Warning: Mature themes, f bombs, and a bloodthirsty Sokka

Chapter 3: Pinching Doesn't Change Anything

Ten minutes ago

Maybe his digestion worked a little too fast because soon, Sokka was running for a toilet.

Unfortunately, the outhouse was nowhere to be seen, so a hurried question on prancing feet had him ushered to a small building.

The building was a bathroom. An actual bathroom with a water heater and a...

Wait for it.

A working plumbing system.

Hallelujah!

He had just finished his business and was retying his belt when the wooden main door reopened. Footsteps drifted past the cubicle curtain into his ear, along with a rather intriguing discussion.

"...too bossy and manly of course, but wow she is hot. You know, I walked in on her in the female's bathroom once."

"No!" was the gleeful reply. Securely hidden inside his cubicle, Sokka edged closer.

"Pretended I mixed their bathroom up with this one. She didn't buy it, and I almost got buried in ten feet of snow. Totally worth it because man." He whistled lowly. "Fire Lord Zuko's got it good."

Fire Lord?! So startled was Sokka that he almost banged his head. He caught the tail end of the second boy's snicker. "I bet he bangs her into submission every night."

"Ohh, Lord Zuko," came the most suggestive falsetto Sokka had ever heard. "Please—aah! Be gentle..."

"Hahaha, nice one! Just imagine Katara go—"

The fantasizing pervert didn't get to finish that sentence because Sokka swiped the curtain open, face twisted for murder. "What. Is this. About Katara?"

The young men started like doomed rabbit-birds in a hunter's sight. "S-sokka!" the leering pervert said, voice still stuck in falsetto. "H-how's it going?!"

Sokka would Deal With Him, but for now, he had a bigger fish to fry.

...

Two minutes ago

Aang thanked the spirits, not for the first time, that he was an airbender. It really helped that you could run like the wind when you needed to escape enemies. Or worse, wrathful friends.

In the middle of the icy city, a wolf-tailed figure did more than the customary greet, wave, and/or stare curiously. "You! Eng! Where is my sister?"

"Hi Sokka," he panted. "She's at the sparring ring, but I wouldn't go there if I were you. I... might have made her and Zuko really mad this morning."

Sokka stormed up to him, expression thunderous. "Zuko? As in Fire Lord Zuko? He's with her?"

Uhh. "Yes..?"

Aang was yanked by the robes. "Take me to them NOW."

That snarl was more frightening than Zuko's.

...

No minutes ago

"YOU," Sokka howled, and crashed into the firebender. The scar face, the home wrecker, the fucking pervert.

Scar Face stumbled to the ground with little resistance, and Sokka wasted no time in stomping him in the groin. As the firebender spasmed with a high keening sound, Sokka dropped onto caribuffalo-skin-clad knees—bullied clothes from the hardworking women, most probably—and found the hilt of his knife. For a moment he paused, wondering whether it was more strategic to chop off the fucker's fingers or his dick first.

Well, the fingers were in the way of the dick, so there he had his answer.

But just as Sokka unsheathed and lifted the blade, appreciating the glint of good steel in the sun, he was blown away by a violent forceful torrent. Burning, he was burning. He didn't know the firebender had backup—

Wait. The torrent was pouring around him and became solid. He was frozen in a block of ice.

Yet waterbending traitors became the least of his worries when he looked up and saw the sight.

Scar Face was curled on the ground and whimpering—nice—but against all common sense, Katara moved towards him.

"Katara, what the blizzard's name are you doing? Run! Get away!"

"Why, so you can stab him?" she shrieked. "I saw the knife, Sokka! How could you hurt him like that?!"

"How could I hurt him like that? How could I not hurt him! Katara—no—don't you dare—STOP!"

She was choosing the worst possible time to do her sisterly duty of contradicting him because her hovering hesitation disappeared, and she slid her hand inside Scar Face's pants.

"Katara NO!"

"Will you SHUT. UP?"

He stared, breathing hard, as his baby sister fondled the firebender right before his eyes. He couldn't even turn away because his head was stuck in the ice!

"That's it," he said, when she slipped her hand out. Scar Face was breathing easier now, the sick bastard. "He's corrupted you. You've been Fire Nation brainwashed."

