Chapter 17: Difficult

"Jamie, wake up."

"Five more minutes Dad." I groaned through a sleepy haze. Wait. Dad? I shot up right in my bed. Dad was standing next to my bed with an amused smile.

"What are you doing here? I thought you were mad at me?" I asked rubbing sleep from my eyes. Usually after we had a fight it was days before we would talk to each other again. He'd work even longer hours down at the station and I'd sneak off to complain to Anni or do something I knew would annoy Dad with Ko. Last time Ko and I spray painted the school's football field with insults. The cops never caught us and I got to hear how much more paperwork Dad had to do because of it.

"I'm not mad at you."

"The yelling in the cave the other day suggested otherwise." I mumbled. He sighed and sat on the bed.

"I was caught off guard. I'm not mad at you. I knew there was a risk of you finding out when you came here. It just surprised me that you didn't tell me you knew. How long have you known?" He asked.

"Since my birthday. I was...am angry you kept this from me. I meant everything I said. Why do you feel the need to keep secrets from me? You sent me to live with a man you hate and I barely knew, but wouldn't tell me why. Then I discover you used to be a superhero after growing up listening to you call them ridiculous and a nuisance. You're one of three people I trusted completely. Do you know how hard it is to realize your hero isn't everything you thought they were?" It was way too early on a Sunday for this crap. I should've had coffee before having this conversation.

"Yes, I do know, all too well. Get dressed and meet me downstairs. I need to show you something." Dad got up and left my room.

Twenty minutes and a cup of coffee later we were in downtown Gotham.

"Out of the Nest Aerial?" I read the sign on a beat up looking four story building. "You actually bought a gym?" I turned to Dad. He gave me that infamous Grayson smile.

"So this is why you're in Gotham? For your secret gym and not to check up on me?" I took a sip of my coffee.

"I'm mainly here because of the phone call I got from you on Thursday. I needed to see that you were okay. I know that facing a villain can affect you more than just physically." Dad said, subconsciously rubbing his thigh. An injury he told me he got when he was still an officer. I guess most of his old injuries were from being Robin/Nightwing. Including the one that forced him to wear an eye patch.

"But it didn't hurt to check on this. I've wanted to show this to you for a month but its still needed a lot of work." His mood lightened.

"You bought this a month ago?"

"Yes. It was too good of a deal to pass up. Shall we?" He gestured to the door. We entered a into a lobby that lead to a gymnast and acrobat's paradise. Balance beams, vaults, still rings, floor area, pommel horse, parallel bars, and my personal favorite, the uneven bars were all throughout the gym. Above there was the usual trapeze bars (safety net securely in place), a tightrope, and some other things I wasn't familiar with.

"I thought you said it needed a lot of work?" I asked Dad, tearing my eyes away from the uneven bars.

"I know a good contractor. The gym is finished, but the apartment is still being renovated." He told me.

"Apartment? You plan on living here too?"

"I told you it was a good deal. You'll live here too. Come on. This isn't what I wanted to show you." He took on a more serious tone. I followed him back outside and around to the back of the building. There was a staircase that had a door at the top. He unlocked it and went in.

"Welcome to our new home!" Dad said cheerfully.

We were in a great room that contained the kitchen, living, and dinning room. The whole place had high ceilings, adding to the open feeling. The whole place was in desperate need of paint and flooring. The 'front door' was in between the kitchen and living room. From where we stood, the kitchen was directly to the right with a bar separating it from the living room and an island dictating the start of the dinning room. The dinning room was in the far right corner of the space with a make shift table set up and covered in papers.

"Pretty counters." I said as I ran a hand over the smooth black marble. It was a nice contrast to the white cabinets.

"Expensive counters. This and the windows were my indulgence, among other things." Dad said looking over to the empty living room. The wall opposite from the kitchen and dinning room was made up completely of floor-to-ceiling windows, giving a decent view of the Gotham River and downtown. The windows stopped at a wiry looking staircase with a door at the top.

"Whats up there?" I pointed to the top of the stairs.

"What I want to show you." He said, heading for the stairs. At the top was basically an office set up and it was the only part of the apartment completely finished. A desk with computers sat in the middle of the space, facing the windows. The far right wall was lined with book shelves and filing cabinets and there were a few chairs on the back wall meant for reading in.

