A/N: Imma be real with you, chapter 8 wasn't my best work. Hopefully what plans I have for this chapter and the following make up for it. I definitely could have characterized Suzanne's partnership with Flint better, and she's really hard to get right in this chapter, too. ALSO I MADE A MASSIVE MISTAKE IN CHAPTER 1! I failed to explain that "The Phineas and Ferb Effect" isn't remembered to have happened in this continuity, and that the boys discovered positivity ions through other means. I have revised that chapter to make it more clear. As always, I look forward to your reviews, both massive and small.
Jack Coffinson: No, you didn't miss anything. For Vanessa and Roger, I haven't forgotten about it, but it's not really important to what I want to do with the Schmirtzes. As for Phineas and Isabella, I kind of disregard AYA when I write them as characters. Every action they're implied to have taken in the years between Last Day and AYA really seem out of character to me. The idea of Phineas being so nervous about something he can't surmount it is crazy, since Phineas' bravery and emotional openness is a central part of his character, and Isabella giving up on anything is a depressing thought. You'll be glad to know Flint and Phineas get some fun hostility here. I swear it seems you put more thought into this stuff than I do. Have you considered writing fanfiction? (Note that this is a joke and I am aware you have written.)
JetZ: Thank you for acknowledging my funny joke. This story will assume that you have consumed the entire Danville canon, and therefore will spoil MML in some spots. Finish it, it's an awesome show that outshines P&F at some points! This entire story idea came about because I liked the plot structure of MML and how it plays off of your expectations. With the -atron suffix, I just wanted to continue the gag of different suffixes for different -inators (which is a thing that came with LOVEMUFFIN in S2)
ALSO – CATU was great, in some ways stronger than ATSD! Luckily, the themes and story of CATU don't throw anything I've done here out of wack, except for maybe the idea that Doofenshmirtz doesn't know the kids.
Chapter 9: Showdown at the Space Needle
It was about 6 in the morning when a harsh knocking rang from downstairs. Phineas, who had been desperately pinging his missing friend's phone for a clue as to her location, hopped off of his office chair and headed down the stairs. Candace and Ferb followed soon after. Phineas looked out the window, and upon seeing who it was, opened the door quickly.
"Mr. Garcia-Shapiro! Any luck yet?"
"Why are you here, boy?" Phineas stumbled back a bit as Joseph entered the house. "Did you just up and leave her stranded?"
"Shoot!" Phineas snapped his fingers. "I've been so caught up trying to make contact, we totally forgot to tell anyone, Ferb!"
"Tell anyone what?" Candace groggily grumbled.
"Flint and Isabella hightailed it off somewhere. Likely against her will." Ferb sighed.
"LIKELY?!" Phineas grabbed Ferb's shoulders. Candace separated the two.
"Alright, DEFINITELY against her will." Ferb's veneer of calm was starting to get on everyone's nerves.
"The Fireside Girls were out looking, but we got into an argument earlier so it's not a joint effort. And we were all pretty beat last night, anyways." Phineas' brain caught up to his mouth. "Wait, did you say 'I left her stranded'?"
Mr. Garcia-Shapiro was at this point extremely frustrated. "Flint told me that he had been staying over at that lab he's interning at, and then he sent me THESE." The man produced a phone and showed it to the siblings.
It was a series of pictures of someone who appeared to be Isabella and someone who appeared to be Phineas having a grand time... somewhere. Some scenic views, some goofy shots, a couple of hugs, sharing some cups of coffee. It was all a bit surreal.
"I don't remember you guys going off to Seattle alone." Candace intoned. "I could have told you guys to avoid The Brown Bean. I went there once and the espresso sucked."
Phineas lit up. "That's because we didn't." He rubbed his hands as he grinned. "Flint just gave away his position!"
"Finally, my talent for identifying obscure cafes has come in handy." Candace droned in a deadpan.
"You have your uses." Phineas hugged his sister from the side, chuckling for a second before he remembered what they were talking about.
"I'm sorry, what's he got to do with your... eloping? I had assumed she had gotten home late, and had gone to bed, since she's usually so good about keeping safe." Joseph's anger turned to confusion.
"Well, this is going to sound ridiculous, but..." Phineas looked back at Ferb, who shrugged and gave him two thumbs up. There was really no way of getting around an explanation. "Flint and I look basically the same, right?"
"I paid it no mind, but the two of you share a physique." Joe turned a chair around and sat down, awaiting further explanation.
"He is me. Another me. And that Isabella isn't the Isabella we know. Note the lighter skin tone."
"What?" Candace and Joseph raised their voices in unison. Phineas racked his brain in silence trying to find a decent piece of evidence.
"That... is the most preposterous thing I have ever heard! I've been saying for years that you're no good, Flynn! But this takes the cake!" Mr. Garcia-Shapiro was as angry and flustered as anyone had seen him in years. He got up, grabbed Phineas by the neck of his t-shirt, and lifted him off of the ground. "If you think for one second that I'm gonna buy that pile of... horse-manure-" He spat. Phineas flinched. "- You have another thing coming!"
"I buy it." Candace separated the two. Phineas fell on his rear, and Joseph restrained himself. "It's par for the course with what I've been trying to tell everyone for years, so now you guys get to feel my pain."
"You're siding with HIM? I know he's your brother, but you know how teenage boys are-"
"Like I said, it's exactly in line with what mom constantly complains I've been telling her about-" Candace glared at the man inches from his face, "- for YEARS."
"Have you been telling people we're raving lunatics?" Ferb inquired from the back.
"I've been telling them you make stuff in the backyard every day." Candace's glare shot back to Ferb.
"I... uh... I thought everyone knew about that. Don't... don't we tell you about that?" Phineas stammered. Joseph's mouth fell open.
"Horse-crap! The way Candace describes it, you build laser tag arenas and roller-coasters and robots with sophisticated artificial intelligence!"
