A/N: Hey guys! I'm so sorry that it's been two weeks since I posted. I haven't had that much time to write, and what little time I did have, I focused on my FBI story, 'Conflicted.' I'm sorry if this chapter seems choppy, and I'm not extremely pleased with it, but I wanted to get something posted. Thank you for reading, and please let me know what you think!

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JJ was taken to the operating room, and Reid was left to wait. His phone rang, but it took a moment for him to realize. He finally pulled it out of his pocket. "He-hello."

It was Emily. "Reid, how is she?"

"They just took her to surgery. Her heart stopped." He found a chair, and slowly sunk down into it.

Emily let out a slow breath. "I wish we could be there, but this just means we need to catch Lynch more than ever. You stay there, and keep us updated."

Reid nodded, even though Emily couldn't see. There was no way he was leaving. "I will."

"Okay. I got in touch with Will. He'll be there soon."

Both agents hung up their end of the line. Reid, for the first time, noticed the blood on his hands. Knowing just whose blood it was made him nauseous. He ran to the nearest bathroom, just in time to empty the contents of his stomach into the toilet. After he finished, he wiped his mouth on his sleeve, and stepped over to the sink.

It wasn't easy to clean the blood off of his hands, as it was already dry. Reid wasn't sure how long he stood at the sink, rubbing his hands raw. All he could think was 'I can't lose her.' He didn't know how to survive losing JJ… she was his world.

After cleaning his hands of any trace of blood, Reid went back to the waiting room. Just as he sat down, Will came rushing through the doors, and over to Reid.

"Where is she? What happened?"

"She was shot in the side, where the vest doesn't cover."

Will looked like he was on the verge of a breakdown. "How bad is it?"

Reid couldn't meet Will's eyes. "It's bad."

With that, neither said another word. They just sat, and waited.

Waited… for hours.

Both Reid and Will got up several times to try and find something out, but the nurses just gave a sympathetic smile, and replied with "She's still in surgery." The, supposedly soothing, pale green walls, did nothing to calm the nerves of either of the men.

The team had been checking in almost every half hour. They were all so worried about JJ, and wanted to be at the hospital for her, but that couldn't happen. Lynch was still a threat to everyone around him, and after what happened to JJ, that made the team even more desperate to find him.

After over four hours of waiting, Will stepped outside to call the boys, so only Reid was in the waiting room when the doctor came out. He immediately stood up, worried as to what she was going to say.

"Agent Jareau made it through surgery. Is her husband here?" Her face portrayed no emotion.

"Yes, he's outside, on the phone with their kids. How is she?"

"She's stable, but she lost a lot of blood. We won't know if she sustained any neurological damage until after she regains consciousness."

Reid cringed, knowing there was a possibility of brain damage, but he couldn't bring himself to think about that right then. "Could I see her?"

The doctor nodded, and motioned for Reid to follow her into recovery. She then led him into JJ's room.

Spencer couldn't help but gasp when he saw JJ. She was deathly pale, and looked so fragile lying in the hospital bed. He stepped over to her, once the doctor left.

He didn't know if JJ could hear him, but he needed to try. He had been shutting her out for nearly six months, and now there was still a possibility that he would never hear her voice again.

"I keep going over it, and I still don't understand how I didn't realize sooner that you were missing. I'm so sorry." His voice cracked, but he needed to get the words out.

"I know things have been weird between the both of us… ever since you told me you love me. You said it, I heard it, and I just… the thing is, I don't know what to do with it. I know why you said it, but I don't know if maybe you meant it… and what does that mean if you did?"

Reid took a shaky breath, and continued to pour his heart out. "After the wedding, you didn't mention it, and neither did I… because I didn't know how to talk to you about it, so I just stopped talking to you. That's not what I meant… now, suddenly, none of it matters."

Tears were now filling Reid's eyes, and it was all he could do to stop them from falling. His voice was strained and choppy as he spoke. "All that matters is, is that you w-wake up, and I-I get to have m-more time with you."

He couldn't help it anymore. Tears were streaming down his face, as he tried to wipe them away. He desperately wanted to look away from JJ's still form, but he couldn't. "Because I can't imagine my life without you in it." He cleared his throat, and when he spoke again, his voice was much softer. "Please don't leave me."

Reid wiped at his tears once again, before turning to leave. As he reached the doorway, Will stepped inside. He motioned to the door. "Um, I'm going out to the waiting room. I'll update Emily."

Will didn't say anything. He just nodded and moved to JJ's bed.

