Chapter 22: Gathering Thoughts
"Sorry I missed your call. Leave a message and I'll get back to you!"
"Damn it Anni." I groaned and hung up. I sat down in one of the reading chairs in Dad's office at the gym. That was the third time today she hadn't picked up. I looked at the time. She should be at lunch, and she always had her phone on her. I ignored the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. Someone would have told me if something was wrong.
I called Ko instead. I really needed to talk to someone about the whole adoption thing.
"Hola Chica! What's up Jay?" Ko greeted.
"Spanish?" I questioned.
"Had Spanish class before lunch. You should help me with my homework sometime. So why did you call? And shouldn't you be at school?" She asked.
"I have more important things to worry about than school at the moment." I said, glancing at the file I had found on my adoption.
"Oh my god! Please tell me you didn't get expelled again."
"What? No! I've been good, I swear! That's not way I called. I found out something last night and I need to tell someone."
"Why not tell Anni? We both know she's a better listener."
"I've tried calling her, but she's not answering. Tell her to pick up her phone."
"I would, if she was here."
"What?" The sinking feeling got worse.
"She's probably at home sick. She said she wasn't feeling well yesterday. Probably sleeping it off." I could hear the shrug in Ko's voice. "Anyway, what did you find out that you need to tell me?"
"I found out who my mom is." I started with the easiest thing.
"That's good right? You've wanted to know forever. Your dad finally told you?"
"No. I found my birth certificate. And Ko, I've met my mother before."
"Is that good or bad?"
"I'm not sure yet. But I can say she is definitely responsible for the microchip."
"Oh, damn. So who is she?"
"Victoria Rogers." Ko was silent for a second.
"The CEO of MedCorp?! Holy shit Jay! What are you going to do?"
"Nothing. It's obvious she wants nothing to do with me. If she did, she would've have told me who she was when I met her."
"Not even to confront her about the chip?"
"Bruce and I are working on it. Hopefully we can decommission it."
"How? You said it wasn't possible without hurting you."
"I said we're working on it. And that's not the biggest thing."
"What's bigger than finding out who your mom is?"
I took a deep breath. It was one thing to tell my aunt and uncle who already knew I was adopted. It was another thing to tell my best friend who would be just as blind sided by this as I was.
"Jamie? What else happened?" Ko asked in concern at my silence.
"Ko, I'm adopted." My voice cracked. It finally hit me. I wasn't wanted by my parents, shoved off onto Dad out of convince. He probably only adopted me out of pity because no one else would take me in. Sad little unwanted Jamie. It apparently ran in the family.
"Wh-what? Adopted?" Ko sputtered.
"Richard Grayson isn't my father. Grayson isn't even my given name." I wiped the tears from my eyes. That was the most painful part. I had taken so much pride in being a Grayson and that legacy, only to find out I didn't even belong to it.
"Wow Jamie. I don't know what to say. Who is your real dad?"
"His name is Jason Todd. Apparently he was adopted by Bruce too. No one ever told me about him until I moved to Gotham."
"Are you sure that's who he is?" she sounded uneasy.
"Yes Ko. I triple checked my birth certificate to make sure."
"But Jay, Jason Todd died. Like fifteen years before we were born. He can't be your father." Shit. I didn't even think about that fact. I knew he was alive, but most of the world didn't.
"It's complicated. He was presumed dead, but then turned up years later." I lied. "And how do you even know about that?"
"I did some research on Bruce Wayne when you told me you were moving. That was something I found, among other things." She didn't sound too impressed with Bruce. "So what did Detective G say about all of this?"
"I haven't told him I know. You, my aunt and uncle are the only ones I've told."
"You should tell him. He has a right to know."
"And I didn't?" I countered.
"I'm not saying it was right for anyone to keep it from you, especially your dad, but you keeping it from him doesn't make you any better. He might be able to justify it. Maybe this Jason Todd should be avoided." She reasoned. She was spot on, even if she didn't even know half of what was going on
"You sound like my dad when he wouldn't tell me about my mom."
"He does it because he loves you, Jay. I would give anything to have the relationship you have with your dad with my parents. So what if you're adopted? Stop being a whiny bitch about it and be grateful you have one parent who cares." Ouch. That stung a little.
