Chapter 11 - Emotional Journey
I ask, "Kaia, where does the pasta go?"
"Top left."
"Oh, ok."
"How about the flour?"
"Top left next to the pasta."
"I don't see it... oh wait, I found it."
"Where does the-" Kaia cuts me off in frustration.
"Maybe you should play with Gavin and let me do this. It's taking 10x longer with me having to tell you where EVERYTHING is!" She growls at me, "How is it you don't know where ANYTHING goes?" She turns her back to me and leans over the sink.
I say, "Ok, ok, sorry."
Kaia hunches over the sink, leaning on her elbows, holding her ears down with both paws.
"Are you Ok?" I step towards her.
She snaps at me, "Just let me do this!"
"Alright," I back out of the kitchen watching her angrily, put things away.
I sit on the couch and turn on the TV, I watch a cartoon with Gavin about 5 different mammals of varying species that can call upon magical powered armor to fight space wizards. Reminds me of a sorta medieval Power Rangers, minus the giant robots. By the time it's over Kaia has finished with the groceries and appears to be more calmly making precooked breaded chicken tenders in the oven for lunch.
The news comes on,
"I'm sorry." I turn to see Kaia standing next to me, she sets down 3 plates of chicken tenders with dipping bowls full of honey mustard. Being a waitress has its perks, she carried all those plates in one trip.
"I'm sorry." She says again,
She sighs before continuing softly "I know you were just trying to help, I'm just... it's been a difficult week."
"It's ok," I pop a chicken tender in my mouth.
"No, it's not, I shouldn't have snapped at you. And I...I shouldn't have acted like I didn't trust you on our grocery trip. I was just having weird thoughts."
"It's ok, it's been a rough... I know what you are going through. You experienced something traumatic. Now your mind is running wild with it, imagining every possible way it could have gone. Some good, some bad, some REAL bad, it's perfectly normal. Just keep your mind busy and the thoughts will go away."
"How do you...Do you remember anything traumatic?"
I lie, "Not really." I remember, and I think about all the things I could have done differently to have achieved a better result, but it's too late, history leaves no room for revision.
"Yes, you do."
I shrug and smile weakly at her.
"Look, they are talking about us." I say trying to deflect from the current conversation.
The news lady, a female camel reads the report.
"Another brutal murder last night at Green Haunches apartment complex in the Meadowlands. Mr. and Mrs. Cotton, along with their 13 children where found slain early this morning. Police and witnesses were unavailable for comment."
I scratch my head and say, "Maybe it's not about us after all, I'm sure we get some coverage this morning, or maybe tonight."
I do a Zoogle search and see a small blurb about the meerkat murders, and some suspects in custody, but nothing about us.
I rub my forehead, "Well, it's probably for the best. We should probably stay out of the lime light."
Kaia pats my leg, "I'm going to clean up." She picks up all the dishes, dipping trays, cups and takes them in one trip to the sink.
"Your mom is like a super hero, super mom! Able to carry three tables worth of trays in a single bound."
Kaia does a pose flexing her biceps, she smiles looking a bit happier, but I can tell something is weighing heavily upon her.
I sneak up behind her quietly and wrap my arms around her waste. She tenses at first, but then relaxes under my touch, I gently nuzzle her neck and whisper in her ear, "You don't have to shoulder everything yourself. I'm your partner in this. If you want to talk, you know I'm here for you."
She turns around to face me, the look on her face is one of uncertainty, I see her eyes examining my face. I smile warmly at her, her expression softens and a smile slowly forms on her thin lips. She nods at me, and gives me a light kiss on the lips. "I will, later." She pats me on the butt as I turn and step out of the kitchen.
Gavin gives me two thumbs up.
"Want to play foosball?" He asks me.
"You have a foosball table!" Hell yeah I want to play! I follow Gavin into his playroom, which is one door next to his bedroom.
Oh, well, his foosball table is barely the size of a microwave. 4 inches off the ground, 18 inches wide, and 24 inches long, with little cheap looking players on thin rods. Ahh well, I'm not sure why I expected us to have a big legit foosball table.