Phineas and Ferb both slammed their palms into their foreheads. Phineas was still struggling to grapple with this latest development when Ferb had a bright idea. He wordlessly took out a small laser pistol, tossed a coin into the air, and shot it out of the sky. The smoldering pile of ash fell to the ground in front of a terrified Joseph Garcia-Shapiro. Ferb noted he would have to fix the ceiling later.
Candace gingerly put her arms on Mr. Garcia-Shapiro's shoulders and led him to the couch, where the musclebound navy captain proceeded to curl up into a ball and rock back and forth. He muttered things like "This can't be happening." and "This was what Isabella meant?" and "And we've been working on getting Candace committed." Candace expected to feel some surge of validation or satisfaction, but mostly she was disappointed.
"This will probably feel better when Mom gets it."
Phineas nervously approached the couch. He put his fingers together at the tips and smiled, having thought of an idea. "Hey, do you think Mr. Garcia-Shapiro would mind if we made some modifications to his car?"
The man didn't respond. Phineas normally wouldn't have taken this as a "yes", but there were more important things at stake than how grounded he and his brother would eventually be. "Ferb! I know what we're gonna do this morning!"
Flint was up a bit earlier than his partners, and was browsing parts stores on his phone when Suzanne came to. She groggily turned her head, mumbling something about cloning. Shaking the sleep from her eyes, she took stock of the room around her. The Space Needle had been closed up for some reason or another (Flint may have contrived a gas leak), and as such was serving as their base of operations. It was a dark and thunderous day outside. One might even say it was the ideal conditions for the drain-atron's lighting rod. A literal perfect storm.
"G'morning, Phin." She slurred slightly as she put herself upright on the couch, throwing aside a quilt. "Thanks for the blanket and all."
"Oh, no problem. Plan's on phase 2, just so you know." Flint smirked. He sat down on the couch with a thud and showed the girl his phone. "I send Mr. Garcia-Shapiro the pictures this morning, which guarantees that Pinhead and Skullscraper will get on their way at about 7. Brilliant plan with the disguises, by the way. You are a natural evil genius."
Suzanne, who was tired before, burst into panic. "You're bringing them HERE? WHY ON EARTH would you bring them HERE?" Flint flinched, putting his hands up defensively.
"I told you last night we needed to bait them with Isabella. We basically just have to get them here, knock them out, and plug em into the machine."
"Oh, right." She calmed down, getting up off the couch and wandering into the restaurant kitchen that presided next to the room they were staying in. "What machine?" Flint followed closely behind.
"The Dimensional-Drainatron! It's gonna use the boys as batteries, which will channel the extra-dimensional energies of this dimension to rebuild ours."
"Sounds like it's gonna do a number on this dimension." Suzanne didn't sound like she had any more hangups, which worried Flint slightly.
"Uh, to understate massively, yes." Flint rubbed his chin, then snapped his fingers. "Ooh! Don't mention any of that 'killing- no- replacing- everyone' stuff to Heinz! I plan on replacing our Heinz with him. And he hasn't seen our captive, for that matter, either."
"Why spare that weirdo?" Suzanne rifled through the fridge, producing a carton of eggs, some shredded cheese, and some milk. She tossed Flint some bacon. Flint put a pan over the stove and laid out some strips for the three of them.
"Why not? He's helping us get our home back. It's the least we could do. Now that I think about it, I should probably do the same for his daughter."
"You have a strange moral compass, bud." Suzanne oiled up another pan and made a mixture of the eggs and milk. "Aren't you, like, in love with their Suzanne or something?"
"I'll get over it." Flint nonchalantly put his hand on the stove, quickly retracting it and shaking his wrist. "A Suzy's a Suzy." The words had not left his mouth before Dr. Doofenshmirtz entered the room. "Hey, doc!"
Suzanne didn't even have time to process Flint before she set herself to the task of deceiving Doofenshmirtz. "Good morning, Heinz!"
Heinz put his arms out in confusion. "Kiddo, I feel like I'm really- y'know, out of the loop here. Who's this girl?"
"A friend of ours, now." Flint went out to the main restaurant area, setting the tables. "She's brilliant! Even managed to figure out a way to get our dimension back without harming the boys!" His grin would have oversold the statement to anyone less oblivious than Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz.
"Well, that's good. Great even." Heinz dodged Suzanne, who was walking by with a hot pan of bacon and scrambled eggs. "Future you is going to be glad you didn't hurt those guys."
Flint's brow furrowed, but Suzanne picked up the silence. "Yep!" She slid some eggs on to each plate and set across from Flint. She sat down across from him and locked eyes. "Very. Glad."
Suzanne was a better liar.
"Say, doctor, you should get that daughter of yours up here. It would make for a nice little work vacation." Flint casually dropped into the conversation as he pulled out his cell phone.
"Maybe. We've never really taken the time to see the sights around here. It's always been very life-or-death for the Doofenshmirtzes in Seattle."
Suzanne looked across the table at Flint, as if to say "what?" but neither decided to ask for an elaboration.
"Well, I'm afraid that for us, today, it very much is." Flint showed the Doctor the plans for the device (excluding the human battery compartments, of course), very impressed with how adeptly his rival had managed to become a villain. She antagonized him all the time, of course, but this was something entirely different from their pride-driven squabbles back home.
Or was it?
Buford and Baljeet were jogging along the sidewalk, early in the morning. The two's morning ritual had been a mainstay of the past few months. The two had been pursuing physical fitness together, and while Buford was much stronger than Baljeet, Baljeet was a better distance runner. They rounded the corner and slowed down as they approached the Fireside Girls lodge in Danville park. They passed by every morning, but this morning they wanted to check on the search for Isabella and Flint.
Buford lagged behind as Baljeet rapped on the door. Shuffling could be heard from behind until Ginger looked through the peephole, saw the two, and granted the two entrance. "Good morning, girls." Buford heaved.
"Actually, it's just a morning." Addyson snapped. "If it was 'good', we wouldn't all be huddled up here worried sick about Isabella." Buford almost responded, but thought better of it and coughed into his fist awkwardly. "Well, since you're here, do you mind telling us what Phineas and Ferb are up to?"