"I thought there was an office downstairs?" I asked.

"That one is more for discussions between clients. Anything important is stored up here. Including this." He picked up a remote from the desk and hit a button. A section of the wall opposite from the door opened up to reveal a single Nightwing suit covered in blood and bullet holes.

"What the hell happened?" I asked in shock.

"Batman happened." Dad said simply. I rolled my eyes. "I need you to understand what you're getting into with Bruce. And you deserve to know what happened between us. I don't want you keep things from me, Jamie. So I'm going to tell you the end."

"The end?" I tore my eyes away from the Nightwing suit and looked at Dad.

"I can only tell you my side of things, and why I quit, but you can ask Bruce if you want his side."

"Okay, can you at least tell me what caused that?" I nodded at the suit.

"The Joker had kidnapped Alfred." Dad took a seat in one of the reading chairs. I sat in the other one, listening intently. I was finally going to learn way he hated Bruce. Or at least part of the reason. Maybe knowing Dad's side would give me enough courage to ask Bruce his side. It was the one question I had avoided since moving to Gotham.

"I wouldn't have normally helped Batman but it was Alfred. We finally found where they were, but the Joker was ready for us. He had a modified Hunziker J-108 with expanding armor piercing ammo. Bruce and I hadn't worked together as team for awhile. He had been on his own as Batman for so long, he hadn't had a true partner since Damian left. It had been years. Otherwise he would've remembered one of the very first rules he taught the Robins, don't land in front of your partner. You cape acts as a visual screen. The cape hid his body from the Joker's aim, but I had no chance. Bruce made sure I wouldn't die before an ambulance arrived, stripped off my costume and chased after the Joker."

"So you hate him because he left you naked in an alley for paramedics to find?" I asked. That seemed very in character for Bruce, and not the kind of thing Dad would hold a grudge for.

"No. I expected that from him." Dad confirmed my suspicion. "I hate him partly for what he didn't do. The entire time I was in the hospital he never once visited me. Never once has he apologized for screwing up that night. He's too damn prideful. He sent Alfred once to give me my suit and a note that said 'New one waiting for you'. That was the only contact I got from him. We didn't speak again until seven years later, when he found out about you." Dad said.

We sat in silence while I processed what Dad just told me. My father was not an unreasonable man. There had to be more to the story than what he was telling me, because I refused to believe that Dad hated Bruce over a mistake and refusal to admit he was wrong. The was just how Bruce was.

"You're unusually quiet." Dad noted after five minutes of silence.

"Just thinking."

"About?"

"You said that was the end. The straw that broke the camel's back, so to speak. What happened before that? I mean I know Bruce is difficult with, well, everything, but there had to be more to it than that." I said.

"When I was in that hospital I realized some things. If I had died, no one would know the truth about what happened to me. Bruce would make up a story and spin it to the press. All that would be left of Nightwing would be a memorial in the cave next to Jason's. My death would be just another secret for Bruce. I wasn't okay with that. I didn't want or need to continue living half truths. Bruce had too many secrets. His secrets are what drove me to become Nightwing in the first place. I decided I wasn't going to be one of his secrets anymore. And when Alfred showed up with the suit and I read that note, I decided Bruce lost his right to be involved in my life. So after I finished physical therapy I left Gotham for good." We sat in silence again.

"When I learned about you, I knew that wasn't life I wanted for you." he added.

"But you still kept secrets. Even now." I pointed out.

"I keep certain things from you, yes. One day you might understand why. But I hope you never learn some things I've kept from you."

"Like anything about my mother." I said bitterly.

"Your mother abandoned you, Jamie. Raised you for a year and left you. She's not the kind of person I want around my daughter."

"Oh, just like you felt about Bruce for sixteen years. Didn't want me around my only grandparent. Who you then shipped me off to even though I barely knew him only because he was a convenient choice! I bet you regret that now, because your little secret is out and you can't stop me from being influenced by Batman!" I exclaimed, standing up.

"That was different and you know it."

"How could I?! You don't tell me anything! I've learned more about you and our family living with Bruce than I ever did in New York! You sit here and spew crap about how Bruce kept too many secrets, but you can't even be honest with your own daughter! From where I stand, Bruce has been more truthful with me in the past four months than you have in the last seventeen years!"

