A/N: The "In this life and the next" quote in last chapter comes from Guardian Blue, all credit to sarsis for that.
Rabbit Karma ch4
It was the end of her third day in her second life, and sergeant Judy Hopps was annoyed.
The day had gone just like her first two; come to work, be ignored by everyone, receive twice the amount of paperwork that anyone could be expected to finish in a day, finish her paperwork within an hour, search for Nick. Unfortunately, it seemed she had truly emptied the ZPDs well of information on her fox, no matter how esoteric a search criterion she attempted the result was the same. Nada, zilch, nothing.
She only saw one positive aspect of her day, the fact that the large number of low skill personnel that got dumped into the ZPD often needed some equally low skill busy-work to keep them occupied. Such as digitising rapports and old files, for example.
This meant that the police database was a complete and utter mess, but it was a very complete mess. So, if you could be bothered to trawl through its murky depths you had as close to one hundred percent of the ZPD's information at your fingertips as makes no difference.
So now, after almost three full days of searching and putting her special abilities to their full use, she could say with some certainty that she had exhausted the ZPD´s knowledge about one Nick Wilde.
It seemed it would have to be drastic measures, after all.
"Hey, bunny!"
Badly startled, she spun like a top to face the wildebeest that had charged into her office without knocking.
"Got a job for ya!"
When the paper in his hooves was suddenly shoved almost right in face, she grabbed it out of pure shock. It was indeed a job. More precisely, it was a simple call out. For a noise complaint. A quick check told her she had fifteen minutes left on the clock.
This… was beyond the pale. Simple beat cops did not order around sergeants, not for solo rides on a noise disturbance and especially not with a quarter of an hour left on her shift. It was not only against the regs but it flew directly in the face of all traditions of the force. The implied disrespect grated on her last nerve.
Her eyes, when she gave the somewhat shaggy officer a good once-over, were decidedly frosty.
"So tell me, officer… Connocham, can you give me a single reason to accept this instead of simply reporting you for conduct prejudicial to good order and discipline?"
Taken aback by the icy stare and even icier voice, the large gnu couldn´t help but take half a step back. "Wha…?" Suffice to say, he was a far too typical example of the ZPDs current hiring policy.
Not in the least impressed, she continued. "I´ll make it simple for you: Me sergeant, me give orders to YOU, not the other way around. Or is the chain of command too nebulous a concept for a fresh officer like you, hmm?"
He wanted to protest, really he did, loudly and with many a profanity. But the look in her eyes, the tone of her voice and the way her ears stood out from the back of her head just a finger above a horizontal line, in a way his hindbrain insisted on calling "attack position"; his ancient instincts told him that this was like those peculiar floating logs that watched his ancestors when they prepared to cross a river.
The conflict between his eyes who clearly reported "small herbivore" and his subconscious that screamed "big predator, RUN AWAY!" caused him to freeze in place, eyes wide, with only his lower jay moving up and down like he was ruminating.
A small sigh escaped her as she watched the young fool. He really wasn´t worth the hassle.
Meh. Time to get constructive. It´s not like she had anyone waiting for her, and after three days she needed a change of pace, badly.
"Tell you what, lets just forget about this little miscommunication and any reports to Bogo. I`ll even do this thing," *shakes note* "and in return you will assist me with a little demonstration the next time we have a scheduled paw-to-paw practice at the precinct, `kay?"
She got no answer. She narrowed her eyes. "I asked, is that all right, officer?"
The sharper tone shook the other mammal out of his stupor enough to nod his head rapidly.
"Excellent! I´ll be on my way then!" She had logged out her computer and left the office so fast that his head was still moving up and down when she was gone.
Letting out a breath he hadn't even been aware he was holding, he summarized the just transpired situation:
"Well, shit."
-RK-
Having driven her personal cruiser to the specified address using it´s built-in navigation system, she found herself yet again disappointed; this was either a poor attempt at a practical joke, or the noise complaint was false. In the latter case, the dispatcher would have to have mucked it up badly for any officer to be sent out here; she was currently in one of Zootopia´s older and currently least used industrial areas. Once upon a time, this had been a place where smaller ships could load and unload cargo directly to the businesses that supplied/needed them, but nowadays such cargo were handled in bulk by far larger vessels that used the big harbor, to then be distributed by truck or train. Only a few, odd little firms still had active facilities here, mostly due to the low cost.
After parking her ride and double-checking her position, she decided this had to be a prank. Her internal map showed that the closest residential area was almost two miles away, so short of testing a military grade afterburner or setting off elephant-sized fireworks, there was no way to disturb anyone from here.
Not actually hearing any other noises then the sounds of traffic from the busy highway-bridge that crossed the water of the channel just a quarter mile away, she considered if anyone else could have made a serious call; was there really someone around here at all?
A check on her internal map showed only a single business within a mile that was open after four o´clock: There was a small hospital on the hill just above her. Curious what a medical facility was doing in these parts, she did a more thorough search, remembering that she had seen an unexpected number of cars in the parking place outside when she had driven passed it. Apparently, it catered exclusively to predators. Ah. Presumably cheap rent, and no prey around to complain about all the chompers. Of course.
Sighing deeply to herself, she turned to her car, ready to wash her paws of this whole thing when her absurdly sharp ears picked up something unexpected: Faint sounds of screaming.
Spinning on her heals, she regarded the huge hangar looking building that took up most of the area. It seemed abandoned, if in decent repair. It must have been the site of some major operation, once, it was big enough to house a large zeppelin.