"We parted on admittedly bad terms last night." Gretchen seemed a bit ashamed. Gretchen't was leaned up against the wall, and looked the other way. "All we figured was that Flint and Suzanne have probably thrown in together, and she might be in on it." The original Gretchen glared at Gretchen't.
"We were on our way to their place, and in the event that nothing else relevant or interesting happens, we are going to keep heading over there now." Baljeet was abruptly stopped by the transition of the story to another perspective.
Perry the Platypus watched as a minivan rolled out of the Garcia-Shapiro garage. His morning had been curiously quiet. The boys had even forgot to feed him. He grumbled grumpily as he lounged around the empty house, waiting for a call from Major Monogram. He pulled himself up onto the counter, opening the cabinet with the some canned platypus food. Grabbing the can and a can opener from the silverware drawer, he sat, upright, on the edge of the counter top, eating the food with a spoon.
It was very unusual to see the boys in such a stir. Recalling the prior night, Perry realized that they had probably headed off to find Isabella. Flint was likely with Doofenshmirtz, and he might have skipped town, too, so the first step was figuring out where they went. Jumping headfirst into the can, he emerged in his secret lair. Infinitely talented, those entrance guys.
Disregarding the blank screen, he jumped on his hover-car and headed up to DEI. Smashing through the entrance door, all he found was a very tired Vanessa Doofenshmirtz. She was inspecting a laser blast in the corner of the room, but turned her attention to the door when Perry entered.
"Oh, hey, Perry." A deadpan Vanessa waved, motioning him to her side. Perry waddled over slowly. "Look at the impact of these laser blasts."
Perry looked at the burn marks. They were burn marks.
"That isn't the typical impact of a laser blast, Perry the Platypus." She raised her phone, which showed an image of another burn mark. "This is another laser blast from a few days ago. Notice the difference?"
Perry leaned in, comparing the two. He saw no visible difference.
"Look closely. This laser blast is more rounded." She pointed at the burn mark on her floor. "The emitter ray was likely more precisely crafted, meaning one of two things."
Perry shrugged his shoulders but eagerly awaited an explanation.
"This is a nicer part than Dad usually gets, or, more likely..." She frowned at Perry. "This isn't a blast from one of Dad's -inators. Or the kid's, for that matter. They use the same parts. Somebody else was here yesterday." She did not mention that the blast indicated a level of quality that her father wasn't capable of producing.
A sudden vibration from the phone signaled a text. "Dad wants me in Seattle? Well, if we want to get to the bottom of this..." She locked eyes with Perry, who nodded enthusiastically. "You like the thrill of a mystery, Perry? I've got some more pictures on the phone of various pieces of evidence." She slid the cell phone back into her hip pocket. "We can go through them on the way."
The two hopped into Perry's hovercar, speeding off in the direction of the Space Needle.
Phineas and Ferb set themselves to constructing weapons in the back of Mr. Garcia-Shapiro's van, which they had turned into a mobile lab of sorts. The owner of the vehicle was in the passenger's seat, still curled up in a ball, and Candace was gripping the wheel ferociously as the quartet booked it to Seattle at 80 miles per hour. Passing yet another car, the van shook, interrupting Ferb as he calibrated the laser blaster.
"Perhaps we should slow down a bit, Candace. There's no reason to assume Isabella is in immediate danger." He calmly went back to adjusting the screw that attached the refraction lens to the barrel. Phineas glared at Ferb and waved dismissively at Candace.
"Just Velcro yourself to the floor, Ferb. We need to get there as soon as possible. Candace, feel free to apply autobahn rules."
"Autobahn rules?" Candace glanced back at her brothers.
"The autobahn is a road in Germany where about half of the highway has no speed limit." Ferb explained.
"Alright, then." Candace floored the gas pedal and the car burst forward. Hearing police sirens, Ferb peeked out the back window. He pointed towards the squad cars approaching them.
"DISREGARD THE AUTHORITIES!" Phineas yelled at Candace, whipping out a remote with a big red button on it. He rubbed his hands together maniacally. "We can outrun them! I'm gonna press this, and we're gonna get some REAL speed."
"Now wait just a moment!" Joseph snapped out of his trance. "What's gonna happen to the van?"
"I just told you. The van will go fast." Phineas grinned as he pushed the button and the world around them became a blur. White lights trailed around them as the four were peeled to the back of the car. The G-forces pinned their faces against the back of the seats, or in the brother's case, the back of the van. Suddenly, the van came to a stop. Ferb tumbled around in the back before the landed on his rear. Phineas stayed completely still.
Phineas pointed to his butt, where a strip of Velcro had been applied He ripped it off. "See? Velcro. Welcome to Seattle, ladies and gentlemen!" Phineas hopped out of the back of the van and crowed. Ferb, though woozy, was unharmed. He gave a weak thumbs-up. Phineas winked in response. "Trust me, Ferb. I've got my head on straight. I would never in a million years lose focus at a time like this!"
"What about the only other time like this?" Candace jimmied the door handle a bit, finally kicking it open. She was, of course, referring to the zombie incident.
"I've got it together!" Phineas snapped. He pointed towards the Space Needle. "If I'm me, which I am, and I need to generate power, which I assume he's doing, I would want to pick the optimal building, which, again, if I'm me, and I am, I already did."
Candace was confused. "Run that by me again?"
Phineas pointed at the tourist trap on the skyline. "The Space Needle is a gigantic electro-magnetic pylon, given enough tinfoil."
Sure enough, the top of the Space Needle was covered in tinfoil.
Flint and Heinz were alone, wind in their faces, having finished covering the top of the Space Needle in a tarp of tinfoil. They had then set themselves to building the Drainatron, which Flint had referred to as the Make-inator. Flint felt somewhat guilty at lying to his friend again, especially since Heinz had put aside yesterday's fiasco so quickly. He silently set to work building the battery pods.
