I could do. David came home last night and didn't even question why Savannah and I were camped up at his house. He welcomed us with open arms, just like Abby. And I owe them world for that, but I guess I'll settle for waking up early and making them breakfast.

David takes another bite of the bacon I fried. "No cursing in front of the kid, Abs." He turns and smiles sweetly at Savannah, who's sitting in my lap with a cup of orange juice. "Isn't that right, sweetie? Isn't Auntie Abby just a big old meanie to your Uncle David?"

Abby scoffs and turns to Savannah. "Ignore your uncle, Savannah. He's just a dumb butt."

Savannah laughs and I smile at that. It's so good that she seems so happy. She was really quiet yesterday and I got worried. I never want her to be affected by Jake and me fighting, but it happens a lot. I just want her to be an innocent four year old kid that lives in a normal world and David and Abby have been making sure of that.

"So," I lean over and poke my own bacon and waffles with my fork. "I'm thinking about checking into the Sheraton tonight with Anna." I look down at my daughter. "Doesn't that sound fun, sweetie?"

Abby shakes her head. "Don't even think about it, Olivia Pope. You are not taking yourself and your daughter to a freaking hotel when you're welcome here."

"I couldn't do that to you," I sigh, trying to lower my voice so that Savannah doesn't hear exactly what we're talking about. I don't want her to have another thing to worry about. "I'm serious, Abby. We'll be fine at a hotel. More than fine."

"Maybe so," David speaks up. "But that doesn't mean it's the best idea. Please stay here, Liv. You know it doesn't bother us. It actually makes me grateful - if you weren't here, I wouldn't have a witness when Abby killed me in my sleep."

I laugh. I don't want to bother them but if they really don't mind, I would rather stay here than in a hotel. And I definitely think it's better for Savannah. "Okay, fine. But only for a couple more days."

"Yay," David bends down to give Savannah a high five. "You get to stay with me, kiddo."

Abby looks up at me. "You're going to have to find a way to apologize to your daughter for that."

I laugh and put Savannah on David's lap. I get up and take the empty dishes over to the sink and look out the window that's over it. It's such a beautiful day outside. And I cannot believe what I have to do today. "If you two would quit fighting and excuse Savannah and I for a while, there's something we have to do."

I look over at Abby and she nods seriously back at me. She knows I have to do it too.

Fitz's POV

"Excuse?" an aide comes through the door of the meeting room. I look up through the thick pile of notes in front of me, grateful for the interruption. "You have two visitors, Mr. Grant...four, actually."

I wrinkle my eyebrows, confused, yet still happy for the distraction. "Send them in."

The aide exits through the door and I look at my watch. It's almost noon. I don't know who could be visiting me or why. I'm stunned when I see Lena and Karen walk through the door, both looking very upset.

"Karen," I sit up. "What are you doing in here? Lena?"

"The secretary booked us an appointment," Lena snaps. I blink back at her. I don't know what exactly it is, but something is wrong. And I am not in a mood to deal with it. But I don't have a choice. "Karen, tell your father what I got this morning."

I look at Karen, who crosses her arms and rolls her eyes.

"A phone call," she mumbles.

"That's right," Lena slaps her hand on the mahogany table in front of us. "A call from her school, informing she was absent. There was school. Your daughter just decided to skip it and go to the mall with her friends."

I stare at Karen. "Is this true?"

Karen closes her eyes and shrugs, like she couldn't care less.

I close my eyes as well. This is so out of character of her. Karen can be annoying and reckless, but never like this. She is not this type of person. I am beyond words.

So Karen speaks up after I don't for a minute. "It's whatever, Dad. It's not a big deal."

I open my eyes. I cannot deal with this. The only way I can possibly reply right now is by yelling, so that's exactly what I will do. "Yes, Karen! It is absolutely a big deal! An eleven year old girl, roaming around the the District of Columbia... do you even know what could have happened to you? Do you even think of consequences? Or are you this irresponsible, Karen?"

She doesn't say anything, but Lena lets go of her arm and turns towards the door. "I'm heading out, Mr. Grant. I don't know what to do with this girl."

I shake my head. That makes two of us. I'm so pissed off right now. Just when I thought things couldn't get worse, they do. "I try everyday to be a better father, Karen. In every decision I make, I think of you. I do everything for you. You are so precious to me, but you are so reckless in regards to yourself. Do you have any idea how that makes me feel?"

She opens her mouth to speak, but I am not done. "And don't you dare say that it's not a big deal. It's everything. It is literally everything."

She looks down at the floor now. I think she is finally understanding how upset this makes me, how frustrating it is. But it's too late. I'm so disappointed her. I don't even recognize her anymore. "Sit down, Karen. Not even Lena can deal with you. Just sit down and be quiet."

And she does. I look back down at my paperwork, trying to refocus myself. But that's hard to do when your relationship with your daughter is falling apart. If only she knew how much I love her. I try to tell her. Everyday I tell her. But it's not enough. I don't know if that ever will be and that scares the shit out of me. Because the amount of love I have for her is the only thing I have to prove for myself. I was never father of the year. I never will be. I have made bad decisions, wrong choices. For the first six years of her life, I was barely there. But I loved her anyway. I loved her so much. And I still do. It's just so hard. More often than not, it's hard.

Karen lays her head down on the table and I can't tell if it's an act or not. At this point, I don't care. Minutes pass and i go through the paperwork, stealing glances at my daughter. I forget that I have two other visitors until the aide comes back in. "Mr. Grant? Should send the other two in?"

"Yes," I close a Manila folder I was pretending to read. I look over at Karen. I don't know who is coming in, but even if I did, I wouldn't know where to send Karen. She has a visitor's pass, so she can be here, but I barely know my way around, so how could she? "One second - do you know who it is? Because I didn't have any appointments..."

The aide looks confused herself. "The woman has high security clearance at the Pentagon, sir, so she was allowed entry and requested to see you. That's all I know. Do you want me to ask her to make an appointment?"

I sigh. "No, that's fine. You can go ahead and let her in."

The aide nods and leaves the room. I look over at Karen, who still has her head down. I really don't know if she's okay or not emotionally, but I am still pretty pissed and I can't bring up the gall to confront her again. I really don't know if I can do this.

The door swings open again and standing in front of me is Olivia Pope and her daughter