Focusing her absolutely unparalleled hearing on it, she could make out other sounds. It was faint, but now that she was filtering out everything else, she could hear the sounds of many mammals, along with the occasional screams of a group of them. That should be worrying, but there was a certain lack of fear in it; unfortunately, she was intimately familiar with the sounds of mammals in distress, and this wasn´t it. Also, was that howling she heard? This needed a closer inspection.
Finding no apparent way inside, she instead used a piece of wisdom she had gained in her long career; most mammals rarely look up. With this in mind, she carefully scaled an old rusty ladder bolted directly to the wall.
At the top, she found what she needed, in the form of a narrow metal walkway along the wall. More importantly, she found herself just below the row of windows running along most of the building, to supply the interior with daylight. Making sure to fold her long ears down, she reached up to the underside of the window and grabbed hold with her claws. Then, with a complete lack of effort what-so-ever, she slowly hoisted herself up until her chin was on the level with her fingers. Finding the window completely covered in soot, she braced her feet against the wall and scrubbed a part of it clean with her right paw, only hanging on with her left.
Never giving a thought to her casual demonstration of physical prowess, she was immediately engrossed in the site below: Predators.
Predators, everywhere. Predators, big and small, young and old, running and screaming and playing and having a jolly good time. She heard the screams again, now shown to be generated by an old-fashioned, wooden roller-coaster as it swooped down and up in a loop-de-loop. It was far from the only attraction, however; much of the old building was filled with everything an old-timey carnival needed, everything from a proper merry-go-round to all kinds of food and drink stalls.
Indeed, it reminded her a great deal about the gathering of stalls at a carrot-festival back in Bunnyburrow, actually. Only with an utterly different slant, of course. She hardly thought many rabbits would be interested in a Howl-a-long or catching fish-tokens with their teeth.
And there was not a single T.A.M.E.-collar in sight.
She had just spotted the large sign above it all that read WILDE TIMES in fancy script when her eyes fell on … him.
There, dressed in a fancier version of his old ensemble consisting of khaki pants, green pawaiian shirt and a wide, red tie, was a red fox. HER fox. Striding along like he owned the place (he did), smiling and waving to any mammal that greeted him, he looked like he was on top of the world. To Judy's eyes, he looked more like the light at the end of the tunnel. She could not take her eyes from him. For the next ten minutes, all she did was following him with her moistening eyes, burning everything about him into memory.
It had been so long.
When the vulpine finally walked off and was lost in the chaos, she could at last start to make sense of what she was seeing. And also, what the consequences were.
That pissed her off something fierce.
Lowering herself down from the window after hanging from her fingers longer than should have been possible, it was very clear to her why she had gotten this strange call, and also what was supposed to happen here.
Send the little bunny out alone to discover a whole bunch of un-collared predators running amok and have her call it in, thus closing this place down for good. She had no illusions about how it would be used, either; she would get another short time in the lime-light as the hero while all the predators here suffered, probably along with a fresh bout of unjust laws being passed to make it all even worse. TUSK, the ZPDs tactical unit, was probably already on stand-by. She didn´t think she would have any trouble at all to get back-up tonight, strangely enough.
The one thing that made her blood boil, though: Someone had tried to use her against Nick!
She would show them exactly how bad they had miscalculated, her ZPD had been the single largest, toughest collection of badass predators in all of Zootopia, and she had reigned over them as the undisputed Big Dog for half a century. She had lost the last shreds of fear of any predator a few years after she met Nick for the first time. She would make the ones responsible for her being here pay.
A devious smirk spread across her face as she got an idea of how to begin. Now she just had to find and sneak into Nicks office in this place. Any operation of this size had to have office space.
-RK-
Pleased with another great day at Wilde Times, Nick Wilde set course for his office. Finnick and Honey and the rest of his posse could close up shop while he got his papers in order. His incomes were covering expenses nicely, and in just two months he could give Koslov the last payoff on his loan and start making some real progress with this place. It just needed that extra bit of cash influx to make it all it could be.
Smiling in smug satisfaction, he congratulated himself for finding this locale. Not only was it huge and dirt cheap, the position was completely of the cops´ radar! Witch meant the hush money he had budgeted for went straight into his profits, instead! No-one had ratted the place out for almost a year and it´s not like that was about to change any time soon, since this was for all intents and purposes the only freedom many of the customers had.
For a moment forgetting the dangers of tempting Murphy even in the privacy of your own mind, the fox was thus surprised when he heard the sound of his old, trusty printer running in his office.
Not seeing a reason to knock on his own door, nor believing for a moment that a mammal stopping in to borrow his old dot-matrix would have bad intentions, he threw open the door and walked right in.
He got two steps in before he was frozen on the spot.
There, by the little side-table that held his printer and all its accessories, a bunny stood.
Young, female, grey fur and tall, black-tipped ears. Also, a lithe but muscular build wearing a fancier-than-standard ZPD-uniform. Just standing there in his office, tapping the bottom side of a substantial pile of papers against the table to line them up properly.
'Beautiful.'
Feeling like he wanted to remove his own head so he could give it a good shake for that errant, out-of-the-blue thought, he was totally unprepared to handle the current incongruent situation. Especially when she turned to him and gave him a saucy smile, ears held high and the papers under her arm.
"You, Nick Wilde, are one lucky fox!"
Feeling more than a little out of his depth and kind of defensive, the fox in question folded his ears back and gave a weak snark in answer. "I don´t know about that, few foxes that encounter an officer of the ZPD can really be called lucky. Unless Finnick put you up to this…?"