The room is light blue with some rainbow trim around the bottom of the walls. He has a little free standing basket ball net, maybe 3 ft tall. A shelf with board games of all sorts on its shelves. A book shelf full of educational books. A small closet on the side, a folding table with arts and crafts supplies, paints, paper,
etc, 3 chairs surrounding it, and what really caught my attention. A chair in the corner with a nice lacquered guitar. "Gavin, can you play guitar?"
"Yeah!" He says full of confidence. He grabs the guitar and rakes his little claws on the guitar strings, rapidly without using his paw on the neck of the guitar to change notes.
"Wait, wait, wait, let me school you." I learned to play guitar on a deployment. I needed something to do between masturbating and drills. I kept up with it after I got out, I'm not to shabby I think, although I only know a few songs by heart.
"Here, one paw goes here, on the neck, these three fingers hold the notes, and this paw gently strums the strings." Damn, I only have 3 fingers, most notes require 3, but a well placed pinky makes a big difference in speed. With a few tries I find the technique so my 3 fingers can hit the right notes.
"To start, this is C... D... E... and F notes," I show Gavin the notes, and let him reproduce them one at a time which he does with varying degrees of success.
"Play something, play something?" He says excitedly pushing the guitar into my paws.
"Alright, alright." I think of one of the few songs I know, a Bob Marley classic, 'Don't Worry, Be Happy.'
I practice a few chords, took me longer to figure out how to whistle then to get the paw positioning on the guitar. After a few test plays I let it rip trying to do my best Bob Marley impersonation,
"Here is a little song I wrote,
You might want to sing it note for note,
Don't worry be happy,
In every life we have some trouble,
When you worry you make it double,
Don't worry, be happy..." I make a few minor mistakes in the notes, but he doesn't seem to notice or care. I play for 4-5 seconds before breaking into the next verse. Kaia walks into the room and looks at me, probably amazed by my magnificent performance.
"Ain't got no place to lay your head,
Somebody came and took your bed,
Don't worry, be happy,
The land lord say your rent is late,
He may have to litigate,
Don't worry..." Kaia interrupts my performance.
"Kyle! You can play the Guitar!" She stands there with a look of shock.
"I'm guessing this isn't my guitar?"
"No, it's mine."
"How did you learn to play guitar?"
"I'm just naturally talented I guess, have I ever tried to play before?"
"Yes, and you quit because you were terrible."
"Do you want to play something?"
"No, we should take Gavin to the park so he can play."
Gavin protests, "No, I want to learn guitar."
I play the Pirates of the Caribbean theme song for 15 second before Kaia interrupts again.
"This is unbelievable, you lose your memories, it takes you 5 minutes to put on your pants, but you can play guitar better than most mammals I've heard."
"We can go to the park if you want." I set down the guitar.
"No, show me more!" Gavin says,
I look at Kaia,
She looks at me clicking her tongue.
"What?" I ask.
"Nothing."
"I thought we don't lie to each other in this house?"
She sighs, "It's fine, if Gavin wants to stay in with you instead of going to the park."
I look at her and cock my head, "are you jealous?" I goad playfully.
"No, I'm not jealous! You are just too different."
"Different how?"
"I don't know... confident. Look how you are standing."
I look down at myself and look at her with a raised eye brow.
"Shoulders back, head up high."
"You don't like me being confident."
"No, I do... it's just... I'm being stupid. Maybe I should call Dr. Grover."
"You want to call a doctor because I'm confident and can play the guitar?"
"No, I want to call him for me, because...I don't know what it is, but when I look at you, I feel like you are aren't you."
"What are you saying?"
"I'm being stupid, ignore me. I'm going to get a drink, do you want anything?"
"Uh, no..." I say as she walks out leaving me alone with Gavin.
"If you ARE someone else, I like you better. You don't make me sad."
"Ah, c'mon dude, don't say that." I pet his head and say, "I promise to do my best to never make you sad."
Kaia calls out from the other room, "Kyle doesn't use pet names!"
