Sing-Along

A/N: Remember how I once said these stories shouldn't be taken seriously? Yeah, this was partly what I meant.

So the basis of this one is…well, my friends and I love to sing, mainly songs from Les Misérables and Disney films. (And yes, all songs in this story come from those two sources. Copyright information is at the bottom.) So I decided we should have a little sing-along session on Berk. Yeah. That's about it. I had a ton of fun writing this, and I really hope you enjoy it as much as I have.

The Great Hall was almost empty late one summer evening. Its only occupants were three young adults and Gobber, who was snoozing away on a stool in the corner. Seated around one of the long tables, Audun, Hillevi, and Alva had their noses down in some books, trying to at least pretend they were taking their punishment with good grace.

It's not like they'd burned the village down or anything like that, Audun thought. It had been a simple accident. They'd gone to the forge to pick up their weapons, which had needed some sharpening, and they'd had their Terrible Terrors with them. (In Alva's case, she brought along her three favorites: Nightshade, Ruby, and Emerald. The rest of the horde had been forced to stay at home.) How were they supposed to know that a group of wild Terrors had taken refuge in the forge? How were they supposed to know that the presence of the strange dragons would set their own on edge? And how in Thor's name could they have predicted the fight that followed between the Vikings' Terrors and the wild ones, a fight that all but brought the forge to the ground?

Yet here they were, carrying out Stoick's prescribed punishment with relative peace. They weren't exactly happy about it, but they figured it could have been worse. After all, they were being forced to read. Apparently Vikings weren't supposed to find such a task enjoyable, but these three loved reading, so they accepted their "punishment" rather willingly. Granted, they were still rather stung by the injustice of it all, and the books themselves were painfully dull, but all in all they had it pretty easy. They even had the good fortune to have a guard that fell asleep on the job. They kept sneaking glances at Gobber to see if he'd woken up yet, but his snores were only getting louder and louder as the evening progressed.

Apart from the sounds of the crackling fire and the blacksmith's thunderous snoring, the Great Hall was utterly silent. The three friends didn't talk but continued to read on. Audun realized that he'd read the same paragraph three times and not taken in a word of it. He sighed. At least they could have found some interesting books, he thought wearily. I mean seriously…How to Grow Wild Vegetables? Boring! It's like being in prison!

At this thought, a song started playing through his head. He grinned at the irony and started humming the melody. He carried it alone for a while, but a few moments later Hillevi, recognizing the tune, joined in, not even looking up from her book.

And then Audun started to sing quietly:

"Look down, look down

Don't look 'em in the eye"

Hillevi joined him:

"Look down, look down,

You're here until you die"

Alva looked up, her gaze flicking from one friend to the other. Then she rolled her eyes.

Not heeding her, Audun sang:

"The sun is strong

It's hot as hell below"

Hillevi joined him, and they both sang:

"Look down, look down,

There's twenty years to go"

Hillevi took the next part:

"I've done no wrong!

Sweet Odin, hear my prayer!"

Then they both sang:

"Look down look down,

Sweet Odin doesn't care"

Audun finally looked up from his book. A quick glance confirmed Gobber had still not awoken, so he raised his voice a little as he sang:

"I know she'll wait,

I know that she'll be true!"

Hillevi shook her head, her eyes still fixed on the pages in front of her, and joined him for:

"Look down, look down,

They've all forgotten you"

Then Hillevi looked up and stated:

"When I get free you won't see me

Here for dust!"

Audun grinned, and they both sang:

"Look down, look down

Don't look 'em in the eye"

Hillevi dropped out for a moment so that Audun could cry out:

"How long, oh Thor

Before you let me die?"

Neither of them noticed as the doors to the hall opened and Hiccup poked his head in, frowning as his gaze wandered from the two singing Vikings, to their clearly-exasperated friend, and then over to the sleeping blacksmith. Curious and rather bewildered, he entered and approached them as they continued:

"Look down, look down,

You'll always be a slave

Look down, look down,

You're standing in your grave"

Then Audun stood up and straightened his back, giving himself a stern, authoritative appearance. For a moment, Hiccup was reminded of his father. Then Audun barked out, still in song:

"Now bring me prisoner 24601!

Your time is up

And your parole's begun

You know what that means…"

Hillevi grinned and stood as well, holding her arms out dramatically as she replied:

"Yes, it means I'm free!"

But Audun merely mock-glared at her and snapped:

"NO!

It means you get

Your yellow ticket-of-leave

You are a thief…"

Hillevi protested:

"I stole a loaf of bread!"