Perhaps realizing that she had come on a little too strong, she folded her ears back and gave him a far gentler smile. "No, your friend did not put me up to this, and I am indeed a real cop; Sergeant Judy Hopps, precinct one. Now please, come and sit down, we have much to talk about."
'Cute."
Deciding that his mind needed a real tuning, considering the absurd things it kept dropping on him, he was surprised to find that the rabbit had already sat herself in the visitors' chair. Slowly moving around his desk to take a seat in his worn but very comfy office chair, he thought it was probably a good sign that she had not automatically gone for the better seat. That's what most prey would have done in this situation.
"So, Sergeant Hopps, was it? You do know that entering a privately owned facility without a warrant is illegal, right? You could be in big trouble if I reported you."
Closing her eyes and looking like she bit into a lemon for a second, the bunny-cop seemed like her answer was almost painful. "Yes, that´s how it should be, but let's not kid ourselves here, we both know how that would play out, right?"
Yes, of course he knew; if he did such a thing, then all the details about his business would be public knowledge. She would be a hero for exposing him, and he would be behind bars or worse.
Well, he had budgeted for this situation, after all. "Well then, sarge, how much does the ZPD fund for widows and orphans need as a monthly contribution? I guess it´s just my civic duty to help the mammals in blue, after all."
The bunny´s face went through confusion, surprise and distaste in the blink of an eye before it settled back into a much more neutral state. Then she raised her right paw in the universal sign for 'stop'. "You know what they say about when you assume things, so before you go for another round, let me tell you how I came to be here tonight, mister Wilde. See, I was sitting in my office finishing up my paperwork, when a junior officer barged in and all but shoved a note with a call-out for me. Now, I don´t expect you to know about the ZPD´s procedures, so suffice to say that it´s not normal for subordinates to order a sergeant to take a call for a noise-disturbance when they have fifteen minuets left on the clock."
Indeed, the fox knew fuck-all about the internal workings of the police, but one detail stood out in stark relief to his clever mind. "Hold on, hold on, what was that about a… noise-disturbance!? Out here? Are they for real?"
The strange rabbit sitting in his office gave him a strangely happy smile at that, as if she was… proud of him? What´s up with that? "I see you understand the crux of the problem, one I spotted the moment I arrived here. I was certain I was the victim of a particularly tasteless prank at first, and had every intention of just going home, but then I heard screaming. And howling to, for that matter."
What, screaming and howling? What the… oh. "The roar-a-coaster and the howl-a-long, you mean." It was not a question.
"Yes indeed, I of course had to investigate such weird noises, and it didn´t take me long to find an elevated window. I had quite the view of your whole operation. Now, how do you think this should have gone from there, mister Wilde?"
She was giving him a rather intensive stare right now, clearly expecting him to figure it out for himself. Not like that was a very tall order. "Well, if an average bunny had come across a horde of uncollared preds running wild in an old industrial site, I would have expected T.U.S.K. to be here already, in full getup and armed to the tusk´s. What I don´t understand is why they're not?" Truly, he was completely befuddled by that fact, what was it with this bunny? Why was she here, in this office? She had already implied that a bribe was not on the agenda, but what did that leave?
"Because you are an extremely lucky fox, mister Wilde."
Oookay? He still didn´t know what that was supposed to mean. The fox twisted his head to the side the way of confused canines and vulpines everywhere.
She gave him a fond smile at that. It did strange and wonderful things to his insides that it had no business doing. "You are lucky, mister Wilde, because A: I am probably the only rabbit in Zootopia that is completely lacking in fear of predators, and B: I hate those damn T.A.M.E-collars with a burning passion. Were it up to me, every last one of them would be destroyed before the next sunset. So, with that in mind, when I saw all those mammals running, laughing and playing without risk of electrocution, I was not scared. I was happy! What you are doing here is a wonderful thing, and I want to help you protect Wilde Times."
Nick Wilde considered himself a good judge of character; an absolutely essential survival trait for a fox. The shock of not finding an iota of doubt or falsehood in the bunny's impassioned speech left him speechless in turn. This was so out of left field for any prey, least of all a little rabbit. He began to suspect that, perhaps, she had come by that uniform, not to mention those sergeant´s stripes, honestly. She had more to say, though.
"Unfortunately, that leaves us in, well, a bit of a pickle, to be honest."
The todd blinked in surprise. What? Why? She claimed she wasn´t worried about preds without collars, and she said she wanted to help. What's the problem? "So, what´s the problem? I guess you have to report something, but can´t you just make up a little white lie, and say you handled it? Whose gonna contend it?"
She looked him in the eye with a deadpan expression, and he had to tell the butterflies in his stomach to go die. They really, really had no cause for doing whatever they were doing because of some adorable little bunny.
'Wait, what? Nonono, not adorable! Nor cute or beautiful, or kindhearted or helpful either! Wait, kindhearted? Helpful? Where in Karmas sweet bosom did that come from? Well, I guess she is certainly nicer than ninety-nine percent of all other prey I´ve ever met, and while her bosom is rather modest, it looks just as perky and firm as the rest of her… Wait, what?'
While the fox was getting thoroughly lost in his own, spiraling out of control, thoughts, the rabbit opposite him continued. "Yes, I could do that, certainly, but that still leaves whoever got me sent here in the first place."
