All of Leslie Knope's thoughts were Ben Wyatt, and she wasn't sure if that was a good or bad thing.
On one hand, he made her very happy. Just the thought of his face and his smile and his eyes and his laugh and his butt and the way he held her made her feel safe, secure, and cared for in a way that no one had ever made her feel like before. She wanted him. She wanted all of Ben, but in a way that she couldn't. In a way that scared her.
Because on the other hand, she knew objectively that these thoughts of Ben were a very bad thing. For her job, her campaign, for her stupid boyfriend. Her boyfriend of two years, who she had cheated on. And not just with a stupid drunken kiss at the bar, but a passionate kiss in the office, one filled with more than just lust, one she would give anything to have just one more time. Leslie Knope was not a cheater. But she cheated on her boyfriend whom she lived with, who loved her.
Leslie found herself pounding on Ann's door, and she opened immediately. Despite the fact that Leslie had yet to follow up with Ann on her vague text, her best friend read her face and knew instantly.
"You slept with Ben, didn't you?" Ann asked, and all Leslie could do was gasp and fall into Ann's arms.
"How did you know?"
Ann rubbed her back, pulling her into her house and shutting the door. "I was just waiting for it to happen. The tension was ridiculous. I'd been trying to set you guys up since I almost kissed him at his motel but found out he was into you."
That was an odd sentence, and made Leslie pause, pulling back to stare Ann in her beautiful eyes. "Woah, wait, you almost kissed Ben?"
Ann threw her head back. "So not the point! And you're the one that kept trying to set us up!"
"Well, I didn't think you would actually go for it!"
Ann and Leslie sat on her couch, Ann giving her a very knowing look that made Leslie feel incredibly seen. "Leslie… how long have you wanted to be with Ben?"
Leslie would have liked to say she hesitated on the answer, that she couldn't figure it out. Or that the feelings came very recently, maybe that it was even a heat of the moment type of kiss, but none of that was true. She knew without even having to think about it. "A long time," she admitted. "When he brought me waffles when I had the flu. I ate his chicken soup and even though I told him to leave that day I couldn't stop thinking about him. I refused to admit to myself I liked him so I tried to set you and him up. But I couldn't stop thinking about it. I lost my mind when we weren't talking. When he left the Harvest Festival it broke my heart. And when he tried to leave Pawnee, that killed me. When we ate lunch in front of the wildflower mural I couldn't stop looking at him and I told myself it was because he ate funny. Stupid excuse to look at his mouth. When he comforted me that night with the SnakeJuice he made me feel safe and I just wanted to hold him and he was the only thing that mattered in the world and I said it was because we were best friends. I… I kissed Mark in front of him and I may have… had very loud sex with Mark to try and make Ben jealous because I thought he wouldn't talk to me otherwise. I had so many excuses."
"And when did you finally realize it was all because you liked him?"
Leslie took a deep breath. "He came to see me the day Li'l Sebastian died. Nobody else did. Ben never even liked that horse, he just wanted to be there for me. It was more than Mark ever did."
She felt very out of breath, and already very exhausted, having finally spoken out loud words that she had only ever thought, words that she felt wrong for, but words that gave her life. Suddenly she felt like crying. "I don't know what to do, Ann," she said. "I want to talk to Ben. I want to tell him all of that, but I don't even know where to begin. I'm just so scared."
Now it was Ann's turn to hide her eyes, looking a little nervous. "I… actually have something I need to admit to you. Ben is… here."
Leslie's eyes bulged, her jaw dropped. "Excuse me, what?"
"He's in my room, but it's not like that!" she added quickly, seeing how terrified Leslie grew very quickly. "Ben and I have… actually become pretty good friends. He came to talk to me a lot when it came to you. So right before you got here, I was actually talking to him. Surprisingly enough, he beat you here. I'm still in shock."
Leslie's heart was pounding in her chest. "That's how you knew something happened between me and Ben."
"Yeah… sorry about that."
A new voice cut through the room. "I also… might have overheard everything you guys just said. I'm sorry, I'm a nosy jerk and you two were loud."
She spun around to see Ben stepping into the living room, running a nervous hand through his hair. Leslie couldn't help it; she stood up and threw her arms around his waist, pressing her head to his chest. "Ben," she whispered.
He smiled into her hair, brushing the strands. "Hey you," he murmured. "Fancy seeing you here."
Ann coughed awkwardly. "And that's my cue. You two both want to talk to each other, so you're gonna do it. Here. Without me. Because as much as I love you both, I am not your couples counselor. I'm gonna go get a drink with Donna." She picked up her purse and took one last look at them before she walked out the door. "Just… please don't… DO anything in my house, okay? Great, bye!"