Audun sneered and returned:

"You robbed a house!"

Hillevi held up one finger and corrected:

"I broke a window paaaaaane

My sister's child was close to death

And we were starving…"

Audun interrupted:

"You will starve again

Unless you learn the meaning of the law"

Hillevi snorted and put her hands on her hips as she retorted:

"I know the meaning of those nineteen years

A slave of the law"

Audun crossed his arms and replied:

"FIVE years for what you did

The rest because you tried to run

Yes, 24601…"

Hillevi all but shouted:

"My name is Jean Valjean!"

Audun raised his eyebrows and sang loudly:

"And I'm JAVERT!"

Hillevi had to fight to keep her expression neutral: Audun had over-exaggerated the pronunciation of the name to comical effect.

"Do not forget my name!

Do not forget me

24601!"

Then they both sang together:

"Look down, look down

You'll always be a slave

Look down, look down

You're standing in your grave."

Hiccup walked up to where Alva was sitting and asked her, "Uh…what's going on here?"

"Believe me," Alva replied with a huff, "you don't want to know." Then she added, "I don't know them, by the way. I just found them on the side of the road and felt sorry for them."

"Oh don't act so smug," Hillevi said, looking around at her friends at last. "You're just as guilty!"

Alva merely glared at her. Hillevi smiled slyly and, just to irritate her friend, started on another song:

"Lovely ladies

Waiting for a bite

Waiting for the customers

Who only come at night

Lovely ladies

Ready for the call

Standing up or lying down

Or any way at all

Bargain prices up against the wall"

As she sang this, Hiccup's face went bright red, and his eyes nearly popped from his skull. The sight was rather hysterical. "Wh-what kind of song was that?!" he spluttered.

Hillevi snorted with laughter and said, "Sorry, too much for you?"

"Poor thing," Audun remarked, winking at Hillevi. "Such a poor soul, wouldn't you say, Hillevi?"

"Oh Thor…" Alva moaned as she caught on to what Audun was hinting at.

Hillevi caught it too and grinned widely. "Yes!" she said, and she took a few steps back, dragging Alva by the arm along with her. "A poor soul with no one else to turn to!"

Hiccup frowned. "What are you…?"

But Hillevi started singing another song before he could finish:

"I admit that in the past I've been a nasty

They weren't kidding when they called me, well, a witch"

Alva sighed. Her expression seemed to say, "Well if you can't beat them, join them." So she did just that:

"But you'll find that nowadays

I've mended all my ways

Repented, seen the light, and made a switch

True? Yes

And I fortunately know a little magic

It's a talent that I always have possessed

And here lately, please don't laugh

I use it on behalf

Of the miserable, lonely, and depressed

Hillevi leaned over and stage-whispered to Audun:

Pathetic…

Audun chuckled and joined in with his friends, completely ignoring Hiccup, who was watching them with a my-eyes-are-deceiving-me expression on his face.

"Poor unfortunate souls

In pain

In need

This one longing to be thinner

That one wants to get the girl

And do I help them?

Yes, indeed

Those poor unfortunate souls

So sad

So true

They come flocking to my cauldron

Crying, 'Spells, Ursula, please!'

And I help them?

Yes I do"

Alva, totally getting into the fun now, took over the next part:

"Now it's happened once or twice

Someone couldn't pay the price

And I'm afraid I had to rake 'em 'cross the coals

Yes I've had the odd complaint

But on the whole I've been a saint

To those poor unfortunate souls"

Hiccup looked from face to face to face and said exasperatedly, "I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about…or singing about!"

Hillevi didn't acknowledge him. Instead, she looked at Audun and said, still in character, "Oh! And there is one more thing. We haven't discussed the subject of payment."

Audun fixed his face to look alarmed and replied, "But I don't have any—"

Alva interrupted, "I'm not asking much, just a token, really, a trifle! What I want from you is…your voice. "

Audun, still playing along, put a hand to his throat and said, "But without my voice, how can I—"

Hillevi and Alva said together, "You'll have your looks! Your pretty face! And don't underestimate the importance of body language, ha!" They shook their hips (Hiccup blushed) and jumped into the chorus again, singing with more gusto than ever:

"Come on you poor unfortunate soul

Go ahead!

Make your choice!

I'm a very busy woman

And I haven't got all day

It won't cost much

Just your voice!