The vulpine abruptly tore his brain away from thoughts of strangely beguiling lapin's and forced it to get on track. This was important. "Of course, someone knows of Wilde Times already, so if you file a less-than-accurate rapport and don´t raise the alarm, they will just get someone else to do it. Unless he or she simply decides to do their own dirty work. And then you´ll get in hot water, on top of Wilde Times going down. Just perfect." The fox lowered his head to his chest, eyes closed and ears down. He was fucked. It´s not like he could move a whole amusement park. At best, he´d be a fugitive.
"Exactly. That is what I have spent the last hour in here trying to find a way to prevent. It wasn´t easy, but if you help, I think we can pull it off." The fox was suddenly at full alert again. Apparently, his unexpected guest insisted on keeping him on his toes instead of down in the dumps.
"How?" His eyes were gleaming with hope and curiosity, begging fate that this wonderful little mammal could surprise him again. 'Wonderful? What the fluff? Ugh, later!"
The rabbit leaned in, putting both paws on top of the stack of papers she had printed, indicating them.
"A plan. I have a plan. A brilliant plan, timed and ready, down to the finest detail!" She said it with a nearly feverish intensity. The fox stared at her wide-eyed, and then:
"Prffft. Teeheheheheee…HAHAHAHAHAHA!" He lost it.
Waiting a bit for Nick to calm down, Judy sat back in her chair with a rueful grin. "Too much, eh? I suppose it sounded a little better in my head."
The fox had to wipe some tears from his eyes before he finally got himself under enough control to answer. "Yeah, that was far too much 'stereotypical movie villain' to be believable. So thanks for the laugh, Sarge, but seriously, what are we going to do about our situation?" By the end, he was perfectly serious again.
Her answer was equally serious. "Despite the melodramatic presentation, I was actually serious. These…" Taps papers. "really are my plan, which can be summarized in two words: Legalize it."
All she got was a long stare and a one word answer. "Elaborate." Or two. "Please."
The rabbit straightened and assumed a slightly lecturing tone. "As I´m sure you know from firstpaw experience, the current laws of Zootopia aren´t exactly fair or just, especially where predators are concerned. The thing is, the people that made them were never all that careful about just how they went about it; they just crammed in the new laws as they saw fit, only rarely changing or removing old laws first. The collar laws, for example, are clearly in direct opposition to the constitution, but since they were made by the mammals in power, no-one has ever had the political clout to even get a complaint to the courts. Now, I don´t now if they were this incompetent from the beginning or if the lack of opposition has made them lazy, but they have been at it for decades by now, resulting in a legal system that is such a mess that it can literally be interpreted in just about any way you choose." Taking a short pause, she got to her point. "So, I´m sure certain individuals find it very convenient that they can do almost anything and call it legal, but as long as one has intimate knowledge about the rules, so can anyone else! In conclusion, this whole stack of papers is a bunch of legally binding documents that, taken all together, will form a judicial Gordian knot that will make Wilde Times completely legal."
Nick felt that it wasn´t truly fair of her to keep shocking him like this, couldn´t she give him a bit of breathing room? Still, he thought it sounded a bit too good. "How in Karmas name are you going to make this place legit?"
She smiled happily. "Simple, I found out that you have a valid MD´s certificate. I guess the little hospital on the hill above us is the secret entry? We just register Wilde Times as an expansion of that and call it a de-stressing facility or some such. Serendipity knows it´s basically the simple truth anyway."
"What about removing the collars? That is the single most important thing about the whole place after all, I can´t see how that's going to fly?" He couldn´t believe that this may really be possible!
"Collars may be removed by special collar experts for service, emergency responders of the requisite rank and medical personnel within properly sealed facility´s. You and I both are such mammals and I will register this whole place as a medical facility, so it will be perfectly legal for a predator to go without a collar in here." She was getting all the way up to fox-level smug by now. He had just one more thing that could be problematic.
"That's… amazing, really, but as you said earlier, the whole system is a mess. What going to stop the mammal that got you here from side-stepping the law completely and just, I don´t know, just bust us down anyway?" He was playing devil´s advocate by now, this incredible little doe seemed to have the answer to all his woes.
He totally missed how he had begun to think of the two of them as us at this point. His subconscious and his conscious mind were completely out of sync were Judy was concerned.
"I´m counting on the miracle of bureaucracy; if you want something done, someone has to sign off on it, and if it´s not quite kosher no-one will want that signature to be theirs. Simply put, anyone that is high enough in the chain of command to okay something like that will want to cover their own behind first."
Now that, he could easily believe. Any mammal that had gotten a cushy high-ranking job would most likely be unwilling to risk it just to be someone else´s scapegoat. The thought of making the corruption of the city work against itself filled him with a happy, warm feeling. He could see a loophole, though. "And if they have the clout to just change the laws on us?"
Her smile was way past mere smugness all well into devious territory now. "That's where the Gordian knot part comes in. See, all these documents are in some way interconnected, so if you try to undo one piece all the other parts must follow. I made sure to get as many parts of the system involved as possible, and if there is only a single honest mammal in there, it´s going to be a mess of epic proportions. Legally speaking, they´ve built themselves a fine house of cards, and if they start to mess with it at this point, it´s all going to come falling down around their ears. So, unless they want all they have worked for to go away, they will leave well enough alone."
The fox felt his tail start wagging, that warm feeling getting hotter from the fuel of pure schadenfreude it got fed with. "So if they try to take a sword to the knot, they will be cutting the rope that´s holding them up over the abyss, eh? Okay, while I think the talk about them feels a little too conspiratory, I´m still sold on making them choke on their own crap. Let´s do this!"