"How's your bit coming, kiddo?" Doofenshmirtz raised his voice slightly as he leaned around the large machine he was working on. "We can't afford to take any risks when it comes to quality here." He slapped the side of the machine. "There's some major destructive power in this bad boy if we're not careful. If you weren't such a young evil scientist I might even believe it was intentional."
"Isn't evil supposed to be destructive?" Flint screwed in the hinges for the door paneling.
"Well, yes, but there is some ethical accountability to the whole thing. Take Rodney, for example."
"Rodney?"
"Old colleague. Big jerk. Rodney was more than willing to kill to satisfy his goals and it caught him some flak among the rest of our organization. We threw him out a couple of years ago. It's looked down upon. Say you conquer the world."
"Alright, I conquer the world."
"But you've destroyed every world government simply by removing their leaders. You need proxies and orders and such."
"That makes sense." Flint scratched the back of his neck as he finished the pod for Ferb.
"Like, for instance, if I were to conquer the Tri-State Area, I would like Francis Monogram, my nemesis' Commanding Officer, to be my secretary."
"Just to rub it in?"
"It's a fate worse, and more hilarious, than death."
Flint chuckled slightly. But Heinz was right. Say, when this was all over, how neat it would be to keep someone around, just to rub it in. Perhaps he would discuss the possibility of sparing more people with Suzanne. He finished the second pod and realized moving the pods would be impossible with his human strength, and he would have to conscript Norm.
"Hey, Doc! Norm's downstairs, but I'm gonna need him up here! I'm heading out to go grab him. Keep those screws tight."
"Sure thing." Heinz stepped back slightly, as not to fall to his death, and admired the central core of the machine he thought was going to rebuild a dimension from scratch. "I mean it, Flint. One thing goes wrong and this thing could end the world as we know it. As I know it, I mean."
A small spark fizzled from the power supply that the two had thought was deactivated, causing an invisible jolt of energy to pass through the Drainatron. The Drainatron, with insufficient power to push or pull energy to or from an entire universe, had to settle for pulling something from a pocket dimension instead. Somewhere in Danville, something relevant and interesting was about to happen.
Milo Murphy happened to be strolling through Danville Park when something uncharacteristically lucky happened to him. Gathering twigs for a new shelter, he was suddenly greeted by an opening of a large green portal. "Hey! This is the thing that got me in here in the first place!" He said, to no one in particular. Living alone for the weeks he had will do that to you. Without hesitation, hopped through the portal and ended up...
… smacking directly into the side of Fireside Lodge 46321. "Ouch!" He cried out in pain, rubbing his head. "Welp, it does at least seem like I'm back in Danville, so that's good. How uncharacteristically fortunate."
Baljeet and Buford rounded the corner, investigating the disturbance. Seeing Milo, the two suddenly experienced a sudden mental conflict, with memories overlapping and misplacing each other. The two clutched their heads and groaned.
Milo rushed up to the incapacitated pair. He pulled out his backpack, reaching in and shuffling through the contents. "Are you guys alright? Do you need some Tylenol?"
Buford grabbed Milo's wrist. "It's alright, Milo. Just remembering you is all."
"Remembering me?"
Baljeet looked behind the two. The portal snapped shut behind Milo suddenly. "Oh! We've seen these portals before!"
Milo paused and looked at Baljeet. "You've seen those before?"
"Yes! They remove objects from the timestream!" Baljeet lit up. "They make you completely forget the objects or people that get sucked in, creating an alternate timeline in which you did not exist."
"That explains the strange memories." Buford frowned. "We knew about probability ions long before we discovered them this last year, I guess."
"So, do you think that everyone I've interacted with is having their memories overwritten or mixed together or whatever?"
"I figure we'll remember the time you were gone, and the times that were relevant to the creation of those memories, and maybe the times that were relevant to the creation of the time that was relevant-" Baljeet pulled out a sketchbook and started drawing Venn diagrams. Buford lightly punched Baljeet.
"Stop thinking, nerd. My brain hurts."
"Okay, okay." Baljeet tapped his pen against his head, and then tucked it away. He put his hand on Milo's shoulder. "Lets reintroduce you to the girls."
"'Jeet, they're gonna remember him too."
"Oh. Right."
Suzanne Garcia-Johnson and Isabella Garcia-Shapiro were sitting in the repurposed walk-in fridge in the restaurant. It was, last night, deactivated by Flint and set up as a makeshift prison for their one prisoner. There was a dividing line of steel bars, a bed with pillows and blankets, a space heater, and he had even managed to redo the plumbing, because there was a toilet with a small divider in the corner, complete with a sink.
"Flint has to be the most accommodating evil mastermind I've ever seen." Suzanne nonchalantly commented from the favorable side of the bars. She leaned back in the chair. "If it were up to me, you'd probably just have a bucket and a cot."
"As if. We were friends yesterday, Suzy! What changed?" Isabella was sitting on the side of her bed. The other girl was right. It had been very comfortable, save for the magnetic cuffs on her hands.
"Your status in relativity to me." Suzy matter-of-factly stated. "You are no longer my friend. You are my enemy, a prisoner no less. Therefore I have no obligation to provide you with anything, and you should be grateful for a bucket and a cot."
"You're more like our Suzy than you realize." Isabella muttered under her breath as she laid back on the pillow. Her gut instinct had been as wrong as Phineas', for once. It seemed like Suzanne had even less of a moral compass than Flint. Days ago, she had told Flint that he was like a twisted version of Phineas, and it made her uncomfortable. The idea of her other self being capable of such casual disregard for others in the pursuit of her objectives was like a nightmare.
Then she thought back to the Fireside Girls, and Phineas. And then she realized that maybe she was capable of disregard. Cruelty, though, was not the Garcia-Shapiro style.
Heinz Doofenshmirtz and Flint Flynn-Fletcher were just dusting off their hands after finishing work on the Dimensional-Drainatron's lighting rod when the older of the scientists suddenly clutched his head, moaning. The doctor got down on one knee as sharp pain jolted through his brain, but it quickly subsided. Flint put his hand on the doctor's shoulder. "You good, doc?"