You poor unfortunate soul

It's sad but true

If you want to cross the bridge, my sweet

You've got the pay the toll

Take a gulp and take a breath

And go ahead and sign the scroll

(Flotsam, Jetsam, now I've got her, boys)

The boss is on a roll

This poor unfortunate soul"

Their song finished, they fell into fits of laughter. Hiccup stared at them like he'd never seen anything quite like them before in his life. Meanwhile, off in the corner, Gobber slept on, his snores still ringing out through the hall.

"Are you three drunk?" Hiccup asked as their laughter died down.

"Nope!" Audun said cheerfully. "We are totally and completely sober."

Hillevi chuckled and added, "Be afraid. Be very, very afraid."

Hiccup merely sighed and said, "If you were drunk, you'd at least have an excuse to be this crazy."

"Hey, crazy is good!" Alva defended.

Hillevi stepped forward and pointed wildly at Hiccup. Then, to his utter amazement, she started to sing yet another song.

"Don't you disrespect me little man!

Don't you derogate or deride!

You're in my world now

Not your world

And I got friends on the other side!"

Audun and Alva grinned at each other and echoed:

"She's got friends on the other side…"

Hillevi smirked over at her friends and then explained to the heir, "That's an echo, Hiccup my boy. Just a little something we have where we come from, a little parlor trick. Don't worry..."

She put her hands on his shoulder and forced him down onto a bench as she continued her song. Hiccup merely watched her with his mouth hanging open in stunned disbelief.

"Sit down at my table

Put your mind at ease

If you relax it will enable me to do anything I please

I can read your future

I can change it 'round some, too

I'll look deep into your heart and soul

(You do have a soul, don't you, Hiccup?)

Make your wildest dreams come true!

I got voodoo

I got hoodoo

I got things I ain't even tried!

And I got friends on the other side"

Again Audun and Alva echoed:

"She's got friends on the other side!"

Hillevi laughed at Hiccup, who seemed to be under the impression he was dealing with a madwoman. She held out her hand and said, "Shake my hand." And when Hiccup hesitated, she went on, "Come on, boy. Won't you shake a poor sinner's hand?"

Probably more to appease this crazy Viking more than anything else, Hiccup relented and shook Hillevi's hand. But rather than end her shenanigans like he'd hoped it would, it only seemed to drive her on with more fervor. "Yes…" she crooned, and then she sang out:

"Are you ready?"

Audun and Alva provided a drum beat by smacking the table with their fists and echoed:

"Are you ready?"

Hillevi went on:

"Are you ready?

Transformation central!"

Audun and Alva repeated:

"Transformation central!"

Hillevi continued:

"Reformation central!"

And Audun and Alva said again:

"Reformation central!"

Hillevi didn't seem to notice she had backup singers. She was totally in her own world as she brought her song to a close:

"Transmogrification central!

Can you feel it?

You're changin'

You're changin'

You're changin', all right!

I hope you're satisfied

But if you ain't

Don't blame me!

You can blame my friends on the other side!"

She started to laugh maniacally as Audun interjected:

"You got what you wanted!"

And Alva added:

"But you lost what you had!"

And then they all ended with a quiet:

"Hush…"

Hiccup had gone from looking bewildered to looking resigned and faintly irritated. "Well," he said, looking down sarcastically at his body. "Clearly your magic could use some work."

"Oh come on, Hiccup, lighten up!" Audun said, chuckling. "We're just having a little fun, that's all. Just kick back and relax, take a load off…no need for worries…" He winked at Hillevi, who caught the reference immediately and, of course, burst into song again:

"Hakuna Matata!

What a wonderful phrase"

Alva grinned and added:

"Hakuna Matata!

Ain't no passing craze"

Hillevi jumped onto the table and sang out:

"It means no worries

For the rest of your days"

Alva joined her on her new perch and they both continued:

"It's our problem-free philosophy

Hakuna Matata!"

Hiccup frowned and repeated, "Hakuna Matata?"

Alva nodded, hopping down from the table as she replied, "Yeah, it's our motto!"

Audun, playing along again, asked, "What's a motto?"

Hillevi also jumped down to the ground and delivered the punch line, "Nothin'! What's a-motto with you?"

The three friends all laughed at the joke while Hiccup rolled his eyes. "Hilarious," he deadpanned.

Alva clapped him on the shoulder and said seriously, "Those two words will solve all your problems!"

Hillevi nodded and came up on his other side, "That's right, take Pumbaa here…" she said, and then she transitioned back to song:

"Why, when he was a young warthog…"

Alva threw her head back and sang at the top of her lungs:

"When I was a young warthooooog!"

Hillevi stuck a finger in her ear and massaged the tender skin. "Very nice…" she remarked.

