A/N: I return again my subjects! THE I's have it! Ya'll are getting another chapter! For any wondering, YES I have seen Jurassic World, and I bloody loved it! Indominus Rex was indeed a bloody clever girl, downright remarkable, really. I found that her death was rather sudden, however, amusing as it was.

And when I saw that there were so very few Naruto crossovers with it and all the INSANITY that takes places throughout, well, the gears in my mind got to turning. As another note, this is a sort of prequel to the "Not Going Home" series as a whole, chronicling the adventures of our dimension hopping blond.

Therefore, before reading this, I SERIOUSLY suggest you stop and read that, first before venturing into the silliness that is this crack ficlet.

LET THE NEW ERA BEGIN! Also yes, I've purged another few stories as of this mark. Now...

...off we go! I proudly present another chapter for Clever Girl! Its meant to be short and sweet, so I hope ya like it! AND YES, I take some unabashed shots at Jurassic Park Three, here =D And yes, I strongly believe that there was more than one Spino only Isla Sorna. This story reflects that belief. I also credit the brilliant Muddle Not Fiddle by Evilfuzzy9 for inspiring me to do this. Now...

...for reals this time! Hope ya like it! Its nice and long! And the FEELS! Prepare yourself for the funny's AND feels! Its derpy, funny-full of fourth-wall breaking-silly, not to mention filled with drama at the end and...THE RESULT OF YOUR VOTES!

It makes me a little sad, knowing that this story is almost over, now. So...

...onto the story. Despite my sorrows, I play blatant homage to a certain madman/comedian here, after all, I could certainly use a good laugh atm...

"MY TEETH ARE FULL OF EXCITEMENT!"

"Oi, oi, that's not even a thing!"

~Diny and Naruto!

Bite and Bark

Well, I just decked a Rex in the schnoz!

Always wanted to do that.

Do you have any idea how incredibly GRATIFYING it feels to run up to one of THE most dangerous beasts on earth, look 'er right in the eye, and clobber the hell out of it with your fist? Pretty damn good. I've done some crazy, wacky things in my time traveling across dimensions, but this, by far, has to be one of my favorites. Seriously, how...do you compare to something like that?! Its like riding a shark, strapped with dynamite, into a bloody volcano! IT DOESN'T GET ANY BETTER THAN THAT!

Now...what the hell was I going about here before I started ranting like a madman? Oh, yeah.

Almost forgot.

MINE!

...mine mine mine MINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINE!"

CRUNCH.

Diny grunted in surprise as a sparking fist found her face, bodily launching her out of the enclosure and through the plated wall with all the speed of a hellfire missile. Her body tumbled wildly in the air, claws, scrabbling for a handhold and finding none. Skidding across the gravel her tail lashed out out, anchoring to a tree, slowing her descent as its momentum ground to a halt. Why...had they hit her?! She didn't understand! Why, why, why, why...WHY?!

Snarling, she roared...

...and something roared back.

"..."

Naruto stood over her and lowered his smoking fist, grinning like a madman. Blue eyes locked on the Indominus-Diny!-smoldering with all the wrath only a god could produce. The creature stood slowly looking over her as if she were nothing more than a slap of wet meat; something to scented, and then devoured. When Naruto finally deigned to speaj, she felt her bones go cold. Fangs flashed brightly in the harsh light of the muggy afternoon great clouds of

"Mine."

Diny actually whimpered...

...because Diny didn't understand.

Why did the bad man keep hurting her?

Why...didn't they understand?

What had she done wrong?

Why were they hurting her? What had she done wrong? She'd been so excited to finally have a playmate after all these years; her addled mind had done the first thing she could think of. Used the only tool of interaction available to her, the only way she truly knew to associate herself with her environment.

Namely, her mouth.

She hadn't meant any harm; it had only been a love bite, a nibble. But then the other rex had started crying out, and now she was hurting, and Diny was even more confused than before. Grunts of gibberish and baffled words snaked between her clenched teeth, the words warping wildly as she desperately fought-and failed-struggling to vocalize them. And how could she? She'd never have the need to speak before. The possibility of all her prey-which pretty much amounted to a giant slab of meat-communicating with her was null and void.

But this one looked more sturdy than her last playmate, if smaller. He hit hard, too.

Was he prey, or was he a playmate like the last one?

Alas, Diny din't understand that, either.

She just wanted to play!

And so play she did.

"Whoa!"