"Another one..?" Heinz muttered, before standing up. He rubbed the stubble on his chin as he took some time to process the memories that had just entered his head. "Oh my gosh!" He suddenly exclaimed. "We forgot Milo!"
"You gone batty on me, doctor?" Flint backed away nervously and put his hands up defensively. "We don't have any allies named Milo."
"You don't know him, but I do. He was helping me on my mission to turn away from evil, for the sake of my daughter's career in good-guy-being."
"Say it ain't so!" Flint spurted in dismay. "Doc, you're as evil as they come! As cold and as calculating as a liquid cooled computer!"
"I am- I mean, I was- putting all that behind me, kid." Doofenshmirtz glanced back at the two's handiwork as he slid his hands into his lab coat. "This really has been fun and all. Evil always is. but I needed- need- to be a good father first."
The two stood silently as the wind howled in their ears and the pitter-patter of rain drenched the foil around their rubberized soles. Flint shivered a bit and wrapped his coat around his body. "So, does that mean 'end of the line?'" Flint asked. Doofenshmirtz nodded, but it slowly turned to a smile.
"You know, being a good person is a real struggle. Most people are neither good nor bad, you know?" Heinz put his hand on Flint's shoulder. "Most people are just... bleh." He rolled his wrist to accentuate. "I have some kind of GREAT destiny to fulfill in which I drive humanity into a new golden age of scientific progress and yada yada... But you have no... uh, destiny, at least that I'm aware of."
"What are you implying, doc?" Flint nervously glanced around, as if wanting to escape the conversation. Not much but wind was up there with them.
"Well, as you are no longer an employee of Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated, and this may be the last time we work together, I was just thinking I could impart some wisdom." Heinz took his hand off Flint's shoulder and began to walk downstairs. "But, hey, if evil comes first, I can hardly judge you for it. After all, at a certain petty scale, it's tons of fun."
Flint got a little squeamish.
The Flynn-Fletcher Trio had elected to leave Mr. Garcia-Shaprio behind in the car, as his fractured mental state jeopardized their mission. A sharp pain shot through Candace, Phineas and Ferb's heads as they approached the base of the space needle. It was sudden, and subsided just as quickly.
Ferb glanced at his brother in confusion.
"Yeah, Ferb, that was strange. Milo Murphy must have gotten stuck in the time void, and we've forgotten him for... a while." Phineas explained. Candace shot him a glare.
"Phineas, I know what the time void is! I caused... I mean I was involved in a lot of it." Candace snapped. "So we'd forgotten the Pistachion Crisis."
"I guess we figured out what probability ions were a lot earlier than this year as well." Phineas frowned. "We couldn't have existed in the split timeline for more than a month, but it's likely radically altered THIS timeline."
"I've seen the old future, and that's a good thing." Ferb smirked.
"Elaborate on that."
"No."
Phineas shrugged and turned back to Candace, and noticed she was fiddling with the weapon he gave her. It appeared to be a tennis ball launcher, but there were some important modifications. "Candace, are you nervous about firing a net launcher?"
"I know you two wouldn't kill a fly, but it feels like a gun, y'know?" She sighed. "So the ball thingies expand and turn into nets, which attach at the ends and catch stuff?"
"Precisely! We can't count on Flint and Suzanne to play by our rules, so it'll paralyze them, but it won't hurt them too bad."
"Speaking of, have you considered how you could actually prosecute the two? The whole 'Alternate dimension me tried to kill me' bit probably won't hold up in court."
"What if I pleaded insanity?" Phineas mockingly grinned at her. "You make a fair point. We'll have to find some way to imprison them ourselves."
The three found that the door to the Space Needle was unlocked, so they headed inside. Phineas called down the elevator, and whistled while the three waited. Candace tapped her foot impatiently.
"I've killed flies." Ferb muttered under his breath.
Perry and Vanessa had forgotten to pack an umbrella, and the rainstorm happening around them really was not their idea of a comfortable ride. Landing at the base of the tower, Perry stepped out of the vehicle and grabbed Vanessa's hand, assisting her as she stepped over the door. "Thanks, Perry."
The two entered the Space Needle, and noticed that Phineas, Ferb, and Candace had already been waiting for the elevator. The three's eyes shot towards the door, startled by the sudden noise.
"Vanessa?" All three harmonized beautifully.
"Well, it looks like we have company, Pe-" Vanessa looked around and saw Perry had suddenly disappeared. "Oh. He didn't want to come along. Thanks for the ride, I guess." she muttered.
Perry had, in fact, disappeared around the corner, and was keeping an eye on them all from a distance. He would be happy to sit back until push came to shove in this case.
"So, did you come all this way just to see us?" Phineas grinned and elbowed Ferb. Ferb smiled and gave Vanessa a thumbs-up.
"No," She cautiously continued, "My Dad's here on... business."
Ferb raised an eyebrow. Phineas held up his laser cannon as if to show it off. "What a coincidence! So are we." There was a sinister undertone to his voice that she couldn't shake off.
"Wait a second..." Candace connected dots in her head. "Did your Dad kidnap Isabella?"
"That's ridiculous, Candace! Flint kidnapped Isabella! We know about his evil plan and his awful attitude and his ugly face-"
"Your face, Phineas."
"-Handsome face and chiseled jaw and spectacular physique and gigantic crazy brain, not to mention his obsession with Isabella." Phineas finished. "Wait, what was I talking about?"
"Flint?" Vanessa recognized the name and rolled her eyes. "Oh, boy. Dad introduced me to him the other day. New employee."
Now everyone was connecting dots.
"Alright, so if I can get this straight..." Phineas began, "Your dad is working with my extra-dimensional clone."
"You've already lost me, Phineas." Vanessa sighed. "Ferb?"
