i don't own twilight.
hi all I'm back i hope you all liked the last chapter. please listen to the songs and comment on the chapters.
please enjoy.
also please note that I do have dyslexia. I'm not ashamed of it because it is something I cannot control but I am self-conscious about it. so a lot of my words are miss pelt and many, many of the sentience's are a little back to front. I can't tell you the amount of time I've gone to reread something that I have wrote but couldn't even understand what I was trying to say.
He who haunts the attic. Chapter 6 summer wine by Nancy Sinatra and Lee hazlewood.
Leah was sitting on her bed rubbing her temples. For the last few days she had been playing sick to get out of going on patrol with her pack. Though she had leaned to keep most of her thoughts to herself it only took a slip, a slip that could out her completely. It wasn't that she was embarrassed about Alistair. It was that she was Leah clearwater. The she wolf who hates all vampires and would see them rid from the earth if that were possible. But no life wasn't that easy for her. Leah didn't want anyone to think any differently of her. she thought that maybe, Just maybe that it was a sign of weakness. The she wolf had spent so much time and energy on building that brick wall that she didn't want it to crumble to the ground in an pile of ash in only minutes. She couldn't handle being hurt yet again… not after Sam. She vowed that to herself.
But this vampire….. this Alistair. Had completely, utterly…. Had taken over her mind. 'it wasn't like this with Sam. Not at all. With Sam… it was the average high first love thing. Were we'd lie to out parents to go meet somewhere. Or I'd write in my English book. Miss Leah uley… it big block letters. And add hearts all around it. and when he left me for Emily…. I got to feel the whole first broken heart experience. And ohh did I feel it. but with Alistair…. It's like I've been through it all already, so I'm not as…. I don't know how to put it. but all I know is that it gonna be different this time. it hast to be…. I don't know why this is the way it is. I don't know why I have these feeling that I'm feeling. And I sure as shit don't know why he does either. But I'm just gonna face reality….. me and him…. it's gonna happen.'.
She got a text on her phone. she picked it up and read it.
Alistair.
'want to meet up?'. He texted.
It was now in the middle of the day. he had left Leah around four in the morning and that was when he'd run in to Carlisle. He hated admitted it…. but he didn't want to stay up in the attic all day. of course he loved being alone… still does. but for the first time in his dead life he wanted to spend time with somebody…. And that somebody was Leah clearwater.
The she wolf shut her eyes tightly. Because she knew that if she meet him know….. it was gonna be very, very different from now on.
Though had already established that they were a couple and part of Leah didn't believe it was true. It was a feeling…. A mixture of Alistair being an bloodsucker and herself being hurt by Sam. Could she trust him is what it had come down to.
And big past of her told her not to.
But an even bigger part of her told her that she could.
And even more important.
She wanted to.
'yes…where?'. she replied to his text.
'the woods. Just get as far away as you can and I'll find you'.
"that she fast". The she wolf said out loud.
'kay'.
She put her shoes on and went down the stairs. She knew that Seth was in the house somewhere so she had to be as quiet as she could.
"hey Lee, were you going?". Seth said all of a sudden in front of her.
'damn'.
"hey Seth I'm gonna go for a walk".
"why… are you feeling any better?". He asked with a smile. Hoping that her answer would be a yes.
"sorry but know puppy. But I figured that maybe some fresh air may do me some good". 'come on buy it, buy it, buy it'. the she wolf crossed her finger behind her back.
"yeah that could work". he grinned at her. "want me to come along for some company?".
"na don't worry about it…. I bout I'll be long anyway. I just wanted to try it". 'wow do I feel like suck a bitch for lying to him'.
"fare enough". He nodded understandable. "well I was just gonna have some of that left over pizza for lunch. Did you want me to save you some?".
"na you eat it, I don't mind". She walked past him. "see ya later little brother". she want out the front door and shut it behind her.