Naruto grunted in surprise when Diny snapped forward with startling speed, loosing an excited yip as she bounded to greet him-and kept right on going. "Um...I think you missed." Sure enough, the larger Indominus all but shot right past him in her enthusiasm; rather, a simple sidestep sent the larger dinosaur skidding harmlessly past for several feet. It was almost funny really, watching her frantically dig those pillar-like legs into the ground, funny as she looked this way, then that...and a little sad.

Didn't she know how to control her own body?

"Hey! Over here!"

Taking pity on the hulking Rex, the blond placed two fingers in his mouth and whistled sharply. She saw him immediately, pirouetting about like a child's spinning top. Well, a top full of deadly teeth, razor sharp claws, and a powerful tail...okay, not a spinning top at all then. She was well capable of inflicting some major hurt if he wasn't careful. By all rights he should be furious with this creature for hurting Indy, should want to tear her into little grey, pasty chunks for what she'd done.

He could see her now, human once more, pressing a pale hand to the wound in her neck only yards away. Regeneration had slowed the blood flow to a mere trickle-and she looked absolutely furious. Her dress was all but ruined, yet, she wasn't crying. Quite the contrary. A thorn of pride pricked at him and drew a grin as she clamored to her feet. Leave it to his girl to recover from a near fatal injury and kick the crap out of the one responsible. Sure enough, she snapped an angry, chittering response at the excited rex.

"You blithering idiot! You nearly killed me! Some sibling you are!"

Naruto tried to maintain a straight face there, he really did.

Even so, he nearly burst out laughing at Diny's response.

"MY MANY TEETH ARE FULL OF MUCH EXCITEMENT!"

The ninja snickered. He couldn't help himself.

"Oi, that's not even a-

"EXCITEMENT!"

"Oomph!"

Too late, her tail cracked out like a whip as she bolted past, catching him, unawares. A whip that struck him full in the chest, shattered every bone in his upper torso, and launched him right back into the enclosure he'd just exited. Deprived of gravity and proper footing, his body skipped like a stone across the ground. It was, in a word, unpleasant.

Seemingly intent on striking every tree, every branch possible before finally slowing, he carved a bloody furrow across the earth. By the time he'd ground to a halt in the undergrowth, he was fairly certain she'd done a healthy bit of damage to his mortal form. An attack like that would've certain killed anyone else, sent them to their maker in an instant. Even with his near immortality, it was quite painful. Downright excruciating really-and why wouldn't it be?!-as his body worked overtime to get him back on his feet. And yet...

...Naruto simply couldn't bring himself to be angry at her.

The horned deity lay there for a long moment, blinking, frowning as his body stitched itself back together; shattered bones flowing like milk inside him whilst his ribs mended. It wasn't the pain that bothered him-oh, no, he'd it was the way she'd hit him. There hadn't been any killing intent behind it, just as with her initial rush. Burning his shroud, he could feel Diny nearly as well as Indy, and all he felt from her was a rush of giddy glee and primitive, nearly stunted emotions. But there, amongst the rest, just out of reach, he felt it. Glee. Almost as if she were...

...playing with him.

That's it!

"Well," he muttered, sitting up, dusting himself off, "she hits hard, I'll give her tha-aaaand now its dark..."

His words trailed off slowly, pausing, as a shadow fell over his head.

Naruto looked up, and found Diny there, towering over him.

Really, in the end, only two words came to mind.

"Sneaky girl."

She barked at him, almost like a giant dog. The scent of rancid meat washed over him like a stale breeze.

Yuck.

"Okay, okay," he sighed, raising his hands. "You're excited. I get it. Just calm down now...

Had Diny a face, he was almost certain she'd have been grinning. Her tail thrashed wildly behind her, conveying her excitement. She was seeing all this for the first time he realized; no social upbringing, no family, none of the things Indy had the chance to experience. Like a child, in an adult's body. Or an infant.

Sometimes, facial expressions-nay, body language itself-conveyed more than words ever could. Or in this case, a lack thereof. She wasn't malevolent as he'd first thought; she probably didn't even have the capacity for it. Or much of anything, really. He didn't want to say she was damaged or even mentally challenged, but...well...she certainly wasn't all there, either. A seed of pity planted itself in his chest.

Slowly, tentatively, he extended a hand, reaching for her snout-

-and she promptly bit it off.

And awful silence followed.

And then.

And then:

"Eh?"

Behind him, Indy hissed.

Then, she made a loud, irritated noise.

"We have an asset out of containment! All squads to the restricted zone!"