"He's keeping things from you too!" Dad was standing now too. We were face to face, staring each other down.

"What could he possibly still be keeping from me that's bigger than being Batman?!" I asked rigidly.

Dad's silence meant it was his secret too. I had had enough.

"You know what. Keep your god damned secrets. I don't give a shit. I'm leaving." I said walking to the door.

"Jamie wait." he sighed.

"What." I spat.

"Bruce isn't as righteous as he acts. He manipulates people, making them do what he wants. I don't want to you fall into his trap too. He may have been a hero, but only at the cost of those closest to him."

"Looks like you two have a lot more in common than you thought." I said and walked out the door.

Since Ko wasn't near by to cause havoc with me, I wandered angrily around Gotham until it was time for me to meet up with Max to work on our project.

"Okay. Something is wrong." She said from her living room floor.

"You're telling me. The twip who made this graph didn't even label it right." I said from the couch.

"I meant with you, Jamie." She gave me an expectant look.

"Don't want to talk about it." I said focusing on graph in front of me.

"Well I don't want sit here and only talk about stats." She crossed her arms. we sat there with our eyes locked for a solid minute before I rolled my eyes.

"Fine. I'll tell you. My dad decided to move to Gotham." That didn't actually bother me that much. His constant secret keeping was what pissed me off.

"And you're mad about that?"

"Not really? I don't know? I haven't thought about it much. I just found out this morning." I admitted.

"So what are you mad about?" She pried.

"Ever since I moved to Gotham, I'm constantly learning new things about my dad. Things he purposefully kept from me. And then!" I threw my hands up, "He has the nerve to tell me that Bruce is the one with all the secrets, but from my point of view Bruce has been nothing but honest for the most part." I huffed and slouched farther on the couch.

"Does this have something to do with that secret you mentioned after your birthday?" She remembered that?

"How can you tell?"

"You're in the same mood as you were then. So your dad is the problem?"

"Yeah. We had a fight and I honestly don't know if we'll get over this one. We've never had a fight this big."

"What happened?" She asked.

"He basically told me he avoided telling me anything about my mom because she wasn't a good influence. But how can I make that choice for myself if I don't what she was like? I think I have the right to know who my own mother is. Even if she's the worst person ever. I don't know anymore Max." I sighed.

"But maybe he has a point."

"Who's side are you on!"

"There's some people I know I wish I never knew. Your dad could be doing you a favor, saving you from pain."

"That's my whole point though! You've come to that conclusion because you've met those people. I can't do that for someone I've never met! And Dad won't even give me a chance to."

"Did you stop to think that maybe because your dad knows your mom he decided the same thing you seem to want. Making it so you won't regret knowing your mom,." Max argued.

"Okay fine. But what about Bruce? Why is my dad so adamant that I be wary of my own grandfather? I've met Bruce. He's not the best person, but he isn't the person Dad made him out to be when I was growing up."

"Your dad has known Mr. Wayne a lot longer. Maybe its the same thing as with your mom?" Max suggested.

"You know what, let's just work on this project." I turned back to my laptop with the graph.

"I'm just trying to show you what your dad's reasoning might be," She tried.

"Just drop it, Max." I said harshly. She thankfully did, but the rest of the night had an uncomfortable tension in the air.

Why did everyone seem against what I wanted all of a sudden? I wasn't wrong in wanting to know my mother. I had the same desire to know Dad's parents. Only difference was I could actually find my mother if my jackass father would tell me something. It seemed the only person I could depend on was Bruce. I never thought that would happen. But here I am, wandering Gotham after dark, wishing I could be in the cave tinkering with those patrol that were just an excuse to be in the cave because it meant being around that grumpy old man. I wished I could find enough courage to ask Bruce what happened between him and Dad, learn his side of things. I wished everything just go smoothly for once.

That's funny thing about hindsight. Hell was about to rain down and I had no idea.

Holy crap! Did I actually post on time for once? Actually this chapter was long written before the previous one.

I didn't mean for Jamie and Dick to argue again, but it kind of just...happened. It's just in Jamie's nature I guess.

Fun Fact: Dick does own a gym in the Bat Beyond comics. And when Terry first meets him, Dick tells him the story about being shot by the Joker. It's in Batman Beyond: Hush Beyond. That in itself was an interesting story.