"Gavin, why don't you watch TV in my room for a bit, so I can talk to your mom?"
"I want to hangout with you."
"Me too, but first let me talk to mom, and then we can hangout."
"Alright."
I sit at the kitchen table, watching Kaia drink a glass of wine.
"Are you ok?"
"Yes...no. I don't know."
"If you feel like you need to call Dr. Grover, then let's do it, we can sit with him and talk."
She nods at me and picks up her cell phone.
I bring Gavin a fudge pop, and we hangout watching TV until Dr. Grover arrives.
Kaia brings a chair from the kitchen into the living room, while I wipe the fudge from Gavin's muzzle.
Dr. Grover looks a little comical sitting in the wolf-sized chair. Frankly, I'm surprised it supports his weight. He must be 400lbs.
He adjusts his tiny spectacles, "How is everyone doing today?" He says while looking directly at me.
"I'm good."
"Any memories come back?"
"No, not at all."
"What happened to your shoulder?"
"Oh, not a big deal."
Kaia speaks up, "Remember when you had to come here a few weeks ago, when a 30lb raccoon gave Kyle a concussion?"
"Ah, yes, I do remember."
"Kyle, show him your shoulder." I take off my shirt to show the claw marks on my shoulder.
"He got this fighting a 220lb panther and a Hyena to save some fox at the grocery."
"Was that on Monday?"
"Yeah, you heard about it?" I say.
"Those two are patients of mine. You did a number on them."
"And last night we were attacked in the hallway by a jackal wielding a knife and Kyle fought him."
"Oh, my, I heard about that on the news. Are you ok, Kyle? " Dr. Gavin asks
"Yes, he's ok! He's sooo OK. I'm shaking like a leaf, but Kyle is perfectly Ok!" Kaia says frantically.
"You are in shock. It's perfectly natural, you experienced a traumatic event."
Kaia says, "It's perfectly natural for Kyle to be afraid, he didn't get an erection for 2 days after the raccoon tried to rob us! But me, I'm suppose to be a rock."
I look down at Gavin, who is smiling obliviously.
Dr. Grover raises his paw and gestures For Kaia to calm down. She breaths deeply several times to calm down.
"You aren't a rock. You are a wolf and it's ok for you to be vulnerable, has Kyle been supportive?"
"Yes, very." She says.
"Have you two been intimate since we last spoke?"
"Yes,"
"How was it?"
"It's good, real good." She says
I smile with pride and out my arm around her.
Dr. Grover looks back and forth between us. "Kyle, you do seem different."
"Thank you, it's not my imagination!" Kaia exclaims.
"You look good, your back is straight, shoulders back, ears erect. I've never seen you so confident. How do you feel?"
"I feel good, I'm happier than I've ever been."
"How do you know?"
"I'm sorry, what?"
"Well, you only remember the last 10 days. How do you know you are the happiest you've ever been?"
"I guess I don't."
He turns to Kaia, "What do you think is going on?"
"I've known Kyle my whole adult life. I can't even remember a time I wasn't with him... How does someone lose their memory and suddenly have a whole different personality, behaviors and skills? He can play the guitar. Kyle can't play guitar."
"Is that true?" He turns to me.
"I can play now, I saw the guitar. I thought I could play before. So I picked it up and played."
Dr. Grover explains, "We don't fully understand how the mammal mind works. There have been recorded cases of mammals being able to do things after a brain injury that they couldn't before. This could be an example of that. Some believe in reincarnation. That the memories of our past lives can be remembered or experienced."
"We're wolves, we believe that when we die we join our ancestors and loved ones in moon light." Kaia says.
"I don't challenge your belief, but every one believes something different and we can't all be right."
"Gavin, what do you think is happening to your father?"
"I don't know, but he is nicer."
Dr. Grover turns to me, "You didn't call me to make an appointment. While I am here, I'd like to take some blood. I'd like you come to the office Monday for a brain scan and some examinations I can't perform here."
"I have work, I'll have to call and see if I can get off."
Dr Grover clears his throat, "If I schedule you, your place of employment is notified."