"Another Phineas and another Isabella. You have met our Isabella." Ferb spoke quietly. "But there's other versions from other dimensions. Dangerous."
"Sounds like the kind of thing that my Dad would be involved in. I'd never imagine that he'd kidnap a girl."
"Almost a young woman." Phineas added. Everyone looked at him silently. "Quinceanera. It's this month. Alright, irrelevant."
The elevator dinged, ending an awkward silence. Everyone piled in. Phineas tried to hand Vanessa a laser gun, but she waved him away. "Let's try talking to him, first." She looked at the laser gun again, and then quickly grabbed it out of his hands. "Wait a second, you made this?"
Phineas and Ferb nodded. Vanessa blasted the floor, causing all the residents of the elevator to leap into the air. "What was that for?" Candace spat, red in the face. Vanessa disregarded her, and instead looked at the burn mark left by the blaster.
"So you guys had a fight at DEI yesterday, didn't you?" Vanessa asked. The brothers seemed surprised. Candace seemed confused.
"We did! We didn't see your dad, though. At least not during the fighting part." Phineas chuckled. "But you think you can talk him down?"
"Oh, if he knows what's good for him, he'll help us put a stop to all this."
Perry had watched from the ceiling, crawling along with suction cups. Once they headed up, he supposed he would have to find another method to help without jeopardizing his identity.
Flint nervously approached the table outside the fridge that Isabella was being kept on. Suzy was relaxing. "Suze, can I talk to you for a second?" Suzy put her feet up on the table with a resounding thud. She looked up from her phone and smiled at him. He felt a sinister undertone.
"Sure. Whatcha thinkin?" Flint's stomach flipped a bit at her sweetened tone. He cleared his throat and slammed his arms down on the table.
"Suzanne, I don't think it's worth it. Or at least I'm not sure." He grabbed his head. "Gah! It's tearing at me! Death! We're talking mass extinction! Genocide! On purpose!"
Suzy's mood changed as she grabbed him by the collar and pulled his face down to hers. "You can't get cold feet now, after getting me in on this crazy scheme! YOU-" She put a finger into his chest harshly- "already destroyed our dimension! That's the same bodycount, genius!"
"Yeah, but-"
"Phin, you're a smart guy. You know any utilitarian philosophy?"
"Yes?" Flint wasn't really asking.
"Consequentialism: based on outcome. Utilitarianism is the idea that one ought to produce the greatest good for the greatest number of people."
"How is this 'the greater good', exactly?"
"The difference lies in us, Phineas." Suzanne took a decidedly softer tone, and cupped the side of his cheek. "Between the two of us, we can produce more practical good than the Phineas and Ferb of this universe. After all, what do they waste their talents on? Games? Parties? You broke new ground on dimensional travel along the third axis, and it stands to reason that no other Phineas has."
Flint nodded along. "It's selfish. But we aren't technically killing anyone. Just replacing them."
Suzanne smiled warmly, only a bit of anger bleeding through. "Exactly. In the future, with me by your side, we could achieve so much for humanity! Cure disease! End poverty! I help you make the right choices from here on and we're the ultimate force of good!"
Flint grinned as Suzanne let go of his collar. "Thanks, Suze. It's, uh, really nice to have someone in my corner for once. Twice."
"It's nice to be in your corner." They both heard the ding of the elevator. "Party guests." Suzanne muttered. "You grab the weapons. I'll grab Isabella, and I'll meet you topside."
Flint nervously chuckled. This would all be over soon, and then things would be back to normal. Better, even.
Heinz Doofenshmirtz was just about to leave out of what was apparently the only elevator in the building when it dinged. Vanessa stormed out of the compartment, pointing aggressively at her father.
"Dad! Is it true that you're working with alternate dimensional counterparts of my friends, and that you helped them set up this big lightning rod, and that you kidnapped a young girl to lure my friends here?"
"I was just coming to talk to you about that! Yes, yes, and-" He paused, "Wait a minute, kidnapped a young girl?"
"Isabella!" Phineas growled from behind Vanessa. "Surely you know she's missing?"
"I hardly know Isa-whatshername, let alone whether or not she's... gone missing." Doofenshmirtz scratched the back of his neck. "It just seems out of character for Flint, you know?"
"We all misjudged Flint, Doctor." Phineas huffed. "I didn't trust Isabella when I needed to, and at this point, frankly, the whole situation just rubbing it in."
It was pretty cold on top of the Space Needle, and the heavy rain wasn't doing anyone any favors. Flint grimly attached the battery compartments to side of the machine and set the lightning rod to "on". Bolts crackled from the sky, producing a thunderous sound.
"There's one half of the equation. Just need some probability in our favor and this doesn't tear apart both our dimensions." Flint looked to Suzanne for approval. She nodded at him, almost neutral. Isabella was shocked. Not a trace of guilt, like she thought that she could do no wrong.
"This is insane." She sputtered. "Even if this thing doesn't shred the fabric of space-time to itty-bitty pieces, I doubt it's going to work!"
Suzanne frowned at the prisoner for a second, slowly warping her expression into a smug grin. "Worst to worst, I'll at least know that just he and I managed to beat all your incompetent friends."
"Bite me." Isabella snarled. The trio heard clanking on the stairs, and they instinctively tensed for what was about to come next.
"Isabella!" Phineas practically tumbled up the stairs, Ferb in tow, Heinz following, Candace and Vanessa staying beneath the hatch. "You're okay!" He beamed.
"So, he baited you here with me?" Isabella asked. The boys nodded slowly. Vanessa boosted herself onto the roof.
"And you never stopped to ask why we baited you here in the first place." Suzanne finished Isabella's thought for her. "For a couple of geniuses, you sure are stupid." She pressed a button on a remote, and it clasped Isabella's handcuffs to the metal paneling on the roof. Isabella gasped in protest but found that the magnetic pull was too powerful.
Flint clasped his hands together, perfectly timed to the sound of thunder. It surprised everyone, even him, and he glanced at the sky for a second. Facing back towards the would-be rescuers, he fumbled out a statement. "It's, uh, really unfortunate that it's come to this."