"I'm with Katara on this one, Sokka," a boy's voice said shakily.

"You!" He tried to whip his head around, but it was still stuck. In his periphery, Uung—Eng—whatever took a stand. "Some Avatar you are! Freeze me with your magic water while I'm trying to protect my sister from the Fire Nation, will you? You're on his side!"

"You lost my support when you turned to violence, Sokka! You could have really hurt Zuko!"

"That was the point!"

Eng tromped over and faced him with disappointed eyes. "Why?" he demanded. "What did he do that was so bad?"

"What did he do? What did he do?" Sokka roared. "He turned my sister into his plaything, and she doesn't even MIND!"

Mind, mind the walls echoed. Everyone, even the feebly propped up Zuko, gawked at him.

"I heard the rumors, Katara. They gossip about you! I didn't want to believe them, but what else can I do when you present me with the evidence yourself!"

His sister's grip tightened on Zuko's shoulder. She hissed. "There were more pants underneath, for your information. I didn't touch it."

"And that's supposed to make it better?"

"In the first place, it was your fault! What's wrong with you? I thought you liked Zuko!"

"Liked Zuko?" Okay, she wasn't corrupted. She was insane. "When was that supposed to happen? Was it when he destroyed my watchtower? Or when he broke my spear? Oh, wait, I know. It was when he manhandled Gran-Gran!"

"What about, oh, I don't know. When he helped you rescue Dad and Suki from prison!"

"What are you talking about?" Sokka scoffed. "Rescue Dad? And who's Suki?!"

Something changed in Katara's expression, like sunlight gliding till it gleamed on an icicle. The fight went out of her, her eyebrows rose, and her mouth made an "o".

"What," Sokka snapped. The ice was really cold.

...

"I'll believe it when I hear it from Dad," he had said. And smirked as the Avatar transported Scar Face away on an ice sled. And began to panic that he'd be stuck in his own ice and die of hypothermia. Katara did a wavy motion that took away all the water and a glowy thing that forestalled the creeping frostbite, and he had never felt so thankful for Katara's magic water skills as he did in that moment. Then he learned that it was she who had iced him in the first place because she threatened to do it again. Ugh. Whatever. It still was his win, obviously. Dad hadn't been home for two years and wouldn't be for who knew how long—

Dad was here.

Sokka could slap his brain. The men were here. Of course Dad was, too.

"Sokka," the physical embodiment of his logical failure said, calloused fingers massaging hard at weathered temples. "Your sister and Zuko are married. I'd appreciate it if you don't deprive the Fire Lord of heirs."

With all the adrenaline gone, Sokka's teeth were chattering. He sniffed and scooted closer to the fire, hardly caring if his outermost layer of blankets got burned. "T-that would solve all our p-p-p-problems, wouldn'ttt it? The Fire Nation would plunge intuh—intuh civil war!"

"There's peace now, Sokka. We don't want that."

"Buttt we do want Ka-ta-ra at the mercy of those murrrderers? At Z-zuko no less? He crashed intu-into the village, Dad! Terrif-f-fied everyone, manhandled Gran-gran! Th-the only good thing that woulddd c-come out of dis is if Ka-t-tara could keep him in check or t-turn him...in... our favor..." He shot to his feet and did not stumble. He then poked a lone finger through the blankets at the person of whom he had thought that being a great chief didn't make him less of a father. "You used her, didn'd you. You sold her off!"

"For your information," Hakoda said coldly, and Sokka recoiled. "Zuko only asked me for my blessing. Accepting the proposal was entirely Katara's choice. She wanted to marry him."

Sokka sat down heavily, five layers of fur smooshing with him. In them, he buried his face. His teeth were no longer chattering, but the snot was flowing faster than he could sniff. Katara wanted to marry a firebender. A royal power abuser, no less. "I dond udderstand."

His father sighed. "Just how much have you forgotten, Sokka?"

"Eberyding imbordand, id seebs." Surely this was all still a dream?

"Well then, you would do well to remember this. Zuko is a good man. He helped end the war. He fights for peace. He loves Katara and makes her happier than any other can. And she loves him."

