Hey guys. I know it's been awhile. Frankly, my mental health is tanking. Getting this chapter done took a lot, and I'm sorry it's not super long haha. I haven't given up on the fic, but sometimes I have a tough time feeling motivated. Hope this will be enough to tide y'all over until the next update. Thank you all so much for not jumping ship this past month, love ya bunches. -BB

AS USUAL, I DON'T OWN ANYTHING HARRY POTTER RELATED, THAT'S ROWLING'S BUSINESS.

Chapter 29

The trio stood at the edge of the Grand Canyon. Rose squinted her eyes under the shade of her hand, staring across the broad expanse in front of her.

"You dragged me out of a nice, air conditioned mansion to show me a hole in the ground. Both of you have some serious explaining to do." she sighed. The bands of different colored rock stretched out in front of her underneath vast plateaus and soaring peaks. Katie patted Rose on the arm as they sat on a rock, overlooking the canyon.

"It's symbolic. Also I wanted to get some pictures for my scrapbook, because this place is cool as shit." a camera shutter clicked before she continued "Tell me what you see out there."

Rose squinted, expecting to see something tucked into the dark contrasting shadows in the canyon, or maybe a secret lingering between the few cars that were parked in the dusty lot.

"I see rocks. And sand. And there's probably some water down there, maybe." she answered flatly. Brian shook his head from where he was sitting in his car with a door open, checking a road map "Come on Rose, you gotta put a little effort into this. Katie can't do this on her own."

"It's okay B, she's just not in tune with herself." Katie said gently before elaborating "This canyon is massive. It's a huge tourist spot. But there's more to it than just money and rocks."

"This whole canyon was carved over time by the motion of the rivers than ran through here, forming all the ravines and formations. But what that river eroded, it left something beautiful behind. It was a slow destruction, something that we're incapable of witnessing in our lifetime." she said, and Rose reluctantly listened. She tried to imagine what the Grand Canyon would have looked like before anything. She couldn't fathom massive, roaring rivers that had the power to wear down all that stone.

"So what I want you to figure out is, what is your river? What's shaped you to be how you are now? You're the canyon, only you can know." Katie said seriously before standing up and patting Rose on the top of the head.

In the next motel room, Rose laid out on her bed in the stifling heat, sweating as she looked at the ceiling. She could have used a spell to make the air conditioner work better, but after a few days of keeping her wand tucked away in her bag, she felt as though she didn't necessarily have to use it. Stretched out, limbs akimbo, she felt wide awake as what Katie had asked her swirled through her head.

"What made me like this? Is it one thing, or a combination of all the little things in my life?" she wondered. The first one was obvious. Voldemort was a major influence in her life for a relatively short amount of time. Even now, she had left because of the destruction he caused. She swallowed the lump in her throat when she thought of her dad.

"I still haven't told mom. And she hasn't said a single thing about it. But...we can't pretend it didn't happen. I can't act like it wasn't me. Well, not totally me. But I was the one who cast the curse." Rose knew what she had to do. But she didn't want to lose her mother too. Turning over onto her stomach so she could see the clock on the nightstand between the beds, she squinted in the dim light to see that it was early morning. She hoped that Jesse had a phone in his house.

Peeling her sweaty tank top off her skin a little so she could breath easier, Rose poured a few dimes into her hand and left the room, making sure not to close the door too hard. Looking up at the stars again, Rose took a deep breath and made her way down the concrete stairs and down the way towards the payphone. Her hands shook as she popped the dimes in and began dialing the number.

"I have to do this now. This shouldn't wait, she has to know." Rose gripped the phone with a vice-like grip, trying to stop herself from shivering. The line rang for a minute before somebody picked up.

"Hello?" it was Jesse, and surprisingly, he sounded wide awake. Rose couldn't help a quick sigh of relief.

"Hey Jesse, it's Rose. Is my mom around?" she asked as she leaned up against the receiver, looking out to the parking lot.

"Yeah, I think she's reading in her room. I'll have her pick up." there was a moment of silence and a click before she heard her mom "Rose, honey is that you?"

"Hi mom. I'm sorry if I woke you up."

"You didn't, I couldn't sleep actually. But it's pretty early, is something wrong? You kids didn't get hurt, did you?" Barbara quickly sounded panicked.

"No no, everything is fine. We saw the Grand Canyon earlier today, it was cool. I was actually calling because...I had to tell you something. And it's important." Rose inhaled as she looked up at the sky again.

"Oh honey, you're not pregnant or anything, are you?" Barbara quickly asked.

"Jesus mom, no."

"I should have figured. You never really one for boys anyway."

Rose couldn't help a derisive snort at that, but she chewed her lip for a moment.

"So what is it? Are you alright?"