"Good. Most of these papers just needs some signatures, except for these." So saying, she held up four documents, and handed three to the fox. "As you can see, its for fire-safety, a building inspection for a medical facility and a safety-inspection for the attractions. They all need to be signed off on by an accredited inspector."
Now the lupine was worried again. Not, in fact, for the quality of Wilde Times; the building had started life as a zeppelin hangar in the good old days when mammals took pride in their work and was still in good condition. He may not know about what special demands a medical facility may face, but the fire suppression system was made to put out several hundred feet of burning zeppelin in a pinch; the worst was a small risk of drowning if it got going full tilt. And as for the attractions, they had been built from old scrounged up industrial equipment, lovingly restored and put together by his little pose. Heavy industrial equipment. That meant that where a normal amusement-park attraction had to have certain safety-margins, a Wilde Times attraction was constructed from parts often meant to handle several hundred times the weight they were currently exposed to. In short, everything about his life´s work was, in spite of its often simple appearance, rock solid.
No, he had a different worry. "And where, pray tell, are we going to find all these inspectors on such short notice, never mind ones willing to risk their asses for something like this?" Could she really manage another asspull? 'If it´s her ass, I´d help her out, whether its pulling or pushing. Ugh, not again! Out of the gutter, mind!'
His amorous thoughts about his unknown soulmate were not at all diminished by the here-to-forth unheard-of number of bunny-smiles he got exposed to. 'Wow, first happy, then gentle, smug and devious, and now a self-satisfied smile? What´s next, sexy? ….oh for goodness sake!'
"That won´t be a problem, mister Wilde. I´m right here, and my ass is with you all the way."
Making a concerted effort to fight off the thoughts her double entendre caused him and deciding that the innuendo had to be unintended (it really, really wasn´t), he needed yet another clarification. "I think you are having a little too much fun yanking my chain. Are you saying you're a fire inspector on top of being an officer? Or a building inspector? What is it?"
A chagrinned smile got added to the list. "About that, I got promoted to my current rank mostly as a PR-stunt by the higher-ups through no real fault of my own. As you may imagine, my colleges still resented me for it, and the chief was hard-up to find work suiting my rank. As a result, I spent most of my time for a whole year in vain trying to prove myself, mostly by getting accreditation for whatever role I could fill. In the end, I´m now licensed to inspect pretty much any vehicle, facility and piece of equipment you care to name, along with being trained as an instructor in scuba-diving, IT-security, CSI-protocol, paw-to-paw combat, undercover-work, witness-protection, wilderness-survival, evasive driving and the proper use of any and all weapons the ZPD has in inventory."
Looooong stare. The fox had the niggling thought that maybe, just maybe, he was seated opposite one of the most dangerous mammals he had ever met. The list of her abilities sounded more fitting for a super-spy like James Boar than a cute little bunny, ZPD-officer or not. He spoke, with a tentative tone to his voice this time. "That´s…good, I guess? But that leaves me a bit wary of that last paper you are holding, since you left it for last I have a feeling it´s the most… troublesome?"
New addition to the list: Shy smile. For some inexplicable reason, the fox felt his hackles rise.
"Very astute of you. Yes, this is the lynchpin to the whole plan, without which, all the rest can be rendered useless if a single point of failure is attacked. Me. Since it will be my name on all these documents, if I´m found unfit for duty, they can all be declared illegal and summarily tossed out. With this, a little bit of legal fiction comes into play, that in essence separates the current me from future me. That makes everything current me does unassailable, no matter what happens to future me. I suspect it was set up like that for just such a purpose."
She held out the paper for him to take. "So, mister Wilde, do you know who is the only mammal in the whole world that can never be forced to testify against you?"
Perplexed by her question, he took the offered piece of stationary and read it slowly.
His lower jaw met his chest hard.
-RK-
Once the fox got over his chock, it didn´t take them long to get down to business. They signed all the paperwork in record time, and then left the small office building in the far corner of the great former hangar for Judy to get to her inspections. The fox made sure his employees were out first and assured them that once he had finished some last-minute work, he could lock up himself. Then he let the bunny loose.
Nick was astounded by the sheer speed of the rabbit, she seemed to flit from place to place almost without ever occupying the space in between, all the while taking notes on her rapport seemingly faster than the eye could follow. Despite her finding one small attraction that actually had suffered structural damage that could make it unsafe, the rest was finished in less than an hour. The lupine solved the problematic part with a bit of red rope and a "closed for service" sign on the afflicted stand.
Next, the both of them closed the park and hopped into Judy´s cruiser. Next stop; Precinct one.
-RK-
Nick Wilde was nervous.
He couldn´t help it; he was sitting alone in a police-cruiser right out-side the station. Not a good place for a fox.
Trying not to let his collar-light turn yellow while keeping out of site from anyone passing by, he concentrated on his weird rabbit. He knew she had to go in alone to log her rapport of the "noise-disturbance", get all their papers into the system and check out for the day. He knew that. He did.
Unfortunately, that didn´t help old paranoias that told him that any time now the car door would be thrown open by the rabbit, shouting: "There's the fox! Get him!" And he would be jumped and arrested by a bunch of her burlier comrades in blue.
So focused on his fears was he, that when said rabbit really did throw open the door, jump in, and slam it closed, he damned near had a heart attack; his collar gave off several angry beeps before he got himself under control again.
"Hi Nick! Are you ready for the last part of the plan?"
The discombobulated fox gave the peppy bunny a once over; she had changed into her civilian clothes before she left the station, which was definitely for the best. Blue jeans and a deep blue sweater made her look far more approachable than the crisp uniform of a sergeant. 'Like a big sweet blueberry. I could just gobble her up. Urgh, NO!"