'here we go'. Leah stepped off of the porch and headed for the tree line. 'don't stop walking, don't stop walking'. She told herself because she could smell Sam and Jared around. They weren't in their wolf forms so she figured that they were going to visit somebody nearby. 'your gonna make it, you gonna make it. just don't look back, don't stop walking. Sam is the last person you need to run in to right now and the fact the Jared's with him makes this a lot worse. Though I will admit that I would proffer Jared to Paul any day of the week. At least he knows when to stop'. Just as she thought her was gonna make it.
"Leah!".
'fuck shit damn it all to hell'. She turned around to see Sam coming towards her. she couldn't see Jared anywhere so she figured that Sam and seen she then told Jared to keep walking to whatever they were going to he could go talk to her. "Sam". She said in an flat voice.
"your mum told Emily that you weren't feeling well?".
"yeah". Was all the she wold said to him.
"well….. that's wrong?".
"it doesn't matter. The fact that I haven't been feeling the best lately doesn't mean it's a big deal okay". she crossed her arms.
"listen Leah….. I wanted to talk to you". he looked worried.
"about what?". 'come on, come on, come on let this be over'.
"are you happy?... in Jake's pack".
'oh what fresh hell is this'. "yes Sam I am very happy in Jacob's pack. In fact I've never been happier".
He looked upset for a moment then composed himself again. "so… you'd never..".
"never what Sam?. Never come back to your pack, well no Sam I don't. no after the way I was treated not after what I had to go through and not after what happen between me and you. Sam I will never go back to being the pathetic ex-girlfriend stuck… listen to how mush you love my cousin. So if your feeling are hurt that I decided to make an decision for myself that had nothing to do with you then that's your problem".
"Leah…. I wont lie to you…. when you left I was hurt..".
"OH JUST SHUT UP SAM". She took a moment to breath. "I don't care okay. you have Emily you have the house the future wife and the future kids. You have to stop caring like I did. What happened with us is in the past now okay. for the first time in so long I feel free of you. you got what you wanted….. I'm gone. But then you think you have the right to come up to me and tell me that your hurt. Well that bullshit. Because you don't have the right to be hurt because I'm the one who lost everything. I've moved on and now it's time for you".
"Leah…. I care about you. and I'm happy your… moving on. but..".
"moved on".
"what?".
"I've moved on".
There was an silence.
"what does that mean….moved on?".
"it means I've meet someone". She knew telling that was an mistake. An mistake that she regrated. She hadn't meant to but he was just making her so angry. 'The nerve of him'. she thought.
"you've… you've met someone?. Who?".
"that's none of your business Sam…". He cut her off.
"I want an name". he said through his teeth, his fist were balled up and his did his best not to phases.
"Sam". She said through her teeth. She'd never wanted to lunged at him more than at that moment. 'god do I hate him'.
"I want an name Leah".
"no".
"no".
"yeah that's right no. you don't have the right".
"oh I don't have the right..". he bitterly laughed. Completely taken a back by what he was haring.
Yeah that right… you have Emily that what you have". She turned around, phased and began to ran. Every few minutes she'd glanced behind her to see if he was following. They couldn't communicate through the mantle link any more due to Leah breaking away from the uley pack. So it made it hard for her to know if he was behind her or not. But he smell was getting further and further away as the she wolf ran.
The one thing enjoyed about being a wolf was the fact that she was the fastest out of all of them.
She ran and ran until she knew too she far enough away that they wouldn't come looking or her. she phased back and waited. She want and sat by a tree knowing that when Alistair arrived that she'd hide behind it. she didn't know if it was okay if he saw her naked or not. 'Sam never saw me without clothes before. I mean ya he'd seen bits and pieces I wasn't a proud. But he never saw me naked I was never ready for that. maybe my wolf knew that we weren't meant for one another and told me something without me knowing. And maybe that's why I never had sex with him. but Alistair… do I want him to see me naked?. I really don't know. Sam and I were an couple for three years and I never even considered anything like this before. And plus Alistair and I have just gotten together. But him seeing me without clothes on doesn't mean I want to lose my virginity to him this soon in to our relationship'.