"Ma, you never talk about dad." Rose blurted suddenly, and dead silence was all she heard for what felt like an eternity. She put another dime in the machine for good measure.

"No, I guess I don't." her voice sounded small and fragile, and it broke Rose's heart, but she pushed on.

"I don't know how else to say this...mom it was me. It was me, but I didn't mean to. I couldn't stop myself." Rose quickly dissolved into a sobbing, blubbering mess. She clutched the phone for dear life as she cried, trying to explain herself.

"Mom, you probably think I'm insane, but I promise I didn't want to do it. Dad was my best friend, he meant the world to me. There isn't a day that goes by where I don't see his face, or hear his awkward laugh. I still have his jacket for fucksake, I can't let go of him."

"When we moved here, I started hearing voices and seeing things, and I felt so alone that I just let it happen, I let myself go. I was so afraid of making you guys disappointed in me, or scaring you, that I just bottled it all up."

"Rose."

"But that made it easier for him to get to me. Voldemort has this way of crawling inside your head and staying there. Even now, sometimes mom I feel like I'm a different, darker person. I get these urges, this horrible fucking desire to just let loose and burn things to the ground. That's not me, that's not who I am. I understand if you hate me, if you want to disown me. That's fine, I deserve it, I know." Rose choked on her breath and had to stop talking to cough.

"Sweetie, take deep breaths." Barbara's voice was soft "Calm down, don't choke." she waited until Rose had stopped crying, and had finally regained her composure.

"Rose I knew it was you." Those words sent a violent, flaming hot chill down Rose's spine as her heart was stabbed with fear. She froze, eyes wide.

"I saw the look on your face the night it happened. But baby, I knew something was wrong." Barbara said slowly. Rose twisted her hand up in the cord of the phone tightly, shaking like a leaf as her mother spoke.

"She's going to hate me, she hates me already. She's going to turn me in, fucking hell I'm going to jail. I'll never see Bella or Katie or Brian again. It's going to happen again, I'll have to run and hide and never show my face."

"Honey, I need you to take a deep breath again. Focus on my voice. I know you're probably panicking right now."

"Mom how…"

"I will always love you, Rose, you know this. I know it wasn't really you, and your father would know that too. Not a day goes by that I don't miss him, and I spent a long time feeling angry and scared. But I was more worried that you were gone forever. You disappeared, and all I ever wanted was to have you back home safe." a heavy sigh echoed over the phone before Barbara spoke softly again "Did you want to come back and talk about this?"

"No." Rose said quickly, feeling her heart lurch again "Sorry. No, mom I don't think I would be able to do that now. This is a lot right now. And I know it's my fault but-"

"Not your fault. It was a fucked up mess and you were a kid." Barbara's tone became stern "But if you need more time, I get that sweetie. I just want to make sure you're in a good space."

Rose looked behind her, up at the motel in the dim blue light of the early morning.

"I'll be alright mom. I have Brian and Katie. Although I am running out of dimes. I promise I'll talk to you again as soon as I can."

"You look like hell, Rose." Katie said flatly as Rose starred unblinking at the empty desert ahead of them. Brian was fueling up again, whistling a jaunty tune.

"I told my mom everything this morning. And I totally used all your dimes, sorry about that." Rose mumbled, rubbing her forehead. She felt uncomfortably hot and nauseous, like something was covering her face and weighing on her shoulders.

"Oh, gosh how did that go?" Katie stopped harassing you and sat a little straighter, getting into her supportive friend mode.

"I don't know," Rose shrugged, her eyes feeling heavy "I ended the call pretty abruptly. It was really weird...she took it better than I thought she would. The whole time, she told me that she knew."

"How did that make you feel?"

"Like a melodramatic baby." Rose sighed, but then threw her hands in the air "But I also killed a man and I'm thinking that maybe both of us are taking this too lightly because we don't know how to cope with the fact that things are really screwed up. Like, everything has just been completely flipped upside down and all we can do is say 'hmmm this can't be good.'and just forget about it!" Rose burst, and Katie took a moment to pat her arm gently, worry evident in her eyes.

"You gonna be alright champ?" she asked. Even Brian had heard the outburst and had stopped whistling so he could listen better.

"I'll be fine. I just need to come to terms with the fact that I committed patricide and I'll never be the same person I ever was." Rose rolled her eyes and leaned against the seat in front of her, heaving a sigh.

"It's okay dude," Katie rubbed her back and shushed her "I'm sure loads of people kill their parents. I'm sorry if that was a little on the nose, but we can find you a support group."

"I don't think even Bellatrix would have killed her dad." Rose mumbled sullenly.

"I can't believe you killed father!" Narcissa smacked Bellatrix on the back of the head with a wadded up newspaper like she was a bug. Bellatrix winced with a hiss and shrank away, but nonetheless she had a creepy smile on her face as she shrugged.