"Ko, it's more complicated than that. If I could explain, I would."
"No it isn't. I don't need to know everything to know your dad didn't have to adopt you. But he did and that should be all that matters to you. You're his whole world. Anyone can see that." There was voices in the background. "Shit. I have to go before I get caught skipping again. I'm giving you till Friday to confront him. If you don't, I will."
"That's only two days! Ko, come on,"
"No Jamie. You need to start thinking with your brain and not your emotions. You're a logical thinker when you want to be. Now I have to go. Bye." She hung up on me.
Damn her. I knew she was right though. Telling Dad sooner rather than later would end up better for both of us. And honestly, I didn't think I could keep quiet about this as long as I did with Batman.
I picked up the file I found. All morning of digging through the filing cabinets and this was the only thing I found about my adoption. It turned out five families were considered for me, but none took me in. All of the candidates were great choices, so how did I end up with Dad? Ko was right, I did need to tell him I knew, if only to get some answers.
Along with potential families, the file held information on a trust fund set up for me by a P.J Haywood. Nice fake name Jason. The fund had enough money for college, even grad school if I wanted. And that was when I was a year old. I couldn't imagine what it was now. For two people who wanted nothing to do with raising me, my biological parents seemed to have a lot invested in me.
The final thing in the file was a copy of Jason's conditions to Dad for my adoption. The stipulation about Batman and Jason were there along with an agreement that Jason would cover my education cost through college. That explained the trust fund, although I wasn't sure if I wanted to know where that money came from,with Jason being a former crime lord and all. It also explained how Dad could send me to one of the best prep schools in New York on a detective's income.
The more I learned, the more annoyed and frustrated I became with this family. This better be the last god damned secret of Dad's or I was going to just live on my own. It was emotionally exhausting to learn I'd been lied to over and over again.
The resurgence of my anger gave me the need to move around, and luckily I had a whole gym downstairs at my disposal.
Half a bottle of Bacardi rum later, I stumbled into the manor four hours past curfew, and a bit buzzed. Thank God for auto pilot in the car otherwise I would have been in so much more trouble. And I knew I was already slagged when I saw Bruce waiting for me with what I could only assume was a full on Bat-glare.
"Wait for me in my study." Bruce commanded. An uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach formed. Might have been from the rum though.
"Shit." I muttered to myself. I had only been in his private study once in my life and that was when I first met him. I was four and had demanded Bruce read me a book. I wished I could still be so bold. I stumbled my way to the study, coat and all.
The room was dimly lit and felt like an extension of the cave instead of part of the manor. There was an old desk made of solid wood with an intricate floral pattern caved into it. On top of it were papers in various piles along with a laptop. The chair at the desk was big and made of worn leather, very fitting for Bruce.
On the wall above his chair was a portrait of the family. They all looked so young, especially Bruce. Dad had both eyes! Aunt Cass used to have long hair? I smiled at how little Uncle Damian was, he had to be at least twelve, and not at all the imposing figure he was now.
There was a bookshelf that held various mementos from the past, probably Alfred's doing to bring a piece of humanity into the room. Next to the shelf was a worn green velvet couch that had definitely seen better days. On the other end of the couch was another bookshelf full of actual books. I was flipping through an old looking copy of The Count of Monte Cristo when Bruce came in.
I snapped the book closed with a loud thump and turned sharply to face him, almost falling in the process.
"Explain yourself." He commanded, sitting at the desk. I looked at him in confusion. He wanted my side of the story, before yelling at me? Usually Dad and I argued for a good five minutes before Dad would even ask what happened.
Normally I would be all for getting my side in before being punished, but it felt, wrong. Ko was right, I needed to tell Dad, and sort it out with him first. Although I was still angry, and probably would always be a little hurt at my whole family for keeping my adoption from me, I realized Bruce was just respecting his son's wishes, even if it was messed up. Bruce wasn't the one I was truly mad at, and it didn't feel right to tell him before I told Dad I knew. But I had one too many shots and my reasoning for telling Dad first flew out the window.