Dismissing his errant thoughts yet again, he gathered himself for a proper answer. "As ready as I´ll ever be. I called my buddy Flash, he has a place that takes care of stuff like this twentyfour-seven just half a block from the Palm hotel. It's a thing in those parts, he is expecting us." The fox paused for a moment while the bunny started the car and got under way. "You know, with all the laws against us preds, I´m surprised there aren´t any against this! I mean, are you sure?"
Staring straight ahead, she stated in a slightly distracted tone: "I´m sure, I checked and double checked. I guess it´s a blind spot, with all the bigotry towards predators, no one thought anyone would ever even think about something so outrageous."
'And yet, you didn´t just think of it, but you don´t seem to have any misgivings what-so-ever. Just what kind of a bunny are you, Judy Hopps?"
Outwardly, all he did was to give off a noncommittal grunt, before they both lapsed into a thoughtful silence.
-RK-
"We´re here."
Having lost himself in his thoughts, the fox gave a small start at the unexpected words. Looking around at his surroundings, he realized that he must have been deep in thought not to notice the same, that enormous artificial palm-tree was kinda hard to miss after all. Sweeping his eyes to the side, they fell as if by their own accord on the target for this outing.
"I guess we are. Ready for this? We are making history here, sorta."
A small nod. "Let's go."
Conversation over, they exited the car and crossed the street for their target, a small white building with a rather garish neon sign above the doors:
Flash´s flashy wedding chapel.
Drop-in around the clock.
Full legal service.
Everyone Welcome.
-RK-
When they arrived a bit later at their second-to-last destination, our favorite fox was starting to feel more than a little overwhelmed. In the last four hours, and he could not believe it had only been that long, he had met a rabbit police officer in his office, and found out his entire livelihood was in jeopardy, probably along with his life and freedom. Only to embark on an insane plan cooked up by the very same bunny to pull a fast one on the entirety of Zootopia´s messed-up legal system. And now, he was married to her. Her, an officer of the law, a prey-mammal, a bunny for Karmas sake.
Oh sure, it was a marriage of convenience, meant only to fulfill a, how did she put it, a legal fiction. But still. Married. To a Bunny. And why did he, in his heart of hearts, feel so sanguine about that fact?
He had thought he would have to engage in some seriously fast talking when they walked into the chapel, but Flash´s only response when he grasped that Judy and Nick were the bride and groom, was a wide-eyed happy expression. "I… will… make… history… today. This… means… big… business!" Apparently, Flash was a believer in the old adage that "no publicity is bad publicity".
Flash´s teenage assistant, a small female goat of the goth variety, was even worse in Nick´s opinion: "You two are getting hitched? Cool." Never stopped chewing her gum or lost her deadpan for even a millisecond. She was clearly the pride and joy of her culture.
And to top it all off, when Flash had finished the ceremony in record time (even for a non-sloth, he seemed to be determined to get it done before they could change their minds), Nick had turned to his bunny-bride and asked her how it felt to be Mrs Wilde. She had smiled at him (addition to list: Mischievous smile), said "Not quite", grabbed his tie and yanked him down for a quick kiss. Full on the lips. It still tingled. Yes it was traditional, but still!
The only good about the debacle in the fox´s opinion was that they had gotten a freebee for the whole thing for a promise that Flash could use the wedding-photos as commercial material.
And now, they had arrived at Judy's place so he could start paying the bride-price. While they had been doing paperwork for the plan, his bunny had asked him where he lived. He had answered honestly that he had inherited a pretty big house, that he shared with two of his friends, Finnick and Honey. She had said that if he could find room for her too, that would be ample payment for all her help today. Well, he had the room, alright, and if she had truly been truthful about not minding preds in any way, fine then. He had agreed.
So now they had just parked outside her apartment-complex, ready to get her moved out.
"Hey Sarge, is it really alright to do this with a cruiser? Doesn´t the ZPD have rules about that?"
Her answer was unworried. "Meh, it´s fine. Perk of my rank, apparently. No lights and sirens, that's the only limitation. Besides, it´s not like anyone else on the force can even drive this thing."
He blinked at that. Oh right, small bunny in a place of big mammals. Yes, this car was evidently adapted especially for her, or she would never be able to drive it. Made sense. He realized he had totally blanked on the fact that a little bunny doe like her shouldn´t be a cop in the first place; she just seemed so competent and comfortable wearing blue, like she had been born in it. He could no longer even imagine her as anything but a cop.
"Coming, husband dearest?"
Blink. And she was already well on her way. Jeeze, could this bunny throw him off his game or what? He hurried to catch up.
As they entered the building, Nick was less than impressed. Foxes often had to lower their standards to find a place to live at all, but even by those this was at the very bottom rung. Dirty, worn floors, tags and graffiti on the walls and only a third of the lightning fixtures seemed operational. That the elevator was out of order bothered him not at all, he would not have let Judy get in it anyway. His bunny would not get in a deathtrap like that, not now, not ever!
Using the trip up the stairs to contemplate his sudden bout of protective possessiveness, he decided that convenience or not, as long as they were married that was just the way it had to be. Fox instinct, and stuff. Nuff said.
Refusing to take that to its logical conclusion even in his own head, he watched as Judy came to a stop in front of a simple wooden door. How an officer could accept to live with the security-standard of this place was beyond him. Where he grew up, that door wouldn´t have kept an eight-year-old with a screwdriver out for even a minute.