Dream-dad's commanding voice wasn't getting to him. It wasn't. This couldn't be real anyway. Maybe going with the flow would make things easier, change the resistance. "She's nuds."

Dad chuckled. "Perhaps they both are, a little. But that's love." His dad quirked a brow. "I seem to remember you being crazy in love for someone. Or did you forget that as well?"

Sokka shot to his feet, and okay, fine, maybe he stumbled. A little. "Is dis my girlfrien? Who? She's preddy, righ?"

Dark blue eyes rolled. "Find out yourself."

"Da~aad!" Sokka whined, but it was a manly whine. "This is perdinend ibformation! You can'd keep dis fom me!"

"Go bother your sister. And apologize to Zuko!"

"Neber!" he shouted to his dad's retreating back. He huffed and stewed in place, snorting up snot. Not for the first time, he reflected on the weirdness of his subconscious.

"Waid. ID HER NAME SOO-KI?"

...

Zuko didn't usually count himself lucky, but this time he did. He was lucky.

Lucky that Water Tribe warriors didn't wear steel-reinforced boots.

Gah. The universe hated him.

Was this the kind of honorless scum-of-the-earth he had become? That warriors won't let him keep his basic dignity? His abdomen was still throbbing despite the healer's attention. Even Azula at the height of immaturity hadn't kicked so hard.

A cup of hot something being pressed into his hands broke through his morose thoughts. "Drink," the hovering old woman ordered. Zuko decided it was better not to resist.

He sipped the unidentified liquid, which was actually pretty good. Definitely better than tea. Zuko peered at the elderly woman, wondering what she was doing with a non-tea beverage. She seemed... familiar...

Oh no.

When she turned to him again, he bowed till he could see nothing but his legs and the furs he sat on. "I'm so, so sorry, ma'am," he said contritely and hoped that she was more like his uncle.

She tsked. Zuko readied himself a hard rap or worse, but it never came. Instead, she deadpanned, "How many times do I have to tell you. Call me Gran-Gran."

Katara—Girlfriend—his wife—giggled. It wasn't mocking like Azula's. More like Ty Lee's but less... gormless.

"Sorry," she said and sounded almost like she meant it. "I've never seen you interact nicely with Gran-Gran before."

"Believe me, he had to interact nicely with me a hundred times before I gave my approval."

His—his wife blushed. Right. They were married, and she was almost as lost as he was. She was also being amazingly meek, for her. "About that... How did that... happen, exactly?"

She was peering at him from under long eyelashes. Alarmed, Zuko looked to Gran-Gran. She didn't disappoint.

"You were two star-crossed lovers who overcame the raging storms of war and the boundless oceans of prejudice to find each other." Her voice was masterfully dry. Zuko would be impressed if he wasn't so mortified. The old woman continued, "At least, that's how Pakku likes to tell it. The way I see it, you overcame your differences. You saved each other's lives. You fell in love. It helps that you are beautiful and that you are a hunk."

"Gran-Gran!" Katara said, strangled. Zuko pounded on his chest to forcefully cough the liquid out of his windpipe.

The devilish woman's eyes twinkled. "Do you want me to tell you about the night after your engagement party? I was just down the hall. I could have sworn I saw—"

"NO!"

In the wake of their combined shout, Katara stood, quick as a startled puma-cat. "I'm going to talk to Aang!" she announced. The curtain flapped, and Zuko was left alone with an old woman that may or may not be worse than his uncle.

"Want some more hot cocoaberry?"

"Yes, please," he said meekly and held the cup out. She stared at him without taking it. "...Gran-Gran?" he added, hoping he read her right.

Satisfied, she ladled the thick hot drink from the pot. Steam flooded the dry air in droves. As she handed him back a filled cup, Zuko decided that Gran-Gran served him something better than tea, ergo she was better than Uncle.

Heavy footsteps approached, and Katara and Sokka's father walked in. "Just to clarify," the father-slash-chief said. His face was pinched, and his temples were oddly red as he sat on the furs beside Zuko. "Anyone else lose their memory?"

"Nope," Zuko said and sipped.

Author's Note:

That... that just happened.

Moral of the story: Don't be a pervert, for Zuko's sake.