'but…'. She stopped in her thought when she heard leaves get crushed under somebody's feet. She knew which direction the footsteps were coming form and jumped up. She moved behind her tree and waiting. She peeked out just a little to see her tracker standing were she had been standing ten minutes before.
"took you long enough". She smirked.
He didn't moved his body around her face hers but he did look up at her. "sorry love… didn't mean to keep you waiting".
They both chuckled.
"sooo what did you need?". She asked all ready knowing the reason he wanted ti see her. because it was the same reason she wanted to see him.
"absolutely nothing….. nothing at all". He smirked. "come out from behind that tree…. I want to see you".
"I can't".
"why?".
"because I don't have any clothes on".
"well then I differently want to see you". he said straight away.
"shut up". She laughed.
"here". he spoke taking off his big jacket and tossing it over to her. she caught it and disapreed behind her tree again. when she step out from behind it and she warring his jacket. He hung up above her knells. She walked up to him.
"well mis Clearwater…. If I could blush". He smirked.
"shut up". She said again but this time punching him in his arm.
"I like you in this". He spoke lightly tugging on the sides of his jacket. "it suits you". Alistair's eyes panned down to her legs.
But she felt no need to cover up. Which was strange for her because when someone would cheek her out usually she would feel self-conscious. And her first thoughts would have been to either to cover up or punch them in the face.
His eyes panned up and found hers.
He all so softly paced both of his hands on either side of her face and gave her a sweet kiss. Leah while he was kissing her placed both of her hands on the shoulder and deepened the sweet kiss.
"Leah..".
"yes Alistair?".
"there's something I've been wanting to tell you for some time".
"And what's that?".
"you don't smell as much like crap as much as your pack brothers".
She laughed. "of course that's what you were wanting to say".
"for so long". He shook his head. "come on". he take a hold of her hand and lead her to the tree she had been sitting on. they both sat on one of the thickest branch right at the bottom of the tree. He had her seat right up against him as he had his arms around her. it had lightly began to rain.
Back at la bush.
Sam stormed in to Paul's place. He was so angry at what had just happened with him and Leah. yeah he wanted her to come back to his pack. And yeah he still wanted she too. He missed her. she was his first love. He wanted to make it right with her.
But he just couldn't get those words out of his head.
'I've moved on…. I've meet someone. I've moved on…. I've meet someone. I've moved on….. I've meet someone'. They just kept playing over and over again in his mind like an broken recode. He hated himself for thinking it….. but he didn't want her to move on.
He knew that it was a bad thing to want. Borderline evil…. Even cruel of him. but like he had said. they were deeply in love once. But then there were the others word that wouldn't stop playing in his mind either.
'no… you have Emily, no… you have Emily, no… you have Emily, no… you have Emily". The guilt he felt at that moment…. He couldn't descried.
'yes I love Emily more then anything. She's my soul mate. She's the one I'm going to be with for the rest of my life and I wouldn't have that any other way. the love Emily and I have is different from the kind of love mine and Leah's once was. We were together and nothing was changing that. it was me and Emily till the end'.
'but this was Leah… this was my Leah". the Alfa thought angrily. "and the worst pat is…. She's right. It is none of my business. It has nothing to do with me what's so ever And I don't have the right to be jealous. Yeah that's right… I'm not an liar. I'll admit that a part of me, a very, very small part of me is still in love with Leah. fine… it's out there now. I wish I could stop it I really do. I wish that it was like a switch that I could just flick and be done with it….. but life isn't that easy it is. I hate myself for what I've done to Leah. but I shouldn't have to keep feeling guilt about it. but now…. she said she moved. She was right back there. I'm getting what I wanted… but I just can't let it go'.
"Sam hey buddy what are you doing here?". Paul said coming out from down the stairs.
"I just ran in to Leah and needed to blow off some steam". He said as he began to walk back and forth.
"what the bitch do this time?". Paul asked.