And Leslie and Ben were left alone, standing apart now, staring at each other.
Leslie shuffled awkwardly. "So, uh… you heard all that? Everything I said?"
He nodded, and tugged her over to the couch to sit next to him. "I did. Even the parts where you admitted to loud sex to make me jealous. I was up all night that night, you know."
Ben was smiling, but she knew there was hurt in his tone. Her cheeks went bright red. "I'm sorry about that. I really am. If it makes you feel any better I had to fake an orgasm that night."
He chuckled lightly. "Oddly enough, that does kind of make me feel better."
"And I meant all of what I said," Leslie told him. "I care about you… so much. So much that it kind of scares me, and I don't know what to do about it. I don't think I've ever cared about someone this much before and that's legitimately scary."
His hand found hers, and started to absentmindedly play with her fingers. He didn't speak for a moment, as if trying to figure out all of his words before saying them, in case he made a mistake. He was slow, methodical, and both of them knew this conversation was not a moment to say screw it. This needed to be real, and careful, and open, all at the same time. Ben took a deep breath before he spoke. "I still remember the first time I saw you, you know. I thought you were beautiful. I think I started to like you that day, actually, when you called me a jerk. Even if it put your job at risk, you stuck your neck out for what you believed in and that was in me being a jerk. And you were right, I was acting like a jerk, and I really needed a pretty blonde to yell at me and tell me that." His eyes met hers, and she let him continue. "Of course, I didn't realize I liked you, not at first. Not until Ann told me I did, which I really needed her to say. But even before then, I knew I would've done anything to see you smile. Anything for you to succeed. Which is why…"
"Don't," she said suddenly, her insides seizing up as she feared what could be coming next. "Don't say it, please."
"Leslie—"
"No," she insisted. "No, Ben."
"But your campaign, your job, Mark—"
"Screw it all," she gasped. It was too easy to say, but too hard to follow through with. As much as she wanted to throw caution to the wind and make Ben hers, that couldn't happen. Not really. Not completely. "I can do it all. All of it. I want you, Ben. We'll… date secretly. No one will have to know."
Ben rose a brow. "Date secretly? If that got out—"
"I know," she cut him off. "But it won't get out. Because I'll stay with Mark."
He looked uncomfortable with this. "I'm sorry, you would knowingly continue to… to have an affair?"
"Yes. I would. For you. If I'm still publicly dating Mark, no one would suspect anything about you and I. I can be with you and run for City Council and we'll both keep our jobs—"
"I'm scared," Ben admitted, and his voice broke.
"Me too," she gasped, and her hands cupped his face. "One time… one time I told you that if you truly wanted to make me happy, you would leave me alone."
"And I did that."
"Do you still want to make me happy, Ben? Do you know what would make me happy?"
His hands trembled. "Anything."
"Then stay with me. That's all I ask. Give me a chance. Stay with me."
Ben would do anything for Leslie. But did that include this?
By doing this, he was putting her entire career at risk. He was her boss, and she was running an entire campaign, and a sex scandal involving cheating on her long term boyfriend with her boss… that was something neither of them would ever come back from. All their hopes and dreams on running for office one day, completely down the drain. And she would still be dating Mark. She would still come home to Mark fucking Brendanawicz every night and there would be lots of sneaking around, hardly any sleepovers, absolutely no security.
But Leslie was looking at him with those wide blue eyes and all he wanted to do was cave. She was beautiful and she was alight and alive and she wanted him, and Ben already had enough of a taste of her that he didn't know why he was even fooling himself; he could never say no to her.
"Stay with me," she whispered, and Ben met her request with a kiss.
She fell into the kiss, and they grasped at each other furiously, as if they couldn't hold on tight enough or touch skin fast enough. After last time, he let Leslie take the lead, and in only seconds she was straddling his lap on the couch, and he just knew she felt how hard he already was.
He pulled away from her lips, breathless, just to gasp, "Ann said not to do anything in her house."
"Who cares," she hissed, and the way her hips grinded against him left Ben sucking in a breath and agreeing with her wholeheartedly. His hands gripped her hips and then her shirt was off, and Ben groaned into the swell of her breasts, feeling he would be content if he stayed there forever. Leslie smirked at him, her small hands fumbling with his belt. "My treat, Benjamin. It's only fair, after last time."
He would've insisted she didn't have to, that he really didn't mind at all, except for the fact that Leslie Knope was incredibly fast and his pants were already off, and she was off his lap and on her knees in front of him. "Leslie," he gasped, "you really don't have to—"
But her lips were around his dick, and Ben was left speechless for the entire rest of the night.
Yeah, he would absolutely do anything for her.