"Oh, that sounds like an efficient system, can I come at 3?"
"No, I'll see you at 10am, don't have breakfast or eat after 8 tonight. You've lost your memory, so I'm going be as informative as I can be. Your health can affect the health of other citizens, therefore it is a state concern. Appointments are not optional, you can't come late or skip it, and you can't refuse procedures."
"What if I can't afford the procedure?"
He looks at Kaia, who points at me, and shrugs. "Health care is a right, not a privilege. Every citizen receives free health care. It is odd that you don't know that."
"He forgot how to howl." Kaia says.
"That's interesting that you forgot basic wolf instincts and motor skills. When you first woke up, did you have difficulty walking or talking?"
"He peed all over the bathroom floor." Kaia volunteers,
"Kaia! Just tossing me under the bus here." Fuck, I didn't realize she noticed that.
She looks at me and shrugs, "I want to know what's going on with you."
Dr. Grover cleans his glasses and pulls his medical bag open. "Well, that probably doesn't mean anything. If I had a dollar every time I peed on the floor." He laughs while pulling out a glass syringe the size of a turkey baster. He screws a needle tip into it.
"Um, what the fuck is that?"
"It's just a syringe."
"It's pretty big"
"I won't take more blood than you can afford to lose. Put your arm here please."
Kaia sits next to me and offers me her paw I grip it. But I just watch this lion with his giant syringe.
Dr. Grover wraps my biceps with a rubber tube. "Interesting, usually you need to look away." He pokes me with the needle, I don't even feel it, and removes the rubber tube.
"I'm not afraid of needles. I'm
afraid of dying from blood loss." I say, as I watch my dark red blood fill 4 small tubes that he plugs into the back of the syringe.
"You wash that thing right?"
"Of course, nothing is used on another patient before being sterilized."
Kaia whispers to Dr. Grover while he is labeling my blood samples. "Do you think he's Kyle?"
Dr. Grover looks up at her raising an eyebrow, "You think he's an imposter?"
I say, "I'm right here." Dr. Grover just reaches out his big paw and pats me on the head.
"I don't know, he seems so different."
"Do you think he would hurt you or Gavin?"
"No, not at all."
"Ok, I'll run some tests tomorrow, and we'll know for sure. But I am very confident this is Kyle. Something has happened to him, causing a change of mental status which accounts for the behavioral changes, and unlocked some talents for self-defense and music. He's perfectly fine. Nothing to worry about, but I would be remiss if I didn't conduct a thorough examination. Would you like some light sedatives to help with your anxiety?"
"Uh, no, thank you," She says.
"Ok, call if you need me."
We thank him for coming and he leaves. I flip over the chair he was sitting on and examine the legs and supportive structures.
"What are you doing?" Kaia says looking at me like I have two heads.
"This chair amazing. How much do you weight? 130-140lbs?"
"110!" She says putting her paws on her stomach.
"Oh, I'm sorry, you're very light."
"I'm not light for a female. I'm 20lbs lighter than you and I'm alpha strong!" Acting even more offended that I called her light.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you. I was just trying to say that Dr Grover must be 400lbs and this chair held his weight, no problem."
"Well, you should have just said that."
"I'm only 130lbs?..I'm really light for being 6 foot 2 inches."
"What?" She laughs at me, "I'm
5 foot tall, 110lbs. You are 5 foot 2 inches, and 130lbs. You are very light for a male wolf. My brother is 200lbs, your brother is 170lbs."
"Only 5 foot 2 inches tall...". I ignore the fact she might have been trying to insult me.
Kaia barks at me "Can you not stop being crazy for one minute?!" she puts her paws over her muzzle.
I look at her angrily, "This isn't fun for me either. How would you feel if you woke up one day in a strange place with strange mammals? And you spend time with them, and came to love them. And then they treat you like an intruder."
"Do you want to do a puzzle with me?" Gavin says softly. I look down to see him holding up a puzzle box.
"Yes, Gavin, I would." I turn my back to Kaia and sit at the kitchen table.