Sam stopped. He didn't want to say that he was jealous of her moving on from his because he knew that whatever he said to Paul would go back to Rachel and end up at Emily's. but Paul did know that Sam still had some feeling for Leah left.
Though he couldn't understand why.
"I don't want to talk about it… it doesn't matter".
"okay… does this have something to do with the man claiming in to her window at elven a clock last night?".
Sam stop pacing and froze. "what". He quietly said.
"yeah…". He took and bite of whatever he was eating. " Rebecca and Solomon are back visiting from Hawaii. Did you know what…. Anyway. Rebecca was coming back from Emily's. and saw some dude claiming in to her window.
"did she get a look at the guy?".
"no she was too far away". Paul stopped and looked at his Alfa. "Sam ya know what…. Leah can fuck whoever she wants right. I mean… your with Emily now…. and happy sooo".
"I know, in know I love Emily more than anything but…".
"but you can't help stilling having feeling for the bitter harpy….. how?".
"I don't know Paul…. I just do. I wish I didn't. but I do. and I hate myself for it". he hung his head.
"well maybe this guys like revenge or something. She could just be trying to make to jealous I wouldn't put it past the slut. She's always trying to make everyone miserable isn't she?".
"no I don't think so… I saw her face after she told me. I could tell that she didn't want me to know about it. I think she just wanted me to leave her alone….. what else did she say?. Did she see anything else?.
"no sorry Sam… but hey maybe it's for the best. She's moving on, your moving on, everybody's moving on. so now you don't have to feel guilty anymore". Paul took another bite of his food.
"do you think she loves him?".
"shit Sam I don't know I've never meet the dude". Paul looked at his friends face and saw how sad he looked at the thought. "Sam buddy…. You gotta let it go now. that chapter on you and her…. it's closed. Move on man".
Sam couldn't take it anymore he sat down in a chair at Paul kitchen table and didn't talk for a long time.
Leah and Alistair at the tree.
"so they just all flow away". Leah was leaning her head on Alistair's shoulder. As he talked about his past.
"yes, they were my only friends…. The falcons. But even they could sense that I had become a monster".
Leah kissed his cold cheek.
It was still raining but the couple hadn't moved from their stop on the branch. "so what about you?".
"what about me what?".
"when you become an wolf…. What did you lose?".
"what makes you think I lost anything?".
"because will all lose something".
There was an stillness before she spoke.
"my father, my friends, my….. boyfriend, my future….". the last one she had to make herself say. Because Leah wanted to be open with her new bloodsucker boyfriend. "my cycle". She choked out, not being able to give birth to children was by far the worst thing to ever happen to her.
Alistair looked down at her. but she didn't look up at him though. No, she kept her eyes straight ahead. "I can't have kids". She chocked again. "ever since… ever since I became the monster I am my period stopped…. I can't have kids". She didn't want to cry in font of him. but she could feel her brown eyes began to get watery. "I used to imagining myself with four or five of them. living in an house close to my mothers. Were she could visit a lot and help me bake cookies for her grand kids. My father…..". she sobbed again. "my father would be sitting in front of the T.V… watching sports with his grandsons". She felt the tears. " it be an little yellow house…. With that white fence everybody wants when they have an family. But no….. not me. I ain't having gonna have that. when my dad died…. I decided that I was gonna name my first son after him…. then…. Then I turned in to this… thing". She had to stop talking, she couldn't anymore. Leah hadn't realized how mush she had begun to cry. The she wolf looked away form her leech lover not wanting him to see her in that way.
But then she felt it.
An ice cold finger on her cheek.
She looked down with her eyes to see that he had gotten his thumb and was using it to whip her tears away.
She lightly grabbed his hand and cradled it in her. rubbing it on her face in an loving way.
"love I'm sorry that, that you happened to you".
"I know". she whispered.
He drew her closer and in to an hug. Which was something he never did. He never hugged anyone. For the simple reason that he hated everyone. His dislike for the action didn't run too deep. It was just simple.