Owen took a good, long listen to Claire's frantic voice on the radio-quietly weighed his options-and slowly switched it off. Nope. All kinds of nope. He had no intention of getting involved in this situation. Dinosaurs were already breaking loose all over the island, and after what he'd just seen and witnessed, he had no intention of interfering in the chaos. At least, not yet. His mind was shaken-rattled by the events that'd unfolded before him. Oh sure, part of him yearned to help, but the shock, the sheer shock of having not one but two strangers mess with Blue and the raptors-his raptors!-had shaken him.

He...he just needed a moment. Many moments. And a stiff drink. Maybe not.

Maybe once this whole Indominus debacle was over

After seeing that girl, he didn't think he had the stomach for it anymore. He'd seen the look in those eyes-it hadn't been human.

When you watched a young woman wrestle a raptor to the ground and communicate-dominate!-firsthand, you got a reality check. She'd walked right into his pack without a care in the world and taken control of them with seamless ease. And incredibly, they'd listened to her. There had been a pecking order, a structure of command as they vied for dominance. And then, she'd left the way she'd come, leaping away with ease.

When the other one had come, the raptor squad's reaction had been entirely different. There was no contest from Blue, no challenge out of Charlie, no rowdiness from Echo or Delta. Instead the entire group went submissive, for some strange reason. He'd chattered something and they must've given him the answer he wanted because the bloody bastard blew a hole in the wall and walked right out as if he owned the place. Stranger still, the girls hadn't left. They'd stayed put.

There was, however, one problem.

Blue wouldn't even look at him now. His beta kept circling the paddock restlessly and the rest of the pack with her, almost as if they were afraid to venture out into the wild. Afraid to leave. Afraid to leave him, or simply terrified of going after something that frightened even them? Unbidden he recalled the stranger's odd words to him before he'd departed the paddock. Clever little bastard had snuck right up on him, too...

(Flashback)

"Alright girls, feeding ti-

"Beautiful creatures, aren't they?"

"JESUS!"

Owen started violently as, for the second time that day, he rounded the bend to find someone with his raptors. Only this was no girl, it was a man. A man feeding his raptors. A man covered in blood. Vic Hoskin's blood, to be precise. Owen recognized the persistent, portly man in the pen if only because of the ass-ugly shoes he insisted on wearing. Wasn't sorry to see him go, either. He was most sorry however, to learn that once once again someone had snuck in and this time, decided to give the girls a late afternoon snack.

"The hell're you?! What did you do?!"

"Do?" his horned head tilted up from below, regarding him on the catwalk. "They were hungry, so I fed them. Its what I do. I do things. I'm a doer. Ah. Good girl." His hand reached out effortlessly, rubbing Blue's head as she dipped down to tear another strip of flesh out of Hoskin's thick hide. No challenge, no snarl. No nothing. Wait, was she purring...? She was! Traitor!

"Yeah, I noticed! Look, I don't know if you mean well or whatever, but I'm in charge of them!

A cold hand of dread draped itself across his neck as though blue eyes bored into him. "Do you feel in charge now, son?"

"Well...when you put it that way...

"I'm looking for someone." the horned man murmured, continuing. "A girl near my age, wearing a dress. Strange. Silver hair. Bright eyes. Have you seen her? Its very important that I get her out of here before things get ugly."

"Yeah, well miss jumps-a-lot went that way." Own sighed, pointing north. "I'm not even going to ask-hey?!"

In a blink the blond was standing before him. Just a blink. One moment he was down in the paddock, the next-POOF! There he was! Today was all sorts of weird!

"Thank you for your cooperation." the man grabbed his arm in a firm handshake, nearly cracking the bones there. "Oh, and one more thing. If you happen to hear any calls for help between now and tonight...

"Yeah?"

Blue eyes met his in warning.

"Just stay out of it, Star Lord. I really don't want to kill you, too."

Then he knocked down the damn wall!

(End Flashback)

Who the hell was Star Lord, anyway?

He'd left him with those words, but would he stick to them? The longer Owen thought about it, the more he began to wonder if he should disregard the stranger's words, if he should, in fact, try to quell the chaos that'd so consumed the park. It was the right thing certain, but he couldn't just leave the girls behind like this, not with a huge honking HOLE in the paddock! His only consolation lay in the fact that something, be it instinct or fear or something else altogethr, seemed to keep them in line. For now...

CRASH!

As if to echo that very thought, Blue stiffened as something echoed in the distance.

Her head swept away towards the opening. Her nostrils flared, inhaling. Scenting.

Then, abruptly, she honked.

Very. Loudly.

Uh-oh.

Charlie echoed the cry, then Delta, Echo...

The blood turned to ice in Owen's veins.