Gavin dumps his puzzle pieces on the table and plops down in a seat.
"What's this puzzle?"
He flips over the box so I can see the picture, it's a family of wolves having birthday cake.
"Looks like a happy family of wolves."
"I like this puzzle." Gavin says smiling.
"For your birthday do you want a cake like this one?"
He nods happily.
"Build it quickly, we have to finish before dinner." He says.
We start assembling the puzzle.
Kaia sits with us, and says "Kyle?"
"Kaia?" I say not even looking up from the puzzle.
"I'm sorry...again." She says sadly.
I sigh and say, "You've been really patient with me up to this point. I'll try not to say anything else that's crazy or bizarre from your point of view."
"No, I want you to talk to me openly."
She pats me on the forearm. It takes us a little under an hour to assemble the puzzle. Then Kaia makes burgers, while me and Gavin play a two mammal plat-former game on the console. Similar to Metroid, except we are ninjas. I put Gavin to bed a little early, around 8:30 instead of 9. He has to wake up earlier than normal so me and Kaia can take him to school on his first day tomorrow.
I notice Kaia doesn't brush herself out before bed like she normally does. I bring my brush to bed, and begin to brush her back.
"What are you doing?" She asks.
"I know you like to brush yourself before bed, and you didn't."
"You don't have to do that."
"Do you like it?"
She looks back at me, "yes."
"Than I want to." She lays on her stomach and lets me brush her back, and tail.
Kaia speaks into her pillow, "I can take Gavin to school if you want to sleep in?"
"No, I'd like to be there for his first day at this new school. I hope it's everything I heard it was."
I slide my paw up the inside of her leg, but she rolls over facing away from me.
"I'm sorry, I don't really feel well." She whispers.
"Do you want me to continue brushing you?"
"No, I'm just going to sleep."
She grabs one of the long body pillows from the head of the bed and hugs it tightly.
I set the brush on my night stand, my alarm clock says 9:15.
I'm woken up by Kaia kicking me in her sleep. She's thrashing wildly, I get out of bed and come around to her side. Crouching next time her I whisper, "Kaia?" trying to gentle wake her. "Kaia?" I place my paw on her back and rub her back with my knuckle. Her eyes snap wide open and she recoils away from me, towards my side of the bed. She reaches behind her, seemingly looking for me.
"Kaia it's me, I'm here!"
She looks at me like she is just now recognizing me. "Kyle?"
"Yes. You where having a nightmare." She climbs back to her side of the bed and crawls under the blankets.
"I just had a bad dream."
"Do you want to talk about it?" I ask, as I return to my side of the bed
"No, I don't want to talk about it." She whisper while wiping her tears on her pillow. She then flips it over so she can sleep on the dry side.
"Are you shutting me out?" I ask.
"No..." she sits up and looks at me, "I dreamed a blood soaked jackal killed you. Then it wore your skin like a cheap, poor fitting suit. It made me think it was you, before it killed Gavin. It raped me and it's cubs ripped their way out of me. They looked like big white maggots. I couldn't do anything to stop it." She shivers.
"Holy shit...it was only a dream. You know that don't you?"
"Yes. I'm sorry I woke you. Go back to sleep."
"I don't care that you woke me, I care that you are in distress."
"You don't remember anything before 10 days ago, right?"
"That's right."
"From your perspective you've only known me for 10 days."
"That's more than enough time for me to see what a strong, kind, loving, compassionate, independent woman you are. And I fell in love with you by the 3rd day."
"And Gavin?" She says facing away from me in the dim light of the moon.
"I think I loved him on the first day, he's just too cute. It breaks my heart when he says things like 'you're nice to me' implying I wasn't in the past"
She rolls over to face me, "I'm just afraid."
"Will you feel better if Dr. Grover's tests tell you that I'm Kyle?"
"I'm sorry, but yes. You're charming and great with Gavin and me, but I just couldn't see past the deception if you were an imposter."
I settle in to sleep, closing my eyes.
"Kyle, whatever happens tomorrow, thank you for saving our lives."
"Kaia, thank you for giving me a life."