As he followed her into her abode, he stopped right inside the door. Letting his eyes roam from left to right, he took in the entirety of her flat. One wardrobe built into the wall. Bed, small bedside table, chair, table, mini fridge to the right of the door. That was it. It was tiny. And it was only better than the rest of the building on account of being much cleaner.
"Here." Suddenly his world went dark, as the rabbit threw a cloth sack she procured from… somewhere, over his face. "If you get my clothes and bedclothes from the wardrobe, I´ll get the rest." Having pulled a suitcase from under the bed, she was already packing. Deciding to humor her, the fox opened the door to the wardrobe and put the sack on the floor. Seeing the sack wasn´t empty as he first thought, he realized that all the bedclothes, stuffed bunnies and the rest from her bed was already packed. 'Dang, she works fast.'
Following her lead, he began to fill up the sack with the rest of her clothes; spare uniform, dress blues, a single nice dress, some pants, shirts, skirts, towels, another blue sweater and a few other items, a clean set of bedclothes and a warm jacket. Done. He hefted the sack over his shoulder and turned to Judy, just as she put a note into a letter and faced him. "All done, Nick! I wrote a note for the landlord, we can just put the key in the letter, and she can do whatever she wants with this place. Are you finished too?"
"Yeees, I emptied the wardrobe, but where´s the rest, fluff?"
The bunny tilted her head to the side in confusion. "The rest…?"
He could only stare at her. A sack with clothes, a single bunny-sized suitcase, and a small plastic bag with groceries from the fridge. She probably had two more uniforms at the precinct, along with some extra clothes. He was not a big mammal, but he could carry the entire sum of his wife´s worldly possessions. In. One. Paw.
As he swept his gaze around the apartment once more, taking in the absolutely horrid place, memories of all she had let slip about herself in the last few hours came back to him, as well as all she had done.
Everything she had done for him.
With an expressionless face, he slowly put the sack back on the floor. His collar turned yellow.
"Nick…?"
Then, he got down on one knee and pulled her in for a tight hug.
The single gasp reminded him that it might not be a great idea to just grab small prey-mammals out of the blue, but before he could even contemplate letting go, she had already wrapped him in her own hug and buried her face into the scruff of his neck.
He lost track of how long they held on to each other, but in the end they had to get a move on.
As he stood back up, he hefted the sack onto his shoulder again.
He offered his bunny his nicest smile. "Let´s go home, Sarge."
New addition to the list: Tremulous smile. "Sure, Nick."
-RK-
It was well after midnight when they reached their final destination. Home. For both of them, from now on.
As Judy parked in the drive by the big house on the top of the hill, she found it rather… strange. "This house seems different somehow, what can you tell me about it?"
Always eager to show off his knowledge, the fox was quick to tell her. "Quite right, my dear Sarge. You see, this house used to be half the top floor of a larger building, one used to sell luxury furniture to rich megafauna. The rest of it would have been several floors high, placed at the bottom of the cliff-face in the back of the property. Then the economy got worse, the number of mammals that could afford such luxury dwindled, and the ones that still could started special order their stuff for that special touch. There just were no way to keep going, so the then owner had to reuse the land. Now, that mammal was the son of the original owner, and he was often hoisted off on the custodian of the store, an old badger, when his dad was busy. Being an elephant, and having their fabled long memory, he remembered "uncle stripeface" and his fanciful stories rather fondly. Enough so, that when the main part of the store was demolished, he used the old front store windows to seal off the half of the top floor that was the custodians quarters and leave part of the floor as a big-ass patio hanging out over the cliff, with quite the amazing view. He even gave the old guy the deed for the property up here as a rather generous severance pay."
Amazed at the lengthy story, the bunny had not felt like moving from her seat while listening. "That's amazing! But how did you get hold of it?"
"Ah, well the old badger had no living family, you see, and he was content to live out the rest of his life in this house, living off his savings. Then one day, when he was on his way home from the grocery-store, he was harassed by a group of young delinquent prey. As luck would have it, he was saved by a young todd that helped carry his groceries home and made sure he was unhurt and safe. Imagine the todds surprise when he finds out a few months later that the old guy had left him everything he owned in his will."
"That todd was you, then?"
"Yup, got the house and a few grand in cash; not a bad reward for an hour's work, don´t you think?" The fox was grinning now, the things a single good deed had gotten him a constant source of joy.
Add to the list: Proud smile. "Not bad at all, Slick! But, I´m really getting tired, lets get inside before we end up spending the night in the car."
Gathering up her stuff, the two made their way up to the door; Judy noted that the front of the house had a subterranean garage under the left side, while the front door was in the far-right corner. As Nick opened the door, a corridor into the house was seen. A long line of wardrobes took up the entire length of the corridor to their right, at the end the corridor opened up into a big area with a spiral stair going down, while there opened up another corridor halfway down the corridor to their left, witch is where the fox led his new bride.
"Okay," he whispered in her ear "if you walk straight in from the door, that's the main living area, kitchen, patio, dinner table, all that. Down here to the left," he pointed as he spoke, indicating the other corridor with three doors on each side " we have Finnick´s room first on the left, Honeys room middle left and the guestroom third on the left, that will be your room. Across from that, third on the right is my room, then middle right is the big bathroom and first on the right is the washroom. Questions?"
"Nope, all clear, except, is my room fully furnished?"
The fox scratched the back of his head. "Perhaps a little too furnished, that room has served double duty as storage. It shouldn´t be to bad though, let´s have a look."