Apparently missing the sarcasm, Alva grinned cheekily and replied, "Thanks!"

Hillevi rolled her eyes and continued:

"He found his aroma lacked a certain appeal

He could clear the savannah after every meal"

Alva picked up the verse:

"I'm a sensitive soul though I seem thick-skinned

And it hurt that my friends never stood downwind"

She threw her head back and wailed dramatically:

"And, oh, the shame!"

Hillevi told Hiccup solemnly, "He was ashamed!"

Alva went on:

"Thought of changin' my name!"

Hillevi mused aloud, "What's in a name?!"

Alva fell to her knees and cried:

"And I got downhearted…"

Hillevi gestured wildly and asked, "How did ya feel?"

Alva continued:

"Every time that I—"

Hillevi lunged forward and clapped a hand over Alva's mouth. "Hey, Pumbaa," she said hurriedly, "not in front of the kids…"

Alva grinned sheepishly and answered, "Oh, sorry…"

Hiccup looked at Audun for an explanation, but Audun merely shook his head and grinned.

Both girls continued the song:

"Hakuna Matata!

What a wonderful phrase

Hakuna Matata!

Ain't no passing craze"

Audun jumped in, singing harmony:

"It means no worries

For the rest of your days"

"Yeah, sing it kid!" Hillevi crowed.

Then all three of them sang together:

"It's our problem-free philosophy

Hakuna Matata!"

Hiccup leaned back until his head was dangling over empty air. "Is there any point in asking you why you're doing this?" he said wearily. "Or why I haven't heard of any of these songs?"

"Probably not," Audun replied with a shrug.

Hiccup opened his mouth to make a retort, but his words never made it to his mouth. The doors to the Great Hall opened, and Astrid walked inside. "Hiccup! There you are! I've been looking all over for you!"

"Astrid!" Hiccup leapt to his feet and blushed. "Hi Astrid…uh…it's n-nice to see you again!"

Hillevi snickered, exchanged a glance with Alva, and to Hiccup's dismay started to sing one more song:

"I can see what's happening"

Alva, frowning in mock-confusion, asked, "What?"

Hillevi didn't answer but merely went on:

"And they don't have a clue"

Again Alva pretended to be clueless and inquired, "Who?"

Hillevi continued with her prediction:

"They'll fall in love and here's the bottom line

Our quartet's down to two"

Alva seemed to understand at last. "Oh."

Astrid looked from one to the other in utter confusion. "But…there are three of you…" she pointed out.

Hiccup groaned and muttered, "Sweet Merciful Thor, don't encourage them!"

But Hillevi hardly needed encouragement. Adopting a phony French accent she sang:

"Ze sweet caress of twilight"

She dropped the accent but not her sarcasm with the next line:

"There's magic everywhere

And with all this romantic atmosphere

Disaster's in the air"

Astrid frowned at Hiccup. "What are they doing?"

"Believe me, it's best not to ask," Hiccup grumbled.

None of the others seemed to notice their conversation. Audun joined the girls and sang:

"Can you feel the love tonight?

The peace the evening brings

The world, for once, in perfect harmony

With all its living things"

Astrid stiffened as she looked from the singing Vikings, to a blushing Hiccup, and back again. She was starting to figure out who exactly they were singing about.

They continued:

"Can you feel the love tonight?

You needn't look too far

Stealing through the night's uncertainties

Love is where they are"

Astrid was starting to look very angry, but Hillevi threw caution to the wind and sang:

"And if he falls in love tonight…"

Audun sniffled theatrically, and Hillevi almost lost it. But somehow she managed to hold her laughter back and kept going:

"It can be assumed…"

Alva picked up the next line:

"His carefree days with us are history"

And together all three finished:

"In short, our pal is doomed"

And the moment the last note was done, they took off, sprinting around Astrid and Hiccup and fleeing the hall. It only took Astrid a second to recover, but when she did she yelled, "You three get back here! That's it, I'm getting my axe! Come on Hiccup!"

"Oh Thor, this is gonna hurt…" Hiccup muttered, and then he yelped as Astrid seized his arm and dragged him bodily from the hall, hot in pursuit of the three friends.

And all the while, Gobber slept peacefully on, his slumber undisturbed…

A/N: No, we have no shame. XD

"The Work Song" and "Lovely Ladies" from Les Misérables © Music Theater International

"Poor Unfortunate Souls" from The Little Mermaid, "Friends on the Other Side" from The Princess and the Frog, "Hakuna Matata" and "Can You Feel the Love Tonight?" from The Lion King © Disney