"What're you-

Her head craned back towards him, considering-signalling, perhaps-then towards the newly made exit. Back to him again. Exit. Him. Exit. Another harsh crack of noise resounded throughout the enclosure-punctuated by a harsh roar. No, not a roar...a call. Blue's gaze snapped back to him, and he thought he saw a farewell in those orbs.

"No, no, Blue, don't you dare-

With a determined honk, she took off running.

Naruto twitched.

A muscle jumped sharp in his jaw, veins pulsing violently in his head as he regarded the severed stump of his right hand, still spurting blood. Blue eyes flicked up to the bloody muzzle before him, narrowing now as Diny swallowed her morsel. Somehow, the hybrid managed to convey absolute innocence despite the sheer savagery of what she'd just done. That massive muzzled cocked aside, regarding him curiously, awaiting a reaction of some sort. Something.

Anything, anything at all.

Moment shot, buried, and tossed in a ditch.

"No." he swatted her on the snout with his good hand, scowling. "Bad girl. No biting."

"THIS IS SPARTA!"

Naruto nearly guffawed. He had no earthly idea what she meant by that, or if he was even translating her muffled grunts and yips correctly, but it sounded strangely like the iconic phrase for some reason. Glancing back at his already regenerating limb, he opened his mouth to speak and-

"MINE!"

-aaaaaaaaaaaaand Indy crashed into her sibling-twin?-with all the force of a cannonball, her smaller body smacking the larger rex away. Of course, Diny just thought it was a game, which did absolutely no good for her sibling. Indy didn't care. Naruto belonged to her and her alone! This...this impostor had no claim on him!

Diny yipped and pounced!

They collided in whirling shapes of gold and grey-white, snapping and snarling at one another. Once more, her sibling thought it was just another game, which only made Indy even angrier, which in turn roused Diny to new heights of hyperactivity, a never-ending loop of tangling teeth and claws and tails. Of course, this got them absolutely nowhere, and only resulted in Indy making an utter fool of herself, to her great charign.

And Naruto laughed.

It was simultaneously the happiest Indy had ever seen him, and the most frightening, terrifying sound she'd ever heard.

Doubling over, he finished with a throaty chuckle.

"Alright, we're done here."

Indy shifted back in sheer disbelief. "What?! No, never!"

"Yes," Naruto nodded patiently, "As in now."

"I WILL NOT-

He had them pinned in two moves.

One step to move forward, and another to grab and knock their skulls together, flattening them against the ground with a heavy "thud" of sound. A second passed, and then another. Another. Another still. Indy dared to crane her head, in spite of the grasp he had on her nose, hissing softly in pained surprise. Because lying next to her was not Diny-well in a sense it was-but also...her. Taller, yet somehow smaller in presence as well. At least, this frail human creature resembled her. Taller, with hair the color of midnight black, deep red eyes fluttering open and shut as though in a daze.

Daring to touch the cheek of this strange, naked creature, she saw herself in its -her!- befuddled eyes, this frail form with its skinny arms, fumbling on the ground without a tail. Just as she had, once. She found herself suddenly struck by the urge to embrace her former adversary, her once former nemesis, her...

Sister.

This time, the thought made her eyes water.

"You were saying?" Naruto hummed, sounding quite smug with himself.

...I surrender." all the fight drained right out of her in an instant.

Diny chuffed softly in agreement, moaning. Words didn't come to her.

...you derpy girl." Naruto sighed, chuckling hoarsely as he rubbed her dirty head with his battered hand. "You're just a big softie, ain't ya! To think, I almost killed you!"

Diny warbled weakly, her voice emerging as a tiny croak. "My feels...

Naruto and Indy fell silent for a long moment.

Then, incredibly, Indy felt herself giggle.

"Look," Naruto sighed, "We're really going to have to do something about the way you talk...

Clack.

The click of loaded rifles filled the air, killing those words dead.

"Don't move!"

"Oh, boy." Naruto hummed. "Looks like the boys in blue finally arrived! I was wondering what took you lot so long." Indy didn't see him so much as twitch in the direction of the men and women pointing assault rifles at them; if anything, he seemed inordinately pleased by the newcomers, and the potential prospect of slaughter. Loosely, he raised a hand, touching at the air between them and the shooters. Indy watched it, curiously as it rippled, slowly unwinding itself in tiny, thin threads.

Then, Naruto started laughing again.

"Return the specimen at once!" one of them demanded.

Naruto only laughed harder.

