Chapter 38: Introspective

I may have brooded on a rooftop for a bit longer than I'm willing to admit. Ko was right though, and she was just echoing my own recent thoughts.

I made a quick practice run to MedCorp HQ in the suit, mapping out the best rooftops to use. While studying MedCorp, the most intense feeling of being watched hit me. I scanned the roof and surrounding rooftops, but saw nothing unusual.

"Whoever the hell has been following me, you can stop! I'm not doing anything you need to worry about!" I shouted, scaring a few birds nearby. Of course the only response was silence.

Once I set a plan of action, I went back to the hotel. Ko wasn't in our room, which actually made it easier for me to sneak back out, this time in street clothes.

I went back to MedCorp and walked up to the night receptionist. Since MedCorp was an international company, they had people in the building constantly. Which made my plan for Victoria easier to execute.

"Hello Ma'am. What can I help you with?" he smiled at me.

"I was wondering if you could make sure Dr. Rogers got this letter," I handed him an envelope, "You can tell her it's from her Mija. She'll understand."

"Miss, Dr. Rogers doesn't take fan mail. And she doesn't have a daughter," he tried to hand it back.

"Take good look at me and tell me that again." He did, and I could see the realization hit him.

"But she never mentioned..."

"I was raised by my dad. Victoria had other priorities, obviously," I rolled my eyes. "Just make sure Mummy Dearest gets my letter. Bye!" I waved and left before he came to his senses. Turned out looking like Victoria was good for something after all. And getting to spill her secret about me was a bonus.

"Where have you been! Mama has been asking about where you were. I had to cover your- why are you in normal clothes?" Ko asked when I got back.

"I went for a walk." I sat down in the chair.

"In a strange city, alone?"

"I can handle myself Ko."

"I know that, but you left in your suit."

"I took your advice."

"About what?"
"Walking in as Jamie. You were right. Shadow and me are interchangeable at this point. I'm not like Bruce. I can't compartmentalize one or the other. Shadow is just me playing superhero. An angry part of me, but still me," A realization hit me, "Ko?"

"Yeah Jay?"

"What do you think Anni would've done if our roles were switched?"

She sat down on the bed, facing me. She was quiet for several minutes as she thought it over.

"I want to lie and say she would do exactly the same thing, but we both know that's not true."

"Yeah," We were quiet for a minute, "I've been lying to myself this whole time. Telling myself this was for Anni and getting justice for her, but in reality, I'm just selfish." I put my head in my hands. Ko put a hand on my knee.

"Jamie Grayson, you are a stubborn, hot-headed, impulsive human being."

"Gee, thanks."

"I'm not done. You may be all those things, but you are not selfish. If you were actually selfish, you wouldn't even be here. You would be back in Gotham, not giving a damn about what Victoria is doing."

I looked up at her, "Ko, you just said it yourself. Anni wouldn't be doing this in my shoes."

"So what. You are not Anni. That's why you two got along so well. Maybe this isn't justice for Anni, but it's closure for you. And we both know that's what Anni would've wanted more than justice."

"Have you found closure for Anni?" I asked. Ko and I were a lot alike. Maybe her method would help me.

"No, not really. Why do you think I'm not trying to stop you? Or did you forget how I also did my own research into MedCorp?" She smile tiredly, "This is your closure, not just for Anni, but what your mother did to you."

"This isn't the healthiest coping mechanism," I chuckled.

"I think it might be a little late to stop now, Jay," She laughed.

Our conversation kept running through my head the next day as we explored Little Italy. Never mind the fact I wouldn't know what Victoria's response to my letter would be until tonight. And that damned watched feeling was constant at this point.

Ko had a point about Anni would have wanted me to have closure, but I couldn't seem to get myself to accept that. What even would be closure for me? Would stopping Victoria even bring me closure? Or was I directing my anger over what happened to Anni at Victoria because Michelson killed himself instead of facing the consequences? Was I mixing my feelings over my biological parents actions and what happened to Anni?

The biggest question, and scariest was what was I going to do when I faced Victoria tonight? I wanted to talk to her on my terms, but that had never worked in my favor before. I didn't think there was anything she could say that could justify what she had done, but this was her game we had been playing, and I still didn't know the rules. We were at the end of the game, and I didn't know how to win.

So this chapter wasn't part of my original outline, but it was needed to help explain Jamie's logic in the next few chapters. Next up: Showdown at MedCorp!

Fun Fact: Jamie learned Spanish just in case on day she met her mother and the woman was hispanic. I doubt Jamie with be having many friendly chats with Victoria though.