The Color of Death
A/N: So…I really can't write comedy…this was a lot funnier in my head. But I'll share it with you anyway. Enjoy!
"Audun, I hate you!" Hillevi cried as she and her friend ran through the torrential downpour, their feet splashing in gigantic puddles that dotted the ground.
"I love you too!" Audun returned with a laugh as they reached the steps leading up to the Great Hall.
They hurried up the stairs and rushed into the warm, well-lit hall, water dripping from their clothes and spattering on the floor at their feet. Their fur-lined boots squished loudly with each step. Alva, who was perfectly dry, looked them up and down with raised eyebrows. "What, did you two decide to take a bath before coming?" she asked.
Hillevi glared at her. "No. Audun just decided to wait until the storm hit before setting out," she grumbled, leveling her narrowed eyes at Audun, who merely shrugged.
"We did at least wait for it to die down a little," he pointed out.
"Yeah," Hillevi retorted, "for all of two seconds. Then it started coming down harder than ever, and we were stuck out in the middle of it. No dragons to provide cover, either, thank you very much."
Audun rolled his eyes but couldn't keep the grin off his face. "It's Berk. It rains a lot here."
"That's not the point," Hillevi huffed, brushing water from her hair before it could drip into her eyes. "If we had left earlier like everyone else, then we'd have been here before the rain hit."
"Mojo had to be fed!" Audun protested. "Have you ever seen him when I miss feeding time? He tears his pasture apart! And need I remind you that you volunteered to help?"
Hillevi gave him another glare, but before she could say anything else Stoick called for attention and everyone turned to look at the chief. Hiccup stood beside him, looking more than a little uncomfortable with all the attention being heaped on him. "Welcome, friends!" Stoick boomed. "You all know why we are here tonight, of course! To celebrate the one-year anniversary of Hiccup's defeat over the Dragon Queen!"
There was a deafening cheer that went up all around the Great Hall. Hiccup blushed and scuffed his prosthetic foot awkwardly. Stoick let the Vikings continue roaring their approval for a few seconds before raising his hands for quiet, and silence fell again. "I need hardly remind you all of how we suffered and struggled to survive during the dragon wars. It was a dark time for Vikings all across the Archipelago, and none of us had any idea as to how to fix the problem. No one, that is, except Hiccup, who went against every tradition we held so highly and befriended the very creatures we were intent on destroying. And it is thanks to his daring, his courage, his ingenuity, and his heart that we are here to rejoice! For without Hiccup's help, the Red Death would never have been slain, and—"
Stoick was interrupted by the sound of someone clearing her throat.
The chief blinked and looked around, looking stunned. No one had ever interrupted him before. He didn't quite know what to do. Indeed, he wasn't even sure who had cleared their throat in the first place.
This last issue was suddenly cleared up. Hillevi raised her hand to catch Stoick's attention, and the people surrounding her backed away, looking baffled and perhaps a touch worried. "Oh Thor," Audun mumbled. "She's not…she's really not…"
She was. Perhaps it was because she was soaking wet and her feet squelched with every step, but she was determined to speak her mind and make her opinion known. And, as they'd had a discussion about this very subject before, Audun had a sneaky suspicion he knew what she was bothered about.
He was right.
Hillevi stepped forward so that she and Stoick faced each other with a few feet of empty floor between them. The chief still looked like he didn't quite know what to do about this young woman who dared to interrupt him, while Hiccup seemed to be considering bursting into laughter at the sight of his father's expression.
She took a deep breath and then asked, "Can someone please explain to me why we've called this thing the 'Red Death'?"
Everyone gaped at her for a moment before turning to glance questioningly at each other. Was she serious?
"Well, why?" she persisted, clearly unbothered by the bewildered looks she was getting. "I mean, if the dragon was red, I could understand. But it wasn't. It was gray. So why 'Red Death' and not 'Gray Death' or something?"
"Well…" Fishlegs spoke up tentatively. He was clearly nervous, and with good reason. He'd been on the receiving end of Hillevi's fury before over the naming of dragons based on color and had no desire to repeat the experience. "…I think it was actually more of a sea-green color, kind of a mix of green, blue, and gray. I believe the name 'Green Death' was actually considered at some point, but the choice was made to go with 'Red Death' instead."
Hillevi glared at him, and he flinched as though struck. "'Green Death' would have actually made more sense," she said. "But that doesn't answer my question. Why was it called the 'Red Death'? I mean for Thor's sake, it wasn't red!"
"Well…its fire was…?" Snotlout offered.
Hillevi's nostrils flared. "Most dragons' fire is red, genius," she said in a voice of forced calm. "I think the only exception is Toothless, because his fire is blue-purple. And maybe the Nadders' fire is more white than red. But the rest? Red!"
Snotlout, for once deciding to actually be cautious, said nothing in return.
"I think," Hiccup said slowly, carefully, "it was named 'Red Death' for two reasons. For one, it did have red spines along its body, so the color was present. But…" he went on quickly, for it was obvious Hillevi was about to interrupt. "…I think the primary reason we went with 'Red Death' was for the connotation. The Red Death is a name we give to something that acts as a plague, a widespread bringer of death and destruction. In this case, I think we can all agree the name fits. That thing was the cause of a lot of destruction and death in our village and the Archipelago, affecting both Vikings and dragons alike."
"And in the end," Stoick spoke up, "what we called it doesn't really matter. What matters is that it's gone and it will never cause us trouble again…all thanks to Hiccup!" he added, and with that the celebration was brought back on track.
As the Vikings around her cheered, Hillevi muttered, "I still think 'Green Death' would have been more appropriate. Or hell, even 'Big Scary Demon With Great Big Teeth That Eats Dragons Whole.' That would have worked too."
No one heard her except for Audun and Alva, who merely shook their heads. "You know," Alva said, "it really isn't that big a deal. It's like that play we saw where the dragon was yellow but named Periwinkle—"
At the reminder, Hillevi rounded on her friend. "Do not remind me of that atrocity!" she snarled, her eyes going wide. "I still can't get over that! The dragon was yellow! Yellow! And they named it Periwinkle, of all the names to give a yellow dragon…!"
"Gods, Alva, you had to remind her of that?" Audun muttered.
Alva shrugged. "Hey, at least it distracted her from the whole Red Death thing."
Audun frowned as Hillevi continued to rant and rave. "And you think this is an improvement?"
A/N: Yes, my friend and I actually had this conversation once, and it did go something like this. And I really do think that's why the dragon was called 'Red Death,' even though the similar dragon in the first book was called the 'Green Death.' But that's just my theory. Hope you enjoyed that!