The two tiptoed forward, as to not disturb their housemates. Nick quietly opened the last door and turned on the lights… Not that it helped much, the room was absolutely stuffed to the gills with all manner of debris, to the point that the light fixture had a hard time to illuminate anything. The fox was stunned. HOW?
"Perhaps a little bit too furnished, yes." Amused smile added to the list.
Nick put his paws on his head, and slowly dragged them down his face and his snout. He growled. "Honey! This can only be the work of that damn packrat! I´ve told her a thousand times to keep her shit in the damn basement!"
If the fox was perturbed, the rabbit only showed signs of slight amusement. "It´s fine Nick, but there is no way we´re handling this mess tonight, lets just get to bed and leave the rest for tomorrows us."
The aggrieved fox gave her a slightly sad look. "What, one of us takes the couch? It´s a nice enough couch, but I don´t like the idea of missing my bed any more than I want a housemate to miss out on hers. It´s a fox thing."
Well acquainted with foxes and their ideas of their den, Judy had better one. "Don't be silly, mister Wilde! We are properly married, it´s only right we share a bed."
Once again, the lupine didn´t now how to react. Foxes normally don´t like to share their den, but this bunny seemed to be the exception for him. Rationally, there was no way, but his instincts screamed "YES WAY". He wanted her, but he was not in any way ready to deal with this. He tried a feint. "Is that really a good idea, Sarge? I know you said you have no fear of preds, but there is such a thing as instinct, after all. I can´t see how any bunny is going to get any sleep with a nose full of fox-musk."
He underestimated her. "That sounds like a challenge to me. How about a wager? If I can´t fall asleep in your bed with you in it, I´ll take the couch; but if I can, I get to decide where you sleep for the next week." She held out her paw.
He hesitated; was it a trap? It seemed like a trap. But, he really didn´t see how she could win, what he had said was the truth. Meh. He was tired. Bugger it.
"Deal. It´s a bet, Sarge."
Pleased smile added to the list. It was getting how long now?
"Eeeexcellent. I´ll be right with you." She grabbed her toiletries and was gone.
Slightly worried, the fox went about his own ablutions and crawled into his bed.
Less than a minute later, his wife joined him. She had appropriated one of his shirts as a night gown, it seemed. He liked the look, no denying it. Without a word, he held up the comforter for her, and she slid right in, as if sharing a bed with her natural predator was the norm. She snuggled up to his side and laid her head on his arm.
"´Night, Nick."
-RK-
It had been a long, long day, but now it was over. She had her fox, she was Mrs Wilde now. He obviously cared for her, even if he didn´t love her yet. She would just have to love him until he had now choice but to reciprocate, a simple plan, couldn´t fail, really. She took a deep breath and let the scent of her mate fill her entire being. She was home.
Within three breaths, she had fallen into a deep sleep.
All was well in her world.
-RK-
The fox couldn´t believe his eyes. Or his ears. Or, for that matter, his sense of touch or his nose.
But the facts remained, his little bunny had cuddled up to him, taken a few deep breaths, and fallen asleep. She was still, her breathing was calm and regular, her heartbeat was… in time with his? That couldn´t be right, no rabbit should have that low a pulse, that indicated either a medical problem or… more likely in her case, the kind of physical fitness that would make a Zoolympic athlete green with envy. Nick was an MD, after all, and if this bunny was in any less than perfect health he´d eat his own tail.
Also, she was perfectly relaxed, not a single muscle tensed, and her scent had not a wiff of stress. He lost the bet. He sighed. Bugger it.
"Hey, Sarge…?" Nothing. He slowly lifted a paw to her ear. Amazingly, her ears that could stand stiffly straight up from her head, now had all the rigidity of a wet rag. As he pondered this mystery, he stroked her ear. Her softer-than-velvet-could-ever-dream-of-being ear.
"…mmmmhmm…*chirr*"
So she liked to have her ears stroked, eh? Good to know.
It had been a long day, but this wasn´t so bad, was it?
Lulled to sleep by the soft feeling of a rabbit´s ear against his paw-pads, Nick left the rest to tomorrows him.
-RK-
*RING* *RING* *RING* *RING* *RING* *RI…klick.
"…hullow?"
"She messed it up."
"Wha…?"
"The bunny. She messed it up. Somehow."
"One moment." *SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP* "You were saying?"
"The bunny, she never called in anything. She got back to the station more than three hours after she left it, and all she did was file a rapport that states in very wholly language that she arrived on scene, saw some preds making a bit of a ruckus and handled it. No details, no names, no nothing. How do we proceed?"
*Paus* "We do nothing, for now. Once "Flower Power" comes active, we can use it against the fox. Otherwise, proceed as per usual."
"Affirmative."
*Klick.*
-RK-
End chapter 4.
A/N: Wooh, longest chapter evah!
The next five to ten chapters will be mostly for the fluff and the lulz.
Then I´ll start to get into story mode again, I have an end planned and material for another 10-15 chapters.
I´m aware that I do it backwards, starting with marriage and build the romance from there, but that's how I roll.
Poor Nick got taken on the BAMF-bunny roller-coaster, but I think he came out ahead in the end. Don´t expect him to get the memories from his last life back, he got reincarnated properly so they are gone. Not that it matters, the bond between soulmates is not a simple thing to ignore even if he tries.
About nicknames: In the movie, Nicks first impression of Judy was a naïve farm girl, so he stuck her with Carrots. Here, all he´s seen is the ûber-competent, fears nothing, ready to take on all commers sergeant Hopps. Thus, she is now Sarge.