But he liked hugging her.
After several minutes she finally stopped cry and the two just sat there with him holding her. he kissed the top of her head.
'Sam never did this….. he never just held me as I cried. He never whipped my tears away when I was upset. He never sat with me for hours on end just talking. Now that I just think of it…. I really can't remember what we used to do together. Now our relationship wasn't an lie…. I did love him dearly. But there was no talking…. No sex….. what did we really have together'.
'but with this man right here. this vampire…. This cold one. I've never felt more in love in my life. Alistair is…. Is… easy…. We understand each other. We've both been through so much in our life's that most others wouldn't be able to understand. We're both scarred…. We're both ruined in some way or another. And the one thing that we have most in common….. we we're both alone for so long'.
'but being….. with him now… is the first time… time in so long that I haven't felt that way….. fuck… I love him… I love the god damn bloodsucker'. Leah kissed him without warning.
She throw her arms around her neck and deepen the kiss. For a moment his eye widen, at how unexpected she actions were. But he kissed back. it went on for quite a while becoming more and more passionate. Then they were on the ground under their tree. But neither of them had noticed that.
Leah was on top of him then just stopped abruptly. She stared down at him and he stared up at her. she slowly reached for the buttons of his coat that she was still wearing and began to unbutton it all so slowly.
She got down to her stomach before he stopped her.
"no wait". He grabbed both her hands before she could undress any more. "are you sure…. Really sure because it's happened… we're mated…. We're together?". He drew his hands away from her.
She hadn't thought about it that way… that they'd be mated one it happened….. she never had a happier thought.
She undid the last two buttons and drop it.
Much later.
The two lovers were laying under their tree unclothed. They were both laying on their backs looking up at the shining stars above them.
They had Alistair's coats over them so they weren't fully open to the world…. But Leah didn't care otherwise.
"I wondered what that was like". The she spoke looking at the stars.
"how do you feel?". He left sweet kisses up her neck.
"lovely".
They both chuckled softy.
"I could stay like this with you forever she wolf". The tracker said.
"if I had the choice I'd never leave this tree". The Leah eye widen and she shot up. "shit". She said jumping up and grabbing Alistair's coat to but back on her nude body.
"what, what is it". Alistair up standing up before she realized that he even moved.
"my brother… I told him I was going for a walk but that was hours ago he probably has that pack out looking for me".
"bugger it. some are in the forest".
"shit". She said again.
"here I'll take you home, I know where they all are in the forest. If they were anywhere close to us I'd know it". she was still trying to do up the buttons when she turned to see him fully dressed. If you weren't with him minutes ago you'd nave know that he had been naked.
"you sure?".
"yes love I'm sure now here get on my back and I'll run you home". He reached out for her. she look them and he swung her around to fast the she barely noticed that she moved at all. Then the next thing she knew….. or thought she knew was that they were flying through the woodlands.
'gezz… and I thought I was fast'.
When she first left the house to find him even in her wolf form while running it felt like it had taken a long time to get as far away as she could.
But within only less than seven minutes they were at the tree line close to her home.
"Alistair holy fucking shit". She said in disbelief. "since when can vampire move like that?".
"since when there are wolfs all over the woodland looking for my mate". The looked in to each other eyes for a moment before the tracker cut it short. "their getting closer…. Get in the house and have a shower. Get my smell off of you. and meet me tomorrow". He went to turn around but then she stopped him.
"get back to the Cullen's safe…".
"I know what I'm doing she wolf…".
She pulled him back to face her. she stung in around and placed both of hands on either side of his English face. "you promise me that you'll be safe". She knew what would happen to him if he was caught over the treaty line.
"I promise". He kissed her. "now go one before they get here". he kissed her one last time. "see you tomorrow she wolf". Then he was gone.
She boulted to her home and slammed the door behind her. she lent her back on it for a moment. 'Thank god for that'. she thought but her victory was short lived.
"LEAH CLEARWATER!".
'oh shit'.