Welcome one and all to the next chapter of Aloha Madness! I am your host as always, the Crazy Man! (Man I need to shorten that in writing, eh whatever the fuck.) It's been awhile since I updated, I've had to deal with work and paperwork of joining the Marine Corps, so there's that. I'll try not to change the way I write after I leave/come back from boot camp, but enough of that, let's get on with the story! SO READ LIKE HELL AND LETS GET READY TO FUCK IT!

DISCLAIMER: REALLY? I STILL DON' OWN SHIT. EXCEPT MY OC.

"I wonder what Naruto dreams about?" - Talking

'Probably ramen' - Thinking

"I know what he dreams about" - Anything else if I decide too.

Chapter 4: Can One Train Madness?

We find Kyōki standing triumphantly over his nemesis, the buck took bit off more than it could chew, sending Kyōki into a fit of giggles. Wait, why is he giggling?

Across the plains, we find Naruto standing there, tired and sweating so bad that his white shirt became see-through and showed Kyōki the tan, hairless chest of the 14 year old.

'It's like back in Mardi Gras, except I am not taking a 10 inch cock from a man named Ted.' Kyōki thought to himself in a fit of giggles. Beckoning Naruto over, Kyōki waited till he sat down in front of him.

"Naruto, it is time to show you a new weapon that will surely keep your enemies at bay." Kyōki said while pulling out a scroll. Throwing it to Naruto, he told Naruto to open it.

Naruto, while prepared for everything that could be thrown at him, including maces, flails, swords, axes, was not prepared for something long, purple, and oddly enough, penis shaped?

The weapon, if it could be called that, was 3 ft long, 10 in around, and was, well, it's a fucking dildo bat. (SAINTS ROW REPRESENT BITCHES.) Naruto, being taught the bare minimum of sex, did not know what this object was, so he looked towards Kyōki as said man started laughing up a storm.

In between laughs, Kyōki told Naruto what it was. "Sorry Naruto, that is for if I ever find a rapist, as I will beat them to death with the subject of their attacking. Your real weapon is right here." Throwing a small black box at our cute little genin, Kyōki sealed up the dildo bat for later.

Opening it, Naruto brought out a straight razor, its edge sharper than diamonds, the blade being an inch wide, while being about a foot long, with a crimson etching on the side of the blade, the razor looked deadly.

"Naruto, this is your blade, nicknamed 'Sweeny' I will be teaching you how to use it as it is a very dangerous weapon with a few, side effects." Kyōki said while he took his shirt off showing his muscles and heavily scarred body.

Naruto, seeing this, actually started to blush, thinking to himself, 'Holy shit, Kyōki looks amazing, wait, I thought I was straight, what is this feeliing I get when I look at Kyōki? I need to talk to someone.'

"ALRIGHT YOU POOR EXCUSE FOR A MAGGOT!" Kyōki yelled at Naruto while a his pants turned into forest green digital camo pants, "I WANT TO SEE YOU DO 100 PUSH-UPS, SIT-UPS, JUMPING JACKS, MOUNTAIN CLIMBERS, AND FINALLY PUNCHES WITH EACH ARM!"

Naruto hearing this got scared, while looking at Kyōki like he grew an extra head. 'How the hell am I going to do that?'

"MAGGOT IF YOU DON'T MOVE NOW I WILL DOUBLE IT!" Kyōki bellowed to Naruto as he pulled out a set of 100 pound dumbbells and starting to as they say, pump iron.

Wondering where the fuck he got the weights, Naruto started his exercises

/BREAK FOR CAKE/

Finishing his reps, Naruto collapsed, his arms, legs, stomach, and chest all felt on fire, he could barely breathe. (A/N those of you who do work out know what I'm talking about.)

Looking over at Kyōki, Naruto couldn't help but be impressed with what he's seeing. As Kyōki was balancing on 1 arm as he did push-ups with the hundred pound weights on each leg. (Handstand push-ups)

Kyōki seeing that Naruto was done, pushed off the ground hard with his one arm, then kicked the two weights at Naruto. "DOOOOOODDDGGGEEEEE!"

Naruto, seeing this, dodge, not noticing that his body didn't hurt as much. "The hell are you throwing these things at me!"

"Because young padawan, you need to learn how to dodge!" Saying this, Kyōki takes out his sword. "Meet Kyōjin, the sword of madness himself." Holding the scabbard in his left hand, Kyōki grabbed the hilt with his right hand, palm facing towards Naruto, while his forearm was against his forehead.

Drawing the sword, Kyōki yelled out, "Kyōki ni ochīru, Kyōjin!"

Naruto, waiting for something to happen, looked at Kyōki expectantly, "Well? Is anything going to happen?"

At this question, Kyōki gave Naruto a grin that promised death. "Well Naruto, now is the time for you to dodge!"

Naruto grew scared and thought to himself, 'Me and my big mouth.'

/MORE CAKE BITCHES/

The rest of Team 7 however were doing the tree-climbing exercise, and with the support of Kakashi, saw that made it up the tree in time.

"Hey Kakashi-sensei, will Naruto-baka be ok?" Sakura asked at the top of the tree.

"I'm sure he's fine Sakura." Kakashi said as he turned a page in his book, which given he was in crutches was no small feat.

"NOT THE FACE! NO NOT THERE EITHER!" Naruto's voice was heard calling out through the forest.

"You sure sensei?" Sakura asked, scared for the blonde.

"Yup!" Making an eye-smile Kakashi reassured Sakura.

Hearing the twigs and leaves snap and rustle, the group turned to see Naruto's small frame being carried by Kyōki, who was smiling at being able to touch Naruto as close as he can.

"What have you done to my student?" Kakashi asked.

"I have trained him as I should, because I am a teacher of those that have suffered more than the others." Kyōki replied sagely, confusing the two genin but nodding to Kakashi.

Carrying him inside, no one noticed that on Naruto's back, his clothing was slashed in a heart with the letters saying, "K.M. + N.U."

"Don't worry my little fox, I will protect you from all things, known and unknown."

WHELP, there it is, another chapter of insanity, hope you all like it. There will be Bleach elements as well, which I also do not own, because I suck, anyways, have fun wherever life takes you, fuck like hell and sleep well!

And as always, I will see you, in the next chapter!

~The Crazy Man