When Reid entered the waiting room, he pulled out his phone and dialed Emily's number. He told her about JJ's condition, and she updated him on the case. After he hung up, he sat down, resting his head on his hand. It didn't take long for exhaustion to take over, and him to fall asleep.

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Reid was suddenly shook awake. He jumped as he was pulled up into a hug by Will.

"She's awake, man. She wants to see you."

Reid rubbed his eyes, as it took a moment for the words to sink in, but once they did, he practically sprinted to JJ's room. He stopped outside the door, suddenly hesitant. He wanted to see her, needed to see her, so pushing aside his nervousness, he stepped inside.

Reid's eyes immediately met JJ's. Her normally bright, blue eyes were now a cloudy gray, filled with pain. She was still really pale, but at least she was awake, and offering a weak smile to Reid.

"I should've found you sooner."

JJ slightly shook her head. "Spence, no. You saved my life… again."

Reid didn't say anything, just took in all the wires and monitors she was hooked up to.

"I'm really glad you're here."

"Where else would I be? You're my best friend." And he truly meant it. She really was his best friend, even after the past six months, and he couldn't imagine not being there with her… but after a brief pause, he decided he should probably go back outside, as he didn't want to cause her any tension. "I, um, should go back out, and let you get your rest."

"No, don't go yet. I've missed you."

"Me too." He really, really had.

JJ let out a deep breath, as best as she could. "It's my fault things have been… awkward between us. Listen, what I said, we really need to talk about it."

Reid knew they needed to, but he wasn't sure if he could handle it. "No, JJ, we don't. I shouldn't have let it drive a wedge between the two of us."

"I needed to say something real. That's what came out."

Reid's eyes snapped to JJ's. Something real…

"And I'm so, so sorry because I never meant to do that to you. I was- I was prepared to take that secret to the grave… and now, now it's out." JJ took another deep breath as tears filled her eyes. "And I can't, I can't lie to you, and tell you I didn't mean it."

Spencer wasn't sure what to do. He couldn't believe JJ actually meant what she said. As JJ shakily continued, Reid's eyes matched her own tear-filled ones.

"I do love you, Spence… you were my first love. And I'll always love you." JJ sounded so broken… so much like Reid felt.

JJ was Reid's first love too, and it wasn't something he'd ever get over.

"That's not fair to you, and I know it… because I love Will, and the boys. They have made me into who I am… but so have you, Spence." By then, tears were pouring down JJ's cheeks, but it appeared she was trying to compose herself. "You are such a big piece of my heart. You always will be."

Spencer wiped a stray tear from underneath his eye. The raw emotion in the room was so thick.

JJ continued on, and Reid didn't think he could handle anymore, but at the same time, he knew he needed to hear it all.

"Maybe, if things were… I don't know, different… I think about that sometimes."

Reid knew how she felt because he thought about it nearly every time he thought about her… but it was hopeless.

"Spence, I want you to know that I never meant to hurt you… I just want you to be happy… and I want us to be okay."

Spencer softly smiled at JJ, as he wiped away another tear. "I know you do, Jennifer, and we are."

They shared one more sweet smile. Then the bubble burst as Will came in with the boys.

"Hi, mommy." Michael and Henry halted at the bed as Will told them to do so.

"Hey, buddy."

Reid turned and left the room, without another word. He needed to give JJ time with her family.. and he also needed time to process his thoughts.

Emily was standing in the hallway. "Hey."

"JJ's awake, and it's looking good."

Emily nodded, with a small smile. "I talked to Will, and the doctor on my way in. This is really good news, but I need to talk to JJ about the ballistics that came back. We're pretty sure that Grace was the one who shot JJ."

Reid gave a puzzled look.

"JJ has to confirm. It was the same gun that killed the Fosters."

"If, if that's true, that means Grace is just as dangerous as Everett." Reid stopped as his phone rang. He swallowed hard as he saw it was his mother's facility calling. "I have to take this… This is Spencer Reid."

By the time Reid hung up the phone, he was confused and nervous regarding the news on Diana.

Prentiss gave a concerned look. "Is your mother okay?"

"Um, I'm not really sure. The nurse at Brookfield says I need to get there as soon as possible."

"Go."

Reid glanced back at JJ's room. "I can't just leave."

"It's your mom. You have to. JJ's doing okay."

Reid was torn, but ultimately, he knew he needed to go check on his mom. "Thank you."

'Why does everything have to happen at once?'