"Did anyone ever plan on telling me I was adopted?" I tossed Dad's file on the desk and sat down in the chair on the other side of the desk."Or that Jason Todd was my father? Or better yet, why anyone thought it was a good idea to lie to me about my biological father!" I crossed my arms and waited while Bruce skimmed the file.
"By the time I knew you existed, you were three. I didn't know you were Jason's until we met a year later. By then it was too late. Everything was set legally, and I have no legal rights to you." He explained. I didn't know I was kept from Bruce. God. Did everything have to be a secret with this family? Shocking as his revelation was, it wasn't good enough.
"That's not an excuse to not tell me. That agreement is between Dad and Jason. Not you. Why didn't you tell me about this when I first learned about Jason?" I wanted to understand the logic behind all the lies and secrets. I needed to understand it. Ko was right when she said I needed to start thinking with logic and not my emotions.
"I've told you before that you're the redemption this family needs. Jason sees you as his saving grace. He believed he would corrupt you if he was involved in your life. I never agreed with his choice, but I had to respect him as a father. At his request I didn't tell you. In his eyes, staying away from you gives some sort of redemption to his life. If you turned out better than him, he's done one good thing."
"But I'm not better than him! I haven't gone a school year without a suspension in five years! I would have countless misdemeanors if I ever got caught! I broke a kid's arm because he said something rude! How the hell can you still possibly think I'm redemption for you all? I can't even get anyone to tell me the whole story about what happened between you and Dad. I know what the proverbial nail in the coffin was," I said to Bruce's doubtful look. "But I also know there's more no one will tell me. How can you still see me as redemption for you, Dad, and I assume, Jason?"
"You don't see it the way I do..."
"Then show me!" I stood up abruptly. I started pacing the study. "Start with telling me about you and Dad's issues with each other. No more discovering Batman in the kitchen, or secret adoptions! I never asked to be a part of this! I don't want to be redemption for the god damned Batman and his Robins." I stopped pacing turned towards him.
"All I want is to finish the school year and go home. I want Dad to catch those escapees so my best friend will stop needlessly worrying about her convict father. I want Dick Grayson to be my only dad and unlearn that Victoria Rogers is my mother. I want to go back to barely knowing this family because the more I learn, the more exhausted I get. I never asked to be your's or Jason's so called 'redemption.' So for the love of god stop!" I exclaimed. My head was throbbing and I could feel my heart pounding.
"Okay." he said simply.
"Okay? That's it? No lecture about how I should have a sense of duty to this family or Jason as basically his legacy child?" I sank back into the chair.
"You asked me to explain and I did. I can't force you to be anything more than I can stop Terry from being Batman."
"Thank you. That's all I ask." I sighed. I felt like a weight had been lightened from my shoulders. I didn't realize how much this was all was weighting on me until I talked with Bruce.
"Now, explain why you thought it was a good idea to skip school, break curfew, not let anyone know where you were, and illegally drink." He said after a moment.
"I just found out I was adopted. Cut me some slack." I thought the shock of the situation was my explanation. Apparently not.
"You're grounded. No cave or friends for two weeks. You go to school and come back here. Understand?"
"It's right before Christmas! Do you expect me to miss every party I'm invited to because you don't agree with my coping habits?" I pouted.
"Yes. And tomorrow you're going to call Dick and tell him everything."
"Can't you tell him?" I pleaded. I wasn't ready to face Dad about this. Maybe I should just let Ko tell him.
"I already know that you know. He deserves to hear it from you. You should get to bed. If you fall asleep soon, you might not have a hangover in the morning." he smirked.
"I hate you." I mumbled, heading for the door.
"I've heard it all before." I swear he took some amusement out of all this.
"Shut up." I grumbled.
"Goodnight Jamie." He sounded so damn pleased.
It wasn't till months later he told me that that night was when the last of his secrets from me came out. He had nothing left to hide and he had felt a sense of relief too.
What a long chapter! Bruce and Jamie finally talked! Maybe that'll help Jamie keep a cool head when she tells Dick about Jason?
I was going to post this much sooner, but my wifi went down and I haven't figured out how to post from the FF app, so sorry its so late!
Fun Fact: Jamie is secretly concerned that Jason's dip in the Lazarus pit affects her too. Uncle Damian seems fine, but his mother is something else.