Heinz looked on mournfully and nodded slowly. Flint's voice nearly cracked. "It's just- there's no other way for me to get my life back."
"There has to be!" Phineas pointed an accusatory finger at his double. "We could have figured it out together!"
"If I could just have your cooperation- you guys are cornered. We have a hostage, we have our machine, you know a fight between me and my partner and you two isn't exactly a coin-toss. Suze could destroy all 4 of you without much help."
"Five." Candace raised her hand, net launcher clasped, from the position she had taken just out of view beneath the roof hatch. A sudden gust of wind blew her weapon away, much to the boys' chagrin.
"Alright. Five. Including... Candace." Flint practically squeaked.
"You don't sound so confident, pal!" Phineas started to walk towards Flint, but Suzanne stepped in front of him.
"He doesn't need to be. I am."
"And what's gonna stop me from just taking you down too?" Phineas' brow furrowed. "I wouldn't hit a lady, but I'd hardly consider you one."
"He crossed that line pretty fast, huh?" Candace whispered. Ferb shrugged.
"Well, you can't. You have to catch your friends." Flint produced a ray from his back pocket and blasted Vanessa, Ferb narrowly dodging to the side. It encased her in a large bubble that slowly floated off the side of the building. "Sorry, boss. If it's any consolation, you won't remember her when I remake the universe."
The bubble popped, dropping Vanessa down the entire height of the building. "Dad! Help!"
Heinz didn't even think before he sprung into action, leaping off the side of the building. He then realized that he probably should have thought, as all that he had accomplished was... also falling. "Hey, uh, Vanessa? It occurs to me that I don't actually have a way out of this."
"Wha-? Then why'd you come after me? We'll both die!"
"It's obvious reasoning to me, of course. Fatherhood. But I've also got some good advice." He raised a single finger to accentuate the point: "Try to use your legs to counter the shock of hitting the ground, so you don't die immediately and have a chance of getting to a hospital or something. I've been in this scenario before, you know."
The two stuck out their legs beneath them and closed their eyes, bracing for impact. Suddenly, they felt something soft beneath them. The inflatable chairs they'd landed on slowly deflated as they sank into Perry's hover car. He chattered and tipped his hat, cranking the gearshift forwards and blasting off from beneath the tower back to Danville.
Up top, Ferb had just finished attaching a grapple device to the edge of the building and took a quick look down before he leapt after his allies. Surprised, but pleased, to find nothing, he quickly deduced that Heinz must have had something up his sleeve the whole time. He turned back to Phineas and gave a quick thumbs-up.
"Hah! Your little bubble-ray trick was worthless!" Phineas crowed triumphantly, before planting a leg and kicking, sweeping Suzanne's feet out from under her. She grabbed him on the way down, and he slipped on the wet surface of the building. The two slid precariously close to the ledge, with only the circular railing at the rim of the building protecting them from the fall. Ferb stepped towards his brother to help, but he growled up at him. "Take care of the other me and grab Isabella!"
Ferb wordlessly turned around to face Flint.
Suzanne trapped Phineas underneath her, grabbing his throat with both of her hands. His larger wingspan allowed him to push her face up, managing to flip her onto her back. Phineas planted his feet on the ground and dragged Suzanne to hers, locking her in a chokehold against the railing.
Ferb already had Flint on the ground. It was pretty much no contest. He gave his brother the thumbs up.
"Suzanne." Phineas glared at her over her shoulder as a strange calm entered his voice. "You have a choice: Release Isabella, or take the long way down."
"Good grief, Phineas. Chill out." Ferb huffed rolled his eyes and slammed Flint's face back into the floor. "All drama today with you."
"You don't have the stones, Flynn!" Suzanne struggled, but it appeared the two were at a stalemate.
"She's kinda right." Candace pulled herself up onto the roof, strolled over to the pair of grappling teens, reached into Suzanne's pocket, and grabbed the remote. "And for the record, Phineas, that's crossing the line."
"Yeah. Just disgusting." Isabella intoned from the ground. Candace pushed the button and it released the girl from her bindings. She got up and shivered. "Now, can we please get out of here before we catch pneumonia?"
"Wait a second, why are you guys attacking me?" Phineas snapped back to his usual self, frowning. "They started it!" He seemed dismayed, letting go of Suzanne, who was so surprised she fell in a lump to the floor, grabbing onto one of the bars on the rim for stability.
Everyone was standing in an awkward kind of circle, except for Flint, who was at this point barely conscious. Ferb shrugged and headed back downstairs. Phineas and Isabella followed closely after.
"Wait, so that's it?" Candace yelled after him, "We're not going to call the police?"
"You try selling this story to the cops." Isabella retorted. Candace sighed in defeat.
"And somebody dropped the net gun!" Phineas added.
"I guess you're right." Candace slumped. She was just about to follow the crew down when she heard a moan from the floor.
"Candace..." Candace looked down at Flint, who rolled over and looked at her. "It feels like it's been a while since I've seen you."
Candace wanted to hurry down to the car, but something planted her feet to the ground there, staring at the brother that wasn't hers.
"Candace, if there was any other way, I'd do it. But that's the nature of conflict, isn't it? Two sides arrive at an impasse. War ensues. People get hurt." Flint was tearing up now. He sat up and put his hand on his knee. "I don't expect you, as someone who isn't REALLY family, to love me. The Candace that believed in me is gone, and the only way I get her back is by replacing you."
Candace felt a pang of pain for him in her chest. Her fists clenched. "I understand the need to be loved. I understand that you feel the need to replace me. Phineas and Ferb might just be able to get along without me." She suddenly leaned down, getting close to his face, as she adopted a grim expression. "But if you think, for one second, my empathy is going to stop me from protecting my brothers, you're dead wrong."
"Oh, and hey! I heard you're getting married tomorrow! Congratulations!" Suzanne smiled as she pulled herself up onto her feet.