"You actually think you can stop me." blue eyes blinked slowly, balking in disbelief. "My kid flattened your park, and somehow, someway, you think you can stop me with bullets. You know, it'd be funny if it weren't so pathetic...oh what the hell." he shrugged, guffawing. "I'll laugh anyway! BAHAHAHAHAHA!"

An explosive cackle leaped from his lips in the same instant that they opened fire...

...and none of them hit their mark.

Instead, a massive black shape resolved itself into existence between him and the gunfire. Bullets flattened harmlessly against its skin.

"Funny thing," the blond hummed thoughtfully, brushing a bit of dust off his coat as the dark creature unfolded itself from around him with a heart-stopping hiss, "Did you know how many shots you wasted just now? I do. Too many. Who taught you how to aim? It's simple really; you scream, aim, and fire. Its not rocket science, kiddies! But then again...

...neither is he."

Indy balk as a towering form unfolded itself from her alpha, long tail thudding harshly against the ground. A long, elongated head cocked in the direction of the bullets. A lipless maw peeled back to reveal clenched teeth dripping with visicuous slime, great gobs of acid dripping into the road and causing to smolder harshly. It was a beast unlike anything she'd ever seen; because it was not natural, and it terrified her.

"F-Fire!" the squad commander sputtered! "ALL UNITS OPEN FIRE!"

More bullets spattered harmlessly across his skin, flattening themselves against hardened chitin and bone. Killa simply hissed in annoyance, the larger warrior alien shrugging off the assault fire as though they were naught but stinging gnats. A ripple of fear passed through the troops like water.

Then Killa hissed.

"Mine."

Indy hissed right back, glowering up at the towering alien.

"MINE."

Diny tilted her head, red eyes blinking slowly as her addled mind struggled to comprehend it all. "Mine?"

Naruto facepalmed.

"Oi, now...

Naruto only laughed harder.

"Now now, come on, boys! No need for long faces! We're all friends here, right? Oh, whoopsie," Killa's claws flicked like knives toward's the nearest soldier's throat, and in the next instant, the scent of blood filled the air. Indy blinked, starting as a violent spurt of red gore spattered across her face. "We're not!" Naruto laughed like a merry jester as he spun away, catching the man's severed head in hand. "I'm going to disembowel the lot of ya and feed you to my kids! Who wants to be next?! Aw, no takers?"

Silence pervaded in the enclosure.

"It's pathetic. Just like Gotham. One madman threatens your lives, the next, you're all pissing yourselves, just to survive! C'mon now, anyone?"

And then, something chirped.

Indy stiffened, neck craning in the direction of the noise.

Not a moment later, Blue burst through the undergrowth. Swiftly joined by Echo, then Delta, and last but not least, Charlie herself. For a heartstopping second they lingered and then, they darted towards not Naruto, as she had suspected they might, but her. Indy detected the distinct scent of urine on the wind. It seemed that some of their would be killers were quite literally soiling themselves.

What a lovely day.

"Well, look at this!" Naruto looked all of three seconds from bursting into an inane fit of giggles she realized; that was precisely how pleased he was. "Hey, now the gang's all here." he chortled softly, spinning on a heel to address the remaining guards -corpses!- who still, incredibly, held their ground against these terrors assembled before them. "Which leaves us with one last question, my dear meatbags. Why. So. Serious?" he finally succumbed with a laugh, clapping his hands. "C'mon now, all together, everyone...

...Lets put a smile on their faces!"

With a shriek, they pounced!

A/N: THE RESULTS ARE IN! DINY LIVES! NEXT CHAPTER IS THE LAST ONE!

Aye, this is a short series primarily to show how Naruto both met and "tamed" if you will, Indominus Rex, who will appear later on during his travels. Of course we all know she's a savage beast, but I like to think that she's misunderstood because of her horrible upbringing...just a little...

So...in the Immortal Words of Atlas...

...Review, Would You Kindly? Hope you enjoyed the story! And of course, enjoy the preview! Hope it makes ya grin!

PLEASE!

(Preview)

Diny cocked her head considering, ebon tresses bouncing from the motion.

Why she was fascinated with it was beyond him, such things were the mysteries of the universe.

"Mine." she decided at last.

Naruto sighed. "Diny, that is a puppy. You cannot have a puppy. You will EAT it when I'm not looking."

Her glare intensified as she clutched the little ball of fluff to her chest.

"MINE."

WHAT ARE THEY FIGHTING OVER NOW?! VOTE! REMEMBER NEXT CHAPTER IS THE LAST ONE AND ITS GONNA BE NUTS!

R&R~! =D