"He was a loose end. He was senile, and frankly useless as the head of house." Bellatrix nudged his body with her boot. They were standing in his study, where Bellatrix had called Narcissa and Lucius after the deed had been done. The dark witch ran a finger across his desk.

"This whole room is a mess. What good is a man that can't even keep the house in good condition?"

"You're mad." Lucius stated as he held Narcissa close to him, but the younger blonde pushed him off and clicked her tongue.

"If mother were here, she would strangle you." she tutted "Now clean this mess up. And Lucius dear, inform some of your friends that this was a heart attack. I don't need the Prophet sniffing around this before they get wind of what actually happened." the young witch said tiredly, waving off Lucius as he pursed his lips in hesitation before leaving the study, showing no small measure of distaste as he passed Bellatrix. The witch snorted and sat on the large dark oak desk with a smug, satisfied smile as she aimlessly fiddled with her nails.

"Don't think you're getting away with this so easily. Granted, he was a bastard, but your episodes have been getting worse and I think you should...seek help." Narcissa said in a hushed tone. Bellatrix scoffed.

"I'm perfectly sound of mind. Besides, I was only doing what she wanted me to do." Bellatrix gestured lamely to the doorway. Narcissa turned to the door but nobody was there, and she squinted just to be sure.

"Bella, nobody is there."

"Are you an idiot? Of course she's there. Oh, see now you've gone and offended her. How tragic." Bellatrix said in a droll tone. She inclined her head at the apparition in front of her. She looked an awful lot like Rose, now that Bellatrix thought about it.

"Cissy means well, I promise." Bellatrix apologized. The flickering image of Rose just grinned evilly back at Bellatrix, her eyes a dangerous shade of twinkling red. Narcissa watched with increasing alarm as her sister stared at the empty doorway, totally unhinged.

"Bellatrix, nobody is there. You're scaring me." Narcissa said, trying to keep her voice firm. Bellatrix clicked her tongue and pouted mockingly at her youngest sister. She looked at the crooked woman in front of her, head tilted too far to one side like she was listening to something, her hands fidgeting restlessly by her hips at an angle, black eyes flickering around the room like something was just out of sight. She made a mental note to call a doctor. Casting one last look at her dead father with a bit of a grimace, Narcissa was about to leave when Lucius reappeared with one of his cronies at his side. While she was still young, she knew that her betrothed already had a few men laying around to do his dirty work.

"This is Scabior. He'll make the arrangements for this to be a discreet burial. I'm assuming you wouldn't want him…" Lucius had heard Narcissa complain about her father for hours on end.

"Heavens no, just get rid of him. He was a social pariah anyway, better off not being in the family grave." Narcissa shook her head. Scabior was a thin pale man with a grimy face and stringy brown hair. He sniffed loudly and wiped his nose across the back of his hand before leaning back and looking at Cygnus's body.

"Gross. This will set you back Lucy. What with all the blood." he gestured vaguely, and Narcissa frowned harder, her lip curling. Lucius sighed but nonetheless pulled a slip of paper from his pocket. Scabior plucked the slip from between his fingers and kissed the parchment before jamming it in his pocket and pulling out his wand.

"Alright, you lot go out for a spot of lunch or something while I do my work here." he shooed the three of them out of the room, Bellatrix skulking behind her sister and future brother-in-law. Narcissa couldn't shake the feeling that something was horribly wrong.

"Lucius...those meeting with Voldemort-" Narcissa drew her fiance to the side before they left Black Manor, whispering so that Bellatrix wouldn't hear her.

"Lord Voldemort."

"Right. Anyway, ah...has she been acting strangely? I fear that maybe that isn't the right environment for her right now. I mean, she always comes to the manor at all hours of the night covered in cuts and scrapes, and I've been hearing reports about people attacking muggles and muggleborns-"

"Mudblood filth." Lucius sighed.

"Right but that's not the point, Lucius. I want to make sure that my sister isn't throwing her life away. What do you know?" Narcissa's eyes were boring into the wizard, but he withheld a sigh to glance at the floor, and then at Bellatrix before answering slowly, his voice low.

"Have you perhaps considered that maybe Rodolphus isn't a loving and devoted husband? Maybe he's a reproachable oaf with a penchant for violent outbursts? It would explain Bella coming to you every night." he answered evasively. Narcissa opened her mouth to say something when they heard Bellatrix laugh to herself. Lucius gently grasped Narcissa's hand and squeezed it.

"Sometimes you shouldn't question what's happening, Narcissa. Too many questions and...well I don't know if I'll always be able to protect you." It was rare for Lucius to sound even remotely concerned or emotional, and a growing sense of dread burrowed its way into Narcissa's mind as she pursed her lips before nodding. This only confirmed that something far more sinister was at work, and she felt very afraid for the first time in awhile.