"Well, uh, thanks, I guess?"
"Yeah, I just think the idea that everyone's trash is someone's treasure... is so romantic. Say hi to the unlucky sucker for me, and watch your back." Suzy helped Flint to his feet, and glared at Candace. Her harsh frown transformed into a goofy smile. "It's not a matter of if! It's whe-en!" Her singsongy voice synchronized with a crack of thunder. Flint felt an uncanny air of threat, and she was on his side.
Candace frowned and dejectedly headed down the ladder into the Space Needle.
Everyone piled into the van. "Dad!" Isabella hugged Joseph, who had been staring at a particularly interesting wall for the last hour or so. It seemed to snap him out of it. "You guys didn't tell me that he was here!"
"Well, uh, actually, he got us our first lead. Flint planned on having him along, for some reason." Phineas shrugged. "He doesn't really seem like a long term planner. Like he only knows what he's gonna do..."
"...On any given, individual day. What kind of idiot doesn't roadmap this kind of thing?" Candace sarcastically quipped. Phineas felt 3 pairs of eyes on him. He chuckled nervously.
"Why are you all staring? We have a drive to make." He wiped some sweat off his forehead.
"We'll do it at warp speed." Ferb reached for the remote on the car's dash.
"No, we won't." Joseph slapped his hand away and gripped the steering wheel with both hands. "We are going to drive the whole way back while you three explain why we're fighting clones with lasers and gizmos and such."
"Dad, I thought I told you about all this stuff. Phineas and Ferb kinda do it all the time, though usually the stakes aren't this high." She leaned over the chair.
"Seatbelt on, young lady," He grumbled, "and yes. Yes you have. We were just of the thought that you had overactive imaginations."
"We?" Isabella sat down and strapped herself in next to Phineas. Ferb sat across and the brothers fastened their belts.
"'We' is apparently everyone." Phineas frowned. "Tomorrow's gonna be a weird day."
"Yeah." Isabella frowned.
"The wedding and everything, you know. Crazy."
"Yeah." Isabella smiled just a bit.
"For the record, considering I just blew a chance to save Vanessa Doofenshmirtz' life, I may be going stag." Ferb flatly sighed. "So, how about you, Phineas?" He glanced over at Isabella in a fashion that was frankly obvious to both of them.
"Oh! Yeah! Well, your old date kinda fell through. How about me?" Phineas grinned.
Isabella feigned thinking. "Well, you didn't really do much of the saving today, now did you? Really, Candace and Ferb were my knight's in shining armor." Phineas' dismay was a delight to all the passengers of the van, even Joe. "All that you did was beat up a girl, that, for the record, looked, sounded, and fought exactly like me." The gap between his upper and lower jaw got a bit larger. Isabella casually leaned into his shoulder and kissed him on the cheek.
"For the record, that's a yes. Thanks for the 'kinda' save, Phinny."
"For the, uh, record..." Phineas said dreamily, "I sent Ferb after Flint because I know Ferb can beat me in a fight. I wouldn't let something, uh, as silly as ego, get in the way of... Where are we again?"
"Exactly where we ought to be." Isabella blinked slowly as she realized how tired she was. Candace and Ferb stared at the two with amused expressions, but the two were too busy staring at each other to notice ("Phinny?" The siblings may have thought). Isabella's hand tiptoed over to Phineas, and it locked over his. Neither had any significant reaction to it, aside from light blushing. In no time at all, the girls were asleep, and Isabella was curled up against Phineas.
"A wedding and a funeral, then." Joseph muttered under his breath before turning his attention back to the road. Ferb snickered. Phineas nervously laughed at a low volume.
"I can't believe I screwed it up again!" Flint spat as he threw parts into a plastic bin. The rain hadn't stopped, and Suzanne hadn't stopped staring at him while he packed up the Drainatron. He looked towards her with puppy-dog eyes. "My stupid emotions keep getting in the way of the efficiency of my plans!"
Suzanne walked over to the boy, her angry face nearly touching his. He gulped. Then, it turned into that same goofy, vaguely threatening smile and she set to the work of helping him pick up. "Emotions are totally normal, Phin. It's the stomping them out that I'm good at. It's almost shameful."
"I just hate this whole situation! Why did this have to happen to us of all people? What did we do to deserve it?" He sniffled.
She set a part down in a bin and slapped him lightly in the cheek. "Phineas Flynn-Fletcher! That's not the way to be thinking!" His eyes met hers again, but this time they had a bit of fire in them. Her heart skipped a beat in surprise. Catching her breath, and trying not to let him notice, she turned her face away from his. "I admire that you have all these conflicting feelings, and that you press on in spite of it. It's rough, I know. But together, we can get through this."
"Together sounds nice." Flint grinned just a tiny bit.
The two stood in silence for a small eternity as Suzy caught her breath again. "Phineas Flynn-Fletcher, you are the cockiest, stupidest, bravest boy I have ever met." Suddenly, she grabbed Flint's face and smashed it into hers, leaning into his lips. A surge of emotion passed through them like electricity. The kiss went on for what seemed like hours, and the two were heaving when they finally separated.
"So we're doing this?" Flint's grin became wider.
"Yeah." Suzanne turned on her heel and faced away from him, sorting through more parts. She glanced back at him and smiled. "Together."
The smile, for once, was completely genuine.
A/N: Oh boy! That was a fun one to write! I look forward to hearing from you guys about it! Admittedly, the roadmap gag was a dig at myself as well: characterization is REALLY hard to plan. In the case of Flint and Suzanne, I figured that the increased pressure of the job and the reliance on each other made the romantic arc a forgone conclusion, but I hope I pulled it off right. I'm actually really tired right now since I stayed up late to watch CATU and it drove me to finish this. I've also been trying to keep track of how many days have passed in the story, and that's hard too. The big event has arrived!
Next Time:
Candace and Jeremy have a Wedding and Nothing Goes Wrong
Phineas was right: Tomorrow is a weird day!